“Oh em gee. Enough! I’m almost sorry I mentioned anything now. If I’d known you were a fully paid-up member of the Keven Kennedy Fan Club, I wouldn’t have.”
“Stop getting your panties in a bunch. I’m just saying I understand. I’m not into boys, and he even gets me all hot and bothered. So, go on. How did you end up dating Mr. Sexy?”
I throw a cushion at her head, and she giggles. “I had a major crush on Kev from that first day, but he didn’t see me as anything more than a friend. I loved spending time with him, but it killed me when he started taking other girls out on dates. I was upset for months but tried to hide it from him. I consoled myself with the fact he never went out on any second dates, but it still hurt, ya know?”
“I do.” Lin purses her lips. “My whole high school dating experiences were a disaster, but obviously something changed with you two.”
“I got to a point where I was so hurt and mad that I decided to do something about it. I’d been asked out on a few dates but had always said no. I told myself I’d say yes to the next guy who asked me. So, I went out on a date with Asher Monroe. He was one of the most popular guys in school, and I couldn’t believe he’d asked me out. You should’ve seen Kev’s face when I told him.”
I chuckle at the memory. “But he didn’t try to stop me, so I went out on the date, and it was a good date, so I agreed to another one. I decided if Keven didn’t share my feelings, then I had to at least try to move on.”
“What happened next?” She’s chomping at the bit, and all she needs is a bucket of popcorn to complete the look.
“If you’d stop interrupting me, I’ll tell you.” She flips up her middle finger, and I throw back my head, laughing. “Kev was all moody when I told him I’d agreed to go out with Asher again. He kind of ignored me that week, which made me even madder, so when Asher moved to kiss me at the end of our second date, I let him, even if I was sad because I’d been saving my first kiss for Keven.”
The biggest grin spreads across my mouth. “I’d only just gotten into bed when there was a loud rap on my bedroom window. It was Kev. He’d scaled the tree outside my room.” I shake my head, smiling profusely at the memory. “I let him in, and he stalked toward me with this fierce look in his eye, grabbed both sides of my face, and slammed his lips down on mine.”
My eyes shutter as the memory replays in my mind’s eye. “It was everything the kiss with Asher hadn’t been, and I knew it was a branding, that he was claiming me, that we were making a commitment.” My hand moves to my chest, right where my heart is beating furiously as the recollection of that first kiss takes hold of me. I’m not surprised my eyes are watery when I finally reopen them.
“No one else has ever kissed me like Keven,” I whisper, finally admitting something I’ve been scared to acknowledge, even to myself. “The way he kissed me, touched me, held me, it was this all-consuming sensation. Every time it was infused with a silent “you’re mine,” and he always made me feel so safe and so loved. Keven isn’t big on words, but he’s big on gestures. I fell for him so hard, and we were inseparable from that night. We did everything together. We couldn’t bear to be apart. I attended all his basketball games and went to every family event with him. We were permanent fixtures in each other’s homes. He’s the one who taught me how to play COD. He’s the one who got me hooked on superhero movies. I was really into photography by then, and he modeled for me. I have hundreds of photos of him, and he even got permission for me to shoot all the official basketball games. Several of my photos adorn the walls in my old school, and every time we’d pass them, he’d smile proudly.”
I pause for a breath, barely able to speak over the massive lump wedged in my throat. Lin reaches out, squeezing my hand. My voice is choked when I continue. “He’d walk me to and from class where he could. He picked me up and dropped me home from school. He drove me to my photography and dance classes and waited in the car for me. He showered me with kisses, and I was scarcely out of his arms. He was the most devoted boyfriend ever, and I was the most envied girl at school.”
“Wow.”
