Seeking Refuge

by Lenora Worth

  Maybe they would both have to accept that as the only way they could coexist in the same community. But would Tobias accept that as the final solution?

  Or would he give up on her and finally leave?

  Josie walked out to the barn and searched the area. All of the church benches had been loaded up and put in a storage room here, or taken back to various homes around the community where they’d be stored in other barns.

  When she didn’t see Tobias anywhere, her heart sank. Maybe it was for the best that she didn’t try to talk to him anyway. Would he accept her apology without her having to tell him anything more?

  Then she turned back to the house and saw Tobias standing with Abram Schrock and her brother. They were talking low and looked serious.

  What were they discussing?

  * * *

  Tobias listened as Josiah explained how the hat shop worked. Raesha ran the shop and took care of her home, while Josiah worked the land and tended the milking and the livestock. Josiah had some knowledge of growing cash crops, so Tobias had been asking for his advice. Abram had joined them.

  “So you not only have a talent with wood, but you want to grow farm-fresh crops for fancy restaurants?” Abram asked, shaking his head. “This young one is a hard worker, Josiah. If you sell him that place of yours, I am thinking you two could team up and have a nice setup here.”

  Josiah gave Tobias a sharp glance. “That all depends, Abram. I haven’t decided if I’m ready to sell or not.”

  Abram looked confused. “I see. Well, I hope you make up your mind soon enough. I don’t want to see Tobias leave. He has a true talent and he brags on my wife’s cooking, both of which make my life a lot easier.”

  Josiah shot Tobias another glance as he smiled at Abram’s wit. “I am glad to hear that, Abram.”

  Tobias was about to change the subject when he looked up and saw Josie watching him. “Excuse me,” he said, not caring what anyone thought. He walked over to where she stood by the breezeway between the two houses.

  “Josie? What is wrong?”

  Josie held on to her apron, her fingers twisting the heavy cotton. “I need to say something to you.”

  His heart lifted like the wings of a dove. “Okay.”

  “I’m sorry, Tobias. Sorry that I left you when we had such plans for the future. I know I hurt you. I need you to forgive me.”

  Confused, he looked into her eyes and saw the regret there. “I do forgive you. I would not be here if I wasn’t able to do that. But I need answers, Josie.”

  She lowered her gaze, then lifted her chin, her eyes meeting his. “I cannot give you answers, Tobias. We can be friends but nothing more. You must accept that.”

  He shook his head. “I cannot accept that. I can forgive, but it is hard to think that you don’t love me anymore.”

  “I didn’t say that,” she blurted, tears in her eyes.

  He took a small step and stopped, but his eyes brightened. “So you might still have feelings for me?”

  “No.” She twisted the apron corners against her clenched fists, her knuckles white. “I feel friendship for you and I have our memories, but nothing beyond that. I want you to know I’m sorry.”

  Frustration filled his heart. “I’m trying, Josie. But it’s hard to see you and not be able to understand.”

  He turned to leave but Raesha came out, a little girl holding her hand. He looked at her and then back at Josie.

  Josie went pale, her eyes moving over the little girl.

  “JoJo,” the child said, running to her.

  Raesha hurried to the child. “Dinah, your aunt JoJo is busy right now. Kumm.”

  “JoJo,” Dinah said, giggling as she held up her hand for Josie to take, her smile shining with love.

  Josie’s tormented gaze moved from Raesha back to Tobias.

  Then she lifted Dinah in her arms. “I need to tend to Raesha’s daughter, Tobias. It was nice to talk to you.”

  She took the little girl back into the house, leaving Tobias standing there staring behind her.

  “Give her time,” Raesha said. “She has come a long way to get back home, Tobias.”

  “Ja, and I have come a long way to find her,” he replied. Then he turned to leave, knowing in his heart they were all keeping something from him.

  He had a feeling the “something” might involve that beautiful little girl. The little girl who had such a familiar face, but a face he couldn’t bring to his memory. Maybe the child just reminded him of Josie. There was a striking resemblance.

