by Cee, DW
“Good morning.” Jackie’s early morning grin could bring out a smile from the most hardened hearts.
“I assume by the stack of waffles, bacon, and fruit compote, you were the first one up?” was my greeting to the grandmother who had everything under control at six-thirty in the morning. “Hello, Munchkin.” I picked up my daughter and kissed her syrupy face. “What would we do without Grandma Jackie?”
“You’ll never find out.” Jackie answered as she poured me a cup of coffee.
“You brew the best cup of coffee, Jackie.” It wasn’t a false statement. She whipped up magic in the kitchen.
“How about a cup for your daughter?” Marni pulled the exact same routine as she picked up her niece and kissed her all over the face. “You taste so yummy, Alice.” Her niece squealed when Mar pretended to slurp off all the syrup from her neck. “Can I have some?”
“Mamamama!” Alice joined in the fun, rubbing her breakfast-laden face all over Mar’s.
“Are we missing out on all the fun?” Ali enjoyed rubbing faces with everyone. Grandma and Grandpa Howard wouldn’t miss out on any of the action.
“You’re out early, today.”
“Yep. Gotta get some work done before the premiere tonight.”
“How do I need to dress?”
“They want all of us in fancy attire.”
“How fancy?”
“Fancy!”
“Damn. I need to go shopping.”
“Ooh, Mar. Let’s all go shopping after Alice’s morning nap.” Mom always loved shopping.
“How about you ladies allow me some quality time with my granddaughter while you shop to your hearts’ content?”
Three smiling faces agreed with Dad.
Chapter 10 Marni (Past)
Falling ~Ray Orbison
“This is crazy! Summer is almost over and we’ve barely spoken to one another. How did this happen?” Noah inquired during our most recent phone call.
After my sister’s wedding, I easily fell into a routine at Mom’s. The PR agency that gave me a summer internship forced me into a nine-to-six workday. I was called into work most Saturdays as well. With my non-paying job eating up daylight and the time difference between San Diego and Noah’s trendy destinations, keeping in touch wasn’t easy.
“Where are you, today?” It had been too long since we’d seen each other. I wished I could visit him.
“I’m in Morocco with Dad until the end of the week, and then I’m forced to go home so I can get ready for school.”
“It’ll be weird to attend school without you.” Meals wouldn’t be the same without Noah sitting with Sylvia and me, commenting on every dish.
“You’ll miss me?” Though this question irked me, I took it in stride. It was my fault that I wasn’t as demonstrative with him. It was hard to fall head-over-heels for Noah when I wasn’t sure our relationship would survive the distance. After Ben, I was wary of the time apart. “Can you actually admit you miss me now?”
“Of course I miss you.”
“Really? It’s not believable when you say these things. I thought you were avoiding me all those times we couldn’t connect.”
“I don’t understand why you’re doubting me.”
There was a hearty laughter on the other line. “You can barely admit you like me. What would make me believe this crazy conversation? You’re still half in love with your new brother-in-law.”
His criticizing hurt deeply. I teared up immediately. “Um, hey. Mom’s calling. I think it’s dinner time. Talk to you later.” I couldn’t wait for a reply before hanging up. Noah didn’t even have a chance to call out my name to stop me.
Taking deep breaths, I stared out my window and cleared my mind of unwanted complications. Noah and I were trying for a relationship. Ben should’ve been the last person on my mind—though he wasn’t anywhere near the bottom of my list. I hadn’t spoken to the happy couple since their wedding and didn’t expect to see them until Christmas—assuming we were meeting at my dad’s.
“Mar?” Mom lightly tapped on my window.
“Yeah?” I answered while wiping the tears with the back of my hands.
“What’s the matter?” My mother was the greatest. She inquired without prying, loved without hovering. No matter what happened, she would always be my best friend.
“Noah called.” I explained our brief conversation.
“So the tears are because of Noah’s hurtful tone or because of Noah’s truthful statement?”
“You are scary observant.” I giggled.
Mom giggled with me. “So which is it?”
I hated to admit, “I think it’s the latter.” The sigh that left me was gargantuan. “Why am I such a loser, Mom? I have a great guy in Noah, but I can’t forget Ben.”
Mom hugged me. “You lost your first love and best friend. You’re entitled to be heartbroken. No one would blame you if you cried and threw a few fits.” Mom kept staring at the phone that wouldn’t stop ringing. “Are you going to put Noah out of misery?”
Will call you later. I texted quickly and shut down the phone.
“When do you suppose this will all be behind me?”
“When you decide to stand in front of it.” With such wisdom, I had no response. “I’ll see you in the morning?”
“I’ll still be here.” Mom didn’t doubt for a moment that I’d be all right. She had more confidence in her daughter than her daughter had in herself.
The weekend was busy with Mom and me packing up my school supplies. We decided to take a road trip through Vegas, ultimately landing in Colorado. I picked up the copious messages from Noah and answered back succinctly but with care. I didn’t want him to think I was upset with him. He had done nothing wrong. It was all me. I was the loser who couldn’t keep my emotions intact.
