Love Means Everything

by Emma Easter

  “You know he isn’t coming back, Zainah,” Miriam had said to her after observing her mourning his departure for months. “I don’t want you to keep on like this. You are a shadow of your former self.” Even when Zainah had told her she believed it was God’s will for her to marry Faizan because of the dreams she’d had, Miriam had stood her ground. “You can’t be sure that those dreams are from God. I know how much you love him. You’ve been deeply in love with him for some time now.” Zainah’s eyes had widened in surprise, but Miriam had nodded. “You didn’t know that I had noticed… but frankly, everyone who has eyes in this camp knows how you feel about him.”

  Miriam had put her hand on her shoulder. “Zainah, I think you had those dreams because of your desire to be married and because you miss Faizan terribly. For all you know, the Lord still expects you to keep the vow you made to him.”

  Zainah had frowned in confusion. She deeply respected Miriam and her opinions. The older woman was wise and godly. Still, the dreams she’d had, especially the last one, had seemed so real, and she’d been so sure it was from the Lord. Doubts had flooded her mind.

  She had smiled and nodded, promising Miriam she would keep praying about it. And she had. For months, she’d prayed. The more she did, the more certain she had been that her dreams were from God and that she was meant to be with the man she loved with all her heart. The only problem was that God had still not answered her prayers. Faizan had not returned. It was over a year now since he’d left and she yearned for him with everything in her.

  After another session of earnest prayers the previous night, she had finally decided that she couldn’t just keep hoping and praying that Faizan would return to her. She had to do something about it. She needed to tell Leila what she had decided to do.

  Entering her tent, she immediately made her way to Leila’s corner. Her best friend was folding some clothes she’d washed earlier in the day. She smiled when Zainah reached her.

  “You’ve finished fetching the water for dinner?” Leila asked, still folding her clothes.

  “Yes. Umm… Leila, I need to tell you something. But you have to promise not to get riled up.”

  Leila looked at her with her brows raised. “What is it?”

  Zainah glanced at two of their tent-mates, who were sitting and chatting at the other side of the tent. She lowered her voice and said, “I’m going to leave the camp soon, Leila. I want to go and find Faizan.”

  For a long moment, Leila stared at her, a look of disbelief on her face. She finally said, “Zainah, are you sure you want to do that? You don’t even know where exactly he is. How are you going to find him when you have no information about his whereabouts?”

  “I know he is in America. And I remember the name of his birth father. I can start with that.”

  Leila shook her head and said incredulously, “America is a big place. How are you going to find him with just one name?” She raised her hand. “What am I even saying? How are you going to get to America, Zainah?” She shook her head again. “It’s impossible.”

  Zainah had already thought about these questions Leila was asking, and even though she had no answers to them yet, she believed with all her heart that God wanted her to be with Faizan. If he didn’t come to her, then she was going to go to him and the Lord would help her get to wherever he was.

  “The Lord will provide everything I need, Leila. I believe that.”

  Leila gave her a thin smile. “You know I’m a hopeless romantic. I believe in love… but I don’t see how it will work, Zainah. You have nothing with which to start this search of yours except a single name. As much as I wanted you and Faizan to be together when he was here, I don’t see how you will find him now. It’s been over a year and he still hasn’t come looking for you. I say let him go.”

  Zainah stared at her. “Who are you and what have you done with my friend? Last year, you were the one encouraging me to marry Faizan, even though I told you I had made a vow of chastity to the Lord. Now, you are discouraging me from trying to find him.” She sighed. “I can’t let him go, Leila. I love him with all my heart and I want to be his wife. I have to find him.”

  “But why hasn’t he come looking for you if he really loves you?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe something happened…” Her heart twisted in fear and she brushed away that train of thought. The Lord would not have shown her that they belonged together if Faizan wasn’t alive and well. “I don’t know why he hasn’t come to see me. But I think it was because I told him about the vow. He’s an honorable man. Even though he loves me, he would not want me to break the vow I made to God.” She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll find out when I see him. All that matters is that I find him and let him know that I am free to be his wife.”

