by Grant Hunter
‘So what should I do?’ I asked.
‘Suppose you’re out looking for a summer job?’
‘As if they were any!’
Jen looked at me and shook her head.
‘With that attitude, you won’t find anything for sure. Go, have a shower. Get dressed and then find that job.’ She laughed, walked up the stairs and cried back: ‘If that doesn’t work, I will help you. I have many connections.’
When I turned, he stood in front of me; as if he had been waiting in the hall until Jen disappeared.
‘Justin?’
‘Have you been running?’
I shrugged.
‘I err... I want to apologise,’ he said.
‘You don’t have to.’
‘Yes. I gave you the wrong impression of me.’
He came closer, sneaky like a snake. Maybe I could ignore him? I gazed outside, through the window, towards the sun-drenched backyard, where Joy was talking to Robin.
‘Sorry, Justin. This is not the right moment, I have to take a shower.’
‘Is there ever a good time to accept apologies?’
‘Listen. I have no idea what you are talking about. And what does it really matter what I think of you?’
‘I...’
‘Believe me. I don't give a shit. If you like to read comics, cutting and pasting them, it’s your choice. It is not some state secret or something.’
He nodded. ‘Yes, it is, Naomi. I found something. A secret. I hope you want to see it.’
Why me? The thought shot through me. Why do I always attract psychopaths?
‘I have other things on my mind. Like how I will get through this month for God’s sake.’
‘Financial problems?’ Justin asked.
‘I’m sorry, but I don’t want to bother you with that.’
‘You don’t have to apologise.’
How could I get rid of him? Maybe I just had to get up and walk to my room. But Justin folded his hands and looked at me insistently. I felt uncomfortable. ‘I can lend you money...’
‘You know, Justin. It’s not that bad,’ I said calmly, while I turned away from him.
‘Please, Naomi. Let me help you.’
Goose bumps covered my body. He made me feel oppressed.
‘Rather not,’ I whispered while I walked into the garden. ‘I’ll sort it out myself.’
9
‘You look hungry.’
Joy laughed like a cackling hen as I was standing in front of her at the picnic table.
‘Help yourself,’ she said. Her words were friendly, but her tone was icy.
Robin grinned from behind his newspaper. Avoiding the dark look from Joy.
‘I eh... I just wanted to speak to you.’
Robin closed the newspaper, stood up with a jump, took his cup of coffee and gave me a wink when he walked away from us. Red spots jumped on Joys face and neck. Was this the right moment? Of course not. She shoved the bread basket in front of my nose and pointed it out.
‘Eat them, otherwise they will go in the bin.’
I was hungry, so I grabbed two soft buns and filled them with ham. Joy watched speechless at the way I ate.
‘My goodness, you are starving.’
I laughed sheepishly because I had to chew and swallow for a long time before I was able to speak.
‘What did you want to discuss?’ Joy asked.
I took a gulp of tea. Sighed. Sat upright and cleared my throat. In my mind I heard the warning from Jen. But I felt I had to tell Joy the truth.
‘I eh... Well, I-I’ve been fired.’
‘So?’
‘Well. I was wondering if err... if I can postpone the payment of the rent for a week or two... or maybe three.’
‘Postpone?’
I felt my cheeks turning red. ‘That I’ll pay the rent next month instead of next week?’
She shook her head. ‘No. I really can’t do that.’
‘But I’ve almost paid everything back.’
The corners of my mouth went down by themselves. I got a lump in my throat.
‘You’re always running behind with the rent.’
‘Yes, so? After all, I pay you everything in the end? Does this have to do with Robin?’
She nudged her cup. Nervously wiped up the tea that ran over the table, with a cloth. ‘What makes you think that?’
‘Well... Sorry. Never mind.’ Maybe arguing would make things worse, I thought. ‘Come on, please, Joy! If I find a job today, I won’t get my first salary for a few weeks...’
Joy stood up and loaded the tray with more food. Then she looked at me and smiled.
