As I started to stand, Ryan held his hands out and I let him pull me up. Once I had all my weight centred, I let go and my hands went to the bottom of my singlet.
I didn’t often wander around in just a bikini top. Not unless it was just the girls and me. I was largely body positive, but there was something about a guy seeing all that flesh that made me a little nervous. An excited nervous was still nervous. Still, it was just Ryan. Or so I’d keep telling myself.
I fixed my eyes on his and the contact was only broken as my singlet passed over my eyes. As I dropped it to the ground, his eyes dipped and I watched him lick his lip almost unconsciously.
“Yeah,” he huffed, his voice husky. “I can see why you kept covered up all week.”
“Really?” I challenged. “And why’s that?”
“Far too distracting.” It seemed all he was capable of saying.
I smirked and kicked my chin to him. “Your turn.”
He cleared his throat. “You think I’m taking this off?” He pointed to his t-shirt.
I nodded. “Fair is fair.”
He groaned. “You’re right. No laughing, mind.”
He pointed at me until I nodded. Then he pulled his t-shirt off and I had trouble remembering the last time I’d seen such a specimen in real life. I had a sneaking suspicion he wasn’t actually the epitome of teen male figures, but my mind refused to believe it just then. Ryan was like the perfect combination of lanky and toned.
Talk about distracting.
I had to distract myself from the distraction.
So, I took his hand and started pulling him into the water.
“Holy fuck!” he grunted as the water washed over our feet.
“It’s not that cold, you wimp,” I laughed.
“Says you. I have to put my balls in this.”
“And I’m going to have to put my boobs in it. Suck it up, princess.”
He huffed a rough laugh that turned into more of another grunt as his crotch hit the water.
“Hot damn,” he muttered.
My own laugh turned into a squealed, “Shit!” as my foot slipped on the soft, squelchy floor of the billabong.
Ryan pulled me to him and threw his arms around me like that was going to keep me standing. All it served to do was send us both over in spluttered laughter and cursing.
“Shit!” Ryan huffed, one arm still around me and the other trying to steady us.
Our faces were right up next to each other. My boobs were pressed against his naked chest. His arm was around me comfortingly, protectively. It was seriously hot.
My breath caught for a moment and I licked my lip nervously.
I was again – still – wondering what it would be like to kiss him again. Just then I honestly couldn’t think of anything else. It felt more important to me than breathing. Which was ridiculous, but I was apparently not listening to reason just then.
“Ryan…” I whispered. I wasn’t sure if kissing was a thing we did, but I wanted it to be a thing we did.
“Jess…”
His voice sounded like mine. His eyes darted to my lips when they weren’t searching my eyes. There was a hefty sizzle of something in the air and I wasn’t sure what it meant. I quite frankly didn’t care.
My hand went to his cheek as I reached forward and kissed him.
His arm tightened around me and I freaked out that he was going to pull away. But, before I could act on my freak out, his hand was at the back of my neck. His thumb traced around to under my jaw and tingles zinged around my body. I got this mad flutter in the pit of my stomach. Everything felt crazy and perfect at the same time.
Ryan felt crazy and perfect.
Being with him felt crazy and perfect.
I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be, even if I wasn’t convinced I should be there.
8
Ryan
I wasn’t going to lie and say I hadn’t been thinking about kissing her again. But I was an evolved male, able to not totally focus on what my dick wanted at every opportunity. That being said, it had been playing in the back of my head for the last two days and I’d really wanted to act on it.
It felt good to know I wasn’t the only one. At least, based on the way she kissed me, I was guessing I wasn’t the only one.
She felt like madness and rightness at the same time. It was like I knew I should pull away, but there was no way in hell I was going to. She made my heart pound, my stomach flutter, my head dizzy, and every nerve feel alive. Just being near her was exhilarating. Kissing her was a thousand times better.
The buoyancy of the water meant I could hold her closer to me, could hold her feet essentially off the ground. We were pressed together tightly and I’d never wanted to hold onto anything else so much before. Not even with…
Unbidden, thoughts of my ex flooded my thoughts and I had to pull away.
Jess and I were both breathing heavily as we looked each other over. I don’t know what she saw, but it made the sexy smirk disappear into a confused frown.
“Sorry,” I said quickly, hoping she hadn’t had time to wonder if I regretted it or anything.
She drifted away a little. “Uh, no. My bad. I shouldn’t have…” She chuckled humourlessly and looked down. “I shouldn’t have made assumptions…”
Wait, what?
“No.” I stepped forward, panicking I’d somehow insulted her or made her feel bad to something. “No. It wasn’t you.”
Her eyes flew to mine and the confusion deepened.
“No,” I repeated lamely. “I just… The kiss was great.” Wow, even lamer. “I mean… I want to kiss– Wanted to kiss you. That was… You weren’t wrong or anything.”
“Oh…” she said slowly, looking down again. “I thought maybe I’d taken advantage or something.”
“This Juliet gives all the consent, Romeo,” I told her roughly. “You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
Okay, mouth. Enough out of you, thank you.
