by Emily Rose
“Are you going to answer that?” he asked as he looked back toward the road.
I took a deep breath and answered the phone, “Hey.”
Ray’s voice came through the line in a rush, so that I could clearly hear the fear in it. “Miles, it’s Jax. He is at the hospital. I took Danny by his house to check on him and we found him, Miles. He was overdosing. We called 911 and got him here as quick as we could, but I don’t know. I haven’t heard anything from the doctors yet.”
Kevin was about to turn right to take us back toward Jax’s house, but I pointed my finger left, toward the hospital instead and spoke, “Ok, Ray, you’re going to have to calm down. We’re on our way, but you need to calm down before you end up in the hospital too. We’ll be there in just a few minutes,” I said.
I could tell just by the sound of her voice that she was having a hard time, “Ok. Just get here. Please,” she said in a shaky, almost weak voice.
“I’m on my way,” I said.
We hung up and Kevin spoke before I could explain.
“What the hell? Who’s in the hospital?” he asked.
I threw my phone in the center console where it smacked against the side and fell somewhere on the floor as rage coursed through me. “Jax. He fucking overdosed.”
“Goddamnit,” Kevin said and sped up.
We flew through town toward the hospital, but my mind went somewhere else entirely. First, I wanted to beat Jaxson’s ass for letting himself get to this point, because despite what I thought happened between him and my wife, I knew he was stronger than this bullshit. Second, I wanted to tell Kevin to turn this truck around, so I could go back to Jared’s house and kill that son of a bitch for inviting this addiction back into Jaxson’s life.
And lastly, I wanted to forget it all and walk away.
For good this time.
But I wasn’t that kind of person. I was fucking reckless with my feelings, because I cared too damn much about people who didn’t give a shit what they did to me. I was tired of being this Miles. Just for a tiny second, turning into the careless, dangerous, self-centered Miles that Mia knew sounded tempting.
Chapter Thirty
Jax
I heard beeping, like the sound of a heart monitor. It made a soothing sound as it continued to fill my ears, steady and strong. The last thing I remembered was driving home from Twisted after the argument I had with Miles. After that, everything was blank. Like I had blocked it out completely. I tried to remember more, but it was no use. My mind refused to work with me.
The only thing I knew was that my throat and every muscle in my body felt entirely too sore. I also felt like I hadn’t slept in days, weeks, or fuck, even months. I kept my eyes closed as the beeping continued and I knew that had to be the sound of my own heart, which meant I was in the hospital.
And I had no idea how I got here. I heard voices then, one I knew and another I didn’t. They spoke like they were standing right next to my bed.
“How is he doing?” Danny asked.
“His vitals are strong. We’re just waiting on the other tests and we will know more, but from what I can see right now, he’s really lucky that you and your friend got him here when you did,” a woman said.
“Thank you, Dr. Ross,” Danny said.
“Sure. I’ll come check on him again tomorrow,” Dr. Ross said and then I heard a door close a few seconds later, indicating she had left the room.
What the actual fuck happened to me?
“Why, Jaxson? Why did you do it?” I heard Danny ask and even through my foggy ass mind, I could hear the desperation, the fear, in her voice. Like she would give anything to know the answer to that question.
But little did she know, I had no idea how to answer it, because I had no idea what I did.
“I feel like this is my fault. I should have seen it or been there for you. I was so worried about my own problems that I didn’t see how much you were hurting. I didn’t see how much I hurt you. I know we aren’t together, and I don’t think we ever will be again, especially after everything I learned tonight, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still love you. I love you so much that it hurts,” she said weakly.
I kept my breathing steady and my eyes closed as she spoke. A part of me wanted to hear what she had to say, but then another part of me didn’t want to give a shit. It was clearly over between us. It didn’t matter if I loved her or if she loved me. We couldn’t do this anymore.
And that was a cold, hard truth to swallow.
It wasn’t just what Danny did that made things this way either. I fucked up too. I fucked Ray and that wasn’t going to just go away, and the harder I tried to get her out of my head, the more she pushed back.
As these thoughts ran through my mind, that blockage I had earlier slowly started to fade. It was Ray. It was what we did. It was everything, except Danny. That was the reason I was in the hospital. I just couldn’t take all the shit anymore and I had taken too many Xanax. It wasn’t because I wanted to die either. I just wanted to be fucking numb. Just for a minute, I wanted everything I was feeling to disappear.
I wanted to disappear.