“What’s the schedule for Vegas?” I asked Mom. She offered to be our travel agent during our road trip.
“We are checking into the hotel and I have a surprise for you.”
“A surprise? What kind of surprise?” What could possibly be here for me?
“You’ll see in a few minutes.” Mom grinned.
Pulling into this city that was always scorching hot in August, we did some shopping at Caesar’s Palace before checking into our room.
“Why are you knocking on our room when you have the key?” Mom was acting strange.
The answer came in the form of two arms fiercely embracing my body. “Marni,” Noah whispered with a desperate edge.
“How?” I turned to my mother and asked.
“I’ll see you two for dinner.” She looked proud to have brought us together.
“Hey.” He kissed me lightly on the lips once the door was closed. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too. I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel bad. I really did try and communicate with you since that phone call.”
“Talk to me, Mar.” He led me to the two chairs and got his wish. I couldn’t stop babbling.
“You were right and I felt guilty that you understood me so well. Without a lie or an exaggeration, I really like you. But I’m scared.”
“What scares you?”
“First, the distance scares me. All I see are images of you finding someone in New York and me not knowing about it until it’s too late. That’s the only kind of long-distance relationship I know.”
“Marni.” Noah complained. “You can’t think all relationships are like yours and Ben’s was.”
“There’s more to this fear.” This confession might turn into a point of contention sometime later, but I felt the need to explain everything in my heart. “You were right about Ben. I’m a total loser for having feelings for my brother-in-law. I’m trying so hard, but I can’t completely tune him out. He was my first everything. Even now, I’m having a hard time letting go. Ben continues to hold a piece of my heart, no matter how much I try to throw the feelings in the incinerator and burn them. I tell you the truth when I say that I really, really, reall
y like you. It kills me that you’ll be so far away. You don’t know how much I’ll miss hanging out and doing all the everyday activities with you. My meals won’t be the same, commuting into campus will be that much lonelier, and my weekends will be completely void of any fun. If I’d known you’d leave after three years, I don’t know that I would’ve started this relationship.”
Noah’s silence made my nerves want to short-circuit. “So what you’re saying is that you’ll have no one to retrieve your gelato during dinner, you’ll have to walk to campus rather than catch a ride in my car, and you might even have to make a few new friends, other than myself and Sylvia, so you can catch a movie here and there?” he teased.
Suddenly, it all clicked.
The 5,000 pieces of my shattered heart formed back into one.
My broken heart didn’t feel so broken anymore.
I belonged; I was a part of something special again.
“Gelato time?” I asked as if nothing serious had happened between us the past minutes.
Noah understood and played along. “Where the hell are we going to find artisan gelato in this city?”
“Between you, me, and gelato, it’ll be Rome all over again.”
We decided against gelato and chose ice cream instead. We parked ourselves on a bench outside the shop, ate made-to-order strawberry ice cream, and drank artisan coffee.
“How did you end up in Vegas?” It was time to ask more questions.
“I called your house number and lucked out catching your mom. After explaining who I was, she gladly gave me your itinerary. We coordinated our schedules so I could come see you before school started.”
“I’m so sorry I made you fly all the way out here.”
“I’m not.” Noah answered. “We haven’t seen each other in months. Traveling can wear a body down and I longed for home.”
“Now I feel even worse for making you take a twelve-hour flight rather than a seven-hour one. If you crave home, you should have returned to New York. I could have come out to see you during the holidays.”
Noah caressed my face with his hand and leaned in for another kiss. “You are what I longed for; you are home to me.”
Our future began with this moment.
Chapter 10 Noah (Past)
Falling ~Ray Orbison
“This is crazy!” I muttered aloud to no one in particular.
I couldn’t believe my schedule for the semester. I should have taken online courses over the summer and finished my B.S. degree. Then I wouldn’t have two extra classes on top of my crazy graduate schedule.
“Hello?” I answered the ringing cell phone.
“Hey. Long time no talk. Where are you these days?”
“Marni! Damn. I forgot to call you again last night. It’s been so crazy with school. I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right. I know you’re busy.”
It seemed like forever since I went on the road trip with my girlfriend and her mom. We started in Vegas and had a ball watching shows and eating good food. Then, I travelled with them to my alma mater and helped Marni set up her apartment. I stayed until the very last moment knowing once we were separated, we probably wouldn’t see one another until Thanksgiving. Since that fateful day two weeks ago, we spoke maybe once every other day. Between school, work, and the naval program my father and Admiral di Rossi helped me enlist in, there was hardly time to eat, breathe, and sleep.
“I miss you.” I hoped she believed me. These days, I was more an absentee boyfriend than a convincing one.
“I miss you, too. How are classes?”
“Kicking my ass. I should have stayed another year in school with you. This wasn’t a good idea.”
“You’ll do great. Knowing you, you’re probably trying to get ahead of the class with extra reading during your spare time.” I couldn’t get a gauge on Marni’s thoughts. She sounded neither happy nor upset. That was disturbing. I would have preferred she complain about my lack of attentiveness.
“What did you and Sylvia do over Labor Day?”
“Nothing much. We hung out with some of the other seniors in our complex. What did you do?”
