by Emily Rose
I had to figure this out.
I checked the time again. It had been an hour since I texted him. He should have been here by now. I knew it didn’t take that long to get here from Twisted.
I grabbed my phone from the coffee table and pressed the button on the side to light up the screen. I unlocked it, scrolled through my contacts until I found his number, and dialed it. My heart did a flip as I held the phone to my ear, listening to it ring.
And ring.
I started chewing on my nails as I waited for him to answer, but he never did. It went to voicemail and a concerned feeling settled deep inside my stomach. It wasn’t like him to just straight up ignore me, or anyone for that matter. My mind went to the worst-case scenario. Like he got into an accident or he just didn’t want to hear what I had to tell him.
Something had happened. I could feel it.
Like a pressure building inside my chest.
I stopped chewing on my nails and kicked the blanket off. I stood up, with my phone still in my hand, and went to grab my shoes. After I got them on, I grabbed my keys off the counter and headed out the door. I couldn’t just sit around anymore. I had to find him.
I jumped in my car and started the engine. I headed for the last place I knew he would be. Twisted. On my way, the roads were empty of cars and the sidewalks didn’t have a single soul around. I was so focused on the drive and my own thoughts that I almost didn’t see it until it was too late.
To my right, a car sat in an empty parking lot with the lights still on. It wasn’t until I nearly got right up on it that I realized whose car it was.
Jax’s.
I slammed on the brakes and whipped into the parking lot, nearly jarring myself to death as I did. I eased up behind his car and that was when I saw him. Jaxson was on the ground, lying on his side, next to the driver’s side door.
“Oh my god,” I whispered to myself as my heart shot through the roof.
I shoved my car into park and kicked the door open, leaving it that way as I jog toward him. It wasn’t until I reached him that I saw everything.
Jaxson had a cut on the side of his head, a busted lip and even in the dim light that the night sky offered, I could already see the bruise under his right eye. The wounds were bleeding, like they had been freshly made, and he was holding his side with one hand. His eyes were closed, and he was breathing, but quicker than what was normal.
“Jaxson, oh my god. What happened to you? I’m going to call 911,” I said as I kneeled beside him. I didn’t touch him, afraid of what I might hurt if I did. I was about to race back to my car to grab my phone, but Jaxson grabbed my arm with the hand that wasn’t holding his side and my eyes met his.
They were open now, but full of pain as he tried to speak. “Don’t…don’t call…” Jaxson closed his eyes as he flinched like it hurt to even speak and then opened them again once that pain passed, “Please, don’t call them,” he said.
My heart ached with both sadness and anger. I wanted to know who did this to him, but I also hated seeing it for myself, because I already knew what this was about.
“Jaxson,” I said his name with a warning, but he kept his gaze steady with mine.
“Please, Ray…” he begged.
I fought with myself over it. Part of me wanted to call the cops, because I knew they would be able to find out the truth, but then another part of me wanted to do what Jaxson wanted me to. Finally, I decided and nodded at him, settling on keeping it on the down low.
For now.
“Let me help you up,” I said.
Jaxson nodded as I grabbed his arm. I lifted with everything I had in me to get him off the ground. My muscles strained under his weight until he finally got to his feet and leaned against his car. I took a deep breath and stepped back.
He still held one hand on his side, but then he lifted his gaze to mine. “Thank you,” he said.
I stared at him. “Jaxson, you wouldn’t have to thank me if you hadn’t got yourself into trouble in the first place. Look at you. Whoever did this to you could have killed you,” I said with more anger than what I had intended on. I was angry, because I couldn’t lose him. I was angry, because his safety didn’t seem to matter that much to him, but it mattered to me.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” he said.
I laughed, but it held no humor. “You’re damn right it wasn’t supposed to, but you know, that’s what happens when you get mixed up in drugs.”
It was out before I could stop it. I sucked in a breath and covered my hand with my mouth as I stared into his eyes. He didn’t look angry or really anything. His expression remained emotionless.
“How’d you know?” he asked calmly.
I dropped my hand back to my side and shrugged. “I don’t know. I grew up around that and I guess I just knew the signs.”
“Why didn’t you call me out on it when you noticed?”
“I didn’t know how, and I didn’t want to lose you by saying anything,” I said truthfully.
Jaxson stared into my eyes like he was trying to figure me out. As we stood there, I realized that even with the busted lip and black eye, he was still a gorgeous man. It wasn’t like I couldn’t see that. I had always been able to see that, but it wasn’t until I really got to know him that I realized he was just as gorgeous on the inside as he was on the outside.
“Ray, you aren’t going to lose me,” he said after a moment of silence.
I dropped my gaze to the ground and stared at our shoes, which I hadn’t noticed until then that they were only a few inches apart.
“Hey,” Jax reached up and lifted my chin with his hand, forcing me to look into his eyes once more, “Don’t do that,” he said before he dropped his hand back to his side.
“I don’t know what to think anymore,” I said honestly.
“About what?”
