Human Again

by E. L. Tenenbaum

  “Your father mentioned he’d been asked for expensive things and such,” I commented. “I suppose they were for her.”

  Kiara nodded. “I’m sure Leanna would’ve asked for such things as well, but she wouldn’t enjoy them, not like Trina.”

  “Why not?” I asked, eyebrow arched in amusement.

  “Leanna is seven years older than me, so even though she remembers Mama a little. She grew up tending to me and the household with Trina, who really made her do most of the work. She didn’t get to play much. She insists on living a careful and frugal life. Her husband Lanz tries to encourage her to enjoy more, but she simply won’t allow herself to.”

  From what I was hearing of the sisters, I was more than glad and ever thankful for Heaven’s kindness in sending me Kiara. I could not imagine what the beast would have done to either of the other two had I been forced to keep one a prisoner. I may very well have already turned into the beast altogether without Kiara slowing my inevitable fall.

  “And what about you, Kiara?” I prodded. “What kind of life were you raised to live?”

  Kiara blushed and looked away a moment, a shy smile tickling the corners of her lips as she delicately formulated her response. “I only know the one I was raised in, Father, my sisters, and me. I never knew any different, which my sisters always said made me naïve, but I was happy. Even after we moved, I liked our new house, small as it was. We had a very nice neighbor who would lend me books from his library whenever I asked, and a window overlooking a large, grassy field where governesses would bring their charges to run around after lessons. It was nice to watch them play, carefree as they were.”

  Kiara paused a moment, lost in her memories. As if remembering leaving me behind, she pulled herself back to the present. “We had a roof over our heads, vegetables in the garden, and even with our changed circumstances, we still had each other. I blamed myself for Father’s financial misfortunes, but I also felt we had everything we needed.”

  “Except roses,” I reminded her.

  “Except roses,” she agreed. Then, after another pause, said even lower, “Though I’m glad for it now.”

  Before I could reply or ask her just what she meant, Kiara forced herself up and swept across the room to the door, staying just long enough to press my hand and wish me a good night.

  Tired as I was, I didn’t immediately return to my chambers. It was true I couldn’t stifle the shudder that came each time I returned to my rooms and saw the extent of the damage I had wreaked, but it was more than that staying me.

  I could have been wrong, could have misinterpreted in the depths of my desperate, addled mind, but it very much seemed as if Kiara had actually admitted that she was happy she’d come here. Happy that she’d met me. And that was a moment worth savoring as long as I could.

  Unlike the party that never was, the morning of my twentieth birthday dawned sunny, beautiful, and warm. The sun was high and bright in the sky, birds chirped merrily, first buds bloomed beautifully, and white and pink apple blossoms drifted endearingly from treetops. Despite Kiara’s aversion of the word, the day was perfect.

  I followed Kiara around most of the morning, acting as her right hand as she flitted about making sure everything was just right. The orchestra section was set up, the room was well decorated, and the giant stag’s head, which would be sent to Panthrea right after the party to be preserved and mounted in the Hall of Monarchs, was prominently displayed in the very center of the buffet table. No one could miss it. Kiara had also carefully draped the antlers with chains of colorful flowers, leaves, and little bird figures she’d made herself. The head looked like a freshly greening tree, the few empty antlers branches still awaiting their spring leaves to grow. The birds were perched with their heads tilted up, watching the tree as it was reborn, determining if this was a place—or reign—wherein to build their homes and raise their young.

  I thought it a fitting metaphor for Delphe and this party. I just didn’t have the courage to tell Kiara it was merely quaint imagery from a dream that would probably never come to be.

  As we were busy overseeing the final pieces, we were among the last to ready ourselves. After leaving Kiara at her door, I flew to my room to gulp down Yarrow’s potion and hoped there was still time enough for it to take effect before the party began. I didn’t feel anything, but I wasn’t about to start doubting a man like Yarrow.

