Love Means Everything

by Emma Easter

“Sophie’s Place!” Audrey answered before Ken could say anything. “You know Sophie’s, Faizan.”

  He nodded. “Everyone does, I guess. So, Sophie’s Place it is.” He smiled and then left the living room to prepare for his date with Lauren. But he didn’t immediately start to. He dallied until he knew he would be late if he didn’t dress up and leave the house immediately. Fifteen minutes later, he was in his car, driving towards Lauren’s, his heart drumming.

  *****

  Trisha exited her car and walked to the front door of the small stone house on the outskirts of town. She exhaled, rang the bell, and waited. A minute later, a woman in her late fifties opened the door.

  Trisha smiled. “Hello, Mrs. Kessler.”

  Dorothy Kessler looked at her oddly, as though trying to decide if she wanted to return her greeting or not. At last, she gave Trisha a small smile and said, “Hi, Trisha. How are you?”

  “I’m good.” Trisha winced inwardly at the woman’s cold behavior toward her. When her parents were alive, they had been regular visitors at their family house. Trisha and her sisters also visited the Kesslers’ regularly. She didn’t blame Dorothy, though. If a man played with Ruby’s heart and emotions the way she’d done with Frank’s, she would be angry and resentful too. She looked past the woman into the living room, wondering if she would be allowed in.

  Dorothy eyed her briefly and then opened the door wide to let her in.

  Trisha thanked her and entered the house. She wasn’t surprised that it looked exactly the same as the last time she was there, which was about eight years before. The living room was furnished simply, with polished wooden floors, brown leather sofas, and a big TV stand where a 50-inch TV sat.

  Dorothy sat down on the sofa facing Trisha and said, “It’s been a really long time, Trish. How are your siblings? Is Audrey in town?”

  “They’re fine, and no, she’s in Miami now.”

  Dorothy nodded. “She visited Steve and I two weeks ago.” Dorothy stared accusingly at Trisha. “She’s the only one who visits us… or cares about our Frank.”

  Trisha’s heart raced. She’d come to ask Frank’s parents if they could tell her what country Frank had moved to and if she could get a number to reach him. But with his mother’s cold behavior, she doubted the woman would give away any information about her son. Still, she needed to try. First, though, she asked about Frank’s dad, Steve.

  “He is good. He’s not back from work right now, but I’ll tell him you visited.”

  Trisha winced again. Was this Dorothy’s way of telling her to leave?

  Well, she wouldn’t leave now. Not until she got the information she wanted. Trisha said, “I was wondering if you could tell me what country Frank moved to or give me his new phone number. I have been trying to reach him, but I haven’t been able to. Audrey hasn’t been able to reach him either.”

  Trisha bit her lip. The woman was looking at her as though Trisha had asked her to jump off a cliff.

  “I can’t give you his number or tell you where he is,” Dorothy Kessler said. “Frankly, I only let you into the house because your late parents were our good friends.”

  “I didn’t mean—”

  “Let me finish,” Dorothy interrupted Trisha. “I know it’s your prerogative who you love or don’t love, but you played with his heart, Trisha. He has loved you for years and you know that. You made him leave everything in Boise to come here because you made him believe you missed him and wanted him here. And then, as you’ve always done, you broke his heart by choosing someone else.”

  Trisha bowed her head. She deserved the woman’s anger. “I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

  “You’ve been hurting him for a long time, so what do you mean by that?”

  Tears flooded Trisha’s eyes, but she blinked them back. “I was wrong,” Trisha said, in a voice choked with emotion. “I just want to speak to him now and tell him that I do love him. I didn’t realize it until a few days ago.”

  Dorothy shook her head. “I’m sorry. I can’t help you. Please understand. I’m just a mother wanting to protect her son. You’ve caused him so much pain, and as much as I like you, Trisha, I don’t want Frank involved with you. You will eventually break his heart… as always.”