Tears roll down my face. “Yeah. It was wow. For almost two years I walked on a cloud. Nothing seemed insurmountable once I had Kev by my side. I thought we’d be together forever. We made firm college plans. I was going to MassArt, and he was going to Harvard, but we were going to live off campus together in our own apartment. So, when my dad announced, the summer before senior year, that we were moving, I was devastated. Dad had been promoted at work, and they wanted him to move to Delaware to oversee their new plant there. I cried buckets, begged my mom to let me stay behind. Mom loved Keven, and she could see how much in love we were. She also knew how much I wanted to study photography at MassArt, so she fixed it for me. She arranged for me to live with my aunt during senior year, and I was so relieved. But it was short-lived.”
I grab a cushion, hugging it to my chest. Pain barrels into me from all sides. It’s been over three years since we broke up, but it still hurts every bit as much as it did back then. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.
“I was so preoccupied with my family’s move and making sure things worked so I could stay at Wellesley that I didn’t notice something was up with Kev. It became obvious a couple months into our senior year. He was acting strange and distancing himself from me. He forgot to pick me up a few times, and he started partying hard. We were fighting, which I hated, because we had rarely ever fought up to that point. It was our senior year, and I didn’t want to party hard. It took extra effort for me to maintain a decent GPA with my dyslexia, and I needed to focus on my studies. I didn’t have time for partying, so Kev would go by himself. It hurt me that he was apparently throwing all our plans away, and I couldn’t figure out why. Kade was at Harvard, so I couldn’t ask him what was up, and I wasn’t as close to his other brothers, so I didn’t feel like I could confide in them. Every time I asked Kev what was wrong, he’d shut me down. We’d lost our virginity to each other during summer break, and I began to wonder if that had changed something for him. If I wasn’t good enough for him. I was plagued with doubts.”
I bury my face in the cushion, and wracking sobs heave from my chest.
I don’t know that I can say this out loud, and how awful is that? I should be over this. I’m engaged to another man, for God’s sake, so why does my ex’s betrayal still cut me up so badly?
Because you still love him.
I punt kick that nasty inner troublemaker off my shoulder. No good comes from thinking thoughts like that.
“Cher.” Lin moves up beside me, wrapping her arms around me. “What did that boy do to hurt you so bad?”
“He cheated on me, Lin. I walked in on him fucking the head cheerleader at a party.” I break down completely, sobbing into her neck as all the hurt and pain resurfaces. I might as well be back there now, standing in the doorway, in utter shock, my heart rupturing in my chest, wanting to disbelieve my eyes, but unable to ignore the truth staring back at me.
“He betrayed me in the worst possible way, and he shattered my faith in men. Kev broke something in me that day and I’ve never healed. I don’t think I ever will. And I can’t ever forgive him, because he tarnished every good memory of us, he left me heartbroken and bitter, and, worst of all, he stole part of my heart and soul. Parts I’ll never get back because he still has them, he still owns them, he always will, and I fucking hate him for that.”
Chapter 8
Keven
I walk toward my front door with my heart thudding wildly behind my ribcage. Cheryl always had this effect on me—the ability to twist my insides into knots and render me speechless. I was pleasantly surprised when she texted me this morning asking to meet today, but it means I’ve had no time to prepare.
To share the same air space with her again and not be able to touch her is going to kill me.
I yank the door open and suck in a breath. She has her
hair pinned up, and it serves to further highlight her stunning features. Loose strands of wavy blonde hair frame her heart-shaped face, and she looks so fucking beautiful. Goodness radiates from her every pore, like an angel.
She arches one elegantly shaped brow, and I realize I’m staring.
“Sorry, come in.” I step aside, ushering her in. Light notes of lavender and jasmine waft through the air as she passes by me, sending me tunneling through time into the past. “You still wear the same perfume,” I blurt, closing the door and moving to her side.
“Yes, but I’m sure you didn’t ask me here to talk about my perfume.”
She’s sassier than she was as a teen, and it only adds to her attraction. “No. And thanks for coming to my place although I would’ve been happy to meet you any place of your choosing.”
