Two Words I'd Never Say Again

by Remi Carrington

  “You mean, so that when you don’t make it home in time, I’ll be here to sit awkwardly with Hank.”

  “Exactly. And don’t you dare let that man wait in his truck.”

  I sighed, picturing him doing exactly that. “I’ll do my best.”

  “Oh, and if you’ll make rice. That would be good too.” Mama wiped off the table. “That clean-up went faster than expected.”

  I wrapped her in a hug. “Thank you for teaching me all this and for trying to help me.”

  She cupped my cheek. “I didn’t know you carried so much hurt about Eric. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the whole story earlier. But I was taught not to speak ill of the dead, and . . .” She shrugged.

  “He’s dead?” Every time I thought I was fine with the situation, more information popped up that rattled me.

  Mama laughed. “To me. I’m sure he’s out there somewhere, betraying someone else and making their life miserable. But I don’t have to think about that anymore.”

  Did I care if he was alive? I hadn’t thought about meeting him in years. As a child, I dreamed of having him come back because he missed me. It was always about me. I wanted to be the reason he came back because I’d always thought I was the reason he left.

  I blinked away tears. I didn’t need to admit it out loud. Mama would tell me what I knew in my head. What Eric did was all about Eric.

  I’d blamed Hank for moving away to take the job because I’d made it all about me. His dreams didn’t even factor into my thoughts. How could I have been so wrong?

  She tapped my hand. “Hank is a good man, Nacha. The very best. And he loves you. When he went fishing with your brothers this summer, he told them the same thing.”

  “They did what?”

  She drew out her words. “They. Went. Fishing. You know, with poles and worms or whatever they used to feed those fish. That’s all they did—feed them. No one actually caught anything.”

  “So . . . all of you hang out with Hank more than I do?”

  She grinned. “Yes, but we’re trying to change that. It would make life much less awkward. You should go. It’s almost nine. I want to watch my show.”

  Arguing and explaining about streaming wasn’t worth my time. “See you tomorrow.”

  “You’ll see Hank tomorrow. Wear something . . .”

  That was great advice. I’d be sure to wear something. Although maybe the alternative would get a better reaction.

  “I’m sure you’ll pick something he likes.” She hugged me again. “I love you, and he does too.”

  Somehow those words made me feel better. I’d just keep reminding myself of that.

  I’d checked the clock way too many times to count. The hot pan sat on the stove, waiting for me to start the rice. If I added spices to the pan, Hank would show up right after, and I’d probably burn the garlic. That wouldn’t smell good.

  I waited, watching the second hand move around the clock which had hung on Mama’s wall for years.

  Since she took my car to the store, Hank would be surprised to see me.

  I fingered the buttons on my dress, remembering when I’d worn it on our honeymoon. He’d taken his time undoing each button. I didn’t need to think about that right now, but hopefully he would when he saw me wearing this.

  I ran to the door when I heard his truck but waited for him to knock. “Hey, come on in. Mama should be back from the store soon.”

  His gaze traced every button down the front of my dress. “I’ll just—”

  “She said she better not find you waiting in the truck.” I motioned him inside. “I won’t tackle you.”

  He cracked a smile. “Where’s Aunt Joji?”

  “Out shopping. She’s been doing that a lot.”

  “Christmas is her favorite sport.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I still can’t believe she’s hanging out with your mom. Speaking of your mom, she’s not going out with that guy again, is she?”

  “Tomorrow night. Come on into the kitchen. I need to make the rice.”

  “This I’ve got to see.”

  “Hey! I cook.”

  He stood close as I drizzled oil in the pan. “Sweetheart, you slid pre-made food into the oven. Other than that, you lived off oatmeal and salad kits. But don’t mistake that for complaining.” How could he act mad and flirt all at the same time?

  I toasted the rice in the pan and leaned back only a little. My back rested against his chest. If I let my thoughts chase that rabbit trail, I’d burn the rice for sure.

  He didn’t back away.

  That small lack of movement had my heart soaring. “What can I do to help you forgive me?”

