by Cee, DW
Finally, she agreed.
Since we were dining-in rather than eating in the car, I decided to order a full breakfast for the both of us.
“Ali would love this fruit salad.” I saw Mar purposely not eat her fruit, saving it for her favorite one-year-old. “Did you see the way her entire face puckered whenever she ate something sour?” We both smiled at the memory of her face during last night’s dinner. “You’d think she’d spit it out, but she asks for more.”
“We can order more fruit for Ali. Eat your meal,” I strongly suggested. “Listen.” Enough awkward moments had passed. It was time to apologize. “I know you love Ali. How could you not after all you’ve done for her, Mel, and me? I wasn’t implying that you wouldn’t be a great mom.”
Marni was never one to hold a grudge. However, it was clear that she was uncomfortable with the topic at hand. She quickly changed it. “How are you doing, Ben? Has it gotten any easier for you?”
Shit. Now, this was a conversation I wasn’t comfortable with, or had any clue how to answer.
“I don’t know, Mar. I’d been with Melody for so long, it’s hard to comprehend she no longer exists physically. Even now, ten months later, I reach out for her in bed every night. When I’m at work, or when I have a great idea for a song, first thing I think is to reach for my phone and call my wife. It’s that split second later when I realize she’s not going to pick up her line that I fall into an abyss.”
“I’m sorry, Ben. I miss her a lot, too, and I wish I could help you more.” Mar sighed. “You and Mel were perfect. I wish I had done more for my sister before she left us.”
“Can I ask you something?” Mar nodded yes. “Why did you leave us so suddenly after Ali was born?” There was only silence. I could tell it would be a struggle to force an answer. “OK. If you don’t want to talk about that, can you please tell me you’ve forgiven me for breaking up with you and marrying your sister?”
Immediately, Mar’s head went down. Damn. So many years later, this was still not resolved.
Before Melody Montgomery stole my heart, I had dated Marni Montgomery all through high school and the first year of college. Marni and I grew up together, and while her parents were married, she lived next door. We played together as children, hung out as teenagers, and became more serious when one day, Marni went from being a friend, to being a woman.
All through high school, we both believed we’d marry one another after we finished college. What we didn’t realize was that like the game of Life, there were choices to be made. She chose the college path a thousand miles away, while I chose life.
During our first year apart, we flew out to see one another, drove and met halfway, and spent countless hours communicating via phone, email, and text.
Marni became the ultimate collegian, career-oriented and driven. I became the stereotypical musician, taking my career one note at a time. Our goals were drastically different.
By the end of our first year apart, the visits lessened along with all forms of communication.
Marni had surrounded herself with a new group of friends—ones who were likeminded and driven.
I had opened my eyes to another woman next door—one who thought the world revolved around me. I loved the adoration and I grew to love the girl who became my muse. Melody starred in every song and took my career to another level. Mel became my love and my greatest inspiration.
“That was a long time ago, Ben. It’s all forgotten.” The quiet in her voice told me it wasn’t as long ago as I’d like.
“But have you forgiven? We didn’t exactly have the normal breakup. That first summer you saw us, Mel and I weren’t together. You never gave me a chance to explain; you just ended our relationship.” I placed my hand over Mar’s, hoping for a reaction. “Mel and I weren’t together at that time and we didn’t plan on falling in love. I know this sounds clichéd, but it just happened. We started spending time together and one day, we were in love. I promise, I didn’t cheat on you while you and I were together. Mel and I just became a couple.”
“I’m all right.” There must have been a look of disbelief on my face. She continued with, “I know neither of you set out to hurt me. I also know it was time for us to separate; we had grown apart by the end of my freshman year. We were broken up in all ways. We just hadn’t made it official. When you both came to ‘confessional’ that one summer before my junior year and told me you were dating, I admit, I was hurt. All that time Mel and I conversed, she never mentioned you. I guess it was more disappointing that my little sister felt the need to keep such a big part of her life a secret from me.” Mar lightly chuckled. “At this point in our lives, there’s nothing to forgive. I will always love my sister, no matter the situation. And I will always love you because you are family. You loved my sister with all your heart and gave her the best ten years of her life.”
“Did you still love us when we asked you to help conceive Ali?”
This question took a lot longer for Mar to answer.
“I can’t say anything in my life has gone as planned in the past ten years.” Her lips stayed closed a while longer before explaining, “Let’s just say, I love Ali more than you and Melody combined, and I can’t imagine a life without her.”
That was as good an answer as any. I’d take it and revel in the fact that Ali now had a “mom” who would love her as her own.
“Was I being a selfish prick asking you to drop your life and start a new one with us?”
“I suppose that answer would change depending upon who you asked. What I know is…this is what I want for Ali. I want her to have two people who love her and see her well-being as their first priority. Beyond that, nothing matters.”
“You are dead-on in all your answers this morning, Ms. Montgomery. Let’s go show our beautiful girl a good time.”
Chapter 3 Marni (Past)
Always Something There to Remind Me ~Naked Eyes
“I still can’t get over how motherly you are. This is so not you.”