  Dejected, he turned and walked back toward where Abram now stood at their buggy, Beth waiting inside.

  “Is everything all right, Tobias?” Abram asked, his voice drenched with concern.

  “Ja, just meeting some of Josiah’s family.”

  Abram nodded. “Josie is available, you know.”

  Tobias shook his head. “Not from what I can tell,” he replied. Then he hopped up on the buggy and started back toward the Schrock home.

  He wished with all of his heart he could make Josie see reason, so they could have their own home. Just as they’d planned so long ago.

  Chapter Nine

  Josie clipped back the mint, weeding the tiny herb garden, the scents of lavender and basil wafting through the air. A storm had passed through the night and left the garden green and freshly washed. She loved tending to this little herb crop since it was close to the house and out of sight from the tourists who came to the hat shop in droves during the high season.

  Why were the Englisch so fascinated with the plain life, when they carried fancy purses and backpacks and always had their noses glued to their cell phones? She had an inkling of life outside this peaceful valley, and at first she’d enjoyed the freedom of making her own decisions. But being alone and pregnant soon changed her mind. There was a certain peace in knowing your boundaries and abiding by God’s grace and law.

  She never wanted to stray back into that world, and since she’d confessed and been baptized, she’d be shunned if she ever left again.

  But now she had one more reason to stay.

  Tobias.

  He truly was trying to court her. Since the Sunday they’d talked right here near the house, he’d sent her a drawing of a horse that looked similar to the miniature he’d carved for her out of black oak wood. The little horse sat on a dresser in her bedroom. Naomi had asked her about it once, when she’d found Josie holding the horse in her hand.

  “A friend back in Kentucky carved this for me,” she’d told Naomi. “I cannot give it away.”

  “You don’t need to give it away,” Naomi had replied. “We all have little treasures we cherish.”

  Then Naomi had shown Josie a beautiful brooch her late husband had given her one Christmas. “He told me an Englisch man had given it to him after he’d helped him plant his garden. His wife had died and he wanted someone else to enjoy it.”

  The brooch had been small and crusted with pearls. Josie understood why Naomi never wore it. Jewelry did not fit the plain ways. “It’s a treasure for you?”

  “Yes, because my husband made another person happy by giving it to me. Just as that little bonnet you placed on Dinah’s head when you left her on our doorstep was a treasure to you. Treasures hold memories, so you hold tight to your little horse. Just remember Gott has given us the greatest treasure. He has given us His love and our Christ.”

  Josie sat back now and pushed at her hair, the basket of mint next to her filling her senses with its sweetness. She closed her eyes and imagined what her life might have been like if she could have stayed in Kentucky and married Tobias.

  “Josie?”

  She opened her eyes and saw him coming toward her. Josie couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. Was she dreaming?

  “Josie, Raesha told me you were back here.”

  Why d
id everyone try to mess in her life?

  Her heart rushing too fast, she said, “I don’t need any company.”

  Tobias came closer, his dark hair curling around his ears. “She also told me you’d say that.”

  Josie tried to rise up off the low porch and almost toppled back. Tobias dropped the bag he’d been carrying. He was there to catch her, his strong hands on her arms sending shock waves throughout her system.

  After he righted her, he held to her arms. “I brought you something.”

  Josie couldn’t breathe. He was so close, she could reach out and touch his face, sink her fingers into his hair, hold him close. “What did you bring?”

  He let her go, his gaze warm on her face. Then he reached down and picked up the bag. “Beth Schrock made some fried pies and sent them with Abram this morning. He gave me several, and I remembered how you love a good fried pie—especially peach.”

  He pulled a wrapped pie out of the bag. “I have apple, too. Beth is a great cook.”

  Josie took the offering, wondering what she should do. Tobias had always been a thoughtful man, but he remembered things she’d tried to forget. “Denke.”