  Although I’d appointed Kiara mistress of my castle, it was obvious that I would stand alone in the receiving line, as it would be inappropriate for her to stand as hostess.

  Still, as timing would have it, we unintentionally met on the landing of the grand staircase that spilled into the sparkling ballroom. I had specifically ordered my suit to be tailored in the same design as the one for my eighteenth party, deep blue velvet and silver lining. The only piece missing was the ceremonial sword around my hips, but considering the power in my hands, I didn’t miss the weapon at all.

  I knew that I looked good. Very good. Dashing, handsome, even. Kiara had insisted I use a local tailor, one of the many villagers she’d made friends with, and I acquiesced after the man impressed me well enough to entrust my suit to him and save me from having to beg my father to send someone from the palace. The advantage of using someone from the village also become apparent the moment I tried the jacket on, when I realized how he’d made it to suit my broad frame without accentuating it. Working with peasants and farm workers, he certainly knew how to handle broader shoulders not often found in the higher ranks of nobility.

  With all that, my jaw fell open when I caught sight of Kiara in her dazzling yellow dress with broad strokes of deep orange flaring up from the hem. She looked in every way a sun, standing shyly across from me, the color of the silk, the sparkle of the gems in her pile of hair, the twinkle in her eyes rendering her the most alluring of stars in the sky.

  I sputtered, unable to dig up any fitting words to compliment her as the most beautiful being I ever had the honor to look upon. Kiara closed the distance between us, reaching out a hand to run her fingers down the soft velvet of my jacket sleeve. Their path left a streak of lighting in their wake, the electric shocks of unearthly energy jolting me to my core.

  “He did a fine job,” Kiara murmured.

  “I doubt anyone will notice with you in the room,” I replied.

  Kiara’s face turned a modest shade of red. “Azahr,” she admonished, but her tone, even without the shine in her smile, proved she was pleased.

  I offered her my arm, and even as she took it she asked, “But mustn’t you wait to receive the guests?”

  “I’ll receive them after I escort you,” I replied, and she gave in.

  I led her down the steps and saw her settled next to a pillar, hoping it wasn’t too obvious that I was situating her in a corner. I wasn’t exactly trying to hide her, but I wanted her in my line of sight, somewhere I need only lift my eyes to be rejuvenated by the light she could do nothing to contain, yet still guard her from others. Every glance her way, every smile I received in return, was a patch of sunlight on a frozen heart. A heart which yearned to yield to her touch, to allow each ray to promise it could yet thaw. I didn’t allow myself to dwell on it, but even then, I knew that one night only, even coupled with the weeks leading up to it, would never have been enough to melt a heart so solidly frozen for so many years.

  After making sure she was all right, I hurried to my place on the landing to welcome each guest as they were announced. The first to come was a group of some of the older men and women from the village, their proximity and excitement bringing them to the door the moment the clock struck the start of the party. They were all dressed in their best, yet thoroughly lost in the finery surrounding them. They entered hesitantly, though if they were overwhelmed by the grandeur or if they feared the beast they’d heard howling from these turrets night after night was anyone’s guess.

  I’m sure Kiara worked to assuage their fears beforehand, but a man can only be so reassured until
he sees confirmation for himself. A few of them looked familiar to me, though there was little recognition on any of their faces to indicate they knew I had been the blur roaring through them last time they were here. I couldn’t help but wonder if the one villager had gotten a new dog yet to replace the one I had ripped away from him. Was it another golden retriever, or a different breed entirely, so he wouldn’t ever be reminded of the fate of his once-faithful companion?

  The men who had glimpsed the beast that long-ago day had certainly spread the story, so it had become a specter to haunt men at the bottom of empty bottles, a face to the darkness children feared, the form of the wolves’ howl to a lone traveler. Perhaps they first cheered it when they heard what it did to gargoyles and ogres, but their tune surely changed when they found out for themselves just how indiscriminate its unleashed fury could be. The thought of such terror—such respect and awe—delighted the beast enough to tug a grin onto my face.