I could remember standing in the bathroom and holding the damn bars in my hand before I swallowed them. Just like that, I did something I had never done in my life. After that, I had gone to the bedroom and sat on the floor in complete silence until the Xanax started kicking in. That was when I knew I had taken too much and I was overdosing, but I just let it happen. I didn’t try to get help. I just shut everything off and closed my eyes only to be woken by Danny saying my name.
She was there. Ray was there. I remembered them trying to keep me talking and it wasn’t until I heard their voices that I tried to come back, but I was already too far gone.
And now I was here. Awake, breathing, and remembering everything.
I heard a door open again, but I refused to open my eyes as I laid there. I didn’t want to face everyone just yet. I didn’t want to leave the darkness that my closed eyes gave me.
“How is he?” It was Ray and just like Danny, I could hear the worry in her voice.
“His pulse is steady and he’s breathing fine. It’s just a waiting game now,” Danny said.
“I talked to the doctor outside,” Ray said.
It was silent between them then and then I heard Danny speak once more. “Ray, can I ask you something?” she said.
“Sure,” Ray responded.
Another minute passed before Danny spoke.
“At his house, after the ambulance got there and they were taking him away, I saw something,” she said.
Ray didn’t answer at first, but then she responded and the concern I heard in her voice wasn’t for me this time. It was for herself.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
I heard Danny take a deep breath before she answered. “The look I saw on your face said a thousand words. I know that you and Jaxson are friends. I also know that you care about him, but the look on your face told me something else entirely.”
“I don’t understand,” Ray said.
Silence. That was what I heard next and I really wanted it to stay that way. If they were going to have this conversation right now, I didn’t want to be around. I wasn’t ready to hear Ray’s answer as much as she wasn’t ready to say it. I didn’t have to be awake to know that telling Danny anything about me was the last thing she wanted to do.
And because of how much Ray didn’t want to answer and how much I wasn’t ready to hear her answer, I made myself known and opened my eyes to the brightness of the room. It took a minute for my eyes to adjust, but eventually, I was able to see Ray and Danny. They stood at the edge of my bed, facing me. It wasn’t until Ray looked up from the ground that she saw me watching them.
Our gazes locked and she spoke, “Jaxson?”
Chapter Thirty-One
Ray
“Well, your vitals look good. We’re still waiting on the lab results to come back and I want to keep you here for observa
tion, but things are looking up,” The doctor said.
“Thank you, doctor,” Rachel said as Dr. Ross left the room.
After Jaxson woke, Danny went to grab the doctor and everyone else, which meant for a long awkward silence between me and him. I had no idea what I was going to say or do at this point. The answer to Danny’s question lingered in the back of my head, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I didn’t want it to be true as much as she didn’t want to hear that it was.
Not to mention, I was married. I loved Miles, but I had made a huge mistake. One that I would never be able to take back. Everything was just so messed up right now that I wasn’t even sure what it felt like for it to be right anymore.
My eyes peeked sideways at where Miles stood in the corner of the room, leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest in a way that made him seem even more intimidating. Rachel and Kevin were there too, but Rachel didn’t seem to notice the tension that had sucked all of the air out of the room. Kevin, on the other hand, kept glancing toward me, which only made me wonder what he was thinking.
“Why would you do such a stupid thing?” Rachel asked Jaxson.
He was leaned up in the bed now, looking up at her with a blank expression. “I don’t know.”
“You need help,” Kevin said.
Jaxson looked away and stared at a blank spot on the wall. I could tell his frustration was growing just by the look on his face. “Don’t we all,” he said.
“That’s not the point,” Rachel added.
He took a deep breath, “Oh, so everyone in this room can have fucked up issues and no one is supposed to ask anything about it, but I make one damn mistake, and everyone jumps on my shit?”
No one said anything, because he was right. We all had our problems and they were usually kept low key, so none of us could judge him for what he did, especially not me. That didn’t mean what he did was right or should continue, but we had no right to go after him for it.
“We just care about you, Jaxson,” Rachel said.
He looked away in silence.
“Look man, I get it. I get where you’re coming from, but you can’t keep doing this. I mean just look at where it put you,” Kevin said.
Just then, the door opened, and Danny walked in. Our eyes met for a moment before we looked away from each other and then mine fell on Miles.
He stared directly at me and under his gaze, I felt the need to sink into the floor. It wasn’t that I saw anger in it or anything at all really, but I could just tell that he was thinking hard on something and it involved me. A shiver ran over my skin and I dropped my eyes to the floor. I could feel my heart pounding inside my chest, and I wanted to step out of the room right then, but I stayed rooted to the spot.
“I am well aware, Kevin,” Jaxson said, pulling my attention back to the conversation at hand.