“There was a naval event I had to attend. My dad is here so we hung out for a few days.” I didn’t fully explain that we hung out at the di Rossi residence. Marni didn’t need to worry over unnecessary facts.
“I’m glad you spent some time with your dad. Did he get to see his…”
“Noah!” Siena grabbed me from behind and kissed my cheek loudly enough for Marni to hear. “Who are you talking to? I’m starving. Let’s go back to that pizza joint and ice cream shop you took me to last night. That was a fantastically fattening meal. I loved it!” There was no other volume than loud and exuberant with Siena.
I, on the other hand, was shitting bricks. Dinner with Siena was not a part of all-the-reasons-why-I-haven’t-called-you conversation with Mar.
“Mar?” I hushed Siena the best I could but she only laughed at me. “Let me call you tonight? I promise to call.” That was me begging, beseeching.
“Hello?” Siena grabbed the phone and added, “He might be too busy to call tonight. He’ll be at my place studying.”
“Siena!” I warned. “Marni? Sorry about that. I’ll call and explain everything later, OK?” That would buy me a few hours to think over how to get out of this predicament.
“Sure. Bye.” I didn’t know what was worse—that Marni hadn’t hung up on me trying to sound indifferent, or that she had heard our entire exchange.
“Damn you, Siena. Now I’m going to be in trouble with my girlfriend.”
“Girlfriend? You mean you really have a girlfriend? I thought I was first in line to fill that role.” With a wide grin, she flung her arms around me and kissed the other cheek this time. “You’re hurting my feelings, Noah Bergstrom. I thought I was the only woman for you.”
“I told you about Marni. She and I’ve been together since the end of last school year.”
“Is she that redheaded Audrey Hepburn look-a-like? I told you I was deathly jealous of her.” Her pout was nothing short of adorable.
“Siena,” I laughed with her. This girl was a ball of fun all the time. “My schedule’s been a bitch for our relationship, but we’re doing well. Don’t…” She stopped my warning with a quick and surprising kiss to my lips.
“You, Noah Bergstrom, were the best damn boyfriend I’ve ever had. Caring, loving, gentle, and devoted—you were all that and more. Marni’s gain is my loss.”
When she sadly placed her head on my chest and her arms wrapped around my waist, I had no choice but to return the affection. This look of two lovers caressing was beautiful, except the person I was holding wasn’t the one I loved.
“You’ll meet someone who’ll fall madly in love with you and fall in line with all your wild plans. You’re a special woman. I’ve never regretted our relationship.”
“Did you love me, Noah? I mean truly love me when we were all of eighteen-years-old?”
Her hold on me was an uncomfortable one. “I did. You were my first love and will always have a special place in my heart,” I admitted.
“But not now?” she whined like a little girl.
I couldn’t answer her. It would be a lie to say I didn’t love Siena. To a small degree, I’d always love her. Considering I was holding a woman who was not my girlfriend, that confession wasn’t wise.
“Let’s go have dinner. I have tons of work to do tonight.”
“Ice cream, too?” She perked up. This person holding onto me might look like a sensuous woman in her twenties, but she’d always have the outlook of a sixteen-year-old—fun and optimistic.
“Ice cream, too.” Eventually, I unwound myself from Siena’s physical hold.
After dinner, dessert, and studying with a group of classmates at the campus coffee shop, my bed was a most welcome sight.
Even with the time difference, it was too late to call Marni.
Tomorrow would be another day to explain my rela
tionship with Siena.
Chapter 11 Ben (Present)
Remember When ~Alan Jackson
“You. Look. Stunning!” Unfiltered truth spilled out of my mouth when I saw Mar all dressed up.
“She does, doesn’t she?” Jackie was proud of her beautiful daughter who resembled her in all ways but in hair color.
Back when we were dating, I was mesmerized by Marni’s red hair. It was thick and soft and begged to be touched. Seeing her should-length hair down, shaping her face, I wanted to run my fingers through memory lane.
“Thanks…everyone…” Mar was nervous. Why, I had no clue. “Ali didn’t nap well today and she was restless falling asleep tonight. I hope she’s not coming down with anything. Will you make sure she’s all right?” She asked the three adults in charge. “Check up on her every hour?” She spoke to the nodding heads. “I should stay home.” Now she turned to me. “Ben. Take your mom instead. I’m going to go lay with Ali and make sure there’s nothing wrong.”
I literally turned her toward the door and pushed her out with both hands. Her spiky heels helped my cause and forced her to take steps in the direction I pushed.
“Good-bye!” All the grandparents waved.
“I would feel so much better if you let me stay with Alice. If your mom doesn’t want to go, take your dad. Take my mom. I’m sure she’ll love attending a premiere.”
Mar’s nervous rant and hesitation made me wonder if this was a bad idea. Was this situation awkward for her? Was it because of Noah? Was it me? Was she not looking forward to this time?
Since morning, I thought about how fun it would be to be in Marni’s company again. Of course, there were no improper thoughts concerning us. I only remembered how much fun we used to have when we were kids; we used to be the best of friends.