Breathless

by HELEN HARDT

  People in the small smoothie shop were looking our way. Colin was an adult. His name hadn’t been kept out of the papers. Everyone in Snow Creek knew their once-esteemed mayor, Tom Simpson, had brutalized the young man sitting with me—if they recognized him, that was.

  “Sorry.” And I was. He didn’t deserve the fame after what he’d endured.

  “Can you arrange it?”

  “For you to talk to Jade?” I shook my head. “Sorry.”

  “Please?”

  “She’s married now. To Talon.”

  “I know. The first guy to nearly beat me to a pulp.”

  Oh, no. He was so not going there. “And then you pressed charges, got him dragged off to jail. Do not compare my brother to that degenerate Tom Simpson,” I said through clenched teeth.

  “Why not? Don’t you worry about Jade?”

  I opened my mouth but then counted to ten in my head.

  Seriously. All the way to ten. And still I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t say something I might regret later.

  Colin had no idea what Talon had been through. The same as he had been, only at age ten instead of twenty-six and for a longer period of time.

  “You need to stop talking about my brother right now, or this conversation will end.”

  “I’m just—”

  I held up my hand. “Don’t.”

  He sighed. “Fine. Will you arrange for me to talk to Jade or not?”

  “Not,” I said.

  The door to the small shop opened.

  “Hey, Marj. What are you doing here?”

  Talon.

  Talon had entered the shop.

  This would not end well.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Bryce

  I cleared my throat. “Your offer… It’s extremely generous.”

  It definitely was. I’d take over as chief financial officer for the Steel Corporation at a very nice salary with full benefits, and the package also included a two-percent profit share in the business.

  Yes, extremely generous.

  “You’re the best man for the job,” Joe said. “There’s no one I’ve known longer and trust more.”

  I nodded, a huge lump forming in my throat. I’d sworn I’d turn down whatever they offered. I’d sworn I’d stay away from Marjorie Steel. But once I heard the magnitude of the offer, I realized I had other considerations. Important ones.

  I had a son. I had a mother. If I didn’t take this offer for them, I’d be a selfish bastard. My father had killed himself, so his life insurance hadn’t paid. Plus, he’d left next to nothing in their joint accounts. As for his other accounts? The FBI had confiscated everything.

  We sat in Talon’s office. He and Jade still hadn’t gotten back from the hospital, but Joe and Ryan had gotten texts saying they were on their way. Joe sat behind Talon’s large mahogany desk, and Ryan sat next to me in another of the very comfortable leather chairs facing the desk.

  “We’d like you to start pretty much immediately,” Ryan said. “You can have a couple weeks to wrap up any loose ends, if you need it.”

  What loose ends? I hadn’t been working. I’d asked Talon for a job as a ranch hand just two days ago. I needed the work. I needed money. What little my mother and I had would soon run out.

  I rubbed small circles into the palm of my hand. “I’ll need some time to think about it.”

  “What is there to think about?” Joe asked.

  “Just some…things.”

  “We’ve known each other our whole lives,” he said. “What aren’t you telling us?”

  “I’ll be happy to leave the room if you want to talk to Joe in private,” Ryan offered.

  “No, no. That’s not it,” I said. “I just have a lot to think about.”

  Joe regarded me, his forehead wrinkled. For a moment, I thought he was going to ask what I had to think about again, but then he seemed to change his mind.

  “We’ve all had to deal with parents who turned out to be something other than we thought,” Ryan said. “Or who turned out to be someone different altogether.”

  Ryan’s birth mother, Wendy Madigan, had been the mastermind behind the entire Future Lawmakers Club when our parents were in high school. She was just as psychotic as my father.

  Ryan continued, “Melanie has assured me that if I were going to turn out like my mother, I’d know by now. Ditto for you, man. You’re not your father.”

  I nodded, saying nothing. Ryan’s mother had been a horrible person. She had not, however, been a rapist and pedophile. Those two things haunted me all the time.

