Murder to Go

by Brenda Donelan

  Next to speak was Echo, a diminutive Native American girl in her early twenties. “Hey. I’m Echo and I’m a lifer. This is my home for the rest of my life and it’s what I deserve. I killed my baby. I don’t even remember it because I was so drunk. I was back home on the rez and my boyfriend and I had a party at our house. We were all drinking and having a good time. After a while I notice he’s not around anymore. That’s when I find him in our bedroom with my cousin. After that, everything went black. I don’t remember anything till I woke up in jail the next morning. My sister was at the party and she said I came out of the bedroom screaming and grabbed my baby and….” Echo stammered, her voice rich with emotion and tears streaming down her cheeks. “And I picked him up and slammed him against the wall.” Echo discontinued her story as she began sobbing to the point that she could no longer speak. She waved her hand toward the woman who sat next to her.

  “My name’s Stephanie and I’m doing time for grand theft,” said the white woman with the blonde bob-cut. She appeared to be in her early thirties and carried herself as if she came from money. “I’ve always liked nice things and affording them wasn’t a problem. My husband is a respiratory therapist and I worked part time at a bank. We have two daughters, a nice home, took vacations, and didn’t want for anything. Even though I could’ve bought the things I stole, I didn’t. I got a thrill from it. My favorite things to take were clothes and make up, not just for me but for the girls too. I gave really nice gifts to my family and friends and everything was taken from stores in malls. When I was finally caught, I was putting a thousand dollars-worth of jewelry in the trunk of my car. As soon as I was confronted, I admitted it and told the police about the stuff I had at home too. I wasn’t abused as a child or in my marriage. I wasn’t addicted to anything and I don’t have mental health issues. Basically, I guess I’m a thrill seeker and used shoplifting to get a rush.” With that, Stephanie ended her spiel and looked toward the last person on the panel.

  “I’m Luverne, and I think I’m getting out of here pretty soon,” said a woman in her forties with thinning grayish brown hair and dark brown eyes. “I’ve been in for twenty years now. My charge was killing my husband. I killed him because he was going to kill me. At least that’s what I thought at the time. I was later diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and the doctors tell me that he was most likely never a threat to me. It seemed so real, and I feared for my life. I’ve been on medication since coming here and they tell me I’ll have to stay on it the rest of my life. My kids are grown and haven’t visited me even once since I’ve been here. I heard that I have grandkids now, but I’ve never seen them. When I get out I hope to stay at a halfway house for a bit until I can get a job and earn enough money to get an apartment. I never finished high school, so it’ll be tough to get a job.” Luverne looked at the major to signal that she was finished talking.

  Major Borden cleared his throat and said, “Let’s open it up for questions. You can ask whatever you like, but the women don’t have to answer if they don’t want to.”

  The students were all sitting wide eyed with their mouths agape, still in shock at the gravity of the stories they just heard. Marlee sensed the students had many questions, but just needed a start. “Thank you all for sharing your stories. That’s very brave of you to do. Besides family, what do you miss most now that you’re in prison?”

  Echo, now composed spoke first. “I miss going to the fridge and grabbing a Coke anytime I want. We’re not allowed to have food in our cells and pop isn’t served in the chow hall. When I get enough money for a Coke I have to pay a high price for it at the commissary.”

  Arlys nodded and said, “Besides my family the thing I miss most is being able to put my bare feet on carpet. There’s no carpet in here. Anywhere.”

  “I miss shopping,” said Stephanie. “Just walking by stores and seeing the new clothes and make up, walking in and touching the clothes and getting a makeover. I really miss all of that.”

  Luverne spoke last. “I’ve been in here so long I don’t even know what I miss anymore. When I first came here nearly twenty years ago, I really missed the burgers and fries at this little diner my husband I would go to. Guess it closed a few years back. Now I really don’t miss anything anymore.”

