Toradora! Vol. 7

by Yuyuko Takemiya

  Ryuuji was standing at the school gate, still in the bear kigurumi. He had just realized he left the present for Minori in the pocket of his suit, which he exchanged with someone from another class whose number he didn’t know. He messed up right at the very end. Minori hadn’t appeared yet, and he didn’t know where the guy was. It might have been that he went home because Ryuuji disappeared.

  He went out into the night thinking that the guy might have been hanging around nearby, but it didn’t seem like anyone was around. What should I do, he thought as he cradled the bear head under his arm, looking slovenly as he breathed out mist. He didn’t have the present for her, and he didn’t know how to break the ice with her.

  I’ve really done it, Taiga. His single mistake caused his soul to shake with anxiety. Suddenly, he grew timid and thought he would rather run from there. He felt like the reason why he didn’t was because Taiga had kicked him in the back, and he felt she had handed him the phantom baton. If he didn’t continue and hand it off, then Taiga’s feelings wouldn’t move forward, either. The relay from his dreams wouldn’t continue on.

  He had lost the present, but he wasn’t empty-handed.

  Ryuuji gripped the bear head, which felt cheap and made from synthetic fibers. In the cold wind of the winter, he faced his own weakness. The thing he wanted to show Minori was always within him. What was the point of running from that? He straightened his back, which had been rounded in the baggy kigurumi, and stood straight with his head held up. He didn’t have the Gucci suit, but he could make sure he took Taiga’s present into his hands.

  That was when it happened.

  “Hey!”

  “O-oh!”

  The one who appeared with light footsteps was Minori in a knit cap. Minori, whom he had been waiting for that entire time, finally appeared.

  The inside of his mind went white. As though he had gone numb, his body stiffened.

  Minori, who was in a down coat and jeans with a red-checked scarf wrapped around her face, raised her gloved right hand up. Her nose was red from being exposed to the cold wind. She was sniffling, but she smiled anyway.

  It wasn’t because of the cold that Ryuuji hesitated. He started to become flustered and trembled more than he thought he would. First, he would thank her for coming. He would explain his funny getup. Then, he would explain why he had so wanted her to come to this place, and then… All the things he had thought the moment Minori appeared in front of his eyes all disappeared. He internalized it desperately and righted himself.

  “That’s a nice bear you’ve got there, Takasu-kun.”

  Minori was the first to say anything. More or less standing at attention, Ryuuji looked at Minori, who was finally having a conversation with him for the first time in a long time.

  As though noticing his gaze, Minori pulled her hat down low. Pretty much automatically, Ryuuji pulled up the knit cap that was hiding her eyes.

  “…”

  “…”

  The two of them remained speechless. Minori once again grabbed the hat and pulled it down. Ryuuji once again pulled it up. She pulled it down. He pulled it up. They continued their meaningless feud, and then finally…

  “K-Kushieda!”

  …Ryuuji stole Minori’s cap. Minori seemed to harden up for a moment. He didn’t know what she was thinking. She covered her face with her hands.

  He wanted to grab her wrists and look at her face. He tried to pull her hands away, but Minori was really quite strong, and she wasn’t going to move them easily.

  “Wh-what is with you?!” he said. “What is it?!”

  “What’s with you, Takasu-kun?!”

  “What’s the matter with you?!”

  “Takasu-kun, you’re, you’re…ah, who cares! Daaaaaah!”

  Ryuuji couldn’t speak. Minori unfairly had both hands firmly latched onto Ryuuji’s mouth.

  “Bergh…bah…ugh?!”

  “Takasu-kun…sorry, let me talk first.”

  Then as though to push her face between her outstretched arms, she turned her head down fiercely. She wouldn’t show Ryuuji what her expression looked like at all. Then she continued in a low voice.

  “So…do you remember?” she said. “We went to Ahmin’s villa during summer vacation and the two of us talked at night. About weird things. We talked about UFOs and ghosts and stuff.”

  “Buh…ubuh…?”

  He nodded. What about it? Ryuuji faintly tilted his head. He couldn’t tell what Minori was trying to say.

  It was true that they had compared UFOs and ghosts to love. The ones who could see, saw them everywhere, but the ones who didn’t, couldn’t even feel they existed, or something like that. Then she said she might have been one of those people who couldn’t see them. That’s right. That was why Ryuuji wished for Minori to see UFOs and ghosts at every chance she got.

  But why was she bringing that up now?

  “So, I think that I’m okay with not seeing UFOs or ghosts, actually. I think it’d be better if I didn’t see them. I thought about it a lot recently, and that’s the conclusion I’ve come to. I…wanted to tell you that, Takasu-kun. So I’m going home.”

  What meaning was there in saying that now?

  “Sorry for telling you all this stuff. I’m going home now.”

  Minori gently released her fingers from Ryuuji’s lips. She slipped the knit cap from Ryuuji’s hands.

  She pulled it far down to hide her eyes. Then she gave him a one-handed salute. It looked like only her mouth was smiling. Then Minori turned on her heel.

  In wide strides, she quickly started heading home almost like she was power walking.

  What?

  In other words…

  She had felt that he might confess and rejected him before he could?

  “Huh? Seriously?”

  Had he been rejected?

  Really?

  Was that what that just was?

  Was this what that was?

  “Did I just get my heart broken?”

