The operator doesn’t say anything - he doesn’t have to. I’m the idiot who decided to show off in front of my girlfriend.
“If you can get this done,” Ro whispers in my ear. “I’ll reward you very well tonight. Think of our first night together.”
All I can think of is the blow job she gave me and how it blew my mind. It’s more than enough incentive for me to throw the darts harder, somehow pressing against the balloons. When I finally have what I need to get her the bear she wants, I look triumphantly at the operator. “Give her the bear.”
He grumbles, she squeals in excitement, and I just hope no one can tell what she’s promised me.
Grabbing her hand, we lazily stroll down the rest of the pier before going back to our towels in the sand.
“I’m so tired,” she yawns. “Something about the water and the food.”
I get us a couple of umbrellas and together, tired and our bellies full, we take a nap in the sand with the ocean and chattering families as our background noise.
If anyone were to ask me, I would tell them this is the perfect day, and it’s a memory I’ll hold onto forever.
Looking over at Rowan, I send a little thanks up that she came into my life at the most unexpected time.
Chapter Thirty
Rowan
It’s been a long, but good day when Cutter and I decide it’s time to leave. My face is slightly tight, meaning I’m probably sunburned. I hope not badly considering we applied sunscreen every few hours.
As we walk back across the street and into the parking lot, he holds my hand, swinging our entwined fingers between us. It’s one of the cutest things he’s ever done.
We’re approaching where I parked, so I reluctantly let go.
Reaching into my beach bag to fish out my keys, I point over to where my car is parked, only to let an oath out of my mouth. “Fuck me.”
“Excuse me?”
“Not what I meant to say. It’s just…” There’s a man leaning beside my car. He’s one I avoid at all costs, but every once in a while he’ll corner me, want to talk to me in a public setting where he knows I won’t make a scene. “I don’t want to see him right now.”
“Who is he?” Cutter asks.
The man standing beside my car hears him, and together the two of us answer, our voices raising to be the one heard. It all comes out in a jumble, and as Cutter hears, he looks like he wants to bolt.
“Her husband.”
“My ex-husband.”
Cutter
My stomach clenches as I hear “her husband”. Even though she’s said ex, immediately I’m taken back to college.
“Your husband?” I turn to her. She knows my history, knows it wasn’t easy to talk about it, and still she didn’t tell me this. Did she lie to me? Are they not really divorced?
“No.” She shakes her head, reaching out to grab my wrist. “I didn’t lie to you,” she knows exactly where my head is. “Not my husband.”
I look at the man standing in front of me, he’s wearing an EMT uniform, a sleeve of tattoos running down his arm. “Do you have a thing for EMT’s with tattoos?” I sneer, not able to keep the venom out of my voice.
“What?” She straightens her back. “Are you serious right now?”
“Are you?”
My heart is pounding, I’m gasping for breath, trying to keep myself upright. Not even in college did I feel this amount of betrayal. I hadn’t given myself to that girl, not like I thought I had. But Rowan, I gave myself to her. Every single bit, and I hadn’t even thought twice about it. The feelings just happened, and I’d allowed it.
Stupid fucker.
“Cutter, snap out of it, remember I told you.” She grabs my face in both her hands, forcing me to look at her. “Remember, I hate him. He got the tattoos after we got divorced.”
“You don’t hate me.” The guy walks forward, reaching out to grab Rowan’s wrist.
That puts everything back into perspective for me. I knock his hand down, the dark rage leaving my vision. I’m more level-headed than I was and I feel the panic pushing down in my chest. “She divorced you, you don’t get to touch her.”
Rowan makes a noise of relief in her throat.
“What the fuck do you even know about us, dude?”
This guy is going to regret talking to me like that. “I’m not your dude, and she told me everything I need to know about you, man. Who sits on the sidelines and watches as their wife tries to save their child? Who doesn’t rise to the occasion and help? Are you even a man?”
His eyes flash and in my periphery, I can see his hands ball into fists. “You bow up on me bro, and you better be able to knock me down with the first punch. I will destroy you.”
Rowan tries to get in the middle of us. “Cutter, he isn’t worth it.”
“No,” Tommie says. “He isn’t worth it. He’ll get sick of you just like I did. He’ll want a different life. Not to be nagged all the fuckin’ time about where he is. Forced to pretend like you have the perfect family.”
“Screw you.” Rowan turns on him, putting her finger to his chest. “I never asked you to pretend. I asked you to be present. I asked you to enjoy the daughter we had, the life we built, but you thought it was a prison.”
“It was!” he screams. “Pretending to love you every single day when really you just caught me.”
“Caught you?”
“Yeah.” He steps back from her finger. “Everybody knows you got pregnant on purpose to trap me. There was no way you were going to let me walk away from you.”
Rowan’s body is stiff as she squares up to him. “I got pregnant on purpose? You’re the one who refused to wear a condom, even though I asked you to.”
“You were on birth control,” Tommie says in a duh voice. “If you would’ve known how to use it, none of this would have happened.”
