Built to Belong

by Natalie Franke

  Within a few hours of the post going live, a fellow Rising Tide member added Kyle Skinner to the group.

  Kyle, a former contestant on The Bachelorette Canada, was volunteered by his longtime friend, and he kindly agreed to be Stephanie’s date to the wedding. The group went wild. We were so close to making this happen.

  There was only one problem. And with the event approaching quickly, it was a big one.

  Kyle lived thousands of miles away. He was in Canada and the event was in Texas.

  However, the community wasn’t going to let that stand in the way of this potential fairy-tale romance. Within minutes, members from all over the world started pitching in to pay for Kyle’s plane ticket.

  Five dollars from a photographer in Colorado.

  Twenty dollars from a designer in Kansas.

  Fifteen dollars from a freelancer in Florida.

  When it was all said and done, nearly two thousand dollars flooded into a GoFundMe account to bring the pair together. The community erupted with excitement. We did it! We secured Stephanie’s date!

  A few days later, Kyle hopped on a plane, and the two walked into that wedding as we all cheered them on from afar. Photos were posted. Snapchats were shared. All eyes were on this infamous wedding.

  Stephanie and Kyle shared every moment of their date night with us, and our entire group celebrated. Who would have thought that a group of small-business owners from all around the world would take such pride in helping a girl from Texas secure a date to an ex-boyfriend’s wedding? 12

  It seems insignificant and perhaps a bit silly, but this moment became one of the hallmark memories that I think about when looking back on the past six years of leading Rising Tide.

  Why? It demonstrates something important about the value of community. One shout into the void—that’s all it takes to rally a community into action. A seemingly standard problem solved by a group of strangers who didn’t want one of their own to have to endure a difficult situation all by herself.

  I’ve seen this same scenario played out over the years. Hardships big and small are solved by the collective efforts of the community. People helping people, ensuring that no one has to face this life alone. It doesn’t always fit into the lighthearted framework of the story that I shared above. More often than not, we are reminded that community shines brightest in the darkest moments of our lives.

  A business owner struggling to make ends meet—met by a flood of referrals and volunteers offering to help her improve her marketing strategies.

  A chronic illness warrior searching for a friend who would empathize with the battle—met by a community of extraordinary humans that understood.

  A military mother discovering that her family is being redeployed to the opposite side of the country and that she would have to rebuild her business from the ground up—met by a group of military entrepreneurs ready to support her every step of the way.

  A pandemic sweeping across the country—met by countless people stepping up to support small businesses as the world went under siege.

  A community leader diagnosed with a benign brain tumor, facing surgery—met by a community who carried her through the darkest season of her life.

  All of these stories originate from a single community—our community, the Rising Tide Society. Each vignette represents a person’s life made better by the collective. Each anecdote demonstrates a small glimmer of the total impact that community can bring.

  There are millions of communities around the world. Millions of people helping one another to live life to the fullest. Groups uniting cancer survivors and single mothers, activists and advocates, dreamers and doers. In person and online—connected by big threads and little threads. The intersections of human connection are all around us.

  When we seek to understand the value of community, we must look at each individual life improved by the existence of the whole. We must value each story and every connection. We must see the ways that connection has shaped us and impacted our lives. It will always be larger than a single measurement or metric.… However, it is the place where we must begin.

  CONCLUSION

  OUR MANIFESTO

  I will never forget the first time I received a phone call telling me that our community had deeply impacted someone. I was working late in our Annapolis office when one of our local leaders called me out of the blue. The cars were rushing past on West Street, heading home for the day in rush-hour traffic. My husband was waiting at home, and as was common in those days, I was already late for dinner.

  My phone sat buzzing beside my laptop. I answered. I will forever be grateful that I answered.

  Earlier that day, a member had stayed late to talk with one of our local leaders long after the monthly Rising Tide meet-up was over. A vulnerable expression of loneliness was met with compassion as two strangers bonded. They talked about life and about how hard it was to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. Walls came down and friendship was forged.

  From the outside looking in, it sounded like a simple conversation. However, through the lens of that leader, it was a transformative experience.

  “I felt the need to tell you… This community has saved my life.”

  I’ll never forget hearing those words. It stopped me completely in my tracks. My eyes welled with tears. My hands trembled. I remember thinking:

  She was the reason—the purpose behind all of it. Her life. That’s it. She is the one that we were created to serve.

  Nothing will ever strip away my fundamental belief that if everything I have done with Rising Tide was to improve that one person’s life, then it was so much more than enough. I mean that literally, and I believe it with my entire heart.

  The legacy of a community cannot be determined by its highlight reel. The value of a relationship cannot be measured in likes or followers. A number just can’t quantify the impact of connection when human lives are on the line.

  Over my lifetime, I’ve come to understand that the value of community is woven into the stories of every human being whose life was made better as a result. Every conversation, every intersection where two trajectories crossed and two lives would never be the same.

