Fourteen

by C. M. Smith

  “I grew up. Maybe you should do the same. Leave her alone.”

  Kyle and I sat in an awkward silence, and I wondered what he wanted and why he wasn’t out in the hallway with Ashley like he usually was in between classes. I didn’t hear Evan’s voice out in the hallway anymore and breathed a small sigh of relief.

  “I’m still one of the people that you want to talk to, right?” Kyle finally asked.

  “Before I was with Evan, you didn’t want to be seen talking to me either,” I said, looking up at him before going back to my lap.

  “I’m sorry about that, but it’s all different now. Everything’s changed.”

  “Nothing’s changed.”

  “He didn’t do anything all night, Anna. He sat in a corner, looking at his watch every five minutes, and every time I went over to him, all he did was ask if we were done so that he could go home.”

  “Kyle, I’m not—”

  “Yes, he did say those things,” he interrupted. “And no, it wasn’t right. But a lot of shit has changed since then, and he’d take it back if he could. He wants to.”

  “He could go back to being that person—”

  “If he was going to do it, he would’ve done it when you told him to leave you alone. Hell, he wouldn’t have sat outside your house all weekend if he was going to go back to being that person.”

  “How do you know about all of this?”

  “Who do you think he talked to?” Kyle chuckled, resting his elbow on my desk. “He’s all torn up about it.”

  “He really hit Steve?”

  “Why do you think Steve’s been out?”

  “I thought his jaw was just fractured.”

  “Now he’s got it wired shut for the next six weeks and has to eat through a straw.”

  My eyes bulged, and my mouth dropped open. Kyle laughed at me, grabbed my shoulder, and shook me gently.

  “He really told Brittany and Grace to fuck off?”

  “That was my favorite part of the night.”

  “Who put it on my doorstep, Kyle?”

  “Probably one of the girls. They’re vindictive bitches, and they were pissed that Evan wasn’t giving them the time of day anymore.”

  “Makes sense,” I said, tracing the binding on my textbook. “Does Ashley hate me again?”

  “She’s giving you time. I’m just an impatient bastard, and neither one of us ever hated you to begin with. Like I said, everything’s changed, and we’re working really hard to make it up to you.”

  He dropped his hand to my books.

  “Let him talk to you, Anna,” he suggested. “If you still feel the same way after that, then he’ll back off. But let him get it out there so that you know, all right?”

  “Why is he so concerned with making it right?”

  “I’m . . . not at liberty to discuss that with you.” I tilted my head. “Hey, he’s one of my best friends. I can’t do that to him.”

  “Okay, fine.”

  “The game’s Friday night. Why don’t you come?”

  “I’m still grounded.”

  “It would mean a lot if you were there.”

  “It’s not like he’ll even know . . .” I felt a sense of defeat.

  “Oh, he’ll know.”

  “How are you so sure?”

  “He’s developed this Anna Radar in the past few days.”

  “What?”

  He snorted. “He’s aware of you, Anna.”

  “It’s not like he can ignore me, Kyle. According to Adam, I take up the full width of the hallway, you know.”

  “That’s not true, and that’s definitely not what I meant.”

  “Then what are you talking about?”

  “It’s like how I am with Ashley. I’m tuned into her. I know when she’s in a room without seeing her enter, I can hear her voice over a group of other people, and whenever I’m next to her, my body is like a live wire.”

  “That’s . . . that’s how he is with me?”

  “Yeah.”

  “All right,” I relented, holding up my hands. “I’ll ask my dad about it tonight.”

  “That’s all I ask of you.”

  “Liar.”

  “Yeah, well, that’s my personal request. If he knew that I asked you, he’d probably kill me.”

  “How come?”

  “He said that you wanted time, and he’s trying to give that to you. He told me not to push.”

  “And that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

  “Got me what I wanted though, didn’t it?”

  “Mm.”

