Going Under

by LeTeisha Newton

  I opened my mouth and smooth liquor slid against my tongue and burned down my throat. He did it once more, pouring the sweet liquid into my mouth. As we danced, his hands groped my form, and I burned. In the middle of a crowded room, they meant nothing and his touch meant everything. My gut blazed with the alcohol as the music throbbed through me. A fog descended on my mind, and, when Jack turned me away from him to face the bar, I slapped my hands on the grainy surface to catch my balance. Gasping as he grazed his teeth along my pulse, I swirled my hips against his hardening cock.

  I wanted him inside me.

  Jesus, I was crazy, but I wanted him to fuck me, and I wanted them to see what belonged to only me.

  His fingers dug into my hips as I danced against him and moaned. I lay my head on the bar, too lost to hold it up. His cock lodged against my ass, thick and hard for me. He pushed his hand down between my ass and his groin, lifting the back of my dress. Pressed against me the way he was, I didn’t think anyone could see a thing, but I felt him. He traced the crease of my ass and down over the perineum. I sucked in a breath, lost to his touch. His fingers danced further down, teasing my pussy before he traced my vulva. My juices eased his path as he backtracked and sank one long finger inside of me.

  “Yes,” I moaned.

  He fucked me slow with his hand, twisting his finger as he impaled me on it. I squeezed my muscles around his finger. Then he sank another inside. As he withdrew each time, he opened his fingers like a pair of scissors against my sensitive walls. My chest burned with need and my legs shook.

  “It’s only you and me here,” he said in my ear. “And I’m playing with my pussy. I’m going to eat my pussy. And then I’m going to fuck it. And every time you come, I want to hear my name.”

  Jack braced an arm against the center of my back and drove his fingers in me faster. He hooked them and rotated up with each thrust. A bomb went off inside of me. Each stroke pushed me harder, tossed me higher, until I couldn’t hold back my moans. My clit hardened and distended out of its shell, eager for a touch. His touch destroyed me, then built me back up. Between the flickering lights and alcohol soaked bar, I floated. The crowd dispersed, and all that mattered was the feeling of Jack’s hot mouth sucking his way over my ass cheek.

  His tongue burned a trail down and around his fingers. Cool air hit the saliva he left behind and it took my focus. Jack and I were like that, opposing entities that erased the other, and yet in those fateful moments we were more real than we ever could be apart. I swiveled my hips, driving my clit against his tongue, his name a prayer on my lips. I burned, inside and out. So many nights I stalked through the streets, pushing my limits, craving a danger that missed something. A vital part of the equation I hadn’t been equipped for.

  Love.

  As Jack touched me, led me through, and drenched me in need until I couldn’t think of anything but him, my heart swelled and I choked on emotion. Scratching behind my eyes signaled the tears before I felt them spill from my eyes. Whatever the outcome, no matter how far I had to travel, or how many shards of glass filled my path, I’d cross it … for him. As Jack pulled away from me, I whimpered. And then I sighed when his cock, thick and hard, slid into me. His fingers worked over my clit and ripped a climax through me.

  “Jack!” I screamed, and the crowd roared.

  Their desire and energy pulsed against my skin, made my hair stand on end, and I ruptured. With each thrust, his heavy balls hit the inside of my thighs, his body buffeted me against the bar, and pleasure spiraled. I didn’t open my eyes; I wouldn’t focus on anything but the feel of him inside me. My walls clenched around him as he took me so high I flew into the sun. He kept moving as a heavy material was draped over my back. Leather and oil filled the air, and I knew my cut was on my back.

  Finally, I lifted my head and looked over my shoulder at him.

  “Do you like seeing your name on me while you fuck me?” I asked.

  He groaned and fucked my harder, faster.

  “She’s Diamond Eater material! No doubt about that.”

  “Got you a good one, Jack.”

  “Take her back to your room, we’ve seen what we needed to.”

  The comments blasted us, but he didn’t stop. Our gazes were locked, his fingers dug into my hips, and I needed to feel him come. He roared as warmth filled me and I clenched around him.

  No matter what Samuel did, he couldn’t take that moment from us.