  I quickly reformed it into one of my best smiles, laying it carefully across my mouth so there would be no cracks or wrinkles. I relaxed my stance as best I could, portraying a most welcoming and friendly air.

  It seemed to work, because one of the women nudged her husband forward, and the rest followed along with them. Each offered an awkward bow or curtsy, the men fumbled at my hand and kissed my ring, professing how they were “so humbly grateful for the invitation, Your Highness.” It was quite evident from their behavior they had little contact with royalty, nor did they have the faintest idea of how to treat anyone of noble blood, but I pushed aside anger at their ignorance. They hadn’t done anything to slight me. They just didn’t know what they were doing.

  I had them ushered onward before they could continue making fools of themselves. That I let them go so easily was proof enough to me that the potion was working.

  Not long after them came the first few noble couples, led by a duke I knew as someone who spent very little time at the palace, though I couldn’t remember if it was because his lands were so far away, if he preferred to stay away, or if we preferred that he stay away. Probably a combination of the three.

  “It gladdens the heart to see His Highness safe,” he greeted me with a bow and a voice that rose as he did, “assuredly most happily on leave from war and sharing his celebration with even the remotest corners of the kingdom.”

  “Of course,” I replied.

  “Of course,” the nobleman echoed amicably. “We’ve all faith enough in Prince Alexander, but he is rather young and having help from such a fine soldier as our prince is certainly an immeasurable help.”

  “His Royal Highness works tirelessly to ensure the safety of both our blessed countries,” I smoothly replied.

  “Absolutely!” the man thundered excitedly. “And thus we salute our prince with pride.” As if to punctuate his remark, he executed a crisp salute before bowing once more and walking onward with his noble group.

  At least if anyone asked about Prince Alex, I had enough from my time at the Academy to regale them with.

  At the same time, my mind abruptly turned to thoughts of my sister’s letter and her concern over my wellbeing. Unfortunately, the tales of me being in danger because of the war would only further the plans I’m sure Father had for my sister’s line to inherit the throne. After losing one heir, having a backup plan made into law was surely an edict well received by his advisors.

  Still, deep and bitter shame coursed through me and it would have been enough to send me roaring into the woods had I not suddenly felt a tranquility fluttering through my veins, like a spring river carrying away chunks of winter’s snow. Yarrow’s potion, it would seem, was already hard at work, and the night was still so young.

  As I stood presiding over introductions, one face slowly began blending into another.

  Then came someone unexpected.

  “Sir Garamond?” I asked in surprise as the neatly-uniformed soldier bowed to me.

  “Your Highness.”

  I raised him up and clasped his hand warmly. “What brings you here?”

  “Picking up some new recruits,” he explained.

  I raised an eyebrow. “Surely you have other matters to attend to.”

  He allowed a small grin. “I do, Your Highness,” he agreed, “but I wasn’t about to miss tonight.”

  “How did you know?” I asked.

  “Jaxel.”

  My eyes widened as I glanced over at my guard, who was most pointedly not looking our way.

  “He served under my command in His Majesty’s elite forces,” Sir Garamond explained, “so he’s used to sending me reports. Besides, who do you think recommended him as a personal guard when His Highness was sent to the Academy?”

  I reeled from his admission, taking a moment to recollect myself, unmindful of how many others waited in line. It wasn’t that Jaxel was reporting to Sir Garamond about me, but that Sir Garamond and Jaxel both cared enough to discuss and worry over my wellbeing. The realization overwhelmed me. In a flash, I saw snippets of our interactions throughout the years and realized that Sir Garamond had never wavered in his treatment of me. If anything, just as he’d never gone easy on me when we trained, he’d also never once reconsidered his estimation of what he believed I could do or who he believed I could be. I confess now, it was a rather humbling moment.

  “Speaking of elite service,” Sir Garamond added in a much lower voice, “our side would greatly benefit from the addition of each competent and highly trained man. Though I wouldn’t tell a prince what to do.”

