by Emily Rose
“Reanna don’t be rude. Speak child,” Mom said.
I blinked and inhaled deeply as if I hadn’t been breathing this entire time. When my eyes focused, I saw Mom and Danny staring at me probably the same way I had been staring at Samuel.
“I’m so sorry. I just…he’s so young,” I blurted before I could stop myself.
Mom gasped, Danny coughed to cover the laugh that tried to break free, and Samuel, well he didn’t bother trying to stop the laugh that broke out of him.
“I’m twenty-five, yes,” he said.
I stared at him and then looked at mom. There had to be twenty plus years between them. It was so fucking weird.
“My husband is twenty-five,” I said.
“Reanna, can we just go inside? I have dinner cooked,” Mom said, and then wrapped one arm around my shoulders as she steered me toward the front door.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. My stepfather was a twenty-five-year-old that had a body like a surfer. What the hell was happening? I didn’t have time to think about it as my mom forced me through the front door and I was blasted with the smell of meatloaf. My mom used to make it all the time back before my father died and I loved it.
It had been years since then, so smelling it now was a bit overwhelming. It was crazy how the simplest thing such as food could bring back so many emotions. Some that you didn’t even realize were still there until you felt them come alive.
When we came into the kitchen, I saw the meal Mom had prepared. Everything from the meatloaf, to the creamy mashed potatoes, it was just like I remembered, except for the fact that it had been my father waiting at the table. If I closed my eyes, I could almost see his face again, his smile. It had always been the brightest part of my day during those years. He had been my hero, always there when I needed him.
Until he wasn’t. All it took was one night of drinking, one wrong decision, and he was gone.
Forever.
“Ray, are you okay?” Danny whispered beside me as I watched my mom and Samuel take their seats.
I couldn’t respond, because I didn’t feel okay. All of this felt like too much, because it brought back memories I thought I had long since buried. It was like my mother was trying to recreate that lifetime and she couldn’t. No one could. That time when everything was normal, when we were a family, was long gone. Stripped away the second my father hit that damn tree and killed himself.
Before I could stop it, I felt the single tear that slid down my cheek. I couldn’t take this. I couldn’t act like everything was normal again, because it wasn’t. My mother had done terrible things after my father died, and while it was nice seeing her in a better place and trying to do things right, I couldn’t forgive her for what she had done back then. I couldn’t pretend like we were one huge family when I knew it was just a facade. I had no idea what I was thinking coming down here. I thought I could do this and maybe it took actually seeing it all for me to realize that I couldn’t.
Suddenly, I was so angry. I felt my fists clench at my sides and my body trembled with the kind of rage that was uncontrollable, as violent and unpredictable as a tornado. I was moving before I could stop myself. I heard Danny say my name, but it sounded like she was speaking from the other side of a tunnel.
My mom looked up at the same time I reached the table. Her face drained of color and her eyes told me that she was seeing me for the first time since she blocked me out. I grabbed the tablecloth and yanked so that every single one of the dishes came with it. They crashed to the floor, spilling food everywhere and shattering into pieces.
I heard my mom’s gasp as Samuel shot up from his seat and backed toward the wall. I stood with my feet frozen to the floor, staring down at my mother as if she were a stranger.
She stared back and the fear I saw in her eyes was the same kind of fear I used to look at her with.
“Nothing will ever change between us. It doesn’t matter how much you change or how much you pretend to love anyone. You. Will. Never. Be. Any. Different. You are still the same cold-hearted, selfish bitch who beat her daughter, over and over. I hate you. I will never forgive you. You lost me a long time ago and I have been just fine without you in my life trying to mess with my head. Stay the fuck away from me and every single one of my family members,” I said so calmly that even I felt the realness of my words, the actual hate I felt for the person in front of me.
No one said a word as I turned my back on her and walked straight for the door. Danny followed close behind me, but even she kept her distance as we came through the front door. I pulled my keys out of my pocket and got back in my car. Danny jumped into the passenger seat as I tried to put the keys into the ignition with shaky hands. I felt like I was coming down from a high.
My body started trembling for an entirely different reason and my vision blurred with unshed tears. I reached up and tried to wipe them away, so I could see how to put the damn keys in, but Danny reached over the console. I felt her hand grab my arm, stopping me. I looked up and met her gaze as my breathing started to come quicker.
“It’s okay,” she whispered.
I sucked in each breath like it was my last and shook my head, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I was losing it. I was feeling too much at once and it was burying me.
Danny leaned over and wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug as my body shook with each breath. I buried my face in her hair and tried to control it, but I couldn’t. I was having a panic attack. I hadn’t had one in years and the last one had been brought on when I found out my father died, but I knew what it was. I could feel the pounding of my heart and the way my body felt so out of control.
“Shh…. Just breathe,” Danny said in a soothing tone.
I closed my eyes and did what she said. Breathe in through my nose and out my mouth. Over and over until I could feel my heart starting to slow with each breath. It seemed like hours, but it might have only been seconds before I was breathing normally again, and my heart didn’t feel like it was going to explode straight out of my chest. I didn’t move though, and Danny didn’t loosen her hug on me.
