Before I Wake

by Rachel Vincent

We blinked out together, and by some miracle we both landed in Nash’s living room at the same time. And Thane was in one piece. “What would have happened if you’d gotten here just an instant before me?” I asked, setting the unconscious reaper’s feet on the ground.

  Tod hauled him over to the only armchair and dropped him into it. “You know how a wishbone works, right?”

  “Ew.” And I was betting we couldn’t get many answers out of half a reaper.

  Nash’s bedroom door opened down the hall and Sabine came out in a bra, still buttoning her jeans, her shirt tossed over one shoulder. Nash was right behind her, in nothing but boxers.

  Sabine burst into laughter the moment she saw me, but Nash stopped cold in the middle of the hall. “What the hell are you wearing?”

  “You look like a blow-up doll come to life,” Sabine said before I could explain, and I could feel my face flame. She pulled her phone from her pocket. “No one’s going to believe this without a picture.”

  “It’s not what it looks like,” I said through clenched teeth. “Take your finger off the button, or I swear you will be in the market for a new phone.”

  “And a new finger,” Tod added.

  “What are you doing here?” Nash asked. “And please skip the part about your outfit. I don’t want to know.”

  “I do,” Sabine said, but we all ignored her. “So, did the costume come with a condom, or is that sold separately?”

  “This coming from the half-naked Nightmare who just rolled out of someone else’s bed,” I snapped, more embarrassed than truly angry. “My shirt got torn in a fight. Yours evidently has a fast-release tab.”

  “What do you want, Kaylee?” Nash demanded again, completely ignoring his brother.

  “We need Sabine to read him.” I stepped aside so they could see Thane, still passed out in the chair. “Quickly. We’re not sure how long he’ll be out.”

  “We?” Nash said, and that’s when I realized he couldn’t see Tod. “I’m guessing my brother’s here somewhere?”

  I glanced at Tod with both brows raised, and he shrugged. “I didn’t think he’d want to see me.” A second later, Nash stiffened and glanced from me to the brother he could obviously see now.

  “Get out,” he growled through gritted teeth.

  “Nash…” Tod started, and I stepped between them when Nash advanced on him.

  “Okay, now, wait a minute,” I said, acutely aware that I was still dressed like a naughty candy striper. “I know this is awkward and embarrassing for everyone, but—”

  “Not for me,” Sabine said.

  “—but we wouldn’t be here if this wasn’t an emergency. So here’s what’s going to happen. Sabine’s going to put her shirt on. I’m going to borrow a shirt. And you two are going to pretend—just for the next fifteen minutes—that you still have something in common beyond DNA.”

  “Oh, I think you’re no-longer-living proof that they share more than that,” the mara said, and I groaned. “Oh, lighten up. This is funny, and you all know it.”

  “I’ll get you a shirt,” Nash grumbled, but before he could even turn toward the hall, Tod pulled his T-shirt off and handed it to me, and I could hear Nash’s teeth grind together.

  Sabine rolled her eyes. “The three of you are enough to drive a mara mad. ‘She can wear my shirt,’” she growled in imitation of Nash. “‘No, she can wear my shirt,’” she said, switching to Tod’s smoother tone. Then Sabine took off down the hall without a glance at any of us. “I have a spare. Come on, Kaylee, before I choke on testosterone and melodrama.”

  I followed her into Nash’s room reluctantly and she closed the door behind us, then pulled a spare T-shirt from her backpack on the floor. Sabine handed me the shirt, then knelt to look for something beneath the bed.

  “Thanks, but I’m not changing in front of you,” I said.

  “Relax.” Her voice was muffled by whatever junk she was pawing through. “I’ve got everything you’ve got, plus a little more on top, and everyone who wants to see you naked is out there. But if you’re that uptight, go invisible.”

  So I did, and when I was sure she couldn’t see me, I took off Em’s dress and laid it across the foot of Nash’s bed.

  “There they are…” Sabine mumbled, pulling some scrap of black material from beneath the bed. I didn’t understand that she’d been looking for her underwear until she started unbuttoning her jeans. “So, what’s with the costume?”

  “I don’t have to explain myself to you,” I said, turning my back to her to pull her shirt over my head. And I wasn’t sure she’d heard me until she answered.