“And, like I said on the phone, I don’t want to risk meeting anywhere public in case someone spots us and posts a photo online. I’d never be able to explain that to my fiancé.” She pulls off her soft calf-length gray coat and pink cashmere scarf, and I take them from her, hanging them up in the hall closet with a heavy heart. I hate hearing her call that thug her fiancé. Although I’d hate those words coming out of her mouth in reference to anyone but me.
I lead her into the large open living space, and she whistles under her breath. “Wow, this is gorgeous.”
“Thanks. I only moved in a short while ago. Mom and Brad’s mom have an interior design business now, and they decorated the whole penthouse for me.”
“Your mom always had exquisite taste.”
In everything but men. I think it, but I don’t say it.
“Would you like a coffee? Or anything else to drink?” I ask, trying hard not to rake my gaze over her beautiful body. She looks delectable in heels, figure-hugging skinny jeans, and a pale yellow silk blouse.
“Coffee would be good. Thanks.”
I gesture toward the couch. “Why don’t you take a seat, and I’ll fix the coffee.”
I head to the kitchen area and power up the Keurig. She’s quiet as I fix our coffees, and when I head into the living area, she is standing by the floor-to-ceiling windows, staring outside.
“If it wasn’t raining right now, I’d suggest we drink these outside,” I tell her. “I haven’t even had the chance to use the outside terrace yet.”
“I’m sure you’ll get plenty of opportunity once summer rolls around.” She takes the offered cup. “Thanks. You have a great view of Mystic River.”
“I know. For a last-minute purchase, it was a good buy.” I guide her toward the couches, and she sits down on the one across from me, removing her keys and cell from the pocket of her jeans and placing them on the coffee table in front of her. “Eva tells me you’re in your final year at MassArt?” I lie.
I’d discovered that fact for myself after I’d learned she was back in town. I also know she built up enough credits to skip junior year and move straight into senior year when she enrolled. Not that it surprises me because Cheryl has a natural talent when it comes to photography. She has this way of looking at the world that’s unique and awe-inspiring.
“Yes, and it’s everything I always imagined it would be.” Her comment guts me, because it was always her plan to attend MassArt while I went to Harvard, but I fucked that up for her with my stupidity. “I’m guessing you graduated Harvard early if you’ve already set up your own tech consultancy?” she adds, blowing on the steam arising from her cup.
“Yeah. There isn’t much about computers I don’t know.”
“Still as cocky as ever I see.”
“It’s the truth, and it if makes me sound arrogant, so be it.” I shrug.
“Wow. Still big on apologies too.” Her eyes narrow as she glares at me.
“I would’ve apologized if I’d had the chance,” I say, clenching my teeth. “I was prepared to grovel, to do whatever it took, but you didn’t even let me explain.”
“What the hell was there to explain?!” she shouts, almost spilling her coffee. “I caught you red-handed! That bitch was bouncing up and down on your cock when I walked into the bedroom!” A sob rips from her throat, and it kills me. She slams her cup down on the table, and coffee sloshes over the edge. She stands. “This was a mistake. I can’t do this.” She hurries toward the hall with me hot on her tail.
“Cheryl, please, don’t go. Please, I’m begging you. I know what you saw, and I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. However, I can give you the context. It doesn’t change what happened, but maybe it will help explain what you saw because that wasn’t me. That wasn’t who I am. I hate that I hurt you. I hate that I destroyed the only good thing I had in my life. I live with that guilt every fucking day.” I’m bleeding before her, showing her every emotion on my face. “Please, honey. Please don’t go yet.”
“You don’t get to call me that, Kev. I don’t belong to you anymore.”
“You never belonged to me, Cheryl. You’ve always belonged to yourself, but you were mine, and I was yours, and what we had was real. And I’m asking you, for that, to please, please hear me out. I never got to tell you this back then because you were gone before I had the chance.”
I’ve said please more times in the last few minutes than I’ve said it in the last couple years, but I’m not above begging.
I will do whatever it takes to get her to stay.
To win her affection again.