  “We wouldn’t be offering you this if we didn’t think you were the best man for the job,” Joe said. “The fact that you’re my oldest and best friend has nothing to do with it.”

  “Really?” I asked.

  “Only in that I know I can trust you,” he said. “Anyone else, we’d have to vet.”

  Again, I said nothing.

  “Look,” Ryan said, “I get what’s eating you. Do you hold my mother’s crimes against me?”

  “Of course not!” I said. “But you weren’t raised by your mother.”

  “I see,” Joe said. “Look. Your father raised me as well.”

  “Brad Steel raised you.”

  “He turned out to be kind of a dick—”

  I opened my mouth, but he stopped me with a gesture.

  “I’m not comparing the two. Your father was far worse. I get it. But I knew him nearly as well as you did. He took us on overnight fishing trips, for God’s sake. He raised me just as my father raised you. Both men were significant in our lives, but their actions don’t define either of us, Bryce. You’re a smart guy. You know that.”

  Yeah, I knew that.

  Objectively, I knew all of it.

  The problem was that I wasn’t thinking objectively.

  I had two issues.

  Dealing with who my father truly was and its effect on my life.

  And Marjorie Steel.

  I couldn’t be around Marjorie. I wouldn’t be able to resist her, and she deserved better than a man who could only offer her emotionless fucks—or rather, a fuck full of emotion that I couldn’t let mean anything. Yeah, I had feelings for Marjorie Steel. Strong feelings. But a lifetime relationship wasn’t in the cards for me. I certainly couldn’t bring more children into the world—not with the faulty genes I carried.

  Problem was, I’d already brought a son into the world, a son I loved dearly and whom I had an obligation to.

  A son I’d spent far too little time with the last couple months.

  I told myself it was because my mother needed him more than I did. Truth was, I needed him just as much right now. More importantly, he needed me. No matter how afraid I was to be a father, he needed me. His mother had abandoned him, signed away all her parental rights.

  He was mine.

  My son, my responsibility.

  I stood, clearing my throat. “Thank you for your trust in me. I need to talk to my mom, but I will most likely be coming on board.”

  Joe stood, walked around his desk, and grabbed me in a bear hug. “That’s great, man. We’re all really happy about your decision.”

  “My tentative decision,” I said.

  “Yeah, whatever.” He pulled back, smiling. “We’ll get the paperwork ready.”

  Paperwork. I nearly told them to hold off, that my decision wasn’t final yet, but I didn’t. This was what I had to do for my son.

  Ryan patted me on the back. “You want to stick around until Tal gets back? It shouldn’t be long.”

  I shook my head. “I have some things to take care of. But tell Talon thanks, and I’ll be in touch.”

  I left without saying anything more.

  “Where’s Henry?” I asked my mother upon entering our modest house in the heart of Snow Creek.

  “He just went down for his morning nap,” she said. “But he fussed. He’ll be down to only one nap per day soon.”

  I went into the nursery and kissed my son on the f
orehead, pushing his downy yellow hair to the side. Time for a haircut soon. His first one.

  I’d missed so much of his life since I’d found out the truth about my father. I vowed not to miss any more.

  Of course, taking the job with the Steels would consume a lot of my time. Which was okay. My mother still needed her grandson, and I needed to start earning a paycheck. A very big paycheck, if I took the Steels’ offer.

  “It sounds amazing,” my mother said after I’d given her the details.

  “We can even move onto the ranch if we want to,” I said. “They’re offering us use of the guesthouse.” Which would be close to Marjorie. The ranch was a big place, though. I could still stay far away from her most of the time.

  “This is our home.” My mother gestured around our modest living room.

  “Yeah. But this home has a lot of shitty memories, don’t you think?”

  She sighed. “I’ve been trying to focus on the good memories. We had many.”

  “We did,” I admitted. “All while Dad was leading a double life.”