  “What do you think will be your biggest obstacles when you get out?” asked Donnie Stacks, always one to ask well-thought out questions.

  Luverne was the first to speak. “I don’t have any education and I have a conviction for murder. I’ve been out of the workforce for twenty years. I was a stay at home mom and my husband worked, so I don’t have much work experience. At least not the kind employers are looking for. I’ve been working in the kitchen here for over ten years, so that might help me get a job in a kitchen at a restaurant. I’ve been on work release for a few months and have been washing dishes at a diner downtown. I have no idea how technology works on the outside, other than what I’ve seen on TV shows. We can take classes here on computers, but I don’t understand it.” At this point, Marlee realized that Luverne probably had some learning disabilities, thus offering an explanation as to why she didn’t finish high school and struggled with learning new things. A learning or a mental disability would add more obstacles to her reentry into society. It would not be an easy road for Luverne and the odds were stacked against her.

  “Well, I’m never getting out, so you can skip me,” Echo said with a little laugh that displayed anything but humor.

  “You know, I just don’t feel like there will be that many obstacles,” said Stephanie. “My husband and kids are supportive of me. Probably the biggest thing is finding work in my field with a felony.” Stephanie remained unaware of the issues that propelled her to shoplift in the first place. Marlee felt concern for this woman. Until she recognized that her problem was not stealing itself, but why she did it, Stephanie would be doomed to repeat her crimes.

  Arlys had been looking down at the floor while the others spoke, almost as if she was not listening. When her turn came to talk she said, “I hear a lot about how everything will be all rosy when we get out, but I doubt that’ll be the case. Very few people will hire convicted felons. Even if your family and friends have supported you so far, it doesn’t mean they will continue to stand behind you. Some people will be hoping for your failure and will even try to get you to take a drink or smoke a joint. I think there will be pitfalls every day, some I haven’t even thought of, that I’ll have to watch for. So, my answer to the question is: everything. I think everything and everyone will be an obstacle in one way or another.” Arlys’ fatalistic attitude was not well received, judging by the looks on the faces of the other inmates and the students. Marlee knew all too well from her work with felons that Arlys was on target with society’s perception of convicts, and how family and friends can hinder progress.

  Roxie Harper, the non-traditional student in the Criminal Justice To Go class, had been silent on the tours up to this point. Now she chose to make her thoughts heard. “I’m hearing a lot of blame placed on society, family, boyfriends, husbands, and everyone else. I’m not hearing any of you taking much responsibility for your actions. One minute you cry when you talk about killing your baby,” Roxie said as she pointed at Echo, “then the next minute you’re whining because you can’t have a Coke anytime you want. That doesn’t seem very remorseful to me!”

  “And you,” Roxie pointed at Stephanie without taking a breath, “I bet you’re back shoplifting within a month after you get out. You’re a rich lady and had everything handed to you, but that just wasn’t enough. But the one that pisses me off the most is Arlys because she’s been in one abusive situation after another and wouldn’t leave. Why stay? You could’ve left your boyfriend at any time and went to a shelter, but you didn’t because you didn’t want to. You were having fun with the drugs and getting money…”

  “Roxie, that’s enough!” Marlee shouted. “We aren’t here to pass judgment on these women, just hear their stories so we can better und
erstand why people get involved in crime.”

  Turning toward the inmate panel Marlee said, “I’m sorry, ladies. That was definitely uncalled for.” She leveled a stern look at Roxie who had her lips pursed as if she were trying to hold back further comments. The rest of the students were stunned by Roxie’s outburst and Marlee’s chastisement of her. The women on the inmate panel shot Roxie daggers with their eyes, knowing that they could not respond to her criticisms lest they be punished.

  “Ah, I think that wraps it up for the questions,” said the major, sensing the whole climate of the room had changed since Roxie vocalized her judgments. He motioned the women at the table to stand up and he called on his walkie-talkie for the locked door to be opened. As the women were waiting to be escorted back to their cells, Luverne shouted at Roxie, “What makes you so perfect, bitch? You’ve probably done some things that would land you in here. You just didn’t get caught!”

