Swamp Happens: The Complete Swamp Bottom Series

by Cora Kenborn

  Zep stopped pacing and stared at me, arms crossed and nostrils flaring. He was well and truly pissed. Good. Fucker deserved every word. Hopefully it’d knock some damn sense into him.

  “I’m sick of seeing my sister cry. I told her the same damn thing I’m going to tell you. It’s time you two stop fucking around and handle your business. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have something very important to attend to.”

  Turning on my heel, I saw Pope leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, that dimpled smirk I so loved in place. “Ready to go?”

  I stood up straight and pumped a fist into the air. “Now we get tacos!”

  46

  Giddy-Up

  Adelaide

  New Orleans, Louisiana

  “Why do you always get to drive?” Savannah motioned to the steering wheel with one hand while shoving a Pop-Tart in her mouth with the other. “This isn’t the Daytona 500, Ads. Slow down, I’m a little woozy.”

  Just the sight of my sister chewing on the processed blueberry pastry turned my stomach, so I focused on the road while ticking off her offenses. “Well, let’s go down the list, shall we? You recently stole a van, get unprovoked road rage, oh, and maybe because you smell like a frat house,” I added, popping two more pieces of peppermint in my mouth to quell the churning in my stomach.

  “Allegedly stole a van,” she shot back, crumbs falling from her mouth. “Besides, you’ve had your panties in a wad for days. I’m just slightly hungover.”

  “Serves you right, too,” I muttered. “I get the shock of my life, and you’re the one who gets drunk over it. How’s that fair?”

  “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have been playing bedroom rodeo.” She waved a hand in the air and rolled her eyes. “You and Zep have had pent up sexual tension for thirteen goddamn years. With all that repressed fucking, I’m surprised you’re not having a litter.”

  “Hey, the bible says condoms are only ninety-eight percent effective even when used correctly. How is this my fault?”

  Savannah’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “Bible? Excuse me, the Bible? Did I miss the ‘condom clause’ scripture? Was that before or after Jesus turned water into a wine filled snorkel?”

  “Don’t be an ass. I meant the pregnancy bible. What To Expect When You’re Expecting says that mood swings are the most common symptom of pregnancy. I’m fully justified.”

  Savannah furrowed her brows, and her cheeks puffed out as Pop-Tart dust flew out of her mouth. “What to what when you’re what?”

  I sighed. “While you were at Pope’s, I went online to do some research. The women in some childbirth chat room said it’s like some pregnancy bible or something, so I bought it.”

  “Of course you’d find a manual for something women have been doing for centuries. Do you keep it next to your copy of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus?”

  I decided to ignore her jab and steer the conversation away from me. “What happened to you last night? I thought you passed out at Pope’s house.”

  “I did…eventually.”

  “Sav, I don’t like the look on your face. What the hell did you do?” The pause in her voice worried me. Savannah was many things, but indirect wasn’t one of them.

  “Nothing!” she exclaimed, averting her eyes while examining her nails. “I blew Pope, and then he took me for tacos.”

  “Wow, that’s just more information than I wanted to—”

  “I may have also gone to Zep’s in between and assaulted him,” she interjected while swallowing the last of her breakfast.

  “You did what?” Panic almost stopped my heart, and my hands flew to my mouth as I struggled to breathe. “Savannah, how the hell could you have told—”

  “Addie, the wheel!” she screamed, diving across the truck for the now unmanned steering wheel. The truck filled with a chorus of F-bombs as we swerved into oncoming traffic, both of us screaming while the driver of some pretentious SUV honked his obnoxiously loud horn.

  “Let go, Sav! You’re gonna kill us!”

  As we fought for control, the truck swerved three more times, performing a sharp turn on and off the shoulder before I smacked her hands away, my heart pounding. Just as I opened my mouth to demand to know what the hell she was thinking, a flicker of blue lights filled the rearview mirror, and a siren wailed.

  “Fuck!” I yelled, extending an arm and smacking her on the back of the head. “Are you happy now?”