  “You feel anything for him, Anna?” he asked, his voice low as our other classmates started piling into the room.

  I clenched my jaw, nodding stiffly.

  He grinned at me. “Then I don’t feel bad about it.”

  “Ass.”

  “Who means well,” he quipped, pointing at me before he turned around to face the front. “And is trying to help out his friends.”

  “I’m a friend now, huh?”

  “You always have been.” He tilted his head back, looking at me upside down. “I was a sheep, Anna.”

  “A sheep?”

  “You know . . . follow the leader?” I snorted and he grinned again. “Now I want to be the leader.”

  “Oh, Lord help us all.”

  “You’re not very funny.”

  “I think I’m a riot.”

  “You would.”

  I rolled my eyes and gently smacked his forehead. He scowled at me and then winked before sitting up straight. “Friend,” he said over his shoulder.

  I laughed and looked down at my books again.

  “Say it back,” he demanded, turning around to face me again.

  “What are you, five?”

  “Say it!”

  “Friend.”

  He turned back to the front, seemingly satisfied. I snorted and rolled my eyes, grabbing my pen and tapping it against my books.

  “That’s all I wanted.”

  “Shut up, Kyle.”

  I started doodling on the cover of my textbook as Mrs. Leslie called us to attention and took attendance.

  He was giving me time. He’d demonstrated that this morning, and he’d told Kyle about it. In fact, it seemed that Kyle knew about it all, and as much as it went against everything I’d ever taught myself, I found myself trusting what he said.

  Another thing to add to my list of crazy stuff for the day. Maybe the entire week. Or my entire life.

  On Friday night, I pulled into the parking lot of the school twenty minutes after the game had already started. With my heart in my throat and my hands shaking, I turned off the ignition and looked at the brightly lit baseball field.

  My dad, still completely on Evan’s side, hadn’t hesitated to unground me a day early when I told him what I wanted to do. He’d practically pushed me out the door as soon as dinner was finished and had even threatened to go with me when I told him that I wasn’t sure if I should.

  Kyle had invited me; Evan hadn’t. Maybe he didn’t want me there after all. Maybe they were all planning some elaborate hoax on me that would be revealed during halftime. Then all this time I’d spent protecting myself would have been for nothing, and Evan would win.

  Throwing caution to the wind, I pushed open the car door and slowly stepped out. I walked out to the field, my heart hammering in my chest when I heard the team shouts from the sidelines. I kept my eyes on the field, walking behind the line of people sitting in canvas camping chairs as I made my way to the side of the bleachers. I stood on my toes to look out onto the field over the fence, trying to see if I could find Evan.

  Sighing, I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the side of the bleachers. Maybe I’d be able to blend in with the rest of the crowd.

  I didn’t even know what I came here for. Just because Evan had supposedly developed some kind of radar for me didn’t really mean that he wanted me here. Even if he did see me or came over to me, I had no idea what I’d say to him. The
re really was no reason for me to be here.

  I knew what my heart wanted, and I knew what my head was telling me, and neither of them ever agreed with each other. After so long of being the butt of every joke, it was so hard to believe that anyone meant what they said.

  Christina and Vince had been the only ones that I could trust and talk to for so long and now that Evan, Kyle and Ashley had been added into the mix, it was as if my entire world was spinning in a different direction. Yesterday at lunch, Christina had told me to give him a chance to explain, and Vince agreed with her. They had both noticed the changes in Evan, and Vince said Evan had been entirely focused on practice, no longer hanging out with his friends and joking with them.

  “Whoever he was on that video, he’s not that person anymore,” he’d said. “I don’t know what you did to him, Anna, but he’s done a complete one-eighty.”

  Vince wouldn’t lie to me. I knew that.

  So why was I so scared?

  “Anna?”

  I looked over my shoulder to see Ashley—her camera swinging at her wrist—and Sherri, Evan’s sister, walking up with big cups of soda.

  “Hey,” I said, forcing a smile.