  “But I have never told Frank how I feel about him, really. I need to tell him now, and I think he needs to know. Please, Mrs. Kessler. Please give me his number.”

  Dorothy shook her head. “I can’t. Besides, Frank told us not to give his number to anyone. He just wants to clear his head and try to find some peace now. I don’t want anything to distract him from finding the peace of mind he needs.”

  Trisha looked at Dorothy’s set jaw and knew she wasn’t going to budge. She stood and smiled sadly. “I understand. I’ll give him some time, but I won’t give up until I find him.”

  Dorothy stared at her and then followed her as she walked to the door.

  Trisha opened the door with her heart aching. Everyone blamed her for Frank’s sudden move out of the United States. She blamed herself, too. If she hadn’t foolishly chosen Stan over him, he would be in Rosefield now, and she would have declared her love for him. She knew now without a doubt that she did love him.

  She stepped out of the house and then turned when Dorothy Kessler called her name.

  “I’m sorry for not being able to help you,” Dorothy said. “But I have to protect Frank.”

  Trisha nodded sadly and then went to her car. Tears fell down her cheeks as she drove home. They were tears of overwhelming sadness because she knew she would probably never get another chance to be with the guy who had loved her for all these years.

  *****

  Dressed in a blue blazer and a white button-down shirt, Faizan knocked on Lauren’s apartment door and waited. He exhaled to try to let go of his nervousness and then stood with his hands behind his back, waiting for her to open the door.

  The door opened a minute later and Faizan smiled at Lauren. She was dressed in a fitted short black dress, and she looked very pretty. “You look beautiful,” he said to her.

  Her smile widened. “Thank you. You look great yourself.”

  “I see you are ready to go,” he said.

  She nodded.

  He opened the passenger door of his car for her, and she thanked him and got in. He got into the driver’s seat and drove away. All through the drive to the restaurant, he made small talk with her while trying to push away all the doubts and guilt in his mind.

  They entered Sophie’s Place with its calming ambience and dim lights, and the host immediately led them to an empty table by the window. Even though it was a weekend, the restaurant was half empty today, but Faizan wasn’t surprised. People in Rosefield hardly ever came to the posh restaurant, choosing other, less formal places, even for dates. It reminded him of the new restaurant that Frank Kessler was building some distance from there. Frank had been AWOL for a while, and the construction seemed to have stopped.

  Lauren leaned forward with her fingers threaded together and looked him in the eye. “A penny for your thoughts.”

  He shrugged. “Umm… I was only thinking about this restaurant and Frank Kessler’s.”

  Lauren nodded. “Trisha told me he moved to another country. And talking about moving to another country, Sienna and her husband have finally moved, haven’t they?”

  “Yes.” Faizan sighed. “I already miss her even though she left just yesterday.”

  She smiled sympathetically at him. “I wish I knew what it was like to have siblings you love so much. I was such a lonely child because my parents split up when I was seven and my mom never remarried.”

  He raised his brows in surprise and said, “I was adopted and raised as an only child too.” He began to tell her about his childhood but skipped the part about Mustafa. He’d already told her a little about the man who’d raised him to be a terrorist, but he didn’t want to talk about any of that this evening. She, in turn, told him about growing up without siblings and an absent father.


  “We have quite a lot in common,” she said to him.

  Just as he opened his mouth to answer, a waiter came to their table. After they had both looked through the menu and ordered, she continued to talk about her childhood right up till she’d gone to college.

  “I met Ken when I was a freshman,” she said. She talked animatedly about her adventures in college until she reached the part where she’d met her ex-husband. She sighed and paused for a second. “I don’t think I’ll ever fully get over all I went through at the hands of my ex.”

  This time, he was the one who smiled sympathetically. “He was a fool to hurt someone as sweet as you, Lauren. You need to try to let go of all that so you can focus on your future and all that the Lord has for you.” He blinked in surprise when she took his hand on the table.

  “Thanks, Faizan, for being such a good friend… and I hope more soon.”