‘You know, Naomi… You have to learn to be responsible for yourself. It will not help you by borrowing money.’
She sounded like my father. His words shot through my head; "I’m not helping you by always giving you money. You come back home, if you can’t make it on your own." But I absolutely did not want that.
‘... and therefore I will help you by not giving you a postponement. I’ll treat you like all the others in this house. If you don’t pay the rent next week, I’ll rent your room to someone else.’
‘You don’t mean it!’
‘Oh, I certainly do. Otherwise why don’t you ask your parents?’
She turned and walked away. I stayed there. Lost. Staring at the lawn and the hammock that we all bought together last month. I didn’t want to leave this place. I should have listened to Jen.
I walked to the hammock and let myself slide into it. For a moment I sunk in my own misery. In the background I heard the breaking of glass. Then Joy started to shout. It helped me. I closed my eyes as I heard her sweeping the pieces of glass together.
‘Hey, beautiful.’
A penetrating scent. Exactly the same as a few nights ago when he pushed me in the toilet against the wall and kissed my neck. I said nothing, hoping that Robin would leave me alone.
‘You don’t really make a lot of friends.’
I sighed, coughed and gave him a grumpy look. Of course I liked him! I realized. Handsome, dark and confident. Totally wrong personality and exactly my type.
‘That’s none of your business.’
He gave me a smile.
‘Ouch! Got out of bed on the wrong side?’
‘What do you want?’
‘I err... actually I came to apologize.’
‘It’s your turn.’
‘My turn? Hm.’
I rolled my eyes.
‘Sorry. It wasn’t my intention... what happened in the toilets the other day. I thought...”
‘Hm?’
‘Well yes, I thought you wanted it. You gave me that idea.’
My cheeks glowed and I felt strange. Sick, but in a good way. Do not do it! Just don’t respond, it’s a trap.
‘You were wrong,’ I lied.
‘It seems so. I’m really sorry. I would never do anything against someone’s wishes, but with you...’
‘What?’ My face drained of colour.
‘You know.’
‘Well, I don’t feel like it, Robin. You play games.’
I jumped out of the hammock, but noticed just too late that my foot was hooked, causing me to fall over. Two hands grabbed me just in time and pulled me up. Robin smiled and stared at me. His dark hair hung over his left eye. ‘Let me go,’ I heard myself mutter.
‘You can’t hide it, Naomi,’ he continued. ‘I see it in your eyes. The same look as the day before yesterday. Greedy, hungry. Don’t deny it, you like me.’
I clenched my fists. I almost gave him a punch. Or maybe I would have kissed him. Just like a few days ago.
‘You’ve got it wrong, Robin. I’m not like all your other victims.’
‘You can’t hate me. Not really.’
I shrugged, indifferent.
‘Naomi, don’t do that. I’ve heard Joy is out. Shopping, so we can talk freely.’
‘She wants me to go away.’ Tears sprang from my eyes.
‘Don’t cry.
I will not let that happen.’
A warm feeling engulfed me. Had I been mistaken about him? He wiped a tear from my cheek, held my face and pressed his warm lips against mine. There it was again. I couldn’t resist. Everything tingled, up into my legs. I could fall over any moment. At last I felt safe. Before I realised it myself I threw my arms around his neck and I answered his kiss. My heart knocked so hard that I thought it would explode. No Naomi, what are you doing now? This is not possible. You are not like that.
‘Robin let me go.’
‘Why?’
‘I don’t know...’
‘Are you OK? You don’t look well.’
‘It’s...’ I sighed deeply and my words came out slowly.
‘You can trust me,’ he said.
‘Something happened to me, before I came here. He, he...’
Robin softly stroked my cheek. ‘Yes?’ ‘Well, I want to be honest with you. I had problems in the Netherlands. Someone, a man, ...’ My breath stuck in my throat, words I wanted to speak were swallowed, but my gaze said enough.
‘You were raped? Is that it?’
‘I think so.’