  He sighed. “We have more questions to tackle. Not sure there is anything more you can do. Even when you don’t randomly show up at work or answer your mom’s door, you’re always on my mind.”

  “We do have a lot to talk about.”

  He nodded. “And that dress is the reason we’re talking over the phone.” After grabbing a drink out of the fridge, he stood next to me. “Show me how to make the rice.”

  I continued through the steps, explaining as I went.

  Maybe Christmas would be merry after all.

  Chapter 16

  Christmas Eve I worked down my list. If I was going to be at Mama’s on time, I needed to hurry.

  I shot off a text to Hank. Would it be okay if I dropped off tamales and rice? Christmas Eve isn’t the same without those.

  He sent the dreaded thumbs up.

  I’ll be there about four. I’d added another deadline to my day.

  I walked down the hall and froze.

  Cami piled two months’ worth of luggage near the door.

  “Are you moving out?” I liked having her around more than I thought I would.

  She shook her head. “No, but I never know what Mother and Daddy will have planned. One year on the day after Christmas, we had mimosas at the country club. Another year, we spent the day in the boat on the lake. So, I take a lot with me when I go home. But I’m coming back. Living here is too much fun.” Cami didn’t talk much about her family, but her money struggles didn’t seem to extend to her parents.

  “Good to hear. We’d miss you.” I picked up a bag. “I can help you load. If you don’t leave soon, you’ll be on the road all night.”

  She grabbed two other bags. “Traffic will be a nightmare, but it’s less time at home. I can live with that.” She grinned. “Just don’t ever tell my parents I said that. I love them. I just love them more when they are two hundred miles away.”

  “Be careful driving. We need you back in one piece.” While she stashed her laptop in the backseat, I nestled her present into the trunk.

  “I left your gift on the kitchen table. And a little something for you to use when making your delivery.” She threw her arms around me. “I hope the hottie forgives you. I’d have to move out then, but even still . . . I want y’all back together.”

  “Thanks. See you in a few days.”

  “Eight days. I’m coming home in eight days.” She sighed. “See ya later.” With that, she dropped behind the wheel, waved, and backed out of the driveway.

  I ran back inside. Cami’s gift, a small note, and a Santa hat lay on the kitchen table. Giggling, I knew why she’d given me the hat even before reading the note, but reading it confirmed my thought.

  Wear this when you give Hank the gift. It’ll guarantee a smile. And he’ll know you aren’t afraid to embarrass yourself to win him back.

  Had I been that walled off that people thought I’d be embarrassed to wear a Santa hat?

  The hat went into my purse. Wearing it was a must. Then I gathered packages, making sure I had everything I needed before driving to Stadtburg. Even though the town was only thirty minutes down the road, I didn’t have time to drive there twice today and make it to Mama’s tamale dinner on time. This year, I wouldn’t miss time with family, unless it meant more time with Hank.

  Haley’s tamales went into the front seat. I
’d given her extra this year because of Zach. I guessed he could make two dozen disappear without a second thought.

  Hank’s gift—both parts—were placed in the trunk.

  I ran back to the kitchen, pulled the foil pans out of the oven and carried them out to the car. Hopefully if my gifts weren’t enough, the tamales and rice would be the way to Hank’s heart.

  When I arrived at Haley’s, I could feel my blood pressure rising. Being away from Hank hurt more now. And getting him expensive gifts, which I was only able to justify because of Aunt Joji’s generous gift, showed him a vulnerability I hadn’t risked in over a year.

  “Hiya. Come on in.” Haley’s gaze dropped to the box in my hand. “You really got Hank an Xbox?”

  “I did. And tell Zach how much I appreciate him setting it up at Hank’s place. I’m hoping he will be surprised.”

  Haley laughed. “Oh, Hank will for sure be surprised.”

  “As I mentioned on the phone, I need to unpack the box because I’m going to use it to pack the other part of his gift.”

  “Now I’m intrigued.”

  “With things like they are, I wasn’t sure if Hank would open a gift from me. But—”

  “If the other guys see Xbox on the box, he’ll open it. And be surprised.” She laughed. “Brilliant.”