I feared what might happen if she did, so I reached up and wrapped my arms around her. We stayed that way for what seemed like forever, not speaking, just holding onto each other. And it was at that moment, that very second, that I felt a little piece of the truth break free.
And it was worse than the lie, because the truth was…Danny wasn’t the person who could hold me together at this very moment.
And neither was Miles.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jax
Thursday nights at Twisted sucked. Well, any night between tonight and Saturday were the worst. People always got more out of control the closer the weekend got, which meant that my job was a lot fucking harder. It was barely after eleven and I had already been punched, slapped, and some chick even tried to bite me for throwing her man out for fighting. I ended up throwing her crazy ass out with him after that.
Normally, I wouldn’t mind a chick biting me if that was what she wanted, but not one that looked like that dude’s woman. I felt like I needed to get tested for every STD known to man just by touching her.
I stood in the corner of the bar, watching the crowd as these thoughts ran through my head. I seriously should have thought about taking another Xanax before coming to work tonight. It would have made the whole experience a lot easier to handle, but I had chosen not to.
I honestly had no idea why either. I could tell myself that it was because I wanted to be the better version of myself, but that was bullshit.
My choice to leave the house without them hadn’t been for me at all.
There was only person who had made me feel like I didn’t need the Xanax and that had been Ray, but she wasn’t even here, so even if she was the reason, I wasn’t taking them right now, I had no fucking idea why. I honestly didn’t even want to know the reason why.
“Inside Out” by Eve 6 started playing through the bar and I blinked a
s the lights switched to match up with the beat. People started dancing and some even tried singing, which sounded ridiculous.
I took a deep breath and leaned against the wall as I scanned the wild crowd, patiently waiting for that one dumbass that got a little too rowdy. I complained about the crazy ones, but then when it died down to just the sick drunk stage, shit got way less exciting. I couldn’t count how many people I’d seen not make it to the bathroom in time and that was not something anyone liked to see.
Finally, I got bored standing around waiting and pushed off the wall to head toward the bar. I spotted Rachel filling shots left and right, trying to tend to every customer sitting there. I arched an eyebrow at her as she dropped a shot glass and it shattered on the floor. I could see her shoulders lift and drop in a heavy sigh, and I knew she was stressed to the max trying to keep up with the demanding crowd.
I hadn’t done it since before Miles got hired, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t. I slid around the bar and asked the first customer I saw what they wanted.
“Three shots of Fireball,” the dude said.
I nodded, grabbed the shot glasses, and placed them on the bar. Next, I grabbed the bottle of Fireball Whisky and poured each shot, filling them to the right amount before I slid them over to the guy. He nodded and grabbed all three, leaving his cash on the bar. I took it and placed it in the register that was on my side of the bar.
When I looked up, I saw Rachel staring at me. She smiled in appreciation and then went back to work. I was about to ask the next customer what they wanted when I spotted a photo taped to the back wall, next to all the others that had been taken in Twisted, including some of the whole group. This photo was one of Miles, and me a few months after he had started. We stood side by side with our beers held in the air. I reached up and grabbed the picture, yanking it off the board it had been taped to.
I tried to remember that day. It felt like so long ago, and I was staring at two complete strangers. The Miles I knew in this photo wasn’t the same one I knew now and there was no doubt in my mind that he could say the same thing about me. I felt it then, the anger I had felt the moment I found out he hurt Ray. I shouldn’t feel this type of anger over my best friend’s wife. I should be giving him advice, backing him up, anything other than what I was feeling right now.
But I couldn’t stop the anger as it raced like lightning in my veins, flaring hot throughout my body.
It was there and I had no fucking clue how it even started in the first place or how I was supposed to shut it off. I clench my hand into a fist, crushing the photo between it and closed my eyes as I tried to control the rage that had somehow buried itself in my mind.
I released a slow breath and shoved the photo inside the pocket of my jeans before I opened my eyes again. I couldn’t let anyone else see that rage or people would start asking questions.
Ones I didn’t have the answers to.
I turned to the next customer and tried to keep my mind off it entirely by keeping myself busy. For the next several hours, I bartend and keep a close eye on the crowd. To my surprise, there hadn’t been another fight since the last one I broke up and before I knew it, it was after 1am. The place had pretty much cleared out and we were all stuck cleaning up the mess they left the last hour.
When everything was finally in order and we were on our way out the door, Rachel fell into step beside me. She nudged me with her shoulder. “Thanks for helping out at the bar tonight,” She said as we came outside, and she pulled the keys out to lock up the place.
I could hear Kevin’s truck start somewhere behind me as I waited for her to get done. “No problem. I wasn’t doing anything else,” I said.
She turned to face me. “Well, thanks. I was having a bit of a rough time up there alone,” she said.
I chuckled. “I noticed.”
“I will be glad when Miles gets back. I know he’s the owner, but I will still kick his ass if he doesn’t help me out,” she said.
