by Cee, DW
I decided to give in and agree with my sister for the sake of getting her to rest. “Yes, I was hurt. But, I’m all right now. I wouldn’t have pumped and sent you breast milk every day if I was angry with you.” Mel nodded her head in agreement. “You and your mom could have asked me to leave in a nicer way, but what’s done is done. I know you were emotional during that time. I was probably at fault, too, for not including you in the childrearing duties. Yes. I was at fault, too.” Please, God. Help my sister to fall asleep so she could get better soon.
“Do you forgive me for what I asked of you?”
“Yes, Mel. I forgive you for everything you’ve asked of me.”
“Do you forgive me for taking away the only man you’ve ever loved?”
How would I combat this question? “What Ben and I had was high school love. Nobody marries his or her high school sweetheart. I love Noah, now.”
“You don’t love Noah, at least not the way you loved Ben.”
“How do you figure, Little Sister? I’ve been with Noah almost as long as I was with Ben.”
“He doesn’t make you laugh like you used to with Ben. When you look at Noah, it’s not that same look of love I saw when I was younger. You definitely don’t talk about Noah as often as you used to talk about Ben.”
Her assessment made me laugh. “Maybe Noah isn’t as funny as Ben. Your husband has that goofy side to him that makes a passing stranger laugh.” Finally, my gorgeous sister smiled. “As for making googly eyes at Ben back in high school, I think you’re mistaking yourself for me. I know you’ve had the biggest crush on Ben since you were in grade school. It was you who was awestruck every time Ben walked into a room, not me.” Mel’s eyes got dreamy with talks of her husband. She truly loved Ben. He was a lucky man. “To refute your last point, I don’t talk as much now on any topic as I did back in high school. I don’t have that same kind of energy. It has nothing to do with the subject.”
“You’re deflecting in the same Marni-fashion as you’ve always done. You loved Ben and I took him away from you.”
Ten plus years later, this was all water under the bridge. It didn’t matter whom I loved, how much I loved him, and who took whom away from whom. “OK. I’ll agree to everything you say. I’ll forgive you and everyone in this hospital if you’ll agree to save your energy and sleep. This talk is so not necessary, Melody. We are many years beyond what’s happened, and you have a beautiful baby girl to raise.”
At the mention of Alice, Melody Howard, my beloved sister, started crying. “I don’t know how I could have asked you to make that last sacrifice. I’m the most selfish person in this world. Do you forgive me?”
“Mel. Thanks to your selfishness, we have a beautiful baby girl who will be the apple of all of our eyes. How can you ask me to forgive you when you gave me a beautiful gift, too? I love Ali. I know you and Ben love her more than life itself. What you did wasn’t selfish.”
“Are you sure?” she whispered. She was running out of strength. I only hoped she would fall asleep immediately.
“Unconventional, yes. Selfish, no. I should be thanking you for convincing me to carry Ali. Those were the most perfect nine months of my life. If I had to do it all over again, I’d do it the exact same way.”
“Before I sleep, will you promise me one more thing?”
“Sure, Sister. Anything.”
“Promise me that you’ll take care of Ali if anything happens to me.” Mel was back to pleading.
I was alarmed at her insistence. “Mel. Nothing is going to happen to you. In a few days, we’ll all be home and you and I will be laughing about today.”
“Please promise me that you’ll love Ali because she’s your own and you’ll convince Ben to marry again. He’s too young and loving to be alone.”
I couldn’t take the waterfall of tears running down her face; I promised her all her wishes.
“I will take care of Ali and Ben. This is the last promise I’m making for today. You need to sleep and regain your strength.”
“One more thing, Sis.”
“Last one, Mel,” I warned.
“Promise me you won’t resist finding love with Ben again.”
“Melody Montgomery Howard! I want you to stop this senseless talk.”
“You, Ben, and Ali will make a beautiful family. It was how it was supposed to be.”