  “You do if you want me to read whoever’s passed out in the living room. What am I supposed to think when you show up here alone, wearing that? I know that move. I’ve made that move.”

  “It wasn’t a move, and I wasn’t alone.” Just because they hadn’t seen Tod at first didn’t mean he hadn’t been there the whole time. “I’m not trying to take Nash from you.”

  “Good, because we had a deal. You die, I get Nash. You even try going back on that, and I don’t care how dead you are, I’ll make you deader.”

  “What is wrong with you?” I demanded, trying to tug the T-shirt down over my navel. But it wasn’t long enough. “You got what you wanted. You and Nash can grow old together and have a whole brood of scary, maladjusted little baby Nightmares, and I’m not going to stop you. I’m dead, and nothing’s going to change that. I love Tod, and nothing’s going to change that, either. We’re facing eternity and the deaths of everyone we’ve ever cared about, with nothing to cling to but each other. So who the hell are you to tell me where I can’t be and what I can’t wear? I don’t answer to you, Sabine!”

  I only noticed she could see me when I realized she was staring straight into my eyes.

  “You love him? Tod, I mean?” she asked, finally pulling her own shirt over her head.

  “Yes.”

  “For real? Like, can’t-live-without-him love him, complete with all the stupid, dangerous shit love like that makes you willing to do?”

  “Yes. My eyes don’t want to open when he’s not there to look at and my hands feel empty when I’m not touching him. It’s the scariest thing I’ve ever felt.”

  The mara nodded, like she understood.

  “He died for me, Sabine. He let Levi kill him, rather than reap my soul, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. So you better hope we’re never put in the position where I have to choose between you and Tod, because I promise things won’t end well for you that day.”

  She stared into my eyes, and if I didn’t know better, I’d swear she was watching my irises swirl. But she wasn’t a bean sidhe, so she couldn’t see that. She was looking for something much simpler. She was looking for the truth. And she must have found it, because she blinked, then nodded, like she was satisfied.

  “Good. That’s what I needed to hear. Let’s go see what scares sleeping beauty.”

  “Sabine.” I put one hand on her arm. “He may be pretty, but I swear he’s evil. For real.”

  She only laughed, like I’d told her water was wet. “All pretty things are, in one way or another.”

  As I followed her down the hall, I tried to figure out if she’d just called me evil or ugly.

  In the living room, Nash and Tod sat in silence on opposite ends of the couch. They both looked miserable. They also looked like they both wanted to say something the other wouldn’t want to hear.

  Nash stood when Sabine knelt in front of the unconscious reaper. “Who is he?”

  “This is Thane,” I said. “He showed up at the hospital and tried to drag me into the Netherworld. And he wanted to make sure Tod would follow us, so I’m guessing he wasn’t there only for me. We’re pretty sure he knows what Avari wants, and hopefully how he possessed Scott twelve hours after he died.”

  “What happened to him?” Sabine asked, eyeing Thane.

  “Tod happened to him,” I said. “Again. Could you go ahead, please? We don’t
know how long he’ll be out.”

  “Don’t get pushy,” Sabine snapped. “I can’t manipulate the fears of the dead, but I should be able to read something from him. I haven’t had much practice, though. Reapers rarely sleep. This one is actually unconscious, but hopefully that’s close enough.” She took his hand, then closed her eyes. “He’s not dreaming. Could someone…open his eyes?”

  The thought gave me chills, but Nash stepped up before I had to admit that.

  “Not sure how much good it’ll do,” Tod said as his brother pulled back on both of Thane’s eyelids at once. “He doesn’t have a soul.”

  “Wow.” Sabine stared into the plain white in the reaper’s eyes. “I’ve never seen that before.”

  Nash frowned. “Wish I could say the same.”

  “You’re right, that doesn’t help,” she said, and he let go of Thane’s eyes. “Okay, let’s try something else. His conscious mind is asleep, but the subconscious never sleeps. Let’s see if we can guide his thoughts, to lead me to his fears.”

  “How?” Tod asked.

  “Um, touch him. We know Avari wants Kaylee’s soul, but we don’t know what he wants with you. Even unconscious, Thane’ll know it’s you touching him, and hopefully he’ll think about you, which will lead me to fears related to you.”