  Leila stared at her for a long moment and then sighed. “You know what, Zainah? I envy you.” She smiled. “I’m coming with you.”

  Zainah studied her friend. “Are you sure you want to do that?”

  “You want me to miss out on being part of one of the greatest love stories I have ever heard?” She looked up and sighed wistfully. “It’s all so romantic, going to find Faizan. I want to be a part of that, even if we end up not finding him. Besides, you need me to keep you out of trouble.”

  Zainah laughed. “You mean the other way around, right, Leila? Because I don’t know what you’ll do without me here.” She put her hands on Leila’s shoulders. “Maybe you will meet someone out there just like you’ve always dreamed about.”

  Leila nodded. “I hope so. I can only pray and believe that I will meet the love of my life the way you’ve met yours.”

  Zainah nodded. “I’ll pray that it happens for you.”

  Leila rubbed her hands together and asked excitedly, “So, when do we leave?”

  “Shh, do you want everyone to know about our plans?” Zainah whispered as she looked around the tent. The women talking on the other corner had turned to stare at them. “We will leave as soon as I’m able to make all the arrangements for everything we need to get us to town. After that, we will be in God’s hands. But we have to be careful so Miriam doesn’t find out. I don’t want her to try to stop us.”

  Leila nodded. “That would not be good if she finds out. Miriam can talk a hen into giving up her beloved chicks.” She smiled broadly. “I am so excited.”

  Zainah grinned. “I am, too. I know our journey will be hard, but I believe the Lord will help us and provide everything we need.” She wrapped her arm around Leila’s waist. “Thank you for deciding to come with me. I feel so much better knowing you will be by my side.”

  Leila nodded.

  Zainah left her sleeping tent again and went to the prayer tent. She knelt on the floor and thanked the Lord for the provisions he had made so far in her quest to find Faizan. She’d secretly spoken to the young women who came to the camp every month to collect the rugs some of the women here had woven for sale. The women had promised to send their driver back here the following week to take her to town. Now Leila would be coming with her. God had provided a ride to town and now the company of her best friend. The God who had provided these things would also provide everything else she needed. She was certain of that.

  *****

  The doorbell rang and Trisha stood up from the couch. She’d been waiting with apprehension for Frank to arrive. She had asked him if he would come back today. When he said he would, she’d been excited because she would finally be able to spend the day with him without interruption. She’d even imagined telling him that she would go out with him, at least to see where things led. But spending the evening with Stan the day before had changed her mind.

  By the time Stan left the house, all the hurt she’d felt about his betrayal and their broken marriage flooded her heart. She never wanted to feel like that again. She’d made a promise to herself that she would stay off relationships for now, after all. She had to keep it. Plus, she didn’t have any need for a father for Ruby anymore. Her daughter now had the fath
er she had been yearning and praying for. She had her real father. There was no need for another.

  Trisha opened the door reluctantly. She’d seen the glint of hope in Frank’s eyes when he had come to the house the day before, before he’d met Stan. She had also noticed the huge smile on his face after she’d asked if he would come back the next day. Worst of all, he had declared his love for her again. She was weary of breaking his heart again and again. But there was nothing she could do about it now. She had to let him know she couldn’t be with him.

  Her heart skipped a beat as she took in Frank’s handsome face and tall, muscular body. Lord, help me, she prayed silently. Pasting on a smile, she said, “Hi, Frank. Come in.”

  She sucked in her breath at the excited smile he gave her, and then shut the door as he walked into the house.

  He sat down on the couch and she sat on the sofa facing his; it was the one Stan had sat on the previous day. Stan had promised to come back today. Hopefully, Frank would have left by the time he did. She just didn’t want to deal with all the tension that would be in the air with both men in the same room. She didn’t need that sort of tension in her life. She looked at Frank again and sighed. He would be so disappointed when she told him she couldn’t date him. But she had to do that, no matter how hard it was for her.