  For a few seconds, they gazed at each other, and then he pulled his eyes away from hers. She let go of his hand and he realized he’d been holding his breath. He breathed a sigh of relief when the waiter came with their food.

  As they tucked into their seafood platters, they chatted about random stuff. From time to time, Faizan’s mind went back to Zainah. Every time, he pressed her image from his mind, only for her face to reappear minutes later. He was thankful that Lauren didn’t say anything more about wanting to be more than friends. He wanted them to take things slow. The thought of immediately entering into a relationship with someone other than Zainah was starting to freak him out.

  But you told everyone at the airport that you were ready to move on, he chided himself.

  It was true. He’d told his siblings and their spouses he was going to stop holding on to Zainah and ask Lauren out with the purpose of dating her. He couldn’t just change his mind. Besides, he’d given Lauren hope of a relationship in the future by asking her out. He wasn’t the type of person to lead a woman on. If he wanted to truly open his heart to find someone to spend the rest of his life with, he needed to try to forget about Zainah and completely focus on Lauren. Zainah was his past, but Lauren was his future… at least, he needed to see it that way from now on.

  “Faizan, are you listening to what I’m saying?” Lauren said to him. “You aren’t even eating your food.”

  He winced inwardly and said, “I’m sorry, Lauren.” He looked down at his food and took a bite of his salad. He smiled at her. “Please go on. I’m listening.”

  She sighed. “I asked if you are thinking of Zainah.”

  He frowned and leaned forward. She’d guessed what was on his mind, but then, maybe it wasn’t difficult for her. She knew how deeply in love he was with Zainah. His frown deepened. How could she put up with him when she knew he was still in love with someone else? He decided to tell her the truth. “I was, but I was also making up my mind to forget about her and focus completely on you.”

  She smiled and the expression on her face was a mixture of pleasure and uncertainty. To take her doubts about his seriousness away, he gently took her hand on the table, even though it was hard for him to do.

  Her smile deepened and the uncertain look disappeared from her face.

  She continued telling him about her life while they ate.

  Half an hour later, they left the restaurant still chatting and laughing.

  As they drove away from the restaurant, Lauren said, “So I ask my friend’s three-year-old daughter what she wants to be when she grows up, and she says she wants to be Peppa Pig.”

  Faizan laughed and Lauren laughed along. “Kids are hilarious,” he said.

  “They are,” Lauren replied, still giggling. Suddenly, she stopped laughing and said, “Richie, my ex, wanted kids badly. I did want kids as well, but because of his constant abuse, I just decided to put off having them until he changed. Of course, he never did, but I hope I can have children one day… soon.”

  Faizan didn’t turn to look at her, as he could feel her eyes on him. He kept his eyes on the road while his emotions roiled. For the remainder of the journey to her house, neither of them said anything. He finally got to her house and parked in front of it. Her front porch was brightly lit. He walked her to her door and then stood waiting while she dug in her purse for her keys. When she unlocked her door, he stepped back.

  “I had a great time,” he said, smiling at her. “I’ll see you in church tomorrow.” He began to turn away but she called his name and he stopped. She stepped forward and stood in front of him.

  “I had a great time too,” she said to him.

  He sucked in his breath at the sultry expression on her face. When she took his face in her hands and drew near, he knew she was going to kiss him. He tried to force himself to stand still, but Zainah’s face appeared in his mind and he immediately drew back.

  She winced.

  He looked at her and said softly, “I’m so sorry, Lauren. But I can’t. I thought I could do this, but I just can’t seem to forget about Zainah. I’m still deeply in love with her, and I don’t think it’s fair to keep stringing you along.”

  Lauren sighed and looked down for a few seconds. She looked up again and said, “I’m sorry, too.” She bit her lip and then smiled sadly. “I guess it’s not meant to be.”

  He could feel her disappointment and pain, but there was nothing he could do about it. It was better this way… before she got in too deep with him only to get her heart badly broken.