Mel’s off-handed comment on my attentiveness to our cousin’s baby stung. After all the attention and care I’d given to my sister who was two years my junior, her reaction hurt. I believed I was a loving older sister.
“I guess people change,” I answered weakly and tried to walk away.
“Hey, Marni. How are you? You had a good year at school?” I hadn’t seen Ben since we “broke up” via phone. After our awkward meeting last summer, I called him and “let him go.” He sounded hesitant, and somewhat sad, but was mostly relieved. His relief broke me that summer, and I couldn’t say I was yet healed. I wouldn’t have left my mother in San Diego to attend this family function had I known my heart would be shaken again.
“Hi Ben. Yes, I had a good year. And you?” After a lifetime of being best friends and five years of being closer than best friends, we stood apart, unable to even offer one another a hug.
I watched Melody move closer to him with Ben responding by shifting his body toward her. Though no words were spoken, I knew the inevitable. I had foreseen this conclusion last summer.
“I’m doing fantastic. One of my songs hit it big and the company wants me to write an entire record!”
Smiling with a broken heart, I congratulated him. I knew about his song. I’d heard it indirectly from my cousin who believed I was the subject of his adoration. My cousin had sent over a copy of the song and told me she was jealous that a man would be so in love with his woman to write such poetic words. What my cousin failed to realize was the play on words between “Melody” and “melody.” The tune was beautiful, the words deeply romantic, and my sister was his inspiration—not me, never me.
“So when does the album come out?” I continued the conversation. “How exciting for you. This is what you’ve always wanted. I’m glad you are able to realize your dream. You are truly talented.”
“Well, actually, I need to thank your sister.” He grinned sheepishly as I braced myself for the secret everyone else already knew. “
I’m not sure if there’s a right way to say this, but Melody and I are dating.”
“We’re in love!” My sister was on cloud nine with this revelation. She neither cared to see my pain, nor paid any attention to my forced smile. She wrapped her arms around her boyfriend’s body and explained, “All those songs on his new album are about me. His first single is his declaration of love to me. He sang it to me for the first time when he told me he loved me. I was bawling.”
The lump in my throat got bigger with each word. Ben and I were only a high school love, but it hurt to know I couldn’t inspire him the way my sister did.
“Are you OK?” Ben looked worried and tried to tamp down his girlfriend’s enthusiasm. “Is this too weird for you?”
“No, Ben. Congrats to you and Mel! You make a beautiful couple.” Though we had separated a year ago, I’d never gotten over Ben. I still loved him and thought that maybe I’d made a mistake breaking up with him. Throughout my sophomore year, I berated myself, wondering if I had jumped to the wrong conclusion about Ben and Melody. He was only in her room laughing. It wasn’t as though I’d caught them kissing.
When the hoped for phone calls never came, I knew I wasn’t wrong about Ben. Today confirmed it.
“Let me know when your album drops. I’ll be sure to buy a copy.”
I walked away because I couldn’t stop from wanting to cry. It ripped me up to see my only boyfriend with my sister. It was that much worse to see him so much happier with her than with me.
“Mar?” Ben had followed me to the drink table. “Are you really all right?”
You’ve known me all my life, Ben. What do you think? What happened to your promise of our forever?
“I’m a little surprised, that’s all. I’m sorry if I didn’t appear happy for you and Mel. She’s the inspiration you’ve been searching for; I’m glad you found her.”
“I hope we can stay friends?”
“Of course,” I answered with a whisper. “Mel’s my sister and you’ve been my friend since birth. We will always stay friends.”
“Sweetheart? What’s wrong?” Mom found me in a dark room, crying.
“Ben and Mel are together.”
Mom sighed and brought my sobbing body into her own. “Is that why you came home early? I thought you might stay up in Manhattan Beach for a while. I was hoping you and Ben might work things out.”
“I saw them together last summer, Mom. They weren’t doing anything wrong, but I saw the look in their eyes and I knew they were in love.”
“So that’s why you broke up with him? Were you giving him a way out, or did you want to escape the pain?”
“I haven’t escaped the pain since I broke up with him. Day after day, I hoped he’d call. I thought, maybe, he might beg me to get back together with him. We were each other’s first love—at least that’s what he was to me. To lose him to my sister kills me.”
“Ben Howard might have been your first love, but that doesn’t mean there will be no more loves in your life. You are young, Marni. You will fall in and out of love several more times before you meet the man.” Mom continued to cradle me. I was like a wilted flower in her arms. She was the strength to hold me upright.
“I’ve lost my love and my best friend, Mom. Will I find both again?”
“You will, my baby girl. I promise you, you will,” Mom whispered.
Chapter 3 Noah (Past)
Always Something There to Remind Me ~Naked Eyes
“I still can’t get over how motherly you are. This is so not you,” I told a glaring Marni.
“And what is me?” She stopped what she was doing and demanded an answer.
Perhaps it wasn’t smart of me to make fun of the woman trying her hands at making chicken noodle soup in my dorm room. For two days now, I had been severely under the weather.
“You know, if you cause a fire, the school will kick us both out.”
“Is this the appreciation I get for going out of my way to get to the grocery store and prepping all these ingredients, so you might feel a little better from this cold and hacking cough?”