  18

  Jack

  I’d made a mistake.

  Thinking I could have Melody, make her my Old Lady, take over the club, and have everything go smoothly would have been naïve, so I didn’t think that. At least, I thought I hadn’t. But after I slid out of her and took an unconscious Melody back to my room after The Gauntlet, I realized I hadn’t prepared for the right casualty. She nuzzled against me in compete trust as I lay her on the bed, and I couldn’t get away fast enough. This wasn’t about love, or silly emotions that would get each of us killed. What I saw in her eyes, felt in the way she moved, and knew by watching her, told me she’d fallen into the trap. She’d given her heart to me, and I’d only crush it.

  Not because I would fail her but because I couldn’t love her.

  Losing my father and Samuel had twisted me. I didn’t have it in me to love because I didn’t trust that fucking emotion. And she’d fucked everything up because now I couldn’t trust her. So I stayed away. For three fucking days and nights I didn’t go to my room, I refused to talk to her, and worked my fingers to the bone. I couldn’t escape her, though. I smelled her, tasted her, and craved her skin under my hands. I lived life in memories of broken promises, with bloody hands from so much evil, and with eyes that saw the ulterior motive in everyone. With her, I had the light, something soft and sweet that belonged to me. She was tainted by the darkness, but that very taint allowed her to accept someone like me.

  Love me.

  And I hated it. I wanted her to see the benefit, to understand that being by my side kept her safe, gave her a life she could enjoy. I could protect her and be the man I needed to be because she expected nothing else from me. Not now, not the way she looked at me when they put my cut on her. Not the way she gave in to me and let me play with her any way I needed to on that bar. And not after I heard her whisper those three fucking words to me in the middle of the night.

  But thinking about Melody kept me from seeing it.

  “What do you think?” Gary asked. Rex leaned against his bike and stared down the empty road.

  “I think it’s a bunch of shit, but I don’t know what he’s up to. Why make a drop way out here for arms? We can travel in small packs directly from up in the Hills, like we’ve always done. This is open and dangerous if we aren’t first to the party,” I said.

  “We are the only ones here, Samuel said, remember? After the Prospect exchanges the cash, he is to radio us with the drop site. At that point, we move out to the coordinates, dig up our shit, and haul it out,” Rex answered.

  “We ever used a Prospect for shit like this before?” Gary questioned.

  “Never, and that’s my point. A nobody who isn’t even patched going to make this deal, on short fucking notice, and I’m not supposed to expect an ambush?” I asked.

  “What you want to do, Pres?”

  I spun to face Lance as he and ten other riders pushed their bikes up the gravel toward us.

  “The fuck y’all doing here?” I asked.

  “I called them. You’re trying to cover our asses, so you need a council, not some fucking officers in Samuel’s pocket,” Rex said.

  “Yo,” Lance called, flipping the stand on his bike. He rested on his seat and glanced down the road. “I got the truck up and running in the time you asked, but this sort of terrain is going to be hell on the wheels. It’s mush, and you’re looking at possibly getting stuck out here.”.

  “If we scout up and down this road early, throughout the day on the drop night, we may just find out ahead of time what’s going on,�
� Ryan said, his dark hair falling over one eye as he chewed on a toothpick.

  “What are you thinking?” I asked.

  “We aren’t coming out here for guns. This many members don’t ride for that. And the Prospect thing? No good going to come from that. He’s a fall guy. Now, what is Samuel buying?”

  “We’re going around in fucking circles. We need to get in Samuel’s head, or we protect ourselves. It would be easier to prepare for an ambush. He wants most of the club on the move for this, but he hasn’t specified how. We split up. Half on the trail scouting ahead of time. They can travel back and forth between the club and the drop point in groups. The rest travel with Samuel, as agreed,” I said.

  “How are you going to explain that to him?” Rex asked.

  “I don’t fucking know. I can’t see what he’s doing, but he’s never been able to stay one step ahead of me. I’ll figure it out. I won’t let any of you go down.”

  “Scan the site again, fellas, and then bring it around to the clubhouse. If Samuel asks, we were scouting for the truck’s path,” Rex ordered.

