She jumps up, knocking into the table, and the empty cup takes a tumble, shattering into pieces on the floor. “Don’t touch me! You don’t have the right anymore.”
I stand. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. Don’t go.”
She moves away, sitting down on the recliner chair, looking up at the ceiling with her eyes closed. I sweep up the broken ceramic, and while she’s not looking, I swipe her cell and install the tiny chip. Carefully, I set it down on the table and reclaim my seat, giving her my full attention as I finish my sorry tale. “Sandra was a bitch and I never wanted her.” Cheryl lowers her chin and opens her eyes, watching me as I speak. “She set the whole thing up. Got her brother to give me LSD knowing it would make me horny and delusional.”
I sit up straighter, straining toward the girl of my dreams. “I thought she was you, babe. I swear, the whole time, when I looked at her, I saw your face. I know it sounds like an excuse, but I promise I’m not lying. I even called her Cheryl, and she went along with it. When you showed up, at first, I thought I was seeing double. Then you started shouting, but I couldn’t hear the words. After you left, Sandra turned back around, and I saw who it was. I threw her off me as fast as I could manage. Somehow got my clothes on and ran out of the house after you. I was still confused. Still out of it, but I was scared. I was trying to rationalize it in my fucked-up head by telling myself you being there was just my imagination, but in case it wasn’t, I had to get to you. I went after you, but I crashed a couple miles up the road. Drove straight into a ditch. My head slammed into the steering wheel, and I passed out. When I woke up, I was in the hospital. My parents were furious because the doctor had informed them of the drugs and alcohol in my system. It all came back to me, and I begged them to call you, but they refused. It was part of my punishment.”
“No one told me you were in the hospital,” she says, frowning. “Not even when you weren’t at school that week.”
I scrub a hand over my unshaven jaw. “That’s because my parents didn’t want it getting out. While I had no serious injuries, my face was all busted up, so they hid me until I’d healed. My brothers were forbidden from talking about it to anyone, and they made a massive donation to the hospital to ensure no one leaked it. Dad took me to the house in Nantucket, and he confiscated my cell and deactivated the house phone and Wi-Fi. I might as well have been in prison. I couldn’t even get through to my brothers to ask one of them to contact you. It was a fucking nightmare, and I was going out of my mind with worry.”
“Sandra told the whole school you two were official. I thought you didn’t come back that week because you weren’t brave enough to face me yet.”
“I heard that shit when I returned the following week, and I made sure everyone knew what she’d done. I didn’t care if the media got wind of it. Getting to you was my sole priority, but you wouldn’t return any of my texts or calls, and you weren’t at school. I was sick with worry that Monday.”
“I walked in on you screwing someone else, and you didn’t come after me, Kev. You didn’t show up to school, and you hadn’t bothered contacting me. Then that bitch was bragging about being your new girlfriend. I didn’t want to believe her, but what else was I supposed to think?” Pure anguish is etched across her face, and I hate that I’m responsible for it.
“I can understand it to a point, but I don’t know how you could so easily forget how much you meant to me. Didn’t you understand my feelings for you? Didn’t everything I said and did convey how much I loved you? That’s the part I couldn’t wrap my head around. How easily you dismissed us. How quickly you made up your mind.”
“You had sex with that bitch, and it fucking killed me, Keven! Then there was blanket silence. No contact. No apology. No indication that any of what we shared was real.” She buries her head in her hands. “I can’t.” She shakes her head. “I can’t do this. It still fucking hurts so much.”
“It’s okay.” I drop to my knees on the floor in front of her. “I know how it must’ve looked, and if I’d walked in on you with another guy, I’d be in jail for murder. I get it, and I don’t blame you, but I couldn’t believe you were gone when I got back to school. That I’d lost the chance to explain.”
“I couldn’t stay there and watch you with her,” she continues, lifting her head up. “Perhaps it was rash to leave so quickly, but it was the only option I could think of back then. I called my mom up and told her what happened. She enrolled me in the local high school in Delaware with no issue, and I left Wellesley that weekend with a broken heart, determined I was never talking to you again.”
“I called and texted hundreds of times until they started bouncing back.”
“I changed my number,” she sheepishly admits. “I couldn’t deal with it, and I just wanted to forget.”
“I went to your new house.”
“What? What do you mean?” Her brow creases.
“I got on a plane to Delaware, hired a car, and drove to your house. Your mom answered the door and told me, in no uncertain terms, to stay the hell away from you.”
“When?” she whispers.
“It was about a month after you left. I was supposed to be on an away trip with the basketball team, but I took the opportunity to fly to you instead because I knew it was the only chance I’d get.”
“Coach must’ve busted your balls for that.” Her lips kick up a little.
“He tried, but I quit.”
Her beautiful, big, blue eyes pop wide. “But you loved basketball.”
“Not anymore. I fell apart after I lost you. I lost myself for a good while. Made some shitty decisions. Spiraled into a dark place.” I channel Kade and Kyler, trying not to inwardly cringe as I speak from my heart, because she needs to hear this. “You were the light in my life, Cheryl, and when I lost you, that light extinguished. But I need you to know that I’ve never forgotten you. You’re in my thoughts and in my heart every day. You were ripped out of my life, but I’ve never stopped loving you, and I never will. You’re the only girl I’ve ever loved, and that won’t ever change.”