No measure of time apart has diluted the feelings I have for this woman.
Cheryl is the only woman I’ve ever loved. The only one I ever will.
And I’m going to take my brother’s advice. I’m going to do everything in my power to fight for her. Like I should’ve done back in high school.
I stretch out my hand, pleading with my eyes. Her shoulders relax, and I breathe easy again. Ignoring my hand, she walks back into the living area, and I follow quietly behind her.
We are both silent for a couple beats as we drink our coffee. “Okay,” she says, wrapping both hands around her cup. “Tell me.”
“At the start of senior year, when I turned eighteen, my parents told me James wasn’t my biological father.”
“What?” She blinks excessively as she stares at me with her mouth open.
I quirk a brow. I was expecting she knew this by now. It was all over the news when that bastard sperm donor was murdered by the half-sister I didn’t know I had. “Don’t you watch the news?”
“Not if it involves you or your family. It hurts too much, so I never watch or read any of that stuff. The only thing I was aware of was Kaden and Eva’s marriage because I had a vested interest in that.”
And we’re veering into dangerous territory, so I steer the conversation back around. “Okay, well, Kaden, Kyler, and me all have a different Dad. Kade found out the year before, on his eighteenth birthday, but he didn’t tell me because my parents asked him not to. The news sucker-punched me. I was so angry and so hurt.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t want to vent all that anger in your direction. It was stupid, I know that now. Of course, I should’ve confided in you, but I wasn’t in a good place, and I didn’t want to burden you with it.”
“It wouldn’t have been a burden, Kev.” She places her empty cup down and leans forward, placing her hands on her knees. “We were a couple. Couples are supposed to share everything.”
“I know, and I wish I’d told you because then everything would’ve turned out differently.”
“I knew something was up. You were acting so weird, but you kept denying anything was wrong.”
“I was an idiot. I didn’t talk to anyone about it. I locked up all my feelings, which is never a good thing. I was furious with Kade too. He’d known for ages, and he hadn’t told me. I know my parents asked him to keep the secret, but I was his brother. We were closest to each other, and it
felt like a double betrayal, so I shut him out as well. Instead of leaning on him and talking to you, I turned to drugs.”
“What?” she shrieks, her eyes darting wildly about. “That’s why you were all over the place? Because you were doing drugs?”
I nod, and I’m so ashamed. Reliving my senior year is not a pleasant experience because I made so many bad mistakes. Mistakes that altered the course of my future. “It was only weed to start with, but then I started snorting coke, and I loved how it numbed everything. How it helped me forget.” The thing I didn’t realize at the time was that it was also enabling me to forget the only girl who had ever mattered. “I let you down so much, and I’m really sorry for that.”
She flops back on the couch, staring absently into space. “I was so fucking naïve back then.” She shakes her head. “It’s obvious now you say it. I should have realized. I should’ve made you stop or got you help.”
I get up and walk over to her, sitting down beside her. “Don’t do that. Don’t take any of the blame. The blame is squarely on my shoulders. None of it was your fault.”
When she looks at me, there are tears glistening in her eyes, and I’d give anything, anything, to take them away. “You were high at the party,” she deduces.
I nod. “Like I said, I’m an idiot. Channing Montgomery took me aside when I first arrived and gave me this tab. Said it’d blow my mind. Well, he was right. It fucking did. Found out afterward it was LSD. Man, was I tripping. The whole world was distorted, and I was big-time hallucinating. Sandra Montgomery had been hitting on me for months. You knew that. I’d told you.”
Her head bobs. “Which is why it hurt so much when I saw you with her. She turned around, you know. While she was naked, bouncing on your cock, she turned to me and said ‘He’s mine now. You should be grateful you got the time you did because a girl like you could never hold a guy like Keven. Now run along. I’m a little busy.’” Tears prick her eyes, and I wrap my arm around her waist, needing to comfort her.
Forgiving Keven: A Stand-Alone Second Chance Romance Page 7