  In the street in the middle of winter at night, Ryuuji stood stock-still. He just had question marks in his mind. There hadn’t been a chance to talk about presents—she hadn’t liked him at all to begin with.

  He didn’t feel the pain yet. He stayed standing there, dumbfounded from the blunt impact, and looked up to the heavens.

  “Even if it broke, it would be put back together.” He didn’t think it could heal.

  “When it broke, it could just be remade.” He felt he couldn’t make anything anymore.

  “That was why there was no reason to cry when it broke.” He couldn’t even cry.

  Even so, he looked for Orion, which should have been shining.

  He looked for someone his voice would reach.

  The heavens rotated grandly.

  ***

  It was December twenty-fifth, ten in the morning.

  Yasuko found Ryuuji collapsed in the kitchen after she woke up. Only he knew how long he had been collapsed there. He had caught the flu and was running a temperature of over thirty-nine degrees Celsius.

  He was carried off and admitted to the hospital, though he still wasn’t fully conscious. After getting the news from Yasuko, Taiga, who had come to the hospital making a huge commotion, also had strangely puffy eyes and was sniffling. She didn’t know what happened on that Christmas Eve night until two days later when Ryuuji finally regained consciousness.

  Like that, still scarred and banged up, the year came to a close. Christmas and his cleaning spree, and everything else melted away and disappeared into Ryuuji’s fevered dreams.

  “And then I had a Samurai resurrection…”

  Ryuu-chaaan, keep it together! Stay with us! With his mother’s voice in the background, Ryuuji’s near-boiling brain continued speaking about his cryptic delusions.

  “I’ll use the murder beam with Taiga, bibibi, bibibi… I want to destroy this world…probably… But my dad works behind the curtains, and when you take off his mask, there’s Kushieda’s face… W
hy, why, Kushieda. What are you? And the spinster had her red thread cut and got jealous and bought…a condo…”

  In the magic world fluttering with flames, Ryuuji fought something with a sword in his hand. He jumped into the air, cut through shadows, and while yelling the names of his moves, somewhere in his heart, he lamented: “I didn’t get to throw away the bulky trash this year!”

  “It was a…disguise of high rank…”

  Pull yourself together, you weakling! She double-slapped him with her small hand. Oh, his eyes opened a little! his mother exclaimed. Stop, it hurts. But he couldn’t form that into words. Ryuuji simply, single-mindedly, continued to cut meaninglessly through his enemies in the magic world.

  Ahh, this isn’t fun. It’s not fun at all.

  Even if he opened his eyes, what was he supposed to look at?

  In this night sky, the stars had already all exploded and disappeared.

  And then he blacked out.

  Afterword

  So I’m decidedly in my thirties! Y-Yuko T-Miya here (age 30).

  One day, I just suddenly forgot the PIN number for my condo’s auto-locking door. I went out to walk my dog in my pajamas and a down jacket, and when I was on my way home, I was a disaster at the entrance. I had my dog held in one hand and just stood there. I couldn’t remember a measly four numbers. And when I looked closer, I realized my pajama pants were inside out, and even though I had just gotten up, the rest of the world was in the early afternoon. When I just put in some random numbers, it wouldn’t open, and it was in the middle of the winter, so it was really cold, and I was pathetic… Someone else who lived in the building came by and I got home, but it felt like the end and it was dreadful. I live like I’m rolling off a hill. You can’t stop old A-G-E!

  Somehow or other, I’m thirty, and Toradora! has gotten to volume seven. I am so incredibly grateful to everyone who has followed the series with me up until now! A-a-actually, I have news!

  I started the series in 2005 and got to the seventh volume, plus one spin-off. Because all of you have supported me until today, I have some incredibly, incredibly, incredibly amazing news. This year! Toradora! Will become! An anime! Whoa…!

  Rather than being happy, the feeling of “Wh-wh-wh-what should I do?!” is winning out. But anyway, in order to pay all my readers back for all the strength you give me, in order to have you enjoy yourselves, I think I’ll try my best to make more great work. So please share your love and power with me for the next part of Toradora! Thank you so much!

  So I wasn’t just carelessly aging. Time, please stop…no, actually please come back! Anyway, please bring back my youth, even if it’s just for my brain! You can age my body in its place! …And so on.

  While I was spending my days earnestly thinking about the laws of how to regain youth, immediately after I finished Toradora! 7, my left cheek exploded. It was super painful, hot, red, and swollen. For a very brief moment in time, I was laughing about it, “He loves me, he loves me not… This pimple means loves me not!” Immediately, it became so big I couldn’t move my face and it obviously became something that warranted a hospital visit. Then, right when I was going to dermatology, a doctor said, “Ah!” and ended up pointing at the diseased part of my face. I didn’t even have time to tell them my symptoms, and they had me lay down on a bed and cut it with a small knife… That was pretty much it. This must be my curse for pleading for youth. This must be how it strikes back and punishes those who oppose the flow of time. I got a blemish at this age (I guess I should call this a gall; this isn’t a pimple, right?), and now I’m embarrassed for myself. So, using the orthodox methods, I’m eating a lot of sweets right now, and I’m solemnly sending the glucose straight to my brain.

  So then, to everyone who also read this volume until the very end, I thank you from the heart. Thank you so very much! Next in the ever-expanding series is Toradora! 8! I hope you read the next volume, too! And to my manager and Yasu-sensei, I hope that you also help work on the next volumes!

  —Yuyuko Takemiya

  Thank you for reading!

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