  “Come sit with us,” Sherri said, grabbing my hand. “Your butt will be numb in five seconds, but you’ll be able to see the game.”

  As Sherri dragged me through the screaming crowd, I tripped over people’s feet and just tried to smile and apologize.

  “Anna!”

  I looked up when I heard Evan’s mother, and my breath caught in my throat as Sherri sat down next to her, pulling on my hand and demanding that I sit between them.

  “Hi,” I managed, smiling awkwardly and sitting down. “It’s nice to see you again.”

  “Hello, Anna.” His father peeked around and smiled at me. “How are you?”

  I’d only met the man once—when I’d gone to his house after the fight with my father—and he intimidated the hell out of me then. This situation wasn’t any better. Who really wants their son’s ex-girlfriend sitting with them during a stupid baseball game? This didn’t make any sense to me whatsoever.

  “Oh, I’m fine,” I said. “You?”

  “I’d be a lot better if Kyle would hit the . . . Yes!” he yelled, standing up and pumping his fist in the air. “Go, go, go!”

  I looked over at Sherri and found that she was on her feet, screaming too. Ashley was cheering as well, her voice rising high above the rest even as she brought the camera up and snapped a few pictures.

  “You’ll get used to this,” Evan’s mom said in my ear, her hand on my arm.

  “I don’t know anything about baseball,” I admitted sheepishly.

  “That’s Kyle, number thirty-four, running toward second base, and that’s Evan, number eight, jumping around by the dugout. Those are really the only two you need to focus on.”

  “How come?”

  “Because we’re biased.” She laughed. “And those are the only two we’re really here for anyway.”

  I looked out to the field.

  “He’s missed you.”

  My breath caught in my throat, and I just sat there, not knowing what to say and thinking that coming here was a very bad idea. She patted my arm and leaned away from me, as I numbly watched Evan smack a bat against the sides of his foot.

  I sat with his family, watching and trying to join in whenever they screamed and jumped around. We were still winning when our school got its third out, and all the players ran together to change positions.

  “We’re gonna go and get something to drink,” Evan’s mom said, stretching. “Do any of you want anything?”

  “No, thanks,” we all said in unison.

  She laughed, grabbing her husband’s hand and leading him down the bleachers.

  “So, Anna.” Ashley leaned back against the abandoned bench behind her and set her empty cup down, “I hear Kyle kind of browbeat you into coming.”

  I shrugged and laughed nervously, playing with the hem of my shirt.

  “He’s been pretty miserable,” Sherri said, propping her feet up.

  “I’m going to talk to him,” I said.

  “When?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Tonight would be good.”

  “He’s kind of busy.”

  “The game doesn’t last all night, you know.”

  “I’m just trying to process everything.”

  “You know the truth, don’t you?” Ashley asked. “I gave him those pictures . . .”

  “Yes, I know. I just . . . I don’t know,” I said, leaning forward to twist a strand of my hair around my finger.

  “We all make mistakes,” Sherri said.

  “I know.”

  “All right, enough,” Ashley admonished. “Sherri, come with me. I want nachos.”

  “You want to come, Anna?” she asked as they stood.

  “No,” I said, sitting up straight. “Thanks.”

  “Do you want anything?”

  “I’m fine, thanks.”

  “All right. We’ll be back.”

  I wished high school and crushes and feelings weren’t always so damn confusing all the time.

  Someone had informed Evan that I was there because as soon as the teams were situated and back in the dugout, Evan popped back out and looked directly at me. I’d wiped my palms on my jeans and tried my best to ignore the fact that his family and Ashley were staring hard at me. We ended up winning the game and everyone rushed the field, hugging, screaming, and laughing as Kyle pranced around in circles. I stayed up in the bleachers, just watching everyone.