“OK!” I stood up and placed the blanket over her body. “Go to sleep, Melody Howard. That’s an order. If you’re good and fall asleep now, I’ll bring you a video of your baby.”
The thought of Alice made my sister smile. “Tell Ben and Ali I love them. And tell everyone that I’m going home.”
“I will let everyone know that you will be going home very soon.”
Little did I know that I would be the last person to talk to Melody Montgomery Howard before she went home to her Maker. My little sister, Ben’s loving wife, and Alice’s devoted mother, died in her sleep after saying her piece and after making her peace.
Chapter 1 Noah (Present)
Home ~Michael Bublé
“Marni! Thank God, you’re still here. I thought you’d left already.” I breathed hard, having run up the stairs to catch her.
“I thought you were gone for the day,” she answered while grabbing the last of her bags to place in the car.
“I got as far as the freeway and couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let you go without another fight.” Truly, I was tired of this. The energy to spar verbally with Marni Montgomery left me yesterday, an hour after Ben Howard’s call.
By the look of her bloodshot eyes, Marni had been crying. This was a sign of hope for me. “We’ve been through all this already,” her voice cracked.
“Help me understand,” I pleaded. “We’ve been together on and off for four years. How can you up and leave after one phone call? Are you still upset with me? Is this your way of paying me back for that time in New York?”
“She needs me, Noah.” Her voice was a bare whisper.
“I need you, Marni.” My voice reached no louder.
“This isn’t forever, Noah. Ben and Ali are in a bind and I’d like to help them. I promised my sister.”
“How the hell did you promise your sister?” I was angry she’d leave me without a second thought. The call for help came yesterday and today, she’d cleaned out her room without giving me a choice or an alternative. “You mean Melody actually asked you to move in with her husband and care for her child in her absence?” I painted a sordid, ugly picture.
The pained gasp that escaped Marni’s body was unmistakable. She was hurting and I was the cause. “I’m sorry.” She spoke with tears falling. I wanted to hold and comfort my girlfriend, but that simple act was no longer an option. I’d declared war. “I know you never approved of what I did for my sister and her husband. At the time, there was no other choice for them. I was their only option.” Marni defended herself.
“There were plenty of other choices. They were selfish to ask you to carry their child. You weren’t even married!”
“Noah.” Her voice hoarse from arguing and crying, she sounded exhausted. All the fight in her was gone. “One day, I hope you’ll understand that I’m not choosing Alice over you. She’s a baby. She has few options and she can’t take care of herself. I want to be there for her until someone better comes along.”
“She has her father, her grandparents, even your mother, who will make sure she’s well taken care of—why does it have to be you?”
Marni shrugged her shoulders with a half-smile and said, “Take care, Noah.”
Those were her last words as she left me standing there.
I was pissed.
I was livid.
I couldn’t accept how she could so easily cast me aside.
I ran to her car and had to have the last word. “You’re still in love with Ben, aren’t you? That’s what it’s all about—not the baby, but your ex. Never did he leave your heart. He was always there, no matter that your sister was his wife. Did
you choose to have his child because you thought maybe, one day, you three could be a family? Now that your sister is out of the picture, and he’s dialed 911 for your assistance, you see this as the perfect way to reclaim your past flame. If you leave here, we’re done, Marni. I won’t stand to be put on the shelf until you’re finished playing house with your ex.”
She left without a denial or a response—not one word in her defense.
Once she was gone, I couldn’t believe all I’d said to her. How could I have told her just yesterday that I loved her? Yet, today, I told her she was the worst kind of woman there was—one who coveted her sister’s husband? What had possessed me to spew out all those ugly scenarios that had no credence?
My face fell into my hands and I groaned loudly at the harm I’d done to our relationship. Clearly, I’d forgotten the error of my own ways and how long it took to get Marni to trust me again.