  He stood watching her. “Aren’t you going to eat it?”

  Josie’s heart opened a little tiny bit. “Ja. I’m terribly hungry.” She motioned to the porch steps. “Why don’t you join me?”

  Tobias bobbed his head. “I am on a break, so I cannot stay long. But I’ve been hankering for the apple one all morning.”

  Josie took little bites of the sweet folded dough that enclosed the juicy peaches. “Beth must have some leftover preserves since our peaches will not be ripe until July.”

  “I believe so,” Tobias replied, his smile so beautiful it brought tears to her eyes. “I didn’t ask. I just wanted to taste these. With you.”

  Josie smiled, the feel of smiling at Tobias foreign and unfamiliar but easy at this moment. “It was kind of you to think of me. You came all the way from town?”

  He looked sheepish, his cheeks reddening and his eyes downcast. “I had a delivery nearby and I planned to eat all of these on the way. But...I thought of you, so I am willing to share.”

  They sat in silence, munching away on the flaky crust and the sweet, syrupy fruit inside. Josie glanced over at her old home. “My mamm used to make these.”

  Tobias stopped eating, glanced at the house and then back at her. “Do you want to talk about your mamm?”

  Josie turned to him, fear clutching at her throat. Quickly wrapping the rest of her fried pie back into the cloth that had covered it, she stood. “Neh. I...I have to go inside and take care of these herbs.”

  Then she grabbed her basket and hurried up the steps. But she turned at the door. “I enjoyed sitting with you, Tobias.”

  After hurrying inside, she slammed the door and leaned against it, the rich pie she’d eaten settling like a splintered log inside her roiling stomach.

  She could not let this happen. She wouldn’t do this again.

  Because the more Tobias came around, the more she’d want to be with him. And she could never be with him. She knew that, and if she told him the truth, then he’d know that, too.

  Maybe it was time she did just that. Tell him the truth—the one thing that would make him leave Campton Creek for good.

  * * *

  A week later, Josie still hadn’t found the courage to approach Tobias. She’d managed to avoid him since seeing him at church, yet she had to wonder what he’d thought about Dinah. Had he recognized his former friend’s resemblance in her face and eyes? Or did he only see that she looked a lot like Josie?

  Living like this was torment, but she had work to do today. She also now had a plan that would test her strength as much as seeing Tobias again had.

  “So you want to go to the Spring Festival tomorrow?”

  Josie nodded, her hands held together over her apron, hoping Katy wouldn’t question her too much. “Ja. I need to get out more, and now that summer is coming, I feel better about being around people my own age. I did promise Raesha I’d help in the Bawell booth. We’ll be selling quilts and hats along with our jams and baked goods, of course.” Then she lifted her hand. “Not to mention the goat-milk soaps and lotions. They are favorites with the Englisch.”

  “It’s good for you to get out and help,” Katy said. “Do you hope to see Tobias there?” Katy held one hand on her hip and her lips twisted to hide her smile.

  “Tobias might not attend. He’s not a part of this community.”

  Katy frowned at that. “But Abram and Beth have been including him in everything that goes on around here. Trying to find him a perfect match, I believe.” She added, “Surely, he’ll help Abram with the furniture booth.”

  Josie’s stomach dropped at that innocently spoken notion. Or from the smug look in her friend’s eyes, maybe not so innocently. “He needs to get to know people, so it makes sense they’d try to introduce him to others who are young and...single.”

  “He is young and he is single,” Katy replied. “But he only searches for you in the crowds.”

  “I’m going to get out of the house and make more friends,” Josie retorted. “Because the friend standing beside me now can be annoying at times.”

  Katy playfully took her arm. “I do not care why you’ve decided to go, but I’m glad you’re going. I’ll be busy looking for Samson Miller, so you will be on your own part of the time.”

  Katy had a crush on Samson and Josie was her only confidante regarding that. Samson didn’t have a clue. Or pretended not to have a clue.