I bit my lip, debating, and then released it. I stared into his eyes, so that he knew I wasn’t joking with my next statement. “You. I don’t know what to think about you,” I said.
As soon as the words were said, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. It was small, because there was still a lot I had to figure out, but it was enough that it made it just a little bit easier to breathe. I waited patiently as he processed those words and I could feel my heart racing as I did. I had no idea what he would think now, and it scared me. This whole thing scared me.
Jax didn’t say anything as he reached for the side of my neck. He paused, holding his hand mere inches from my skin, like he was fighting with himself over touching me or not, but then he gently rested his hand on my neck. It felt warm and I couldn’t stop the goosebumps that ran down my skin as his grip tightened.
I sucked in a harsh breath as my eyes darted between his. Jaxson pulled me forward, forcing me to get even closer to him, and then pressed his forehead against mine. We were so close now that I could feel his hot breath on my lips.
My heart raced and my mind whirled with so many thoughts. I knew this was wrong, so very wrong, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t pull away from him.
“You’re my best friend’s girl and I know that, but it’s taking everything I have in me right now to not fucking taste your lips,” he said as he stared into my gaze.
My world stopped. Everything just stopped. I wasn’t even sure my heart was beating anymore or if I was breathing as I stared back at him, silent and frozen in place. Jax took a deep breath and I felt his hand tighten even more on my neck, like it was the only thing preventing him from closing the few inches between us.
None of this was right. None of it.
I never once thought I would be in this position with anyone, least of all Jaxson. If he did it, if he kissed me, it would change everything. I blinked, trying to figure out what all I was feeling at this moment, but it was hard to even try to piece together.
My emotions and my thoughts were all over the place.
“Jaxson….” I whispered.
“I know what you are going to sa
y, but I don’t know if I can believe you. Not when you say my name like that,” he said.
“Like what?” I asked and even I could hear the tremulous quality in my voice.
He took a deep breath and then answered. “Like you want me to kiss you.”
I couldn’t seem to get my mouth to work as I stood there. I wanted to tell him that he was wrong, but he had been the one person other than Miles that I couldn’t seem to lie to.
And telling him that I didn’t want it would be a lie.
As that truth settled over me, I realized just how messed up everything was. I had turned into someone I didn’t even know. I was angry, confused, and hurt. I knew better than to believe what I was feeling right now. It couldn’t be real, but I was tired of fighting with myself too.
“Jax…” I whispered his name but then stopped there as I let myself go. I let it all go, everything I was feeling, everything I was thinking, I blocked it out. I darted my eyes between his eyes and his lips, and then I closed the few inches between our mouths.
His lips felt warm against mine and he tasted like the color of his eyes, whisky mixed with blood. Jax reached up with his other hand and locked it on the other side of my neck. He tilted his head in sync with mine as the kiss turned into something that was deep, gentle, and so wrong. I felt my heart beating madly against my chest as my hands slowly found their way up his chest, exploring the muscles there.
Jax groaned, releasing my neck and lowering his hands until they found my ass. He gripped it tightly and pulled us even closer, so that I felt the evidence of how hard he was press into my stomach. We were out of control, and I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to come down from it as Jax kept his hands on my ass, locking me into place. My hands found their way to his neck I wrapped them around him. I leaned my body into his, forcing his back against his car.
I was breathless as my heart continued to beat madly inside my chest. Almost so that it became painful as I deepened the kiss even more by letting my tongue swirl around his. I heard him groan again and it made my stomach drop, because I wanted to do more. I wanted to give him more. I wasn’t sure how he did it with his injured side, but somehow, Jax lifted me up by my ass and turned us around. He rested me on the hood of his car without ever breaking the kiss and placed his hands on either side of my waist. I wrapped my legs around him in a deadlock and moaned into his mouth.
Jax broke the kiss then, breathing hard, he looked into my eyes with so much desire that it was almost breathtaking. “Tell me to stop,” he said painfully.
I sucked in gulps of air as I tried to slow my heart rate. I felt like someone who had mixed a Xanax with a shot of whisky. Like I was in a numb daze.
“I…I can’t,” I said with a shaky voice.
Jax gripped my sides so tight that I felt like it would leave a bruise as he continued to fight with himself. “Ray, you need to tell me to stop,” he said.
I shook my head, because it was all I could do.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, clearly struggling to win the battle against himself. “I don’t want you to, but you need to say it otherwise I’m going to keep going, and it will turn into even more of a problem than what it is now,” he said firmly.
“I don’t want to say it,” I said.
Jax groaned and then filled the distance between us once more. His lips grazed mine with a gentle desperation and then he lifted me off the hood. He broke the kiss to put me down and grabbed my hand.
He led me to the driver’s side of his car and opened the door. I stood silently as he sat down, and then pulled me toward him. I lowered myself into the car, settling on top of him as he closed the door, and rolled the windows up. It was darker inside the car, so I could barely make out his face as he reached up with his hands and placed them on my neck again.
“I know this is wrong, but I can’t bring myself to give a shit right now. If you don’t want to do this, you are going to have to be the one to say it,” he said.