  “Me? How is this my fault? You’re the one starring in your own rendition of Jesus Take The Wheel while going seventy on a side street!”

  My heart pounded in my chest as I pulled off the side of the road, making sure to use my turn signal as if it mattered now. We sat in silence as a pissed off-looking uniformed officer appeared beside my window, tapping it with his index finger while indicating for me to roll down the window.

  “Good morning,” I frantically scanned his name tag, trying to establish a rapport with him before he carted my ass off to jail, “Officer Schlonger.”

  “That’s Schlosser,” he said, adjusting the brim of his oversized hat.

  A low giggle rumbled from my right, so I elbowed Savannah in the ribs to shut her up. “Right, Officer Schlosser. My mistake.”

  “Actually, your mistake was driving sixty-six in a forty-five. Lowering his sunglasses, he narrowed eyes and leaned further into the car as Savannah’s eighty-proof laughter erupted again. “License and registration, please.”

  Great. After finding out I was pregnant and getting dumped on the same day, the cherry on top of this crap sundae was going to be a ticket. Grumbling, I reached across the cab and flung open the glove compartment while apologizing profusely.

  “I know it’s in here somewhere.”

  Tilting her head toward the window, Savannah grinned a toothy grin that clearly had “we’re fucked” written all over it. “Now, Officer Schlonger,” she began, batting her eyes while wiping Pop-Tart crumbs off her mouth.

  This time, the officer wasn’t as tolerant. “Schlosser,” he corrected again, his tone sharp and direct.

  Savannah waved a dismissive hand. “Whatever. There’s a simple explanation for all this.”

  He crossed his arms and rocked back on his polished black shoes. “I’m waiting.”

  “My sister is knocked up.”

  I shut my eyes and groaned, drawing her name out with way more vowels than necessary. “Savannah!”

  However, my little sister was on a roll and refused to be deterred. “You see, sir, Adelaide’s husband put her out on her ass, and her booty call managed to slip one past the goalie if you know what I mean.”

  I want to die right now.

  Instead of getting out the tire iron Daddy kept in the backseat and beating the shit out of her with it, I solemnly passed my license and registration through the window and sank down in my seat.

  “Well, while I can see how that would be distressing, it doesn’t excuse almost causing an accident.” The officer’s stern look and shaking head were enough to pound my heart into oblivion as he closed his hand around my information. “Wait here.”

  I let out the breath I’d been holding, ready to accept my punishment and leave. However, the Savannah inquisition wasn’t finished. Nope, that’s when my impulsive sister decided to play the Pope card.

  “Oh, no, you don’t understand, officer. You don’t have to call in my sister’s information.” Elbowing me with a wink, she ran a hand through her disheveled hair and widened her smile. “You see, Officer Quentin Pope is my boyfriend.” Spreading her arms out, she leaned back against the door as if she’d just solved world hunger.

  “How nice for you.” Shooting her a return smirk, the officer disappeared from the window and returned to his squad car.

  Savannah let out an annoyed grunt, her eyes following his every move from cab window. “What’s the use of dating a cop if you can’t use it to get out of a ticket?”

  I pressed my forehead against the steering wheel, nerves twisting my already sour
stomach. “Savannah, shut up.”

  “While we wait, let it be known that you didn’t let me finish before you went all NASCAR on me,” she said, continuing as if I hadn’t even spoken. “Yes, I went to Zep’s but just to tell him to get his head out of his ass. I didn’t say anything about having a pea in the pod.”

  “Thank—”

  “Yet,” she added, pinning me with an accusing glare. “But when we get to the office you’ve got to tell him, Ads, or I will.”

  “Fine, I will,” I bit out. “Unless you’d like to have a three-martini lunch and tell him yourself, you lush.”

  Savannah’s eyebrows squished together. “Don’t be stupid. I don’t even like gin.”

  Opening my mouth for rebuttal, I quickly changed my mind as the officer clomped his way back to the truck. Instead, I gritted my teeth as he handed back my information, along with a citation.