  “I’ll be busy working at our booth.” Josie moved around the hat shop, packing the bonnets and men’s summer straw hats they’d take to the annual festival. They made all sorts of hats, many of them fitted to size and to the district’s specifications. They also made some fancier hats and bonnets that appealed to the Englisch. “Did you come here to help me pack things or to tease me?”

  “I am marking the bags and boxes as you requested,” Katy said, holding up a marker as proof.

  Josie thought about being around other young adults, girls and boys becoming women and men who were looking for someone to marry and start a life with. Then finding homes and planting gardens, growing a family and making plans. The festival would be full of Amish families, and most of the folks her age would migrate to the food booths and find quiet places to get to know each other.

  How she longed for that kind of life, but she feared she’d be single and alone forever, especially if something ever happened to Naomi. So she’d decided the best thing she could do was find someone to marry. Anyone. Anyone but the man she longed to be with. She wanted to tell him the truth, but each time she envisioned that, it brought her only pain and shame.

  If Tobias heard she’d moved on, maybe he would, too. She hadn’t decided how to handle telling another man her horrible secret, but she’d worry about that once Tobias was gone. If she got a marriage proposal, she could call off the wedding once Tobias had left. Because she’d rather be alone than marry someone she didn’t love. She’d either leave or stay away from everyone so no one would bother her again.

  Katy had a point. What if Tobias showed up this afternoon?

  He had been seen around town a lot by many people, single women who would like to get to know him better. He was young and strong, and he made furniture that would last a lifetime. She hadn’t thought about him being at the festival.

  That made her heart pierce with an agonizing pain that cut her breath away. She adjusted her shoulders and breathed in. She had to pretend she didn’t care.

  “I don’t mind being on my own,” she replied to Katy’s earlier warning. “I have learned to accept that.” Then she added, “I need to find someone to court me.”

  Katy gave her a hard stare, her grimace almost comical. “Courting? You’re going courting? Is this what you trul
y want, or is this plan to scare off Tobias?”

  “Both.”

  Katy shook her head and gave Josie a quick hug. “I hope Tobias is there and I hope you will talk to him. Talking never hurt anyone, but using another man to avoid Tobias is wrong. It’s unkind.”

  Katy was smart and wise, but words could hurt and Josie knew that better than others. How could she deceive a man who’d done nothing wrong? “I will be kind if I see Tobias,” she said. “Being kind does not hurt anyone, either.”

  “That is so true.” Katy grinned. “I’m glad you are going.”

  Josie wasn’t glad, but she would put on a good front. She’d learned a lot about deception over the last few years. She prayed every night for forgiveness, but she was caught up in a web that only stretched and grew with each day. The weight of that delicate web tugged at her shoulders like a yoke.

  That yoke would grow even heavier when she deceived everyone yet again. But what other choice did she have?

  Chapter Ten

  Tobias inhaled a deep breath. The day was full of sunshine and the scents of good food cooking over grills and fires. Chicken and roast beef for sandwiches, casseroles and cakes to take home for dinner, cookies and other sweets to sell to both Amish and Englisch alike. Tobias had Englisch friends back in Kentucky who liked to sample Amish food and sometimes help with the hard work around the farm. He’d partied with some of them during his rumspringa. But he got over that pretty quickly when he realized they could get rowdy at times.

  After he met Josie, he took her to a few Englisch get-togethers. But she didn’t seem to enjoy them much. She liked staying close to home, with chaperones nearby. Still, Tobias had managed to sweet-talk her into attending some of the big parties his Englisch friends liked to throw.

  Campton Creek wasn’t any more isolated than the Kentucky community he’d left, but it was much bigger and more spread out. Tobias had to admit this community had a lot going on. Cars and buggies stretched as far as he could see in the clear field just outside of town where the festivals and mud sales apparently were held several months out of each year. He marveled at the many colorful booths that held so many commodities. Maybe next year he’d set up his own booth selling fresh produce like several others along the way.