  She opened her mouth to speak, but Frank asked, “Where’s Ruby?”

  “Sleeping,” she answered.

  “Aww… I came all the way for a play date.” He put on a pretend sad face.

  She laughed. “You’ll have to postpone your play date. That girl can sleep. She’ll probably still be at it by the time you leave.” Immediately, when she’d said the word “leave,” she regretted it. He would think she didn’t want him here, though that was partly true. She liked that he had come, but she didn’t want him here by the time Stan came by.

  He didn’t seem to take offence. He smiled. “That’s fine. I’ll just enjoy her mother’s company then.”

  Trisha sucked in her breath at the way Frank was looking at her—like she was a precious jewel he had just discovered. Are you sure you don’t want to date him? She asked herself. She quickly brushed aside the thought and decided to tell him now that she wasn’t interested in a relationship with him before she changed her mind.

  She opened her mouth to speak, but a loud cry stopped her. She bit her lip and stood. “It’s your lucky day, Frank. Ruby is awake. I guess you get to have your play date after all.”

  “Yay!” he said, raising his hand.

  She laughed and shook her head. Leaving the living room, she went straight to Ruby’s room and found her daughter trying to climb out of her crib. Trisha smiled and quickly went to lift her out of it. She placed Ruby down on the lilac shaggy rug on the floor.

  Ruby immediately stopped crying and looked up at her with huge eyes; Stan’s eyes. Trisha sighed and said, “If only you didn’t look so much like your Dad.”

  Ruby nodded as though she clearly understood what Trisha had said to her.

  Trisha lifted Ruby into her arms and went out of her daughter’s room. She walked back into the living room, praying that she could tell Frank what she wanted to, without fear. She also prayed that he would be able to get over her quickly. She just didn’t want to keep stringing him along. It wasn’t fair to him. Maybe she could help him move on by introducing him to someone. And she knew exactly who.

  She entered the living room, and immediately Frank’s face lit up. She sighed silently, and then went to hand Ruby over to him.

  Frank sat Ruby on his lap and said to her, “So, little baby, what shall we do today?”

  Ruby stared curiously at him and then went back to playing with her hands.

  “Alright, we are having a hand modeling game?” He held out one of his large hands and Ruby grabbed his fingers. She studied his hands and then studied hers.

  Frank laughed, lifted her up with him, and swung her around.

  She screamed with laughter as he threw her up slightly and caught her again. He kept making roaring sounds as he swayed her back and forth while Ruby laughed with delight.

  Trisha’s emotions roiled as she watched them. Do I really need to tell him I don’t want to date him? And why can’t I date him again?

  Her stomach flipped as the doorbell rang. Stan! That’s why I don’t want to date Frank or anyone else. I can’t deal with a relationship right now… or ever again. She turned to Frank and told him Stan was at the door in order to encourage him to get going.

  Why did you even tell him to come? She chided herself as she went to open the door.

  Stan stood there, smiling at her.

  “Come in,” she said to him. She heard the eagerness in her voice and cringed. Was this why she didn’t want Frank? Was she still in love with Stan?

  The thought terrified her and strengthened her decision to not date anyone now or maybe ever again. She’d had enough heartbreak to last a lifetime.

  She gingerly went back to sit on the couch while Stan sat next to her. He gave Frank a look that clearly said Frank had no right playing with his daughter.

  Trisha sighed. Hopefully Frank would leave now before it became too awkward for all of them.

  But Frank didn’t look like he was ready to leave. In fact, he settled Ruby in his lap, cheerily greeted Stan, and then continued playing with Ruby.

  Trisha held her breath. How had she gotten herself into this uncomfortable situation, caught between two men? She asked the Lord again for help, and then breathed a sigh of relief when Frank got up and told her he was leaving, promising to come back soon.

  It was only after he left that she remembered she still hadn’t told him she wasn’t interested in a relationship with him. But what was worse was that she knew she’d knowingly put off telling him. It was wrong. She was still stringing him along.