  Roxie was now on her feet, ready to respond to Luverne’s parting shot. “I’ve never killed anyone! And I’ve never dealt drugs! And I’ve never stolen anything other than a CD from a store when I was a teenager, so no, I don’t think I’m just like you and that I should be in prison! And fuck you!” Roxie yelled, pointing at Luverne. “If you think you’re gonna make it on the outside, you’re delusional. Oh wait, I guess you’re already delusional, according to your psychiatric diagnosis.”

  Marlee ran to the table where Roxie now stood. She grabbed the student’s arm and hissed, “Shut up! Right now! I mean it!”

  The door unlocked and the four inmates were led out of the room. Marlee looked at Major Borden, still dumfounded by what just occurred. “I am so sorry.” The major did not even look at Marlee and ushered the class out to the main lobby and then through the locked doors to the outside.

  The students and Marlee’s assistant waited on the sidewalk, wondering what would be the next step. Roxie, driving alone, had already proceeded toward her car. “Wait here,” Marlee directed as she walked past the students and caught up to Roxie.

  “Roxie, I want to talk to you.” Marlee made it to Roxie’s car before she was able to unlock it and get in. “Why in the hell did you do that? I told you at the start of class today that we were to keep our judgments to ourselves and that we could talk about them later after we left the prisons.”

  “I couldn’t stand hearing their BS any more. No one owned up to what they did. It was just ‘poor me, poor me’ and I thought somebody should say something,” Roxie said, oblivious to the damage her words caused.

  “Do you realize how inappropriate that was? It’s not your job to confront people when we’re on tours. You’ve jeopardized the chance that future Criminal Justice To Go classes will be able to tour the women’s prison. At this point, I’m ready to kick you out of the class!”

  Roxie’s tone and demeanor changed immediately. “No, don’t do that. I just got a bit emotional. It won’t happen again,” Roxie begged. Marlee was afraid Roxie would do the same thing on tours of other facilities that week. This was only the first day of the class and it would be a long stressful week. If Roxie was acting up on the first day, how would she react later in the week?

  “Look, lack of insight is why many people are in prison. You actually made some good points, but that was not the time nor the place to say them. It was completely out of line and put our class in a bad light with the administration with the women’s prison. Some of your remarks were downright rude. You had no right to belittle Luverne because of her mental health diagnosis. I’m not sure I can trust you to go into other facilities and keep your comments to yourself,” Marlee stated. She hated kicking someone out of class for one mistake, but this was a doozy.

  “I promise you, I won’t say one word while we’re in the other places. I’ll keep my mouth shut and just listen. Please, Dr. McCabe, I really need this class,” Roxie pleaded, tears in her eyes.

  “I’m not prepared to make a decision on it right now because I’m still so upset with you. I’ll sleep on it and let you know in the morning if you can stay in the class.”

  Roxie nodded her head. This was not the answer she had hoped for, but at least her professor was spending some time deciding her fate in the class. Marlee reminded Roxie of the name of the motel they would be staying at in Chamberlain that night and said goodbye.

  The students on the sidewalk all turned as they saw Marlee approaching them, acting as if they had not heard every single word in the exchange between their professor and Roxie. “We need to get on the road to Chamberlain. It’s about an hour and a half drive. That’s where we’re staying tonight. Anyone have any questions about how to get there or find the motel?” Everyone shook their head and Marlee continued. “After we check in tonight, we need to meet for a few minutes. We have a big day tomorrow and need to be at the juvenile facility by 8:00 a.m. sharp. We will all meet in the breakfast room no later than seven-thirty so we can go over a few things before we leave. Okay?”

  Everyone nodded and left for their vehicles.