Chapter 9
Cheryl
My heart is breaking apart all over again. I needed to hear those words so badly back in senior year, but I doubt it would’ve made any difference to the outcome. The visual of Sandra riding Kev is forever imprinted in my brain, and I was in so much pain I doubt I would’ve been able to forgive him even though I now know he didn’t set out to cheat.
Doesn’t change the fact he still did.
Or that he enabled himself to be manipulated through his drug use—which he hid from me.
Ugh. My emotions are veering in every direction.
Not that it matters.
We can’t alter our history, and I’m on a different path now.
“It’s too late, Kev. Surely, you know that. You need to move on like I have.”
“Answer me one thing, Cheryl.” His eyes drill into me, and I’m ensnared by the intensity of his gaze. “Do you love him like you loved me?”
No.
The word pops into my mind instantaneously, but I shove it aside, like I do every time niggling doubts arise.
“I’m not answering that.”
“You already have.”
His face gives nothing away, but I know him well enough to know he knows. Being this close to him again is torturous. He’s even more beautiful than I remember. Up close, I can see the tiny flecks in his eyes and the very light smattering of freckles brushing over his nose and cheeks. His eyes hold hidden depths I’ve already explored.
My fingers twitch with the longing to touch him. I want to run my fingers along the stubble on his cheeks and chin, to know if it’s soft or prickly.
My lips beg to glide against his. To remember how incredible it felt to be kissed by him.
I want to know if the sensations would be heightened now that he’s all man.
“I want you back in my life, Cheryl,” he says, rising to his feet.
“That’s not possible. I’m marrying someone else, Keven.”
“Don’t marry him. He’s not the one for you.”
I snort out a laugh. “And I suppose you are?”
“You know I am.”
“Your arrogance is showing again, and it’s not attractive.” I stomp toward the hallway, hearing the thud of his footsteps following me.
“I’m just telling it like it is,” he argues, ratcheting my anger up another notch.
I grab my coat and scarf from his closet, hurriedly throwing them on. “You don’t get to show up in my life again, give me an explanation, proclaim you still love me, and expect me to fall back into your arms. This isn’t the movies, buddy.” I prod my finger in his chest, trying to push him back out of my space.
“I know it isn’t.” He takes a step toward me, and I stumble back, my spine hitting against the closet door. “This is real.” He cages me in with his arms, one on either side, before pressing his body flush against mine. My knees almost buckle underneath me, and I flatten my palms to the closet door, needing to touch anything but him.
His face lowers toward mine, and I stop breathing. My heart is racing so fast it threatens to explode from my chest. There isn’t a millimeter of my body that isn’t aware of how close Keven Kennedy is to me. Even though we’re clothed, I can still feel how rock solid his body is against mine, and my core aches in a way it hasn’t ached in years.
I gulp back my rising hysteria over my errant thoughts. My head is a hot mess right now, and I don’t understand why I’m not pushing him away.
Why I’m letting him line our mouths up.
Why my eyes are pleading with his.
Why my nails are breaking as I attempt to dig them into the wooden door when all I want is to dig them into Keven’s hips, to pull his pelvis to mine, to feel the evidence of his arousal in the place where I throb for him.
His eyes hold me in place, and his mouth is so close to mine his warm breath fans across my face, hypnotizing me. He angles his head, moving his mouth to my ear, and I almost collapse. “I could kiss you right now, and you’d let me,” he whispers. I clamp my lips tight, to hold back my moan. “But I won’t do that to you.” He pulls away from me, and I want to cry out at the loss of his body heat, which is wrong on so many levels. “I’ll kiss you again when you’re mine and only mine.”
“Then you’ll be waiting a long time,” I rasp. “Like forever.”
His eyes drop to my heaving chest, and he takes a long, slow perusal of my body. I bite the inside of my cheek this time to stop from crying out.
“That’s not what your body’s telling me.” His eyes come back up to meet mine. “Does he worship your body in the way you deserve because it looks to me like you’ve been neglected. Does he make you come over and over like I used to? Does he get you really wet before sinking inside you? Do you scream his name when you succumb? Do you—”
“Enough!” I shriek, finally gaining control of myself. I need to get out of here before I orgasm just from his words. “This isn’t ever happening, so forget it.” I brush past him, racing toward the door.
“I’m not giving up, Cheryl. I gave up last time when your mom sent me packing, but I’m not backing down now. Not when I know you still have feelings for me.”
“You’re crazy,” I toss out over my shoulder as my hand curls around the door handle.
“Keep deluding yourself, sweetheart,” he says, slamming his palm against the door. He presses into me from behind, and the hard length of his erection pushes against my ass. A whimper escapes my lips before I can stop it. “You and me both know the truth. This isn’t over between us. Not by a long shot.”