“Good luck with that,” I said.
Rachel arched an eyebrow at me. “Is everything okay with you?”
“Yep,” I said.
I could tell she didn’t believe me, but she didn’t ask about it. “Ok, well goodnight Jaxson,” she said and then headed off toward her car.
“Goodnight,” I said and then headed off toward my car, which was parked on the opposite side of where she and Kevin had parked.
I pulled my keys out, unlocked it, and got in. I sat there a minute before I started the engine and shifted into gear, backing out of the parking space. It wasn’t until I had pulled out onto the road that I felt my phone vibrate from inside my pocket.
I switched hands on the steering wheel and pulled it free with the other hand to see a text message. I read it as I glanced from my phone to the road.
Ray-I need to tell you something.
I sighed and pulled into the first empty parking lot I found. I put my car in park and typed a quick message back to her.
Me-Ok. When? Does this need to be something we talk about in person?
It didn’t take her long to respond.
Ray-Yes, and we can talk now. I’m at the house. Can you come here? I really don’t feel like getting out again. It’s been a long day.
Me-What about Danny? Isn’t she there?
Ray-Yeah, but she’s asleep. She won’t wake up.
Me-Are you sure about this?
Ray-Just come over. I really need to talk to you.
Me-Ok, I’ll be there in a little bit.
Ray-Thank you.
Me-No problem.
I threw my phone into the center console and reached up to shift into gear when I saw someone pull in behind me. They stopped close enough to the back of my car that their lights glared in my mirrors. I blocked my eyes from the brightness, but it didn’t take me long to realize who it was when I heard the bass from the music he was playing.
Jared.
“Shit,” I said and then rolled my window down as I saw someone get out of the front seat.
I had no idea what the hell Jared wanted, but I didn’t have time for his shit either. I let my head fall back against the seat as one of his bodyguards reached my window. He taped on the rim of the window with the tip of what I realized was a bat. I lifted my head and looked up as he leaned down to level his gaze with mine.
“Get out,” he said.
“What the hell do you want?” I asked.
He stared at me. “Get the fuck out of the car before I put this bat through your damn windshield.”
“If you put that bat through my windshield, I’ll shove it up your ass afterwards,” I said firmly.
He didn’t say anything then and I heard a tap on the passenger side window. I turned to look and saw another guy standing there, waiting for it to come down. I sighed and rolled that one down too, but unlike the dude on my left, this guy pointed a gun into the window and leaned down to level his gaze with mine.
“If I was you, I would get the fuck out of the car,” he said and then tilted the gun sideways, aiming it straight at me.
“Alright, fuck,” I said and then shoved my door open.
The dude standing there barely had enough time to move as I stepped out. I didn’t really feel like getting shot tonight, so I knew I had no choice. The two guys followed behind me as I made my way to Jared’s SUV. I watched as the back window rolled down when I approached, and Jared leaned up to look out at me.
“Jaxson, buddy…” he said.
I stood firm and remained silent.
“Aw, not up for a conversation? Well, me either. I just want to know one thing and then we can all go on with our night,” he said.
I waited.
Jared shook his head. “I can’t believe I even have to ask this. I mean you were always so trustworthy before,” he said in fake disappointment.
“What the hell do you want, Jared?” I asked, tired of his shit already.
His face turned angry. “What the hell do I want? I want my fucking mone
y, Jaxson,” he said.
“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. I paid you already,” I said.
He laughed, “Now don’t play games with me. You shorted me two grand. It took me a little bit to catch it, but I did.”
I really had no idea what the hell he was talking about, but out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the two guys behind me close in around me.
“Jared, I didn’t short you anything. I paid in full, just like I always do,” I said.
He stared at me for what felt like forever and then he spoke, “Bullshit, but there is one way we can settle this,” he said with a grin and then I watched as his eyes met the guys on the left. He nodded as if he were giving him permission.
I barely had time to register what was about to happen before the guy on my left hit me directly in the temple with the edge of his gun.
And then everything went dark.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ray
I sat on the couch in complete darkness with a blanket over my legs. The moonlight shined through the window, casting a glow over the living room as I stared at the books that lined the bookshelf directly across from me. The only sound I could hear was the ticking of the clock that hung on the wall as it counted down the minutes until 3 am struck.
My mind raced with thoughts as I tried to sort through everything that has happened. Starting with my marriage, all that happened in between, and ending with when I lost it on my mother. I tried to make sense of all the crap that had gone down, but my mind couldn’t figure it out. I had no idea what card life was playing at this moment, but I hated it.
Everything seemed so out of place. Like my life wasn’t mine anymore.
I hadn’t waited around in Florida. It had made for a really long day, but I couldn’t stay down there another second. I wanted to be home, so after me and Danny left my mother’s house, we drove the six hours back to Hampton. I had only been home an hour or so when I had texted Jax to come over. I wasn’t sure how I was going to go about the conversation I wanted to have with him, but I had to start somewhere.