Seriously, my stupid, big, fat mouth was going to get me in a world of trouble. And not the good kind here. It was going to get me into the bad kind. The kind that I’d gone through with… I didn’t even want to think her name. She hadn’t been worth it then and she wasn’t worth it now.
I took a deep breath, wondering why I felt the need to justify myself to Jess, wondering why I was so concerned that there weren’t any miscommunications between us. But she was smiling.
“All the consent?” she teased, swishing the water around her.
My tension magically eased once more. I nodded. “All the consent.”
“It’s not like Juliet didn’t consent. I mean, Romeo pretty well broke the rules to consummate their marriage.”
“Yeah. True. But how much of that was because everyone expected them to fuck?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I see that. I wonder?”
“She would have known it was the done thing. You do the ceremony, make the vows, then you consummate it.”
“Did they still have the thing where if you didn’t consummate it, it didn’t count?”
I shrugged as I dropped back into the water. “Don’t know.”
“Imagine how many people would end up married these days if that’s all it took,” she laughed.
“Sex?”
“Mm.”
I thought about that. “That’s weirdly concerning.”
“I’d be married…three times over now,” she mused.
“You polygamist, you,” I teased.
“Oh, because you’re so pure,” she teased me back.
I grinned my cockiest grin at her and she tilted her head to the side inquisitively.
“How many?” she asked, surprise marring her features.
I smirked. “That’d be telling, wouldn’t it?”
“Uh, yes. That is exactly what it would be.”
I laughed. She sloshed water at me and I spluttered as I stood again and flicked my now wet hair out of my eyes.
“I told you!”
�
�I didn’t ask!” I said defensively.
“No. But I’m asking you.”
“How forward of you, Romeo.”
“Well, I need to know the state of my Juliet’s bed.”
I snorted. “All right. Maybe…seven?”
“Maybe?” She flicked more water at me.
“Okay. Yes. Seven!” I laughed and flicked water back at her.
“Seven. Okay.”
“You don’t…?”
“Don’t what?” she asked.
“I dunno. Care? Mind?”
She shrugged. “Why would I? Point of fact, what right have I?”
“For argument’s sake, if we were inclined to be so ridiculous as to fall in love, would you then?”
“A thousand times, no.”
“Why not?”
She chuckled. “Did you want me to be?”
Did I want her to be?
“No.” I smiled. “I’m just surprised.”
“Well…” she said slowly. “I guess it would be none of my business.”
“You wouldn’t be concerned with cleanliness or it being less special?”
She looked me over like she was trying to work out how real I was being. “Were we to ever be in the situation where some people might have…feelings about it, I would imagine I’d be ambivalent. Switzerland at best. What you got up to before me is none of my damned business, as long as you were safe or didn’t have a million illegitimate kids to supports or something.”
“If we were the type to believe in love,” popped out entirely without my permission, so I tried to cover up whatever that might have been trying to mean. “I mean, if we were actually Romeo and Juliet and got totally blindsided.”
She looked at me and nodded. “Yeah…”
Something about her tone gave me pause. For some reason, it was a half-hopeful pause. I stamped the hope out and reminded myself where that would get it. I still questioned her though.
“What?”
“Look, I’m left feeling like I get it,” she said slowly, like she didn’t think she should say it.
My heart skipped a beat. “Get what?”
“Why so many people call it the greatest love story.”
“I mean, they’re wrong... But sure, I guess.”
“No. I mean, think about it,” she said as she floated. “To love that deeply, that surely. Doesn’t it make you, on some level, want that?”
“On what level?”
“The irrational bit that refuses to listen to reason.”
“You still have one of those?” I huffed, impressed if she’d managed to retain one.
“I don’t know. Maybe there’s a small, minute part of me that wishes it was true.”
“It’s not.”
“How do you know?”
May as well tell her. “Because I thought I did have that kind of love. Turned out to be another lie.”
And I’d been starkly reminded of that particular lie when I’d kissed Jess. But on some level, the sting of my ex’s betrayal was gone now. The anger at the thought of it was now tinged with something else. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. All I knew was that it related to Jess.
“So, no part of you believes you could still find it?” she asked.
If I was honest, there was this tiny piece. This new tiny piece that niggled at me. A piece of me that couldn’t take my eyes off her. A piece that made me want to reach out for her again. An irrational piece that refused to listen to reason. But I was going to ignore it as long as possible.
“All-consuming love leads to all-consuming pain,” I pointed out. “Fact. Why would I want to go through that again?”
I hadn’t meant to say again, but it came out. I’d mentioned a girl before, I’d mentioned it had been a lie, but nothing else. Did Jess think I was talking about my ex? Did she think I was saying I’d definitely not go there with her? Why did one word have the potential for so many meanings?
Jess looked at me like she’d caught every meaning. “So, you’re saying no good is worth the bad?”
Fuck. Were we talking in general still? Or had it got super personal? Her demeanour suggested general, but I wasn’t in the mood to have an accidental conversation about us.
“You disagree?” I tried for flippant and thought I’d got away with it.
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then you agree.”