  “I recorded it as fifty-eight in a forty-five so you won’t lose your license. Keep it between the lines, Mrs. Bordeaux,” he said, motioning to the steering wheel. “You ladies have yourself a good day.” Before heading back to his car, he lifted his chin toward Savannah and smirked. “Give Quentin my best.”

  Hearing my married name tanked what was left of my mood. Shaking my head, I cursed myself for not duct taping Savannah’s mouth shut the minute we got pulled over. “Thanks a lot.”

  “Hey, I was just trying to help. How was I supposed to know he didn’t like Pope? Everybody likes Pope. But, look at it this way, now you have a way to approach the conversation with Zep.”

  “Oh? I can’t wait to hear this.”

  Lifting her voice a few octaves, she placed her hand over her heart in mock innocence, mimicking me. “Hey, Zep, you’re not going to believe the crazy day I’ve had so far. I got pulled over for reckless driving, I got a ticket I can’t afford, and oh yeah, you’re my baby daddy.”

  “Smooth.” Shaking my head, I turned the ignition and rejoined the flow of traffic, more nauseous than ever. I swallowed hard, unsure if I was about to get sick from getting a ticket, being pregnant, or having to face Zep.

  Everything had gone opposite of how I’d meant for it to go, so the odds of me handling this properly weren’t in my favor. Zep had obviously made his choice when he walked out on me yesterday. I shivered, remembering his face completely blanking as if any feelings he ever had for me had evaporated into thin air.

  Regardless of what my sister thought, I had no intention of keeping the pregnancy a secret. As confused as I was, I knew in my heart he had a right to know. I just hoped telling him didn’t blow up in my face.

  As Officer Schlosser’s squad car passed us on my left, Savannah balled up the ticket and tossed it in the back of the cab. “See? You should’ve let me drive.”

  Unfortunately, I’d forgotten that Zep and Bam-Bam spent Tuesdays on the boat, and after clock-watching all day, my anxiety level had reached Defcon 1. Zep always stopped by the office after a long day on the water, and the wait was about to drive me insane.

  Don’t look at the clock again. Don’t look at the clock again.

  Sneaking a glance at the big white clock hanging on the wall above the door, I groaned.

  Five o’clock. He’s late.

  “You know, Ads, I think telling Zep is the least of your problems.”

  I’d just gotten out of my chair to pace for the fifth time in less than an hour when I stopped to stare at Savannah. “How do you figure?”

  I had no idea what could possibly be worse.

  A pensive stare crossed her face as she picked up a framed picture of us with Pope and Zep from the family barbecue from her desk. Flicking the glass with her fingernail, she turned it around and shoved it in my face.

  “Have you gotten a good look at Zep’s big ass head? I mean, seriously, you could rent that thing out for billboard advertising.” Turning the picture back around, she shook her head as she placed it carefully back on her desk. “No, your main problem is figuring out how you’re gonna push out any kid of his without ripping from one end to the other.”

  “Glad to see you’re trying to keep me calm here, sis.” I grimaced as the mental image filled my head.

  “You don’t need me to keep you calm. You can do this,” she encouraged, pounding her fist on the desk for emphasis. “Don’t beat around the bush. As soon as he opens that door, just blurt out, ‘I’m preg—”

  The front door flew open in the middle of her confession, and my stomach dropped to my feet. After a momentary pause, I let out a heavy disappointed sigh and resumed my frantic laps around the office.

  “Oh, it’s just you.”

  Pope’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he caught an airborne Savannah. Giggling, she wrapped her legs around his waist as he planted a kiss on her lips. “Now that’s a hell of a greeting, babe.” Giving her a private wink, he tossed me one of his movie-star grins. “I’m thrilled to see you too, Addie.”

  They looked so happy and so at ease with each other that a pang of jealousy hit me. Mild mannered and obviously devoted to my sister, I knew without question Pope would be thrilled if Savannah were the one pregnant. She wouldn’t have to worry about his reaction because he’d probably immediately drag her to a financial planner and start setting up a college fund.

  Scrubbing my hands down my face, I tried to find the energy for an apology. “It’s not that. It’s just, oh, never mind.”