  I sat silently as the bikers kicked their bikes in motion and headed out on the open road. My mind was a fucking mess, and I couldn’t afford that right now. I needed to break the love out of Melody, force her to see me for who I really was, and then things would go back to being clean. Until then, I couldn’t get my head into the game, and that would get me killed. I got my bike started but stopped when Rex stood in front of me.

  “Yeah?” I asked, after I turned off my bike.

  “What’s your deal?” Rex asked.

  I sighed, not in the mood for this shit. “Got shit on my head, that’s all.”

  “Well, get it off. We got men choosing to turn their back on our President, to fight their own brothers for you. They deserve a leader who plans to look out for them. Go home, get in your bed, let your Old Lady make you feel real good, and come at this shit again tomorrow.”

  There wasn’t any point in telling him my Old Lady was the root of my problem. I’d stuck my neck out for her and saved her life. He wouldn’t understand what was happening. Hell, I didn’t understand it most of the time. All I knew was I didn’t want to return to that room, but I knew if I didn’t, people would start noticing and I’d be playing right into Samuel’s hands.

  When I turned off my bike in front of the clubhouse, things were already rowdy and loud. Samuel had partied every night since The Gauntlet and poked at me to bring Melody out again to give a show, since she seemed to like it so much. I just kept myself from punching his teeth down his throat and telling me how they tasted. Tonight, though, I wondered if it wouldn’t be better to get into the party. Anything to keep me from heading into the room.

  But when I stepped through the doors, Melody was working behind the bar, like some fucking Honey, and it made my blood boil. I stomped through the bar, ignoring the catcalls and outstretched hands. Melody turned and bumped into me, spilling shots of liquor down the front of my shirt.

  “Shit, you scared me. Jack?”

  “What the fuck are you doing out here?” I gritted out

  “Excuse me?”

  “I asked you a question, Firecracker, and I don’t like repeating myself.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me, fanning a red flag in the face of a bull. “You want to try talking to me again?”

  “I don’t have to,” I told her. I gripped her wrists and dragged her from behind the bar.

  “Jack!”

  I ignored her cry and kept going. She didn’t belong to them. She was mine. Mine. The men out there didn’t deserve to enjoy her exposed skin. Her dark-blue skinny jeans covered her legs, but her white corset was strapless, the swell of her breasts teasing me. Her midriff looked soft, making me want to rip her jeans off and fuck her, claim her.

  “Jack,” she called again, digging in and trying to stop me. I spun on her and then lifted her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

  “You’ve lost your damn mind.”

  “No,” I hollered as I tossed her into my room, “you have.”

  She landed on my bed and bounced before she sprang back on her feet. “Where have you been, huh? Three days, Jack. You disappeared for three days without a word.”

  “It isn’t your business what I do or where I go. You’re now an Old Lady. Do you see any of the other ones running the bar and working? You just going to fucking embarrass me like that?”

  “How the hell would I know, Jack? You left and didn’t say anything. Am I supposed to sit in this room and wait until you return?”

  “Yes, that’s exactly what you are supposed to do. We have too much riding on our steps and you know it.”

  I know I should shut up, kiss her, take her in my arms and tell her how much I missed her. Her face was flushed red with anger, and she bit her lip harder with each word I said. Her chest heaved as she balled her hands into tight fists, but I couldn’t stop. Seeing her out there, in the same room with Samuel, fucked with my head. The fact that I knew, I couldn’t ignore how she felt about me, curdled in my stomach and made me sick with fear.

  Fear.

  She made me afraid, and I hated it.

  “You stay in this room until I tell you can come out otherwise.”

  “Just tell me what’s going on, Jack. We are in this together. Please, don’t shut me out.”

  I stood taller and gripped her chin. Her skin felt soft under my fingertips. Just like I knew it would. Her lips trembled and delicate tears pooled into her eyes, clinging to her eyelashes. I rubbed my thumb across them, chasing them away. God, she was so beautiful, and in love, with me. I should have bowed at her knees and begged her to never stop. I should have placed her up on a pedestal and surrounded her in the blood of her enemies because she deserved it.