  My mother swallowed. “That never leaves my mind.”

  “I’ve been thinking. We could rent this house out. The rent would pay the mortgage, which will be paid in full soon. Then we could continue to rent it out.”

  “Who would want to live here? And if we sell, who would want to buy it? The whole town now knows who and what your father was.”

  She had a fair point.

  My mother seemed to have aged five years in the past several months. I definitely had a few more gray hairs myself. It didn’t help that when I looked in the mirror, a younger version of my father stared back at me. Normally, that would be a good thing. My dad had been a very handsome man. All I saw now, though, was the monster he truly was.

  Yes, I saw a monster in the mirror.

  Consequently, I avoided mirrors like the plague.

  “All right, Mom. We’ll stay here in town.”

  “On the other hand,” she said, “I wouldn’t mind leaving. Everything in this house has a memory. Mostly good memories, but memories that have soured. Really soured.”

  “I know.” God, how I knew.

  “Maybe we should move to the ranch,” she said. “But seriously, they can’t just be giving you a house.”

  “No. I mean, yes, but it’s part of the compensation package should I choose to accept it. I won’t own it, but reasonable rent would be deducted from my compensation.”

  “You don’t feel like this is charity?”

  “No. I thought so at first, but they do need a CFO, and I am qualified for the job.”

  “They already have a CFO.”

  “He’s retiring.”

  “So good timing, then.”

  “Seems so.”

  “What do we do with this place, though? If we can’t rent it or sell it…” She darted her gaze around the room.

  “We try to rent it, I guess. If that doesn’t pan out, we try to sell it. And if that doesn’t pan out, we keep it empty.”

  “What about squatters?”

  “In a small town like Snow Creek?” I shook my head. “I doubt we have to worry about that. Plus, eventually someone new will move here looking for a place to live, and they won’t know or care that a monster once lived here.”

  “From your mouth to God’s ears.” My devout mother crossed herself. “You do what you think is right, Bryce. Thank you for including me in your plans.”

  “Of course, Mom. We need each other right now. I’d never let you flounder alone.”

  “I don’t want to be a thorn in your side. You’re still young. You can still have—”

  I quieted her with a gesture. “You and Henry are my family. Nothing else is in the cards for me. I’ve accepted that. Besides, I’m thirty-eight years old. I’m too old to start a family now.”

  “That’s silly, Bryce. I know you’ve taken care of me and Henry for the past couple of months, but I’m your mother, not your child. I appreciate all you’ve done since your father’s death, but you don’t have to take care of me.”

  She was kind to say so, but finding out her husband of forty years was a psychopath living a double life had taken its toll. My mother was a strong woman, but I couldn’t ask her to live alone.

  “You’ll come with Henry and me wherever we go,” I said.

  “Not if it means you’re sacrificing having a real family. I won’t do that to you.” She sniffed back a sob. “I can’t. Not after everything. You deserve happiness.”

  “Who says I’m not happy?” I forced a smile.

  “I see it all over your face. You’re not moving forward, Bryce. You need to do that.”

  “I think that’s what taking the job with the Steels is all about.”

  “That’s something to earn money, to occupy your mind. You can’t run forever.”

  “I’m glad your therapy is helping you, Mom.”

  “That’s not coming from my therapist. That’s coming straight from me.”

  “I have no desire for a relationship or more of a family than you and Henry. Trust me. Don’t you think if I wanted those things I’d have found someone long before now?”

  “Not necessarily. You just haven’t met the right woman.”

  I couldn’t help a small chuckle. No use arguing with my mother. She was, after all, my mother. “Look. This is what I need right now. I need to provide a home for my son. And for my mother.”

  “I’m not your responsibility, Bryce. Henry is, it’s true. But I am not.”

  Before I could dispute her words, my cell phone buzzed.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Marjorie

  “Shit,” I said under my breath. Then I smiled. “What are you doing here?”