‘What. You think so?’
‘Yes. It was thanks to the therapy. I withheld it. But then the threatening letters and the weird phone messages began, so I came here…’
Before I could finish my sentence he let me loose.
‘What do you mean? That you ran away?’
I bit my lip to keep my tears in.
‘S – Sometimes I’m scared and confused. S-Sorry, I shouldn’t have told you.’
He slid his hand over my cheek. ‘I’m glad you did, Naomi. You can trust me. I’ll never hurt you...’
Excitement filled me as he bit my neck and whispered; ‘… I’ll show you.’
He took my hand, and I followed him inside, through the narrow kitchen, into Joy’s bedroom. Robin closed the door and drew me to the bed.
‘I-I don’t know... J-Joy,” I said.
‘Shhh. Forget her.’
He kissed my neck, gently. His lips were everywhere. On my mouth, on my cheeks. On my breasts. Stroking fingers slipped over my tense body, searching for the right spots.
‘Robin…’ I moaned.
‘I want to see you naked.’
He let me loose and I pulled my clothes off. In a smooth and practised motion. A light breeze from the open window cooled my feverish body. His hungry eyes scanned every inch of my body.
‘Fuck. You’re really hot.’
My legs trembled as I saw him grab a condom out of his pocket, just before he dropped his pants. Before I could say anything he leaned over and pushed me on the bed. He kissed my doubt away. His sweaty body stuck to me.
‘I’ll need you to trust me, Naomi.’
‘I don’t…’
He frowned. ‘Then I’ll stop.’
‘No. Don’t stop.’
He smiled. ‘Crazy Dutch girl.’
I slapped his face and got a confused look as an answer. Immediately thereafter, that smile again.
‘I hate you,’ said a voice. It was my voice, but it sounded like it came from another woman.
He kissed me fervently, as if nothing had happened and then I knew that my hatred would never win. All my thoughts disappeared as his hands slipped down.
‘Say it,’ he whispered.
‘I...’
He pressed himself firmly against me. ‘I want to hear you say it, Naomi. I want you to say you want it.’
I closed my eyes and gave a muted, high pitched scream when he bit gently into my neck. But then he let me go.
‘D-don’t stop, Robin.’
‘Say it...’
I Smiled and opened my legs.
‘Damn. You are teasing me, Naomi.’
‘What if Joy comes back?’ I whispered.
‘Joy and I have a special relationship. She doesn’t mind. You know what? Every time I fuck Joy, I think of you…’
‘Really?’
‘Yes.’
‘I want you to do it. Robin. I want you to fuck me.’
At the same time, I heard the bedroom door open. Someone entered the room and I went rigid.
‘Shit. Joy!’ I cried startled.
Robin just carried on with the stroking. I realized I couldn’t move, as an invisible force just kept me on the bed. Joy just stood there, watching us, at the edge of the bed, and Robin pushed my legs even further open. ‘She is ready,’ he whispered. I couldn’t believe what was happening.
At last, Robin rolled away from me and walked up to Joy. Robin went behind her, touched her and whispered something in her ear. Her gaze wandered to a teddy bear on top of the closet, as if she had to ask for permission. Nervous, worried, I giggled. Joy closed her eyes when Robin pulled her dress over her head.
Robin took Joy on the bed. He leant over her and began to kiss her breasts. My God. Were they going to do it? While I am here? I thought.
This was the point I had to jump up, had to walk away. But I did not do it; afraid to be put on the street, so I stayed when Joy touched me. I heard Robin in the background whispering softly that she was doing it right.
‘Don’t resist,’ Joy muttered. ‘Thanks to Robin you can stay. You do not have to pay me for the next month if you are going to cooperate.’
‘If I cooperate?” I said out of breath. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You must satisfy us.’
‘W-what?’
‘We like to share. Or did you think you might have Robin for yourself? You want him to fuck you, right? You said it, so let him…’
My whole body shook when Robin grabbed my hips and pushed himself slowly into me, whispering in my ear he always dreamt of this.