Just before Ben called yesterday, I contemplated approaching the topic of marriage again. My proposal had gone unanswered the past years. There was no way in hell I was getting an easy agreement from Marni, now.
Dammit! What a shitty mess, thanks to Ben Howard.
As soon as possible, I’d beg for forgiveness with Marni, first. Then, I’d deal with Ben Howard for the last time.
Chapter 2 Ben (Present)
Circle of Life ~Elton John
“You ready to talk? Beer’s waiting for you in the drink fridge and hot wings are in the warmer.”
“Didn’t we just have dinner?” We both laughed knowing it didn’t matter what she’d just eaten. Where there were beer and hot wings, Marni was game. “Damn you. I’m going to blame you when I’m bloated tomorrow morning.”
“With the amount of swimming you did, I think you burned off dinner and at least a beer.”
Mar grabbed two beers, our late-night snack, and joined me on the sofa. She prepped her area and found the most comfortable position for herself.
“What did you want to talk about?” She dove into the wings. I always loved this part of her. She had a hearty appetite and didn’t mind showing it to those around her.
“You pick—past, present, or future?”
I heard the small sigh. I didn’t want to scare her away, but there were many things that needed to be said. Not only were there questions that needed to be answered, but I also had much to apologize for.
“How about the present and the future, and we’ll leave the past for another night.”
“Fair enough. Tell me how you came to the conclusion to move in with us. Noah could not have been thrilled if your surrogacy was an indication of his love for the Howard family.”
With her eyebrow slightly raised, she said, “Isn’t that part of the past?”
“No, but I’ll let that one slide.” My own eyebrow raised in exasperation. “What do you plan to do now that you’re here? Give me specifics.”
Finishing her second wing and half a mug of beer, she answered. “When I first applied for the MBA program at your school, I thought I’d be working during the day, so I applied for night classes. When you called, I figured I’d quit my job, take care of Ali during the day, then attend school at night, after you came home. That way, Ali would have the both of us, but I’d be out of your way.”
“What do you mean, ‘out of my way?’”
“Well, it can’t be easy for you to have me here.” I heard a small accusation in that sentence. “You need some privacy, especially since this is your home. With me at school, you’d have time to spend with your daughter and whatever else interests you.”
“I didn’t uproot your life so I can find privacy in my own home.” My statement let her know I, too, was annoyed. “Everything I’ve done to you since high school has been one shitty deed after another. I felt like a selfish prick begging you to help with Ali.”
“Seriously? We’re digging up high school?” Mar was a bit stunned I brought up our past. It wasn’t something I planned. It just happened. “You’ve known me all my life. Did you really think I’d find it a chore to raise Ali?” Now, Mar was upset. “Don’t you know how much I love her?”
“It’s not Ali I’m worried about. Never would I doubt your love for her. I’m the one in question. I wasn’t sure you’d want to come back here with the way you left our house the first time.”
“Let’s let that one go for the time being. We’ll talk about the past later. Tonight’s not the night to revisit.”
“OK. So, did you actually quit your job?”
“I tried, but my boss wouldn’t allow it. He said I could telecommute, with a few trips back to San Diego for big meetings. I’d work part-time.”
“So, you’ll work during the day, attend classes at night, and be Ali’s caretaker?” I questioned the sanity of being on-call for so many hours in a day.
“Ali will be my first priority,” she spoke defensively. Then, she softly added, “I promise.”
Mar completely misunderstood what I was saying. “Come on, Mar. You know that’s not what I meant. You’ve now added school and Ali to your already busy schedule because of me. Let me help.” Obviously, I wasn’t clear enough because I could see Mar trying to figure out how I’d assist. “Quit work. Let me support all of us for the time being. The royalty checks from my compositions are decent, and the university gives me a steady paycheck.”
“I’m not your responsibility.” With fire in her eyes, there was more anger than necessary. “You have enough on your hands taking care of Ali; I don’t need to be another responsibility. Plus, I don’t think Noah would be happy if he found out…”
Noah.