He carefully positions me off to the side and opens the door. “So, go home to your fiancé.” He spits the word out like it’s poison. “But I’m here for you when you come to your senses. You have my number. Use it. Any time of the day or night. You need me, I’m there.”
“You are so full of yourself,” I bluster, trying to gain some semblance of superiority before I leave. “And completely wrong. You and me are so over. And if you keep pretending otherwise, then the only one who’s delusional is you.”
I take a detour to Lin’s apartment on the way back. Dan’s already texted to say he’s home a day early, but I can’t return in my current state. He’ll take one look at me, see I’m a mess, and want to know why.
“Where’s the fire?” Lin asks as I push my way into her apartment twenty minutes later.
“In my panties, and in my heart, and in my head, and a million other places,” I admit, pacing the length of her small living room.
“Woah, girl. You’ve got to give me more than that.”
“I’m screwed, Lin. Oh, God.” I slump to the floor on the spot. “I’m so screwed.”
She drops down in front of me, sitting cross-legged. “You’ve just realized you’re still in love with Keven Kennedy.”
“Yes, and I don’t know what to do.” I bury my head in my hands and then I tip my head up. “Wait, how the hell did you know that before I did?”
“It was written all over your face last night when you were telling me about him. Don’t get mad when I say this, but I’ve never seen your face glow, or your eyes shine, like that when you’re talking about Dan.”
“I do love Dan. I do.” I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince Lin or myself.
“But you’re not in love with him, Cher. You don’t love him the way you love Keven. I can see it in your eyes.”
“It was like that at the start for Dan and me,” I explain, because I remember those heady sensations. The feeling like I was falling, and he was the one to catch me in his strong arms. “But it hasn’t felt like that for a while.” I blow air out of my mouth. “I’ve been so afraid to admit that. Even to myself.”
“I was going to say something because you’re the least enthusiastic bride I’ve encountered. Have you even made much progress with your wedding plans?”
I shake my head. “Apart from the venue, but Dan booked that.” I pull my knees into my chest. “Jesus, Lin. What am I doing? I don’t have a clue what to do. Tell me what I should do?”
“I wish I could, babe.” She squeezes my hand. “But only you can make that decision. All I’ll say is don’t make any hasty decisions. Think it all through and search your heart. The answers are in there, but before you make any life-altering decisions, make sure you know your own heart and mind. That you’re making the right choices for you.”
I’m still mulling over Lin’s words an hour later when I pull my Audi into our driveway alongside Dan’s Merc. I’m more composed than I was when I showed up at Lin’s, but I’m terrified he’ll see the truth written all over my face—that I’m still in love with my first love, the guy who broke my heart, the same guy who now wants a chance to mend it.
“I’m home,” I call out, shutting the front door behind me. I hang up my coat and slip off my heels, toeing on my slippers. “Dan?” I shout.
“In the living room,” he hollers. I walk toward him and attempt to compose my face appropriately. He has the Patriots’ game on full volume, and my ears silently protest. “That rookie quarterback is fucking decimating the opposition,” he says as I come up alongside him. He doesn’t take his eyes off the screen as he slings an arm around my waist. “Heath Gilchrist is going to win us the Super Bowl.” Finally, he turns to me. “Mark my words. That man is a fucking legend.” He yanks me to him, crashing his mouth down on mine. He tastes like whiskey and regret, and for the first time ever, I don’t want to be kissing him. Rubbing his erection against my stomach, he slides his hands under my blouse, roughly cupping my tits through my bra. “Missed you bad, babe.
I’m so fucking horny.”
“Missed you too,” I lie on autopilot.
“I need to fuck you now.” He has my jeans and panties off so fast I barely have time to respond. Pushing me down over the arm of the couch, he shoves two fingers inside me. “Always so wet for me, baby.”
I fight back tears as I think of the man I’m really wet for. My head is spinning a hundred miles a minute as Dan thrusts into me from behind. He pounds into me hard, over and over, but I don’t feel it. My head and my heart are in so much pain I’m immune to everything else.
I’m grateful when he comes first and immediately pulls out. Kissing my neck, he smacks my ass before whispering he loves me. Then he walks away to get another whiskey. As I pull my clothes back on, I’m glad I didn’t come. I don’t deserve to when I let my fiancé fuck me while my mind was consumed with thoughts of another man.
“What kind of stuff are you storing in the barn?” I ask him later that night when we’re reading in bed.
“It’s nothing to worry your pretty little head about.” He messes up my hair, smiling at me, while he insults my intelligence.
“Don’t patronize me, Dan. What kind of stuff does a lawyer need to store in a place that big?”
He puts his book down and narrows his eyes to slits. “Who the fuck are you to question me?” He doesn’t raise his voice, but he doesn’t need to with that tone.
“This is my house too, and I’ve a right to know what’s going on with that barn.”
“What exactly are you accusing me of?”
“I’m not accusing you of anything. I just want to know what’s in the barn.”
“It’s none of your business,” he snaps. “Don’t challenge me on this, Cheryl,” he warns, and the menacing tone of his voice sends shivers up my spine.
Forgiving Keven: A Stand-Alone Second Chance Romance Page 8