My body trembled with nervousness and my heart skipped as it beat madly inside my chest. I sucked in a shaky breath and then leaned down enough to touch my lips to his. Jax held still as I kissed him, tasted him, and felt him grow hard beneath me. I pulled back just enough to speak.
“Don’t stop,” I whispered so low that I barely even heard it.
Jax stared into my eyes for what seemed like forever and then his hands started moving. He dropped them to the edge of my shirt and started gently pulling it off. I lifted my arms and once the shirt was free, he threw it into the passenger seat before our lips met once more.
He was slow, gentle as he kissed me. And I felt every-single-thing. I felt his fingertips as they grazed my bare skin, leaving goosebumps in their path. The kiss never broke even as he reached around to my back and unclasped my bra. It slid off my shoulders and got caught between us. Jax didn’t stop to move it as his hands found their way to my breasts. He cupped them both in his hands, squeezing them gently. I moaned into his mouth as another shiver rolled through me.
Jax broke the kiss and moved his lips to the curve of my neck instead. He released my breasts and went back to my waist, gripping it tightly as he continued kissing his way down my neck. I let my head fall back and my eyes slid closed on their own. I felt my muscles tense up when I felt his lips on my left breast. He kissed gently, like he was savoring every inch of me until finally, his mouth found my nipple. He sucked it into his mouth and reached up to cup that breast with his hand.
“Jax…” I opened my eyes and moaned.
I heard a groan escape him as he released my breast and lifted me off him just long enough to get himself free of his jeans. I wasn’t wearing anything, but panties and sleeping shorts, so it didn’t take long before those were gone too. Jax pulled me back onto him and I felt his tip barely enter me as he held my weight above him. I bit my lip and closed my eyes as he slowly eased me down on him.
I couldn’t stop the loud cry that broke free of me as Jax slid himself fully inside of me and he couldn’t seem to stop his groan either.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he said as he held me steady, letting me adjust to his size.
I opened my eyes and met his gaze. His eyes held a dark look. My hands seemed to move on their own then, traveling to his shoulders as my body started moving up and down in slow, even strokes.
I cried out in pleasurable pain with each one, breathing hard. I could hear Jax’s heavy breathing as he tightened his hands on my waist. He wasn’t controlling me though.
No, I was doing all of it myself and he felt fucking amazing. Each time I came down, the tip of his dick hit that spot inside me that sent a shockwave through my body. I moaned loudly and gripped the handlebar above the driver’s side door at the same time I started moving quicker.
Jax took over then. He lifted my body and pulled me back down on him. Over and over until I was sure my heart would explode from my chest. My hand gripped the handlebar so tight that I felt it cut into my skin as my body hit an all-time high.
“Jaxson….” I cried out his name at the same time he slammed my body back down, causing my body to explode, and the world around me blur. I felt myself tighten around him as every other muscle locked up.
Jax groaned, his hands gripping my sides so hard that I knew for sure it would leave a mark. He lifted me completely off him a second before his own release rocked through him.
My hand gripped the handlebar as I held myself above him. I could feel my chest rising and falling in heavy breaths as Jax let his head fall back against the seat. I moved then, easing into the passenger seat and rested my head against the cool window. I closed my eyes, still completely undressed, as what I just did caught up to me. I couldn’t stop it even if I wanted to.
All at once, the guilt crushed me. Like a semi had just drove straight over my chest. I grabbed my clothes, putting them back on as quickly as I could.
Jax didn’t say anything as he sat in the driver’s seat, but I could feel his eyes on me the entire time. I
couldn’t bring myself to even look at him as I threw the rest of my clothes on and searched for the door handle.
That was when he spoke.
“Ray…”
I held my hand up to stop him, and then jumped out of the car, slamming the door behind me. I nearly dropped my shoes as I climbed into my own car. I threw my shoes into the passenger seat and shifted my car into reverse. I skidded out of the parking lot and got back onto the main road.
It wasn’t until I was alone, staring at the empty road in front of me that the tears came. Like someone had released the water on the other side of a dam, they poured down my cheeks and I couldn’t stop them. I felt my body shake as I let out a scream that made my ears bleed and punched the steering wheel with one hand.
I had messed up. So bad.
I had betrayed everyone.
My phone started ringing in the center console and I looked away from the road just long enough to see Jax’s name on the screen. I looked back at the road, letting it go to voicemail as I drove back to the one place I wasn’t sure I should go back to.
Miles’ house.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jax
I stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom, only just getting out of the shower after the numb ass drive back home. My reflection was foggy, so I reached up and slowly wiped the mirror until I saw my eyes staring back at me.
My hair touched the top of my eyes as I blinked and braced my arms on the counter. I could see the bruise under my eye, the split in my lip, and the cut on the side of my head. My eyes traveled down to my side where the bruise on my ribs was starting to appear. I took a deep breath and it hurt like hell to do so, but I did my best to ignore it as I let the steam from my shower clear my mind.
But the harder I tried to forget everything, the clearer it all became. I had fucked Ray, and the worst part about it was that I had enjoyed it.