  I tried to picture the look on Hank’s face. Hurt was the only thing there. “Hang on.”

  I ran to the trunk and grabbed the gift bag holding the fun stuff I planned to shove into the console box. “Will you put this under his tree for me?”

  “He doesn’t have a tree, but I’ll make sure he gets it.” Haley squeezed my arm. “At least he isn’t acting like life is normal and good.”

  “I never meant to hurt him, and watching him in pain is heart-wrenching.

  Haley nodded. “Want to come in for a few minutes?”

  “No, I need to run.” I hugged Haley. “Everyone is gathering at Mama’s, and I don’t want to be late.”

  “What’s in the bag? Is that what you were going to put in the box that formerly held the Xbox?”

  “Please don’t peek. I don’t feel right about giving it to him at the station. Maybe I shouldn’t give it to him at all.” I picked up the bag. “I’ll save it for later.”

  “Nacha, are you okay?” Haley touched my arm.

  “I will be. It’s so hard trying to figure out how to let him know I love him without depriving him of the space and time he needs.”

  “Curiosity is going to kill me. And now I have to wait longer before I’ll know what you got him.”

  Hopefully, my smile covered my nervousness. “I definitely took a risk with this one. But I’ll give it to him . . . one day.”

  She pulled me into a tight hug. “I’m rooting for you. We all are.”

  “I know.” I waved and ran to my car. “Merry Christmas. Enjoy the tamales. I helped make them.”

  “I can’t wait! Tell Cami to be safe on the road and to have an awesome Christmas.”

  “She just left, but I told her.” I started the engine and headed to the station. Counting did nothing to calm my nerves.

  The guys were outside again, and this time, Hank was with them. He noticed my car as soon as I pulled in the lot and walked toward my car. Another guy—it might have been the same dark-haired guy from last time—walked along beside Hank.

  “Merry Christmas.” I flashed my best smile.

  “Nice hat.” Hank glanced over his shoulder at our company, then rolled his eyes.

  “Cami gave it to me.”

  “Figures.” He crossed his arms.

  That meant he wasn’t going to hug me.

  The dark-haired guy stuck out his hand. “I’m Mitchell.”

  “Nacha. Nice to meet you.”

  Hank pointed at the car. “Floorboard or trunk?”

  “Trunk. You might need to heat stuff a little. But it was hot when I left.” I didn’t mention the short detour.

  Mitchell looked from me to Hank. “So, um, is she . . . yours?”

  I bit back a smile and turned to watch Hank answer.

  He sucked in a deep breath, his gaze locked to mine. “Women aren’t property, Mitchell.”

  Hank was a master of avoidance.

  I crossed my arms and walked toward the trunk. “It’s complicated.”

  Hank stayed right behind me and groaned, then lowered his voice. “Our love life is none of his business.”

  At least Hank and I agreed on one thing.

  “Mitchell, mind carrying this inside?” I opened the trunk.

  “Let him carry the rice. He’ll eat all the tamales before I have a chance to get any.” Hank picked up the tamale pan.

  “Hank, I have a few more dozen for you at my house.” I handed the rice to Mitchell.

  Grinning, Mitchell walked toward the building, calling out, “The food is here, guys!”

  Hank stayed near the car. “More tamales?”

  “More of anything you want.” I leaned in close. “I left your gift with Haley.”

  He turned, his lips inches from mine. “I didn’t expect—we didn’t talk about exchanging gifts.”

  “You don’t have to get me anything.”

  He pinched his lips together. “I’ve been talking to a friend of mine. What we had was good. But I’m not sure we can get past our distrust and hurt. There’s been a lot of hurt, Nacha.”

  Tears stung my eyes, and I turned so he wouldn’t see them. “I’m not ready to give up on us, Hank.”

  He shrugged. “I haven’t made up my mind.”

  “Your friend—what’s her name?”

  It was the wrong thing to say, and I knew it even before I let the words tumble out.

  “Great example of the distrust problem.” He marched away.