  “Jade wanted a smoothie before we went home, so I—” He glared at Colin. “What are you doing here?”

  Colin seemed to shrink in his chair. And he seriously wanted me to arrange for him to speak to Jade, when he couldn’t even look her husband in the eye?

  Still, I needed to cut him some slack. Colin had been through hell since his last altercation with Talon.

  “You going to answer me?” Talon pressed.

  “Just getting a smoothie.”

  “With my sister?”

  “It’s a free country,” he said. “She happened to be here, so I joined her. We used to be friends in another lifetime.”

  “Tal…” I hedged, looking away. My brother knew well what had happened to Colin. He of all people should take a bit of pity on him.

  He seemed to understand, thank goodness. “I’ll get Jade her smoothie.” He walked to the counter.

  “Still want me to try to arrange for you to talk to Jade?” I asked sarcastically once Talon was out of earshot.

  “Well…yeah.”

  “My brother is shooting at you with his eyes,” I said. “Don’t forget what you did to his wife.” Though honestly, it all seemed insignificant given what both Talon and Colin had been through. Still, I had no great love for the man across from me. Pity, yes. Love? No way.

  “Jade’s a big girl. Isn’t it her decision who she talks to? Or does she let that animal control her?”

  Now I was angry. He’d definitely crossed a line. “Look. I know you’ve been through hell, but Talon is my brother. If you want my cooperation, you’ll stop the name calling. He treats Jade like a queen. Much better than you ever did.”

  “I doubt that.”

  “Yeah? He showed up to their wedding.”

  That shut him up.

  He stood and handed me a business card. “Please. You can reach me here. Let Jade know I really do need to talk to her.” Then he walked out the door.

  Talon returned holding his smoothie. “Good riddance.”

  I said nothing. I was having a push me-pull you ambivalence about Colin. He’d been a jerk, no doubt, but he hadn’t deserved what Tom Simpson put him through.

  “You need a ride home?” he asked.

  “I’ve got my car. How’s Jade? I didn�
��t want to ask in front of Colin. I’m not sure he knows she’s pregnant.”

  “She’s okay. Still nauseated, but that’s nothing new.”

  “What did the doctor say about the bleeding and cramping?”

  “Apparently it can be normal in the first trimester, but if it happens again, I have to take her right back in. In fact, he wants to see her every week now instead of every four weeks, which is fine with me.”

  “I’ll be able to drive her to Grand Junction.”

  “No way. I’ll be taking her myself,” Talon said.

  I nodded.

  “They did an ultrasound, and the baby is growing normally and the heartbeat was fine, so we’re out of the woods. For now, at least.”

  “Thank God.”

  “I know,” Talon agreed. “After all Jade’s been through with this pregnancy so far while Melanie’s has been nearly symptom-free. If she’d lost this child…”

  “Don’t go there,” I said. “She’s fine.”

  “I know. And she’s young. We have all the time in the world to have kids. But still…”

  “I know.” I stood. “Can I see Jade?”

  “If you want. Aren’t you going home from here?”

  “I have a few errands.”

  “Okay. Come on, then. She’s in the car.”

  I followed my brother to his car that was parked around the corner. Jade sat in the passenger seat. She smiled when she saw me. Talon got in and started the engine, and Jade rolled down the window.

  “Hey,” I said. “How are you feeling?”

  “Can you believe a smoothie actually sounded good to me?” She took the plastic cup Talon offered. “I’m just so relieved.”

  “We all are,” I said.

  “Maybe this is a good thing,” she said. “I’m feeling a little bit better morning sickness-wise.”

  I eyed her.

  “Just trying to look on the bright side. God knows we all need to be doing that these days.”

  “True enough,” I agreed. “I’ve got a few errands to run. I’ll check in on you when I get home, okay? Unless you need me now?”

  “Don’t be silly. Your brother’s been hovering over me like a hawk. I’ll be fine. I need to go home, see my boys—”