  “Tod’s a rookie. He’s like a baby reaper. Why would Thane be scared of him?”

  “I said fears related to Tod, not fears of Tod,” Sabine said, and Nash scowled, but kept his mouth shut.

  “Okay.” Tod pushed Thane’s sleeve up and laid his bare hand on the other reaper’s arm. “How’s that?”

  Sabine closed her eyes again and took a long, quiet breath. Then she started to speak, softly, like she was afraid she’d wake up the unconscious reaper. “He’s afraid of failing. He’s terrified of what Avari will do if he can’t bring Tod to him.”

  What?

  “Anything else?” Tod whispered, and Sabine’s eyes flew open, her hand still tight around Thane’s.

  “He heard your voice,” she said, and though her eyes didn’t close again, they lost focus, like she was looking at something none of the rest of us could see. “He’s cold, deep down inside and he’s afraid of the cold because it’s foreign. It shouldn’t be in him, and he wants to get rid of it, but he can’t. But as much as he hates the cold, he’s even more afraid of losing it, because once his body’s gone, he’ll truly be at Avari’s mercy. And that’s what he’s afraid will happen if he doesn’t bring Tod.”

  “What cold?” Nash sank onto the couch cushion next to me, like he’d forgotten how mad he was.

  “Demon’s Breath,” I said, then immediately wanted to take the words back. Just saying them couldn’t push Nash into relapse, yet I felt guilty for bringing up such a touchy subject. But once I’d started it, I had to finish. “There’s Demon’s Breath in place of his soul. He wants to get rid of it, but if he does, he’ll lose his body, then Avari can do whatever he wants with Thane’s soul.”

  Nash nodded stiffly.

  “Is that all?” Tod asked.

  Sabine nodded. Then, “Kaylee, you touch him.”

  Both Tod and Nash looked like they wanted to object, but I grabbed Thane’s arm before they could, and Sabine closed her eyes again.

  “He’s scared of you,” she said, almost immediately. “But not scared enough. He’s terrified that you can extract his soul, if he ever gets it back, but he knows that if Avari gets you, you’ll no longer be a threat. Before, he wanted to take you to Avari because he was scared of Avari. But now he wants to turn you over because he’s scared of you.”

  I should have been relieved by that—the big bad reaper was afraid of me. But knowing he was willing to drag me into the Netherworld to eliminate the threat I now represented was enough to wipe out any relief I might otherwise have felt.

  “Avari wants us both?” Tod said, and Sabine nodded slowly.

  “But for different reasons. He’s afraid that if the hellion doesn’t get you, he’ll never let Thane go free. And based on what little I know of Avari, I’d bet he won’t let Thane go even if he does get you,” she said to Tod. “He’s a hellion of greed, right?”

  We all nodded, and if we hadn’t been looking at Sabine, we might have known Thane was awake before he grabbed her by the throat.

  9

  I GASPED AND Tod pulled me out of reach. Nash grabbed for Sabine, but Thane stood and pushed her backward with him. “Who the hell are you?”

  “What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?” Sabine croaked, clutching the hand that held her by the throat at arm’s length. “Did your dad beat you? Your mom leave you? Did your girlfriend kick your balls clear up into the back of your throat?”

  Thane’s eyes widened, and I realized he was surprised into silence for the first time since I’d met him.

  “Whatever it is,” the mara continued, her voice hoarse but audible, “I’m going to top it, if you don’t let me go right now.”

  Thane studied her for another second, like he was debating—or maybe waiting for verbal brilliance to strike. Then his eyes narrowed and he frowned at her, and I could see his grip on her loosen a little. “I remember you. You’re the feisty little firecracker I saw at Kaylee’s house.” When he’d been stalking me, in anticipation of reaping my soul.

  Sabine frowned—she’d never seen him before—and her eyes darkened. Every lightbulb in the room seemed to dim, and chill bumps rose on my arms. “Know what happens when you hold a lit firecracker?” she said, glaring up at Thane, who didn’t answer. “It’ll take your hand clean off.”

  Thane burst into laughter, and Nash edged around the coffee table, closing in on them both.