  With my back to the building, I dabbed a tissue to my eyes. How had I ended up in tears? In a Santa hat no less?

  I needed to get in my car and leave, but being able to see was an important part of driving. I dropped into the front seat, frantically trying to stop the incessant flow of tears.

  Someone knocked on the window.

  I pushed the button to lower it.

  Hank scrubbed his face. “I should’ve kept my mouth shut.”

  “Me too.” I opened the door and stepped out of the car.

  “I hate that you’re crying.” He stared at the ground. “And that I didn’t get you anything.”

  I kissed his cheek. “I love you. I hope your shift is quiet.”

  He hugged me. “Merry Christmas.”

  That alone felt like a Christmas miracle. “You too.”

  I wiped my face. Giving into tears felt like giving up. I wasn’t ready to do that. Yes, I had trust issues, and between us we had enough hurt to break up a hundred marriages, but none of that outweighed the most important thing—we belonged together. He brought out the best in me. And I did the same for him.

  I climbed into the car and drove to Mama’s.

  Chapter 17

  That evening, Hank called Mama. She beamed and waved me closer. “Merry Christmas to you too.”

  I sat next to her, not expecting that he’d want to talk to me.

  “Thank you. I’m glad you liked them. Nacha helped me this year. She could probably make them without me now.”

  That wasn’t true.

  “Would you like to talk to her? She’s right here.” Mama’s smile drooped. “Oh.” Then her face lit up. “Here.” She pushed the phone toward me. “He wants to talk to you.”

  Hank had to know he was being tag teamed.

  I put the phone to my ear as I walked out of the room. “Hello?”

  “Your mom sounded disappointed that I didn’t want to talk to you. So I figured I’d say howdy.” He cleared his throat. “That sounded awful. I didn’t mean . . .”

  “Don’t worry about it. I get it.”

  “I don’t really have anything else to say. I’ll let you get back to your family.” He groaned as alarms sounded. “Talk to you later.”

/>   “Love you.” I wasn’t sure if he even heard me because the call ended in the middle of the last word.

  So much for wishing he’d have a quiet night.

  I handed Mama her phone. “Thanks. He had to leave on a call.”

  “I wasn’t sure who it was until Mama handed you the phone. I thought for a minute it was her boyfriend. But I think he’s a secret.” Nico shot a glance at Sam, the tease in their look unmistakable.

  Mama paled. “I was planning to tell you after the kids were in bed. He isn’t a secret.”

  Inside, I fumed. There was only one way my brothers knew about it if Mama hadn’t told them. Hank would get an earful.

  “She told me all about him. He sounds nice, and I can’t wait to meet him.” I glared at my brothers who would not stop snickering.

  Mama stood. “I invited him over for Christmas dinner.” She walked out of the room, leaving us all stunned.

  “That part I didn’t know.” I yanked out my phone, then tucked it away. I’d rather yell at Hank in person. Besides, he was out on a call.

  Nico and Sam looked contrite.

  Sam hesitated before walking down the hall. “We were just being funny. I think it’s great that she’s dating.”

  “Maybe you should tell her that.” I gathered my stuff. “I’m going to go, but I’ll be back in the morning.”

  Mama fanned her face as I walked into the kitchen. “I should have told them sooner, but I didn’t know how. And Mateo is coming tomorrow.”

  I hugged her. “That’s great.”

  “I invited Hank too. That’s why we’re eating a bit later than normal. He has to work, but I’m hoping that when he gets off, he’ll come over. I know he wants to meet Teo.”

  “It’s Teo now?” I was eager to see Hank, but focusing on the nickname Mama dropped was easier to talk about.

  Mama blushed. “That’s what I call him.”

  “I’ll be here early, so I don’t miss anything. Love you.”

  She patted my cheek. “I hope Hank comes tomorrow.”

  “Me too.” I had my own reasons for wanting to see him.

  Christmas morning at Mama’s was a flurry of wrapping paper and laughter. I’d dragged myself out of bed early to be there when the littles woke up to open presents. It was totally worth the loss of sleep.