  She felt guilty as she watched Stan playing with Ruby. It was time she did what she’d been planning to do for so long. She was going to set Frank up with her new friend, Lauren. Hopefully, they would hit it off. Then she could finally be free from the guilt that tormented her whenever she saw him.

  *****

  Faizan opened the door to let Ken into the house. He’d just arrived from Miami and he had a traveling bag with him. Ken shook Faizan’s hand.

  “Where is Audrey?” Ken asked as he dropped his bag on the floor and flopped down onto the couch.

  “She just went inside now.” He opened his mouth to call out to Audrey, but she came out. She hurried over to Ken and fell into his arms. “I’ve missed you so much,” she said, kissing his forehead and then his lips.

  Faizan watched them with a tinge of jealousy. He missed Zainah terribly, but unlike Ken, he would not get to see her soon… unless he did something about it.

  Audrey said, “I don’t think we’ve been apart for this long since we got married.”

  Faizan laughed. “It’s only been a few days.”

  “It feels like longer,” Ken said.

  Audrey stood and looked at Faizan. “I’m so sorry, Faizan. I wasn’t thinking about how you would feel, even though you just told me how much you missed your girl the other day.”

  Ken lifted his brows. “Faizan has a girl?” “I told you about her a few months ago, Ken. Faizan left a girl he is in love with in Algeria. Or is it Morocco?”

  Faizan smiled sadly. “Somewhere between the two countries. I’m not sure exactly where.” He sighed. “And she isn’t really my girl… even though I want her to be.”

  Audrey nodded. “Ah, yes. The vow!”

  Ken shook his head. “What are you both talking about?”

  “It’s a really beautiful but heartbreaking love story,” Audrey answered. “Faizan, you said you were going to ask Ken about going to see her?”

  Faizan nodded. He sat down on the sofa across from Ken and Audrey, and began to tell Ken everything about Zainah, from the plane crash which had nearly claimed his life to his conversion to Christ because of her persistence. “She saved me physically a
nd spiritually. I gradually fell in love with her and then discovered she was in love with me, too.”

  He told Ken about her vow and how, because of it, they were destined to never be together. And then he told Ken what was on his mind now. “I miss her so badly, it hurts,” he said. “I just have to see her or go crazy.”

  Audrey gave a long sigh. “So romantic, but so sad. I told Faizan he might be risking his heart by going to see her, but he insists. And I understand.”

  Faizan looked at Ken, who had not spoken for a while, and said, “It will just be a brief visit. I was wondering if you could call Jake and find out if he would provide some of the things I need to get there. If not, I’ll understand.”

  Ken had a thoughtful expression on his face. After a minute, he said, “I don’t know, Faizan. The fed agents were pretty clear when they said you were not to leave the country at all.”

  Faizan’s heart pounded. It would be a disaster if he wasn’t allowed out of the country. “Can you just call Jake for me?”

  “I could… but you can call your handler yourself, you know. You are sort of a federal agent now.”

  Faizan sighed. “I know that. I feel uncomfortable every time I remember that I have a double identity. It reminds me of my past life.”

  Ken smiled sympathetically. “Except that you are on the right side of the law now.”

  “I dread the day I will be called upon again for some other ‘covert operation.’ Right now, I feel like a suburban American high school teacher. I love the job I have now, teaching Arabic at Rosefield High. I always have to remind myself that I’m just playing a role.” He shook his head. “Anyway, can you ask Jake for me, Ken? I don’t want to talk or get involved with those federal agents unless I really have to. Besides, you and Jake are friends.”

  Ken nodded. “’Kay! I’ll call Jake tomorrow.”

  “Thanks, Ken. I appreciate that.”

  Ken nodded and Audrey smiled. She wrapped her arms around Ken and he kissed her hair.

  Faizan said, “Alright, let me leave you two lovebirds alone. Maybe I will go and see Trisha.”