  Instead, I broke her heart.

  “We are in this together because you want to live, and I want revenge. That is all. Nothing more. I do not love you, Melody. I’ve told you this before. I never will. Don’t push ideals on me when I am not interested in them. You—”

  Her palm met my cheek with a resounding crack that echoed in the pregnant silence between us. Tears fell from her eyes, too fast for me to chase them away, though I tried. My hands were hesitant on her as I brushed them away. But my fear, it clawed up from my stomach and lodged in my throat. I asphyxiated on it, and my only way to survive was to spit it out.

  “Don’t do this to us, Jack. I love you, and it’s okay that you will have to learn again. I will teach you, I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I want you to. I need it. Please, don’t give up on me.

  Those were not the words I said.

  “You hit me again and I’ll have you fucking the next Prospect that comes in like the rest of the Honeys. Do what I told you to and you’ll survive. Once I get Samuel out of here, you will be free to go. I’ll make sure no one in the club is looking for you.”

  She stood tall as I crumbled inside. My feet couldn’t carry me to the door fast enough. I’d made the ultimate mistake for a killer—I’d found my heart.

  As I slammed the door behind me, I heard my heart wail. I heard it fall to pieces on the floor, shatter with whatever had been tossed at the door. Fuck, my heart bled and screamed for me to come back, to pick it up, to face it like a man, and I paced away. A fuck up like me didn’t deserve to have a heart because I’d only kill it anyway. The weak muscle that kept blood flowing through my veins pumped in my chest, but I ignored it. That thing was a replacement. A fucking traitor for beating when I wished it would stop and just let me die. Even though I knew this was for the best—for me to think, to plan, and for me to save her—I’d broken the one thing in my life I could ever attempt to love again. How do you protect the very thing you had to shatter into pieces to be the monster it needed?

  God, who was I kidding? I fucking loved her already.

  19

  Melody

  I’d known Jack wouldn’t be an easy man to love. He was a killer, one percenter b
iker, and looking to overthrow his President. He’d survived a world of pain and torture. The man he’d grown to be was hard, scarred, and twisted up inside with good and evil; I knew that. But knowing didn’t make his defection any easier to swallow. My heart ached but I kept my head high as I cleaned the bar. Fuck him and his control-freak attitude. He came back to our bed at night only to sleep, and he was gone before sunrise.

  I hated the distance between us. When I dreamed of falling in love as a little girl, I thought it would be all rainbows and unicorns. As I grew older, the rainbows disappeared in favor of stability and being compatible. After the drugs? I didn’t think I’d ever be accepted, or anyone would understand the dangerous needs I had. But Jack did, and between us, those needs weren’t wild and outrageous. Our very way of life ran along the knife’s edge between life and death. It satisfied the urges inside of me and kept me sane. I wasn’t stupid; I knew DE ran in illegal circles. For all the legal jobs the members held, the true bread and butter came from the other side of the law. The only officer who didn’t have a house financed by the club was Jack; he hadn’t been offered one, something else Samuel had slighted him on.

  However, we weren’t on the same page anymore. I searched for him at night, to shelter in his warmth, and he gripped me so tight. Held me like he never wanted to let me go. In those moments, I believed we could make it. But when he opened his eyes, and his mind worked, he let me go, pushed me away, and kept me at arm’s length. It made me sick. I felt like a disobedient child who would appreciate bad attention as long as he looked at me. I missed him. The heat of his skin, the woodsy scent that clung in my hair long after he left the bed, and the way his eyes glazed when he was inside of me. I missed us, but I didn’t know how to get us back. And I was even more afraid he’d let me go, just like he said.

  What did I have to go back to? An empty job and shitty apartment where I spent lonely nights eating mac ’n’ cheese? I hadn’t talked to my parents in years, the only friends I thought I’d had didn’t remember me when they saw me, and I realized they’d only recognized a partner to get high with. They weren’t ready to kick the drugs, and I was too afraid to go back down that path. So I chose to stay with the man who’d captured my body first, and then stole my heart. Most would call me a fool, and I couldn’t say I disagreed with them.