He was going to be an enormous hurdle for us. I didn’t know if tonight was the right time to discuss him.
“You said you were going to quit your job, anyway. How is this different?”
“It just is.” Mar’s anger turned to sadness.
“Explain.” This was a demand on my part. I needed to know what was going on in her life.
Surprisingly, she didn’t hold back. “Noah’s having a hard time understanding this move. He believes I’m placing you and Ali above him, and he’s not thrilled.”
“After all the shit you’ve been through together, especially with the pregnancy, he can’t possibly believe he’s not your first priority.” As arguments went, this was a solid one to justify my selfishness. In truth, had I been Noah, I wouldn’t have let my girlfriend move away so she could help someone who complicated the hell out of his life.
Mar’s head shaking was a silent “I don’t know.”
“Have you called him since you arrived?” I proceeded with caution.
“No.” She sighed.
“Go up to your room and call him. Tell him you’ve arrived safely and that you’ll see him soon. Invite him up here, if you like.”
“It’s not that easy. We’ve kind of decided to put things on hold.”
“Shit, Mar. I’m sorry. I didn’t think Noah would go that far.” Still, despite feeling bad, I couldn’t and wouldn’t let her leave us. I was an asshole for holding onto her, but she was my lifeline—just like she’d always been.
Marni Montgomery had given up too much of her life to help my own. More than two years later, she was still saving me.
“Let’s talk about something else.” She got up and grabbed more beer from the fridge. “What does your schedule look like this semester? How can I help you?”
This part of the conversation was easy. “We still have a week before school starts, so I thought I’d spend it with you and Ali—reacquaint you with the neighborhood.”
Mar laughed. “You do know I grew up here. I lived next door to you for as long as I can remember.”
I chuckled with her. “Yeah, I know. But you lived in San Diego almost half the time. This neighborhood has evolved since you last lived here.”
“Really? Since Ali was born, the neighborhood evolved that drastically?” I found her humor soothing.
“There wasn’t a Trader Joe’s here the last time you li
ved in this house.”
Mar rolled her eyes. “Yeah. I’m sure my dad isn’t still a few streets away. Crazy Mrs. Tirone doesn’t live with her ten cats to the west of this house. And the beach has moved behind us.”
“You were always such a smartass. You analyze every damn thing.”
“Whatever.” She passed it off. “So you’ll hang with us for a week, then what?”
“My seminars are from nine to noon, and then I’d like to get into the studio and write for two to three hours. Since school is nearby, I should be home by three. Does that work for you?”
“That’s perfect. I’ll take care of Ali until you arrive, handle some work after, and attend class at six. I should be home a little after nine.”
“Sounds like a plan to me.” This was all working out perfectly.
“What shall we do tomorrow?” Mar wondered. “What would Ali like?”
“We are going to do what you and I planned to do since high school, but never pulled the trigger.”
“Disneyland?”
“We’re going to Disneyland!”
Chapter 2 Marni (Past)
Circle of Life ~Elton John
“You ready to talk?” Noah asked.
Today was the last day of school. We were done with our freshmen year in college, and Noah and I had bonded over the course of the year. He lived on the floor below me, and we became fast friends during Friday night socials.
Noah was a tall, good-looking man. He had brownish, slightly reddish hair, kind of like mine, but in reverse. My hair was all red with bits of brown mixed in. He was taller than Ben, which was saying a lot. Ben was almost a foot taller than my 5’4” stature. I didn’t know what it was, but I liked associating with tall men.
“Sure. I can talk now. I’ve packed up my car and I’m ready to get on the road.”
I had finished my first year in college and the world was my oyster—or so I liked to believe. This summer, I wanted to go home, see my mom, my sister, and Ben. I wanted to be around people I loved and returned my love. That’s what I needed this summer. Next summer, I’d search for an internship in a PR firm and pave my way toward a future. I felt like my life was coming together.