  “Whew!” Marlee said to Marcus as they got into her car and slammed the doors shut. “I’ve never had a student go off like that before.” Marlee was a professional and did not want to discuss her thoughts on students with other students, but Marcus had graduated and was technically no longer one of her students. She felt free to vent to him about her frustrations with the class and the students, knowing he would not repeat her comments.

  “I didn’t know what to do!” Marcus repeatedly shuffled a sheaf of papers from one hand to the other as he struggled to make sense of Roxie’s blowup.

  “I didn’t either. I’m deciding about kicking Roxie out of the class. She promised she won’t say another word on any of the other tours this week, but I don’t know if she can keep that promise. She was so fired up and I wonder if she will be able to control herself when she sees something else she disagrees with.” Marlee wrestled with the pros and cons of keeping Roxie in the class.

  “It made the other students really uncomfortable too,” he said. “Some of them said they don’t want her in the class because they won’t learn as much if Roxie keeps acting this way.”

  “That’s a good point, Marcus. I’ll think on that. I have nine other students to worry about and I can’t just focus on the one with bad behavior all week. If her behavior is disruptive to them, then it hampers what they can learn in the class.” Marlee rubbed her eyes and forehead, hoping for a simple solution to the dilemma.

  Before leaving Pierre, Marlee went through a drive thru so Marcus could get a Coke and a burger. Marlee was still full from supper at the prison and didn’t want any caffeine to stimulate her further. Plus, she had a bottle of rum in her suitcase and would fix herself a stiff drink once they arrived at the motel.

  The students were excited to discover the Lakeside Motel had an indoor pool. After everyone checked in, Marlee had difficulty corralling them into the motel lounge for a brief visit about what they had seen and done that day. All of the students were present except for Roxie. She must have slipped out after getting her room key. Marlee thought she might have decided to leave the class on her own rather than potentially be kicked out. Students had some great questions and good insights, but Roxie’s outburst at the women’s prison was the pink elephant in the room that nobody was discussing.

  As soon as they finished the group meeting, most of the students made a bee-line for the swimming pool. It was a good way for them to relax and also spend some time together as a group, talking about the day. Marcus said he might go for a swim later, but wanted to get settled in his room first and call his girlfriend.

  Marlee had other ideas about relaxing. The day wore on her and she was not equipped to deal with so much interaction with so many people. She felt like collapsing onto her bed and sleeping for the next twenty hours. As exhausted as she was, Marlee would not be able to calm down and rest for a while. She still had a big decision to make regarding Roxie.

  She pulled the clothes out of her suitcase th
at she planned to wear the following day. Taking one of the plastic motel cups from the sink area and unwrapping it, Marlee opened her bottle of rum and poured in two generous glugs and drank it straight. The next drink would be on ice and mixed with pop. Then she would call her boyfriend to complain to him about all the injustices she had to endure. She grabbed the brown ice bucket and fumbled around in her purse until she gathered up a handful of quarters. Marlee’s room was located on the second floor of the motel in on the west side while all of the students’ rooms were on the first floor on the east side. She arranged this purposely so as not to hear the inevitable late night partying and gossiping that occurs when groups of people get together. All rooms could only be accessed from the outside and with any luck, Marlee would make it back to her room with pop and ice before any of her students could flag her down with questions or problems.

  The professor walked outside to the pop and ice machines located on the second floor. Standing by the vending machines looking at the selections, Marlee knew she needed to purchase a beverage without caffeine and preferably without sugar. She had been doing well on her low carb diet for a few weeks now and didn’t want to sabotage it with a sugary drink. As she was pushing the button for caffeine-free Diet Coke, she heard loud voices coming from the patio area on the floor below her.

  Against her better judgment, Marlee turned around after she picked up her plastic bottle of pop from the dispenser. A female voice was yelling, but Marlee could not make out the words. A car door slammed and an engine roared. She peeked over the balcony and saw Roxie standing in front of an open motel room door with her fist in the air, still shouting. The large car turned and spun out of the motel driveway.