The Crown Jewels Boxed Set (A Crown Jewels Romantic Comedy Series)

by Melanie Summers

  “Which was?”

  “To help with the babies,” he says. “Xav's really quite tremendous with them, isn’t he? I actually think he’s missed his calling.”

  I finally had a talk with Arthur about Xavier and his past last week. Since then, he’s softened up on the idea of letting him into our family a bit. Smiling at Arthur, I say, “Are you thinking what I'm thinking?”

  Arthur nods. “Do you mind if I’m the one to ask him?”

  ****

  On Monday morning, Xavier arrives for his shift at exactly 7 AM, on time as usual. Arthur opens the door and ushers him inside.

  “Good morning, Your Highness, how was the night?” Xavier asks as he makes a beeline for Flora, who is in her swing. He crouches down and starts making little smiley faces.

  “It was all right, thanks,” Arthur says. “That new swaddle you showed us worked wonders for James.”

  “It's all about making them feel secure,” Xavier says in a high-pitched voice as he tickles Flora’s chubby cheek. “Isn't it, Flora? Babies love to be swaddled.”

  Arthur clears his throat. “There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about, Xavier.”

  Xavier stands and turns to face Arthur.

  Arthur sighs heavily. “It seems that this whole bodyguard business may not be a good fit for you.”

  Just as Xavier’s face falls, Arthur smiles at him. “Would you ever consider a career change?” He tosses Xav a white T-shirt with purple writing that says, ‘WORLD’S BEST MANNY.’

  When Xavier unfolds it, his face goes from worried to ecstatic in under a second. “Are you sure about this, sir? I know I have a tendency to get under your skin at times.”

  “About that…I owe you an apology. It wasn’t you I was irritated by. I think I was just feeling a little bit…unsure of myself as far as this whole fatherhood thing went. But I’m over that now. I feel that I have my legs under me—in part because of your help, actually. Tessa and I would like nothing more than to have you help out with the babies permanently. You’d have the same pay, and we'll hire another bodyguard to cover your other duties.”

  Xavier holds the shirt up and looks at it again. “I've never thought about being a manny before.”

  “But it would suit you perfectly,” I say. “After all, you love to learn and teach. You know basically everything there is to know about health…”

  “You mean I’m a terrible nag,” Xav says.

  “No, not at all,” Arthur says. “You’re…unfailingly helpful and trustworthy.”

  “In that case, I'm in.” Xavier takes James from my arms and grins down at him. “I'm your new manny. That's right. I’ll be here every day to play with you and feed you and teach you new things.” He holds him up above his head while James tries to eat his nose. “I'm going to teach you everything there is to know about exercise, nutrition, gardening, oh…and astronomy. I've been getting into that lately. You’re going to know the names of all the constellations. Yes, you are. Because you’re very brilliant and very special.”

  EPILOGUE

  Arthur - 3 Months Later

  It’s two in the morning, and little Flora has woken up again. She’s been fed, changed, and burped, but she can’t seem to settle for long tonight.

  Tessa stirs, but I put my hand on her shoulder. “I’ll get her. You rest.”

  “I could try feeding her again.”

  “Let me see if I can settle her first. She’s probably just lonely.”

  I pull on a pair of sweat pants and T-shirt, then hurry through the dark hall to the nursery. Picking her up, I hold her close so her soft, chubby little cheek is against mine. “Are you feeling lonely, my beautiful girl?”

  She stops crying and grabs my ear with her tiny hand.

  “Let’s go for a little walk, shall we?”

  I walk around the apartment a bit, then decide to take her on a midnight tour of the palace. We end up in the Grande Hall. I turn on the lights and lay in the middle of the floor, resting her on my chest so she’s on her back and can look up at the ceiling.

  “When I was a boy, I used to lay here and stare up at that mural by the hour. I’m still not sick of looking at it. It was painted over five hundred years ago. I know that doesn’t mean anything to you yet, but someday it will.”

  Flora kicks her legs and waves her arms in the air.

  “Oh, yes, you’re right. Giovanni Canaletto painted it. And the fact that this is in our house is both strange and wonderful, much like the life you’re going to have. You’re going to be the queen one day, but not for many, many years because I plan to live to be a hundred. That way, you can enjoy the first sixty-six years of your life without having to run an entire kingdom. You’re going to make a wonderful monarch, you know? Especially if you have your mum’s brave spirit and compassion, and my sense of humour. You probably won’t find me funny, but that’s only because I’m your dad. Most women find me hilarious.”

  Flora starts to settle, and I find myself running one finger up and down her little arm in an almost-hypnotic way. “Between you and me, I’m really happy you’ll be the one running the kingdom. Your brother’s great and all, but have you seen how much he drools? I mean, honestly, he’s like one of Pavlov’s dogs or something.

  “I’m just kidding. Please don’t tell him I said that, okay? I mean sometimes honesty is the best policy—case in point, Vincent no longer smelling like blue cheese—but that kind of honesty takes a rare blend of bravery and a lack of tact so it’s better to leave those type of comments to Grandma Evi because as a future monarch, you’ll be expected to remain tactful at all times.