I coughed in response. “Where the hell did you clean and quarter a whole chicken? Did you ask the food hall if you could use their kitchen?”
“Are you insane, Noah Bergstrom? I didn’t clean and quarter anything. I begged the butcher to cut the chicken like this and I bought pre-sliced veggies.”
“I think it would have been much cheaper to go to the local diner and buy the soup. You could have bought me a Boston Cream Pie to go with this meal.” The smirk didn’t help my cause. Marni was thoroughly annoyed with my kidding. “And by the way, I believe my mom uses a whole chicken when she makes me soup.” She looked about ready to chuck every piece of chicken my way.
I didn’t care. I was psyched she wanted to take care of me!
Coming down with a nasty cold this week was the best thing to happen to our non-existent relationship. Never in my wildest dreams did I think she’d go this far to take care of me.
“Um, Marni?” She gave me a now what? look. “Not to be the bearer of bad news but I think my cold might be gone by the time the soup is done cooking.” That was the last damn straw. Her body froze at my comment, and I saw her packing up.
As irritated as Marni was, I couldn’t help laughing at the small camping burner she brought to cook a large pot of soup. We’d get salmonella eating a soup with raw chicken sitting in tepid water.
“Don’t go,” I whined and coughed more for effect. “I’m so sick. I need you to take care of me.” It wasn’t a bright idea to hug anyone, but I wrapped my arms around her like a worn-in, favorite blanket. “Let me help you finish this and let’s watch a movie together. I’ll feel much better if you’ll lay with me on my bed and watch Roman Holiday.”
As soon as Marni’s body relaxed, I knew I was in good standing again. “You’re going to help?”
“Yes, ma’am!” That wasn’t the right thing to promise. She made me assemble the soup, go fetch a tub of water, and drive the pot to a friend’s apartment so it could cook on his stovetop. “Now what part of ‘yes, ma’am’ meant I’d make my own soup?”
“It was when you were a jerk and made fun of my efforts. Are you sure your friends will take care of the soup?”
“Jack and Jill promised to call us when it was done.”
“Are their names seriously Jack and Jill?”
“Yep.” I walked to the TV and took out the DVD of my favorite movie.
“You’re into Audrey Hepburn?” She sounded surprised.
“What man isn’t?” Without an answer or a hesitation, she crawled into bed and waited for the movie to begin. “Have you seen this before?”
“No. I assume you have?”
“Oh, a time or two.” I winked and joined her in bed.
It was nice having Marni so close. Though she didn’t lay down as I requested, she allowed me to lay my head on her thigh.
“She’s so beautiful.”
“She is,” I agreed. “Have you ever been to Rome?” Marni shook her head, no. “Would you like to go?”
“Um, yeah. One day.”
“Did you see that our school is offering a semester in Rome?”
“I saw.”
“Your roommate, Sylvia, tells me you’re considering going.”
Marni laughed. “Looking at a flyer and wishing to see Rome is not the same as ‘considering going.’ It’s a lot of money and I’d be away from Mom for almost six months.”
I considered what she said and wondered how to sweeten the deal for her. “Would it sway your decision if I said I’d go with you?”
The woman sitting on my bed froze. “For the semester?”
“Um, yeah.” I copied her words and tone. “Were there other options I wasn’t aware of, Ms. Montgomery?”
“But it’s for art history majors. You’re an engineering major.”
“I’m a fan of art history. There’s no saying I can’t take engineering classes in Rome. Believe it or not, I
’m smart enough to take both types of classes.”
“No one doubts your brain power, Noah. I’m wondering why you’d want to do this.”
“I love Rome. I like you. It would be fun to spend a semester abroad. This is part of being a collegian. Sylvia wants to go too.” I spoke all the reasons that popped into my head. “You need more?” She was slow in answering so I gave her all the support necessary. “I’d like to throw a coin in the Fontana di Trevi with you. You haven’t lived history until you’ve seen The Roman Colosseum. You can’t call yourself an art history student unless you’ve seen Musei Vaticani. And finally, you haven’t seen a romantic scenery until you’ve seen Venice. Enough?”
“I’ll talk to Mom and see if this might be a possibility.” Though the answer wasn’t one hundred percent positive, I liked the spirit. These were definite words of encouragement. “All those reasons you mentioned…”
“Yeah?”
“I want them too.”
The curl of her lips gave me the courage to pull her from her ninety-degree, upright position, to a horizontal one directly in front of me.
Life was moving along exactly as I envisioned—slowly but most definitely.
Chapter 4 Ben (Present)
We Are Family ~Sister Sledge
“Remind me never to do that ever again!” I bemoaned after taking my first sip of coffee.
“Trust me, I will.” Mar agreed without hesitation.
“That trip to Disneyland was the most ridiculously expensive and exhausting day, ever. Ali was a nightmare to put to sleep this morning; she is still overstimulated.”
Mar laughed at me. I could tell she, too, was tired. “But Ali loved it—at least while she was there. I think we have a future princess on our hands. Did you see her wide-eyed fascination when all the princesses walked by her in the parade?”