She dropped her shoulders under the water. “It’s like unicorns. Just because I kinda wish they did exist, doesn’t mean they ever will.”
I was going to stick with general after all. “Does that make you feel better or worse about its lack of existence?”
“Oh, worse. For sure.” Her tone was light, but she wouldn’t look at me.
I didn’t know what to say to that. I wanted to reassure her. I felt an incessant urge to reassure her, to be reassured myself. But I couldn’t bring myself to do either, so I aimed for lightening the mood.
“You know what I just noticed?” I asked.
“What?” she replied, leaning back in the water.
“Everyone has very convenient names.”
“In what way?”
“You’re Jess Clayton, right?”
She smiled. “I am.”
“Like Juliet Capulet.”
I watched the dawning on her face. “And you’re Ryan Miller.”
I nodded. “My friends are Ben and Mark.”
“I’ve got a Tibby!”
“And, let’s be honest, Norah’s basically Nurse.”
She laughed. “Oh my God! Mr Lawrence. Friar Lawrence!”
“See? It’s weird.”
“No Peter, though,” she mused
I shook my head and reached for her like I had no control over myself. Everything in my screamed to stop, but my body was apparently on autopilot. “Miss J’s a Petra.”
“No fucking way!” she laughed as she took my hand and let herself drift towards me.
“A thousand times, way.”
The moon was bright enough that I could see her smile and there was no suppressing my own in response. Maybe I didn’t believe in love. Maybe the good didn’t outweigh the bad. But Jess felt like good. Good that I didn’t have to let get to the point where everything could go bad. Tomorrow could be the last time I saw her.
Jess draped her arms around my neck, our bodies bumping under the water. I took as surreptitious a slow breath as I could to calm down the situation rising in my pants. Boardies weren’t exactly known to be forgiving in that department and I didn’t want her thinking I was expecting anything more than… Well, whatever she was thinking was going to happen.
My hand was on her waist and we were staring into each other’s eyes like we’d completely given into the experiment. The air swirling around us seemed to carry something heavy on it, something palpable. There was more than a vibe. There was a moment. A moment I reminded myself was restricted to then and only then.
But fuck it. I’d let myself have this moment.
What was the worst that could happen in enjoying the time we had together?
9
Jess
“Happy Valentine’s Day!” woke me up in surround sound along with two bodies landing on top of me.
I opened one eye to see Tibby and Norah right in my face. “Ugh, gross.”
“You cannot deny it. It is a day that exists,” Norah chided.
“I’m not. I’m expressing my right to not celebrate it,” I groaned under their weight.
“Well, happy Galentine’s Day, then,” Tibby said, shifting. But all that did was get me an elbow to the head as she tried to lie next to me.
“You missed that,” I told them.
“What?” Norah said, obviously not believing me.
“That was yesterday.”
“Why does it have to be a different day?” Tibby asked.
“Isn’t it anti-Valentine’s?” Norah asked like that meant it totally made sense, also trying to lie down next to me.
“This bed was no
t made for a threesome, guys,” I told them.
I was afraid that, if I moved, they’d both fall out of the bed. It wasn’t lost on me that that could work in my favour. I wasn’t quite that mean, though.
“But it’s Valentine’s Day,” Norah said cheekily, pressing her nose to my cheek. “Any bed was made for a threesome today.”
I snorted. “I refuse to do the deed with anyone one Valentine’s Day.”
“Oh yes,” Tibby said as they finally, resignedly sat up.
“Couldn’t let it actually mean anything,” Norah finished for her.
“Excuse me for not wanting to give a guy the wrong idea,” I quipped as I got up.
“And his heart will thank you for it, I’m sure,” Tibby said with an eyeroll shared with Norah.
“Don’t use my greatest weapon against me,” I warned them, chucking my pillow randomly in a general direction.
They both snorted as Norah threw my pillow back at me, and we all seemed in relatively good spirits as we got dressed and headed for breakfast.
All around the camp ground were shouts for Valentine’s Day wishes. Freshly plucked flowers (read: weeds) were being proffered. Declarations were being made. Phone numbers were being swapped. Kisses were being shared. Teachers and counsellors were reminding us to keep our extremities to ourselves. And I was successfully avoiding it all.
Ryan and his friends were walking towards us and I waved to him, ignoring the way my heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, dishevelled and barely awake or not. He nodded back to me.
“This is fucking ridiculous,” Ryan mumbled to me as we fell into step with each other. His voice was rough like he was still half asleep. It did nothing for me.
“Did you actually manage to spike the punch this time?” I asked him in a whisper.
He smirked as we lined up to get food, his hands falling to my waist as we all manoeuvred into place. A tingle shot through me, but I forced myself not to react. I gave him a small smile before his hands left my body and we started shuffling forward.
“We could see a movie?” Tibby was saying.
“Jess?” Norah asked me.
“What?”
“You wanna see a movie tonight?”
“Who’s going?” I asked suspiciously. It would be just like them to be trying to organise me a Valentine’s Day blind date and I was not having that.
Be Mine: Valentine Novellas to Warm The Heart Page 34