  “But about the whole ruling thing, none of that silliness really matters. What you need to know is how much you are loved. It’s enough to fill the whole universe. And you’ll be loved every minute of every day of your life—the unconditional kind, too, so you won’t need to go trying to fill some void with a pimply-faced teenage boy when you’re fifteen.

  “Speaking of boys, you’re not allowed to date until you’re forty, by the way.”

  Footsteps across the room interrupt my monologue. I tilt my head and see Tessa in her robe, holding James. “Worrying about her dating already?”

  She sits on the floor next to me, then lays down and holds James so he can look up, too.

  “I’ll always worry about the women in my life.” I turn and glance at James. “Him, too. I’m afraid that’s not going to stop anytime soon.”

  “For how long, would you say?”

  “Pretty much until I draw my last breath.”

  “All right. I’ll allow it,” Tessa says, putting on her regal voice.

  “Thank you, madam.”

  “God, we’re lucky, aren’t we?” she says with a happy sigh. “Two healthy babies, each other, a charmed life including a ton of irritatingly, wonderfully helpful people who love and care for us.”

  “Like your parents,” I say, smiling, in part because it’s true, and in part because they moved back home two days ago.

  Tessa says, “And Arabella and Gran, and even your dad, as it turns out.”

  “Him, too,” I say. “Who knew my father would turn out to be such a soft touch when it came to his grandchildren?”

  “Not me,” my father says, striding across the hall in his robe and striped pajamas. “I can tell you that much.”

  “What are you doing up?”

  “Couldn’t sleep. My sciatica’s acting up again.”

  “Come lay on the floor. It’ll help.”

  “Only if you hand me one of those babies.”

  A moment and some grunting later, my father is lying on the floor next to me. I hand the baby over to him, laying her on his chest.

  She snuggles her face into his robe and closes her eyes.

  “You’ve missed your calling, Winston,” Tessa says. “You could have been a manny.”

  A moment later, the front door to the palace opens, and in walks Arabella, in a gown
. She stops when she sees us and says, “Okkkaaay.”

  She crosses the floor, her heels clicking away on the marble, then lays down next to Tessa. “This is nice. Why are we doing this?”

  “Just because.”

  “The best reason.”

  We lay in silence for a few minutes, then Gran comes by, still dressed in her pantsuit.

  “Poker night?” I ask.

  “Yes, I cleaned them out tonight.” She stops near our heads, staring down at us. “Have you all gone mad?”

  “On the contrary,” my father says. “We’re just enjoying the artwork. Come join us.”

  “Not bloody likely. You look like a bunch of morons. Well, not the babies.” With that, she makes her way in the direction of her room.

  “Goodnight, Gran. Love you,” I say, surprising us all with my sentiments.

  She turns and smiles down at me. “I love you, too, even though you’re soft in the head. See you in the morning.” With that, she disappears, chuckling to herself.

  A few minutes later, with both babies fast asleep, we get up one-by-one, careful not to disturb them. I take back Flora in spite of my father’s quiet protests.

  “You can come see them in the morning,” Tessa whispers, giving my dad a grin.

  Arabella whispers, “Shall we have breakfast in your apartment, say around eight?”

  “I’ll make eggs,” I say with a nod.

  My father and Arabella go to their residences, leaving my girls, James, and me to go to ours. Tessa smiles up at me when we reach the front door, and it’s a smile I haven’t seen for a while. “Let’s get these two put in their cribs so we can have some grown-up time together.”

  “You don’t mean…?”

  Shrugging, she blushes a little. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

  “I want to make sure we’re talking about the same thing, otherwise I’m going to be horribly disappointed.”

  “Sex. Arthur. I’m talking about sex,” she says with a nod. “Unless, of course, you’re too tired.”

  “Are you kidding? If I didn’t have a baby in my arms right now, I’d throw you over my shoulder and sprint to our bedroom.”

  ****

  The next hour is absolute perfection. Well, I mean not exactly because Excalibur got a little too overexcited the moment he got in there and he may or may not have prematurely finished. Okay, he definitely did, but if you ask Tessa, I’m pretty sure she’d say he more than made up for it. Twice, in fact.

  We lie together, our naked bodies pressed together under the sheets, smiling up at the ceiling.

  “Oh, that was…I forgot how…” Tessa starts, but her voice trails off.

  “Better than Krispy Kreme donuts?”

  “So much better,” she says, turning to me with a satisfied smile. Her face grows serious, and she stares at me for a second. “I don’t know why you don’t want to do that more often.”

  “What? Me?” I ask, shocked that she could ever think that. A tiny smile crosses her lips, then she bursts into fits of giggles.

  “Oh, I get it. Very funny, Mrs. Langdon.”

  “It was! You should have seen the look on your face.”

  A grin works its way out of me, then I chuckle a little, relieved to have my Tessa back. “There you are. Christ, I’ve missed you,” I say, leaning over and giving her a lingering kiss.

  “I’ve missed me, too, but I’m back.”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise,” she says, reaching up and running her hand over my cheek and down to my jaw.

  “Now that you’re back, there’s something I’ve been dying to ask you for months.”

  “Oh God, have I been that awful?”

  I look up at the ceiling for a second, trying to choose my words carefully.