  “Nash…” Tod warned, but he couldn’t make himself inaudible to another reaper. Not that it mattered. Thane had already seen Nash.

  “Try it, and I’ll kill her,” he said. “Before you can even blink.” The reaper didn’t have to hurt her to kill her. All he had to do was remove Sabine’s soul, and he could do that in an instant. Much faster than I could retrieve a stolen one.

  Nash shuffled backward a few steps, his jaw clenched in fury, hands curled into fists at his sides.

  “And how long do you think that would last, in a room full of bean sidhes?” Sabine demanded, her voice dark and low, but as fierce as I’d ever heard it. “How far do you think you’d get with my soul?”

  “Hmm… Good point,” Thane said, and I exhaled slowly. But he kept talking. “Maybe I’ll take you whole, and let Avari pick and choose the parts he wants.”

  “I’ll kill you,” Nash growled, and Tod edged closer, ready to back his brother up.

  Thane laughed. “I’m already dead.”

  “You could be deader.” Nash was so furious he couldn’t control the twist of fear in his eyes. I could see disaster coming like an out-of-control train, but I couldn’t stop it.

  Sabine glanced at him, then at Tod, and something silent passed between them. Tod nodded, then lunged forward and grabbed Nash by one arm. Nash shouted and tried to jerk free, and I stepped in front of him, trying to warn him. Trying to shut him up. He was too scared for Sabine to see the danger he was putting himself in. Thane could kill him just as easily as he could kill Sabine. In fact, that may have been his plan, to draw Nash close enough to take them both at once.

  If that happened, Tod and I could only save one of them.

  When I finally got Nash to stop shouting and throwing punches that went right through Tod, I realized Sabine was talking. To Thane.

  “…more fears than any reaper I’ve ever met, and I know what they are,” she whispered, and Thane stared at her, mesmerized. “You’re not afraid of your final rest—you welcome it. You crave it. You’re afraid of an eternity spent serving Avari. That’s the thought that leaves you shaking in your tighty-whities, cowering in the corner late at night. You’d do anything to get free from him, wouldn’t you? But taking me won’t help. He wants her.” She let go of his arm to point at me with one hand, and a
spark of fear shot up my spine.

  Was she selling me out? Again? Or was this a distraction?

  “You’re right. So let’s trade.” Thane pivoted with her still in his grip and looked right at Nash. “I’m taking one of them. You decide which.”

  My breath froze in my lungs for the half second it took Tod to pull me to his chest. “No way in hell.” I tried to push him off—I couldn’t help Sabine if I couldn’t move—but he wouldn’t let go, and I didn’t know whether to feel loved or underestimated.

  “You want her back?” Thane demanded, still focused on Nash—he knew better than to bargain with Tod. “Then give me Kaylee. Just scuttle over there and wrest her from the arms of your brother.”

  Nash glanced at me and Tod, and the confusion churning slowly in his eyes scared me.

  “That’s your brother, right? Cain to your Abel?” Thane asked. “I’ve pieced a few things together. They betrayed you, didn’t they—your brother and your girlfriend? They broke your heart and stomped all over your pride, but you can make all that end, right now. Give her to me, and I’ll let this one go. What’s it going to be? Which one will you save?”

  Nash glanced from me to Sabine, then back, his irises churning with intense green twists of anger and brown swirls of fear, and I could practically read confliction in the frown lines etched into his forehead.

  He didn’t know what to do.

  Sabine could see it, too. She was waiting for his decision. And I saw the exact moment she lost patience. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

  The mara wrapped both hands around Thane’s wrist, then tucked her knees to her stomach and let herself hang from his arm—for the fraction of a second it took for him to lose his balance.

  Thane grunted and tried to let go of her, but she clung to him. He tipped over. She hit the floor and Thane fell on top of her, his arm still in her grip. Sabine gave his arm a quick twist and Thane howled as something tore.

  He rolled away from her, and Sabine was on her feet in an instant, feet spread for balance, hands curled into fists. “Get the hell out of here before you really get hurt.”

  Thane stood, holding his wounded arm, staring at all four of us in shock rapidly bleeding into fury. And just before he blinked out of existence, I saw fear closing the gap. He had to go back to Avari empty-handed, with an injured arm.