  Completely ignoring my neurosis, Pope mumbled into Savannah’s hair, “You ready to go? I have a special dinner planned for us.”

  “Yep!” Savannah nodded enthusiastically, crossing her ankles and resting them at the base of his spine. As he turned around and opened the door, she snuggled her chin into his neck and mouthed “tell him” to me before they both disappeared outside.

  With everyone gone, the silence started to get to me, so I decided to try out different ways to approach the subject with Zep. Making another lap past the door, I increased my speed while wringing my hands and talking to myself like a crazy person.

  “So, Zep, guess who’s about to be all kinds of financially responsible?” Shit, no that made me sound like some kind of gold digger. Maybe going with the shock value approach would be better. I could just shove one of my pregnancy tests at him and say, “Do you know anything about chemistry? Me either, but damn if I didn’t pee a pink line.” Throwing my head back, I groaned. “Oh, God no, that sounds like I need antibiotics.”

  Blowing out a long breath, I folded both hands on top of my head and faced the kitchenette, imaging him standing there. “Hey, Zep, you’re not gonna believe this, but I’m—”

  “I’m not gonna believe you’re what?”

  I froze the minute his deep voice rumbled behind me, sending a shiver up my spine. Suddenly, the thought of telling him and the reality of it were two totally different concepts. Staring into the empty kitchenette, every scenario I’d practiced went out the window the minute his strong hand gripped my hip.

  Think, Addie.

  Shit, shit, shit, shit.

  “You’re not gonna believe how long I’ve waited for you,” I admitted, covering my outburst with truth.

  Zep’s hold tightened. Fueled by the change in his attitude, my body leaned into his touch on its own volition. Seconds seemed to draw out like minutes, and we stood in silence until a low chuckle rumbled from his chest, and he released me with a playful slap to my ass.

  “You’re full of it.”

  If by “it” you mean you your big foreheaded kid, then yes.

  Savannah’s face popped into my head, and her threat from the truck echoed in my ears.

  “When we get to the office, you’ve got to tell him, Ads, or I will.”

  “I’m serious.” Blowing out a few short breaths, I glanced back at him and placed a hand over my stomach. “Look we need to talk. I—”

  Zep cut me off, wrapping a full arm around my waist this time and spinning me around to face him. With my mouth still hanging open in shock, I didn’t dare breathe as he close
d his free hand around the back of my neck, his sinfully sexy lips not hesitating in claiming mine in a ferocious kiss. There were no teasing soft licks against the seam of my mouth.

  I wanted to cry. Although it had only been twenty-four hours, the thought of never being kissed like this again almost brought me to my knees. As if sensing my turmoil, he deepened the kiss, erasing my fears with every frenzied stroke of his tongue. The warmth of his calloused hands burned against my skin, lodging whatever words I’d planned to say in my throat. All thought vanished, and I curled my arms around his neck. At that moment, I didn’t give a damn what happened as long as he never let me go.

  “Wow,” I breathed, brushing my hand down his tanned neck. “Does that mean I’m forgiven?”

  Extending his fingers, he cradled the back of my head, pulling me into him and pressing our foreheads together. “It means I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” I whispered, my head still spinning.

  “Being an ass yesterday.” Shifting his hold to frame my face, Zep fixated his pale blue eyes on mine as his thumb caressed my cheek. “For walking out. For not realizing you’re scared I’m going to hurt you again.”

  “Who the hell told you that?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” he said, dismissing me with a rough and raspy voice. “What matters is that I’m making everything up to you.”

  I pulled back a little, gaping at him. “Here?”

  “No.” Zep laughed and reached for me again, pressing his lips against my temple. “That’s for later when I have you all to myself. I meant I’m going to prove to you that you don’t have to be afraid of us.”

  He looked so sincere and delicious, all standing there in tan cargo shorts and the official army green DuBlanc T-shirt. His tattooed arms and muscular legs were a golden-brown color, kissed by the sun from being out on the water all day. How I ever found an Armani mannequin like Roland appealing when the man standing in front of me sent my pulse haywire with one glance was beyond me.