  I stood and spotted Evan in the crowd, laughing and slapping Vince a high-five; Kyle tackled the both of them and a random baseball went flying in the other direction. I started down the bleachers and stopped at the bottom, not sure whether or not I should go over to them. He seemed like he was in a good mood, and I didn’t want to be the one to ruin that. He was with his friends and family, and he was celebrating—I truly had no place there.

  Deciding I’d talk to him tomorrow, I turned on my heel, starting in the direction of the parking lot. I dug my keys out of my pocket and played with the key ring as I walked to my car.

  I would talk to him tomorrow. We’d get through the science fair, and then we’d hash everything out. I wanted to get it all sorted out with him, and if that meant staying up half the night—oh, Dad will love that—then I’d do it. He’d wormed his way into my heart at some point, and dammit if I didn’t want him back there.

  “Anna!”

  I turned to see Evan running toward me, the sound of his cleats obnoxiously hitting the pavement. I stopped and fidgeted with my key ring again as he stopped in front of me.

  “Hey,” he said, breathless.

  “Hi. Uh, congrats on the win,” I said, nervously biting the inside of my cheek. “You did really well.”

  “Thanks. Are you leaving?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Oh. I, uh . . . I’m sorry that Kyle asked you to come . . .”

  “Please don’t be.”

  “I told him to leave you alone until . . . but he’s just . . .”

  “It’s okay.”

  He looked down at the ground, shifting from foot to foot as he rubbed the back of his neck.

  “You were . . . your family is inside, Evan, what are you doing out here with me?” I jingled my keys in my hand.

  “I see them all the time.” He reached out his hand and then dropped it again, shifting uncomfortably. “I don’t see you enough.”

  “You see me plenty in school.”

  He just tilted his head and looked down at his feet.

  “Is this . . . are you really done with me?”

  “No,” I said, looking down at my feet. “We just need to talk.”

  “What about tonight?”

  “You just had a game, Evan. You’ve got to be exhausted.”

  He shrugged. “I’m still pumped, actually. Adrenaline high. If you don’t want to, that’s fine. I just t
hought that maybe since you were already here, and we’re kind of already talking that we could . . . not stop?”

  “You really want to do this tonight?”

  “Tonight. Yesterday. Last Saturday morning.” I tilted my head, and he shrugged, laughing nervously. “It’s true.”

  “Okay, fine.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Grey’s?”

  “Grey’s,” he confirmed.

  “And yes, seriously,” I added.

  “Did you want to wait or did you want to meet somewhere else?”

  “Come to the playground,” I suggested. “It’s on Hunter Street.”

  “No crawling through the woods this time, huh?”

  “I figured that you’ve had your fill of seeing imaginary snakes and feeling imaginary furry things, so . . .”

  “I appreciate that.”

  “You’re welcome,” I said with a small smile.

  “I’ll uh . . . I’ll meet you there, then?” he asked, rocking back and forth on his heels.

  “Yeah.”

  “I won’t be long. Was there a certain time that you needed to be home?”

  “I’ll stop by my house and tell my dad. See what time he wants me back.”

  “I’ll hurry.”

  I looked down at my feet. “All right.”

  “I’ll see you soon.”

  I was just about to walk away when he took my arm, turned me around, and brushed his lips across my cheek.

  “Thank you, Anna,” he whispered.

  “Yeah,” I said. My voice broke as I took a step back from him. “Hunter Street.”

  “Got it.”

  He turned and ran toward the school, and I breathed a heavy sigh before going to my car. I climbed in, drove back to my house, and left the car running as I went inside. My dad was sitting on the couch, the coffee table covered with papers with a pen tucked behind his ear. He looked over at me once before patting the papers in front of him, looking for the pen.

  “How was the game?”

  I walked over to him, took the pen from his ear, and handed it to him. He chuckled and dropped it on the table.

  “We won. Uh, I’m gonna meet Evan out at the playground,” I said, clearing my throat.

  He stared at me.

  “Midnight,” he said as he picked up the pen.

  “Thanks.”