  Tessa speaks up before I can answer. “If you have to think about it, the answer is obviously yes.”

  “Let’s just say there was no room in there for your wonderful sense of humour, and the fact that it’s back is maybe the best gift you could give me. Other than the babies, obviously.”

  “Obviously, but what have you been waiting to talk to me about?”

  I smile down at her, trying not to laugh. “Do you remember when you said that thing about the baby coming out of a Sharpe vagina?”

  She narrows her eyes, and for a brief second, I think I’ve misread her mood and I’m about to ruin everything.

  Shaking her head, she says, “I never said that.”

  “Sure you did. Remember? When we were arguing about which obstetrician to go with? And you said that it may be a Langdon baby, but it was coming out of a Sharpe vagina?” I ask. “I can’t believe you don’t remember that. It was maybe the funniest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

  Tessa shrugs and shakes her head a little. “I think you imagined that. I’d never say something so preposterous.”

  “Oh, you most certainly did. I couldn’t laugh at the time because, well, because…but I’ve been chuckling to myself about your sharp vagina almost daily since.”

  Folding her arms, she says, “So, you’ve been laughing at my vagina?”

  Damn. “No, definitely not. Your vagina is…perfectly perfect, just like the rest of you. But come on, you don’t find it funny? Sharpe?” I pause for a second, then quietly say, “Vagina?”

  Just when I’m feeling rather sheepish, Tessa’s shoulders start shaking and she’s laughing again.

  “Oh, come on. So, you were just fucking with me again?”

  Laughing, she nods her head. “It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. You’re so easy to trick now.”

  “You do remember, then?”

  Tessa nods, tears pouring down her cheeks. “I’ve been laughing at it myself.”

  “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “I was too bitchy the whole time.”

  I stare at her, torn between laughter and exasperation. “So, just the two children, then?”

  “Definitely,” she answers, kissing me on the lips. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t pretend we’re trying for more.”

  “Yes, the trying was probably my favourite part of the pregnancy.”

  “Oh, mine, too. By far.”

  I lean over and kiss her neck. “Let’s promise to do lots of pretending for the rest of our lives.”

  She moans a little when I hit that spot behind her ear that drives her wild. “Deal,” she says in a breathy tone.

  I’m going to leave it there because the next bit might be X-rated, and this is not that kind of story…

  But before I go, let me say this: love is worth every hurdle, every mess, every awful, horribly terrifying moment. To all the single guys out there, on the off chance you think you’ve met the right woman, you should bloody well knock on every door in the entire kingdom to find her, even if she is so drunk that she doesn’t realize she lost a shoe because hey, everyone makes mistakes, and she might be really perfect once she sobers up.

  And I promise you, when it’s right, you won’t ever want to lose her.

  Not for an hour.

  Not for a second.

  Not for a nanosecond.

  Because it’s the people we make our lives with that make our lives. Not our careers or titles or bank accounts. I have nothing without her, even though from the outside it looked like I had everything. I am nothing without her. An empty shell of a man with a stupid crown and some shockingly big crown jewels.

  But because of her, I have everything. I have two children who will have their dad wrapped around their little, tiny pinky fingers forever, I have someone to share my life with, someone to laugh with and fight with, someone to make up with, and someone to love. And the very best thing in the world is if you love someone intensely and wildly and unconditionally, and she loves you right back.

  THE AFTER EPILOGUE

  Arthur

  Oh, you're still here? This is a little…awkward, no? I was just about to get in the shower, the
n see if my wife is up for a little canoodling, so…feel free to stop reading. Not permanently, of course. I’m a firm believer in being a lifelong reader. But just finish reading this book.

  And I know, I know, you probably can’t wait to find out what happens next, but now that I have the twins and my wife and the kingdom to help run, I probably won’t have as much time as I once did to talk to you. But who knows? Maybe there's a small Christmas story in my future. Regardless, if I do have another major crisis like the kind that happens when you fall in love or get married or have children, I'll certainly let you know.

  For now, I hope it's enough that I have managed to stretch my own beliefs in the capabilities of the human heart. I have, for the most part, set aside my cynicism in favour of love. And as cliché as that may sound, love truly is the only thing that matters. The rest, I can do without. Someone could take everything I have, every last dime, every last jewel – well, not those jewels, of course; I'd be rather upset if I lost those ones. But they could take everything else away, but if they leave my family, I know I'll survive.

  So, in closing, as I wrap up, I wish you everything in life that makes you rich — love, friendship, superior shags with someone who loves and respects you, and peace of mind. Take it from the man who has everything—the only things truly worth caring about are those you love.

  The End

  A NOTE FROM MELANIE

  Did you love it? Did The Crown Jewels series make you smile and laugh out loud and feel good? If so, please leave a review.

  Oh, and tell everyone you see in the next few months that they simply must read my other Series. Wink Wink.

  Reviews are a true gift to writers. They are the best way for other readers to find our work and for writers to figure out if we’re on the right track, so thank you if you are one of those kind folks out there to take time out of your day to leave a review!

  If you’d like to find out about my upcoming releases, sign up for my newsletter on www.mjsummersbooks.com.