  We belong to one another. Our lives are inextricably intertwined. How we treat the people around us has a profound effect on the collective success of our species.

  When the world is watching and when it is not, in public and in private, in our hearts, our homes, our communities, choosing belonging builds a better tomorrow.

  We see evidence of this all around us, and yet it barely scratches the surface of just how deeply we are impacted by our decisions to connect or withdraw. Every day is another opportunity to cultivate connection and build others up.

  The impact of one brave act of connection multiplies exponentially. It starts as a single thought, a hand raised, a whisper, a spoken word.

  It starts as a single voice shouting out into the darkness—I am tired of feeling so alone—and the unrelenting outcries of thousands of others who were also tired of longing for connection in the chaos.

  One becomes two, and a movement is born, the voices of the collective illuminating the way forward: “We are tired of being alone too. We are tired of competing and comparing. We are ready to chart a course for our lives that brings us back to one another… that brings us back to where it all began.”

  We are created for connection because it is through connection that we come to exist in the first place. Community shapes us. Belonging betters us. When we are supported by others, we rise to heights as a collective that we once believed were impossible.

  There is no doubt that our world threatens to tear us apart. When competitor is pitted against competitor, human against human, life often feels like a constant race to the top. Individual achievement is valued higher than collective prosperity. Mindsets of scarcity are weaponized against the hearts of humans who are yearning for connection.

  We have no choice but to fight back. We must flip the sc
ript and turn the tide. We must vow to do better and to be kinder to ourselves and to one another. We must consciously eradicate narratives that push us farther into our separate corners.

  We must reach out a hand and lift others up, elevating livelihoods and amplifying voices. We must surrender our need to be the best and concentrate on being our best. We must commit to learning, evolving, and making the road a little easier for the ones who come after us.

  We cannot let loneliness overtake us. Like waves in a storm, the challenges will arise, and yet we must always press on. We cannot let go of the helm. We cannot give up the ship.

  When confronted with seasons of struggle, we must look to one another and say, “You aren’t alone. It may feel that way right now, but we’re going to change it. I’ve got you. Come along, friend. We are going to get through this together.”

  We must let connection lead the way.

  I want to end this book with a manifesto. It only felt appropriate to share one final call to arms, an outcry against our culture of self and endless competition. Consider this my personal declaration of war against the way things are and my deepest desires for the way things could be.

  As you turn these final pages, I need you to raise your hand and commit to the possibility of building a better future, together.

  You may be sitting with this book in hand wondering how your actions could possibly be enough to change the way things are. You may be questioning how large of an impact you will have. You may be worrying about whether your actions will truly make this world a better place.

  I’m here to tell you that you could be the catalyst that changes everything. Your kindness, your voice, your actions going forward could make all the difference in the lives of others. Never doubt that in your efforts to connect, you could save someone else’s life.

  In order to cultivate belonging and champion a mindset of community over competition, you must step beyond the pages of this book to make actionable change. Are you with me? I invite you to join me in making this pledge.

  I hereby pledge to:

  • Challenge my own internal dialogues that leave me feeling less than, left out, and lonely; reframe my thoughts so that they lead me deeper into connection with others.

  • Keep competition rightly ordered below community, putting people first in all things.

  • Set aside comparison to truly cheer for others—not only when it is easy, but especially when it is hard.

  • Tear down the walls around my heart and take off the masks that I wear in order to allow vulnerability to become a bridge to connection and belonging.

  • Take a critical look at the spaces I occupy and the communities I am a part of to ensure that they are inclusive; use my voice to advocate for and celebrate diversity.

  • Approach others with empathy, compassion, and kindness; look for ways to lift all boats and raise the tide for the collective.

  I invite you to lean into the gifts that you have to offer this world and to share them abundantly with others. I encourage you to intentionally make a difference in someone else’s life. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture or a major action—it can start small and build from your daily decisions in the communities that you are already a part of.

  I encourage you to cultivate connection. Be the reason that someone else feels like they belong. Be their advocate in a world constantly trying to tell them that they aren’t good enough.

  Remind them that they matter, that their story matters and their voice matters and their life matters. Cheer for them. Affirm their strengths. Amplify their voice. Celebrate their wins and walk alongside them through their struggles.

  Don’t be afraid to show them your scars—be vulnerable when you speak about your failures. Take off the mask you wear to hide your brokenness and your flaws. Surrender the need to be perfect—choose instead to be honest. Let people in. Serve as the safe harbor, the cheerleader, and the champion that so many in this world need.

  Be the person who puts community over competition and champions a mindset of abundance. Honor the people who have helped you to reach the success you have today by making the journey easier for others.

  Be an encourager of kindness and an empowerer of action. Rise up. Stand up. Show up. Be the best version of you and seek to inspire others to be the best version of themselves.

  And above all else, remember that you were born to belong. You were created for community, and it is built directly into your DNA. Your voice, your perspective, your passion, your talents are needed in this world.