  She stepped into her house and then turned around. “Goodnight, Faizan.”

  “I hope we can still be friends,” he said guiltily.

  She didn’t answer. She shut the door slowly.

  He took a deep breath and then went to his car. Grabbing the steering wheel, he shut his eyes and asked himself what he thought he was doing. He’d made a decision to move on and had told his family he would. Now he’d reneged on that promise. He was still holding on to his love for Zainah, fully knowing it would only lead to a lifetime of loneliness.

  Lord, what am I doing? I should go and knock on Lauren’s door, tell her I am sorry and that I want a relationship with her.

  But he knew he couldn’t do that. He didn’t want to. He started the car and drove out of Lauren’s driveway. As he sped back home, he held the image of the only woman he’d ever loved close to his heart. Despite the consequences, he was certain he would love her forever.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Zainah had already spent a couple of days in her family home and still her father hadn’t given her the money he’d promised. She’d also been too embarrassed to ask him again since she had figured he would give it to her when he was ready. Now, though, she was getting impatient. She had to leave soon so she could start the search for Faizan again. She needed to swallow her embarrassment and pride and ask her father for the money.

  She woke up very early in the morning, said a brief prayer, and then stood up from the bed. She glanced over at the other end of her old bedroom where Leila’s bed was and then frowned. Leila wasn’t in bed. She usually slept until about ten o’clock. Zainah had teased her about it and Leila had smiled. “After years of waking up at five o’clock every morning, I’m very grateful for this opportunity to wake up whenever I want, even if it’s just temporary.”

  After a quick bath, Zainah opened her closet. As she’d done the first day she’d come home, she went through her old clothes with a feeling of painful nostalgia. Most of her things had been left exactly as they were when she’d left home years before. It left her feeling sad about the years she’d missed spending with her parents and siblings. Most of the dresses in the closet still fit her, even though they weren’t exactly the kinds of clothes she would normally wear now.

  She chose a long, cream, casual dress and a scarf, left the room, and sat in the living room waiting for her dad to come out so she could speak to him before he left for work. She heard someone who sounded like Leila giggling just outside the front door and stood. She opened the door and her jaw dropped. Leila was enfolded in Mali
k’s arms. They were kissing and laughing at the same time.

  Leila was the first to notice Zainah. She pulled away from Malik and looked down sheepishly.

  Malik pulled her into his arms again and glared at Zainah. “Why are you looking at us like that?” he chided her. “Haven’t you seen a couple kissing before?”

  Zainah scowled at them. “I have, but I don’t really want to see my brother and my best friend at it, especially when…” She didn’t finish her sentence. She just glared at Leila. Malik didn’t know Leila was a Christian, but Leila knew he wasn’t one. “You should know better than to do this,” she said to Leila.

  “I should know better than what? Is it wrong to kiss the guy I like just because he’s your brother?” Leila stared defiantly at her.

  “Stop being like that, Leila. You know exactly what I mean.”

  “You mean that I am a Christian and he isn’t?”

  Zainah’s eyes widened in surprise and panic.

  “Stop staring at me like that, Zainah!” Leila said. “Malik already knows that I am a Christian. I told him. Besides, it’s not exactly hard to guess seeing that was the reason why you were chased out of this community.”

  Zainah turned to Malik, still surprised, and asked, “So, you know she’s a Christian and you’re still interested?”

  He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me.”

  Zainah shook her head and turned back to Leila. “First of all, it should matter to you, Leila, that he doesn’t share your faith.” She held up her hand when Leila opened her mouth to say something. “And don’t tell me you are working on making him a Christian. As much as I want that, too, it might never happen.” She looked back to make sure no one was coming before turning to Malik and saying, “Secondly, you know that Papa will be angry if he finds out you are involved with a Christian woman. He hasn’t asked me about my faith yet, but I think he’s hoping that I’ve finally come back to Islam again and that is why I came back home. I intend to leave this house before he asks me about that and it becomes an issue.”