I can’t hold it in any longer. “Are you for real? You’re a fucking EMT and you should know about the success rates of birth control, even when used correctly. They aren’t one hundred percent. You’re a piece of shit, you know that, right?”
“You don’t know me.” He throws a glare in my direction.
“I know all I need to know. You’ve spent years letting Rowan take the blame for something that’s your fault. Who goes inside to get a beer, leaving their four-year-old by themselves, near a pool? I’ll tell you who does that - a sick fuck whose only concern is themselves.”
“She forgot about me.” He looks at Rowan like he wants to kill her. It takes everything I have not to step in front of her and take the laser-focused glare. “As soon as we had Etta, I was gum on the bottom of her shoe, everything was about Etta. There wasn’t enough left of her for me.”
There’s a quietness between the three of us and then I hear Rowan speaking again. “I was a teenager, a new mother, a new wife, and I was taking certification courses. I don’t know what else I could have done differently to make you feel like you were my priority, but she was my top. She was counting on us to take care of her, Tommie. She needed us to change her diapers, give her food, shelter, love, and everything in between. We weren’t the most important people in our lives anymore, and I’m sorry if you felt like I abandoned you, but you abandoned me.”
“Whatever,” he scoffs.
“No, you did. My parents had to come get me from the psychward. They had to deal with all the damn therapy I went through. You didn’t even file for divorce, you left me there in goddamn limbo. You’re the worst person I’ve ever known,” she spits out. “The absolute worst because in the end, you didn’t love me. There was no way you could have.”
“I resented you,” he spits out the word. “And I still do.”
“Then why do you want her to call you her husband?” I press the question I’ve had since he muttered the words.
“She’s mine,” he answers simply.
“She’s not a piece of property to be owned, and fuck you if you think so.”
The air is thick with so many un
shed emotions between these two, and anger on my part. I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but I’m willing to be the bigger man here. To walk away.
Until he opens his mouth again.
“That’s okay, she was never a good lay anyway. Which is why I had to cheat on her while we were married. The reason I didn’t see Etta? I was FaceTiming with my girlfriend.”
I hear her gasp and I feel the anger flowing through my veins like hot, fucking lava. I don’t even have enough time to talk myself out of it, when I hear and feel my fist crack his nose. “You son of a bitch.”
“Cutter!” she screams, reaching for my biceps, trying to hold me back.
“You broke my nose!”
“You’re lucky I didn’t break your dick. How could you do that to her? To your family? You’re the worst fucking person I’ve ever had the displeasure to be in the same space with. You don’t deserve her.” I wrap my arm around Rowan’s neck, pulling her in close. “You had no idea what you had, and I’m glad you lost it, because it allowed me to pick up the pieces of her shattered soul. I might not be the best guy around, but I’m a thousand percent better than you.”
I turn, forcing her to come with me.
“Should we help him?” she whispers as she looks back at him.
“Did he help your daughter? Let him choke on his own damn blood. It would serve him right.”
We’re quiet as we get into her car, and I know immediately I have to ask, I can’t go to her apartment without knowing the answer to this question, I need to have her in my life.
“Move to Laurel Springs. Stay with me and build a life with me.”
She glances over, her face red, her breath faster than normal. “I want to, but you were about to not trust me when I said he’s my ex-husband.”
“That’s me and my hang-ups, it has nothing to do with you. Notice I corrected myself? Please come home with me, let us build a family together and let me show you what that looks like.”
She wants to, her eyes shine bright, and those pink cheeks of hers are full of life.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah.” A smile spreads across her face. “I’ll come live with you.”
“This will be the best decision of your life.” I grab her up in my arms, hugging her tightly.
“Might be my worst,” she teases.
“Never.” I kiss her temple, closing my eyes, knowing what a lucky fuck I am.
Chapter Thirty-One
Rowan
Cutter is gone, and I’m alone, but I have a plan today. I haven’t been over to my parents’ for Sunday dinner since we lost Etta. All the things we used to do had tarnished, no longer shining for any of us. Looking at the empty spot where her seat sat was more painful than any of us had ever imagined.
Getting out of my car, I take a deep breath when I realize I’m the last one to show up. Truth be told, even though I called my mom and told her I’d be coming, I don’t think any of them truly thought I’d be here. But it’s imperative I be here today, I have to explain to them what’s going to happen. I don’t necessarily need their blessing, but I want it. I desperately need them to understand what I’ve been going through, and the only way to do that is to tell them. After talking all of these things out with Cutter, I now know how badly I’ve hurt myself by not speaking about Etta earlier. Weirdly I’d decided by not acknowledging how much losing her affected my life, I was doing better. Being open with Cutter proved to me I wasn’t doing better.
My mom opens the door as I walk slowly up the front porch. “I’m so glad you’re here, Rowan.”
“Me too, Mom.” I hug her tightly.
I mean it, and I’m surprised by how much I do.
When I walk in, everyone stops what they’re doing, staring at me. “Don’t act like you’ve never seen me before, this isn’t the first time I’ve been to dinner here.”