  Show up exactly as you are, and through your courage, you will inspire others to do the same.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  The list of people whom I need to thank is a long one. I could fill pages upon pages without ever coming close to articulating my immense gratitude for the countless individuals who have made this book possible.

  To my husband, Hugh. Thank you for taking my hand at fifteen and never letting go. You held it on our wedding day and the day we cofounded Rising Tide. You held it the day neurosurgeons told me that it was time to operate and every single day of recovery that followed. You held my hand when we started fertility treatment and when I was in labor with Huey, afraid of bringing our son into the world a month early; you held my hand through every contraction until those hands finally held our baby boy.

  No matter what our future holds, I know that you will always reach out your hand and I will always take it. That’s our thing. It will always be our thing. I love you and am so deeply grateful for you.

  To our Rising Tide leaders, past and present. I asked if it would be possible to list all 800+ of you by name, but this will have to do. You will carry this legacy forward and have made Rising Tide more than I ever dreamed it could be. You are the leaders I wish I had when I started. This book was written for you and inspired by you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  To my HoneyBook family. Since 2015, HoneyBook has been filled with the dearest friends, mentors, and leaders, all of whom have given me the understanding of belonging as I know it now. To Oz and Naama Alon for believing in the power of community. Your support over the past five years has transformed tens of thousands of lives—including mine. To Dan Visnick for your leadership, mentorship, and encouragement. To Kait Masters for making this community the best place that it can be. You are the leader that Rising Tide has always deserved. To Maria Povarchik for earning my friendship with your community-over-competition tattoo. We may live on different continents, but we’re sisters all the same. To Austyn, LaShanta, Lauren, Olivia, and Wendy—thank you for pouring your heart and soul into Rising Tide over the years and for making it the community that it is today.

  To the small but mighty NF team. To Bree Pair for being my right-hand woman throughout so much of this process. Thank you for fighting for this book right alongside me over the past two years, from the proposal through final publication. To Haylee Gaffin, who keeps our world spinning on its axis, thank you for all your hard work. To LaShonda Brown Delivuk for mobilizing our team of world changers and making this book launch a success.

  To my literary agents, Karen, Curtis, and the entire Yates and Yates team. You believed in this book before a single word was ever written. You gave me the courage to take a risk that changed the course of my entire life. Thank you for using the gifts that God gave you to help others make their mark.

  To the Worthy Publishing and Hachette team. Thank you for bringing this book to life. To Daisy for championing this project and amplifying my voice as a first-time author. To Karin for helping to edit this book into the best that it can be. To Patsy, Eliot, Katie, and Laini for using your brilliance to get this book into the hands of readers so that it could make an impact.

  To Jennifer Duran of Pace Creative Design for using your genius to create the perfect cover for this book. You are a true artist and a talented designer.

  To those who have shaped Rising Tide into a more diverse, inclusive, and equitable community—you are true heroes in th
e battle for belonging. To Nichole Alcántara Beiner Powell-Newman for spearheading our Equitable Leadership Training Program and for helping us to turn our aspired values into lived ones. To Kait Masters and Kit Gray for ensuring our chronically ill and disabled members will always have an honored seat at the table. To Kay Fabella for your invaluable leadership, perspective, and friendship. To Danait Berhe-Gaber for raising your hand and thereby raising the tide. To Dannie Lynn Fountain for your courage and your voice. To Lisette Cervano and Christian Gutierrez for leading the way and being fearless advocates. To Erin Perkins for relentlessly fighting for accessibility. To all members of the HoneyBook DEI team and to our community leaders past and present who have fought this fight, thank you.

  To my mentors and teachers. To Dr. Gary Hatfield and Dr. Michael Leja, who helped me combine my love of art and science so that I could see the world with new eyes. To Laura Nestler for being the type of leader I will always aspire to be. To the St. Mary’s, Archbishop Spalding, and University of Pennsylvania communities for investing in me and sparking my lifelong love of learning.

  To my friends in San Francisco, Annapolis, and everywhere in between, who inspired so much of this book. To Rebecca Shostak for being the type of friend that I spent my whole life searching for. To Martha Bitar for convincing us to take the greatest risk of our lives and being a part of my story ever since. To Madison Short for supporting me—from building my photography business to the early days of Rising Tide to driving cross-country with us and our toddler. You are an extraordinary friend, and I love you. To Kent and Jami Heckel for saying yes to our wild adventures. To Reina Pomeroy for coaching me through roadblocks big and small. To Jessica Chang for showing me what it means to take care of the ones you love. To Abby Springmann for bold questions that brought me back to Jesus. To Lauren Swann for always letting me order the fried pickles. To Hope Taylor, Jennifer Ryals, Laylee Emadi Smith, Michelle Harris Templeton, and Vanessa Hicks for being the type of friends who feel like family. You mean more to me than you will ever know.