  “Thank you,” I managed to sputter, heartened and slightly taken aback in his subtle delivery of the request I’d longed to hear.

  “You look well, Highness,” Sir Garamond concluded. “You look…you look nearer to your old self than you have in some time.”

  Which old self that was, I wasn’t sure, but I accepted his words quietly, understanding their intent.

  He wasn’t able to stay long, as he had to be back on the road early the next morning, but I asked his word that he would seek me out before he left. He finally stepped away, but even then, the moment he’d given me lingered.

  I continued to greet my guests, graciously welcoming each one and heartily wishing them to enjoy themselves. Between my dress and my demeanor, I was nothing less than a charming host, a regal prince, a fine choice for the future ruler of Delphe. Even as I smiled and made small talk, I could hear the gossip that would spread throughout Panthrea about the night, and about me in particular. They would say I was composed, they would say I looked well, they would say I was ready.

  They would finally make His Majesty believe in me, too late though they may be.

  I didn’t pay particular attention to the rest of the guests who came, greeting all with the same graciousness and nonplussed manner. I did pay attention however when a pair of women entered together, as both had brown ringlets and features strongly resembling someone now very dear to me…I supposed Leanna was the taller, lankier of the two, whereas Trina was more well-rounded. Trina wore too much makeup, Leanna wore too little, Trina’s dress had too many bows and frills, Leanna’s didn’t quite seem formal enough, and neither possessed the same grace, beauty, or radiance as their younger sister.

  Kiara joined us as they were announced at the top of the stairs, peeling away from the corner I’d stashed her in so she could greet her family right after they were announced.

  As they had still somehow not noticed her, a thought which boggled my mind as incomprehensible, I turned from them to address her directly.

  “Your sisters?” I inquired.

  “Yes, Your Highness,” she replied, careful to keep her eyes downcast so as to conceal any hint of the familiarity between us.

  “Welcome,” I now said to them, giving them leave to rise.

  “His Highness was very gracious for inviting us,” Trina said with a simpering giggle, which did not endear her to me at all.

  Between her giddy attitude, no doubt caused from being around true finery again, an
d the ill-contained malice Leanna cast in my direction, I thanked Heaven for Yarrow’s vial of magic or it wouldn’t have been long before I treated them as I had the villager’s unfortunate golden retriever. I tried to push the thought away before it evidenced in my expression.

  “Kiara’s idea,” I willingly admitted.

  “Yes, of course, Your Highness,” Trina replied between the clenched teeth of her wide, bright smile, her tone quite contrary to her courteous words. Evidently, she wasn’t taking well to knowing she owed Kiara for a long-dreamed-of night with royalty.

  “She’s doing quite well here,” I pointedly added to both sisters, neither of whom had bothered to inquire after, to exclaim over, to reach out for the sister they hadn’t seen in months. The one they had presumably left to the jaws of a savage beast. “See how she’s thrived?” I pressed, my gaze fixed on Kiara, my eyes drinking in her light.

  I didn’t have to change position to know that when her sisters turned to follow my gaze their eyes raked her beautiful gown with envy. Trina stiffened, undoubtedly unable to abide by the finery her sister was dressed in. Leanna went rigid as well, certainly from her inability to comprehend how Kiara was standing before her, looking rather fit and well. Surely, she should have been bloodied, beaten, and starved by the beast their father had raved about. This turn of events was well beyond their ken. Not like I could explain it any better to myself, little as I understood how Kiara so utterly bewitched me.

  Kiara looked up long enough to catch my eye and blush becomingly. I couldn’t help but grin in response. The potion had pushed away the heaviness that had heretofore tied me down and I was feeling lightheaded and something close to happy. That night would actually be the first time in almost two years that I was able to savor the wine I drank, to taste the food I ate, to enjoy the music I heard. It might have been a combination of a number of factors, but I knew I was far enough along in my ultimate descent that those few precious hours were stolen by Yarrow’s magical purple vial.