“It’s the first time in a long time,” my dad grunts from where he sits at the head of the table.
I knew he was going to be the hardest of them, and even though I expected it, it hurts slightly. Walking behind him, I put my arm around him and kiss his head. “Love you too, Dad.”
He grunts, and I grin. Things will be fine with him, I know they will be. Having a seat between Sullivan and Braylon, I grasp hands with them as we bow our heads to pray.
Closing my eyes, I’m taken back to another time. In some ways it’s almost like I never left, in others it’s like I was never here to begin with. Dad finishes grace and we all lift our heads, muttering Amen.
Now, to figure out the best time to explain to my family what I’m going to do.
The time comes a lot sooner than I expect it to when Braylon opens his mouth. “Heard you’ve been spending time with the EMT from Laurel Springs.”
I nod, before wiping my mouth with my mother’s good cloth napkins. Those being here, more than anything, shows how happy she is that I’ve showed up. “I had hoped to ease you into this.” I give Braylon a look of irritation. He and I have always been the two at each other’s throats. Call it middle and youngest child syndrome. “But since he’s mentioned it, I figure I might as well be honest with my intentions in the next few weeks.”
The only one not looking at me with the expectation I’m about to tell them I’m having another nervous breakdown is Sullivan. “I’m moving to Laurel Springs.”
Closing my eyes, I wait.
For what I’m not sure, but when I thought about this, it played out so clearly in my mind. My dad would yell, my mom would cry, Braylon would tell me I’m an idiot and berate me for how stupid I am to be moving in with a man I’ve only known for a short time.
But none of that happens.
“Is everyone okay?” I ask, opening one of my eyes slightly.
I figure I may have to dodge a few thrown objects, but again I’m surprised.
The first person to have any reaction is my dad. He clears his throat, before he takes a drink of his sweet tea, and then looks me dead in the eye.
It’s the stare he’s used to get more than one criminal to confess, and I’m nervous he’s using it on me right now.
“Is this what you want? Does he make you happy?”
I mull the questions over in my head, trying to figure out the best way to answer them. It’s then I realize the only way I can answer them is to be honest.
“Yes, this is what I want, and he makes me happier than I’ve been since I lost Etta.”
The group is still quiet and this father of mine, who usually says nothing at all clears his throat again. “I think it’s time you do what makes you happy, Ro. Everyone had a preconceived notion about how you should have reacted when you lost Etta. We all kind of expected you to pick up where you left off and just continue on. When you had your breakdown, we didn’t know how to deal. We should have gone to counseling with you.”
“I wanted you to,” I butt in. I asked them more than once if they’d go with me, but none of them ever said yes. Now I’m mature enough and far enough away from it that I can see they didn’t want to go because they would have had to open themselves up so wide, but back then it was a slap in the face.
“It wasn’t about you,” Braylon argues. “It was about us and not being able to come to grips with what happened. Not only could we not save Etta, but we couldn’t save you from yourself and your memories.”
“I took most of the blame,” Dad speaks quietly. “I was the one who said you should get married because you were pregnant. I believed it was the right thing to do. Looking back now, I know I pressured you in ways I never should have.”
“I could have said no,” I whisper.
“No you couldn’t have,” Mom continues. “We thought that was the right thing to do so we would have made sure you did it. None of us realized what your life with Tommie was going to be like. No one knew we didn’t have forever with Etta, and that’s what I hate the most. You won’t get to see her grow up and blossom into the type of young woman you are.”
> Tears are silently streaming down my face. I needed this, to talk to them before I left, to purge everything and start over. There’s no way I can start a new life if I’m still hanging on to all these memories and bad feelings.
“Can you just promise me that you’ll let me make my own decisions from now on? You’ll trust that even if I don’t have experience, I do know myself.”
Dad grins over at me. “You’ve turned into a fine woman, Ro. You know your mind, you know what you want, and you go after it. You don’t stop until you get it. There’s nothing more I can ask for my kids. I’m proud of you.”
“Even if I’m not a boy?”
I push out the fear I’ve had for so very long. That I would never measure up to my brothers in his eyes.
“Even if you aren’t a boy. Believe it or not, I’m more proud of you because you’ve never taken the easy way out and you’ve never gotten by on the power of your last name.” He looks pointedly at my brothers.
“We’re gonna miss you.” Mom comes over and hugs me. “But I think this is a good move for you. You get away from the memories, and make new ones.”
“Thanks.” I smile through the tears. “New memories is exactly what I need.”
“So, uh…” Sully clears his throat. “About Laurel Springs…”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Cutter
I’m off work early today, and I find myself driving by The Café. Mom’s car is parked in its normal spot, and Dad’s truck is parked next to hers. Since they’re both here, I decide to stop. I’ve never been the type of person to need approval from my parents. That’s more up Ransom’s alley, but again I made them live with me dropping out of school and losing my scholarship. I never told them exactly what happened either, always too embarrassed to put a voice to the situation.
Today though, I decide if I’m going to start a new life with Rowan, I need to have a clean slate, including with my parents.
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