10
I stared at the floor, as Jen shook her head. Even after an hour of cold showering, my body was still glowing from what had happened.
‘What did you do?’
‘You seem shocked. Robin has made sure I can stay. Joy would have thrown me onto the streets without a pardon.’
‘But if I understand correctly you are now their personal sex slave?’
Jen’ mouth gaped open when she said it.
I shrugged.
‘Robin made it alright, I didn’t really mind.’
With her hands shaking, Jen handed me a cup of tea. We were sitting on the floor in her room, in what she called her Japanese sitting area. I just called it her carpet with cushions corner.
‘Thank you.’
Gently I blew into the hot water.
‘You really need a boyfriend, Naomi. You are playing with fire.’ She stood up, walked to her bookshelf and shifted the statue of the owl that kept the books in place.
‘It was my first threesome,’ I said softly.
Jen walked up to me and put her hand on my shoulder. Then leant over me, curious as always.
‘Tell me everything. How was it?’
I shrugged. She took a place next to me again and stared at me.
‘I don’t know how to explain that.’
‘Try.’ She laughed strangely and looked past me, as if something was much more interesting behind me.
‘It was... it was, I don’t know...’
‘Thrilling?’
I bit my lip and searched for the right words.
‘Yes, right? I see it in your face, Naomi.’
‘If you want to know what it’s like, you have to try it yourself.’
She blinked at me.
‘Are you serious? So you’ve already done that!’
She mumbled agreement.
‘But I didn’t expect it from you. You really surprised me, Naomi. Who knows maybe you want to join The Net X?’‘Eh... Net X? I have no idea what you are talking about.’
Jenny didn’t reply. She just stared at a point behind me again. I became nervous about her vacant gaze and I wanted to change the subject.
‘By the way, do you know who wanted to lend me money?’
Jen spilt tea over her trousers and cursed. I waited patie
ntly until she had put her cup aside.
‘Justin.’
‘Mr. Creepy? Really?’
I Nodded and blew the steam from my tea.
‘Did he not found a kind of code in his comic books?’
‘Yes, in his manga comics. He asked me to come and see his room.
She shook her head. ‘I don’t know what to think of him. Without Josh I would sometimes feel quite unsafe in this House.’
‘I know.’
‘Why don’t you call that guy? What is his name again? Gabe? He was really super sweet, and more importantly: he was really worried about you.’ She sighed. ‘You attract the wrong kind of men. Why not give this nice guy a chance? So you’ll forget about mister eyeliner.’
Of course she was right. I knew that, too.
‘This shit is bad for your Karma, Naomi.’
‘I don’t believe in that. Just as little as you believe in predictive dreams. And you know, I’ve been mistaken about Robin. He has helped me stay here.’
‘No, Naomi. You have not been mistaken. You... you...’ She didn’t finish her sentence.
‘Don’t worry about me, Jenny. It will be fine.’
‘I really want the best for you. This cannot continue. You make wolves hungry. What do you think will happen now? From now on you are their slave.’
‘What else can I do?’
Jen looked at me with her big blue eyes questioning. ‘You know what? Join me the day after tomorrow. Then I’ll introduce you to the right people. You’re ready.’
‘For what? What are you talking about?’
Jen picked up her Japanese mug and took a big sip. ‘Hm, tasty. Do you want a little more tea?’
‘No. You are dodging my question.’
‘It’s a private party. Jack Willow, my Dads’ friend, is a kind of Stage Director. He really knows everyone. I’ll just take you along and you’ll see. Say yes.’
‘A kind of Stage Director?’
‘Yes.’
‘So you are inviting me to your father’s private party?’
‘That’s about it,’ she nodded. ‘Come on, come with us.’
‘Hm. All arranged you said?’
‘Come on, Naomi. Say yes.’
‘Ah, why not.’
She jumped up, pulled me up and hugged me so hard that I almost fell over.
11