“Then maybe you should listen to them. I mean, if I hadn’t came over to check on you, you would be dead right now. I hope you realize that too,” Danny said from where she stood on the other side of Miles with her gaze locked on Jaxson.
He looked at her but said nothing.
“She’s right. You would be gone, Jaxson. Do you have any idea what that would do to everyone in this room?” Rachel said and I could hear the strain in her voice, like she was on the verge of tears at the mere idea of losing Jaxson.
I couldn’t blame her. I wasn’t sure how I felt at this moment about anything involving my personal life, but I did know that I couldn’t lose him either. I couldn’t lose any of them.
“I could think of a few people it probably wouldn’t bother,” he said, and I didn’t miss the glance he gave Miles as he continued to stand silent in the corner of the room.
My heart picked up as Miles stared back at him. It was like watching two male lions face each other with only a cage separating them.
And I was pretty sure I was the damn cage.
The tension I felt between them wasn’t just about Miles firing Jaxson. It was more. Much, much more, and that worried me something fierce.
“Fine, if you want to give up on yourself like that, do it! I’m done. I’m sick of seeing all of my friends lose themselves!” Rachel nearly shouted before she turned on her heel and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
The impact seemed to shake the room, and no one said anything. I wasn’t sure what anyone could say at this point. Kevin looked at the floor, Danny pretended to be interested in something on the ceiling, but Miles was the one to break the silence.
He continued to stare at Jaxson as he spoke. “Can you guys give us a minute?”
Kevin didn’t ask questions as he headed for the door, closing it easily behind him. Danny, on the other hand, seemed to want to stay. She looked between Miles and Jaxson, like she was trying to figure it out as much as I was until finally, she took a deep breath and walked out of the room.
That left me and them.
My heart was screaming at me to move, walk out of the room, but my mind refused to let me move an inch. I felt like a deer caught in the headlights, unable to move, yet understanding the collision that was about to happen. My heart beat madly inside my chest as I fiddled with the edge of my shirt and darted my eyes between the guys. Finally, I forced myself to start moving toward the door, but Miles’s voice stopped me short of leaving.
“No, stay. You need to hear this too,” he said.
I paused, facing the door and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath before I turned around to face them again. I was already well past panic mode, but I did what he said and stayed put.
Jaxson didn’t look away from Miles as he began to speak once more.
“Jared knows about Ray,” he said evenly, almost too calmly. The danger I heard laced in his tone sent a chill racing down my spine. I had no idea who Jared was, but I didn’t dare ask either.
“Fuck,” I heard Jaxson say bitterly.
“This isn’t just about you anymore, Jaxson. It’s about her. You put her life in danger and as much as I want to beat the ever-loving shit out of you for being so goddamn reckless, I need your help,” Miles said.
It wasn’t until I heard this little bit that I spoke. If I was in danger by someone I didn’t even know, I had every right to know the details.
“Excuse me, but what the hell are you guys talking about?” I asked.
Jaxson looked at me, but it was Miles who answered.
“Jared is the dealer who sold Jax the Xanax,” he said.
I blinked as my heart fluttered madly at the fear I felt sink in my core. “Wh…what?” I stuttered.
“He won’t touch you. I promise you that,” Jaxson said angrily.
Miles finally met my gaze, “You have nothing to worry about, Ray. I just want you in here, so that you know what’s going on,” he said.
I laughed once, but it held no humor. This was as serious as a terminal illness. This was my life they were talking about. “What am I supposed to do? I have school, work, my life. I can’t just hide out. And what do you mean he knows about me? Did he say anything?” I fired off one question after the other.
Miles answered, “I know a threat when I hear one. What he said was a threat, but like I said, you don’t have anything to worry about.”
“This is my problem. I’ll deal with it,” Jaxson said then.
“And do what? You won’t be up to speed for a while. There’s nothing you can do right now that won’t end badly,” Miles said.
“Excuse me! Hello! Ray talking. What am I supposed to do? Go around watching my back every five seconds,” I said.
“No, we will watch it for you. You don’t have to do a damn thing besides what you normally would. Jared won’t get near you. If it’s not me watching out for you, it’ll be Jaxson or Kevin,” Miles said.
“I can’t believe I let it get this far,” Jaxson said then.
Miles looked at him, “I’m not going to disagree with you, because we both know none of this would have happened if it weren’t f
or you letting Jared back into your life, but I know you’ll keep an eye on Ray.”
Jaxson looked away as his jaw ticked, and the anger I saw boiling inside him nearly knocked the breath out of me. I wasn’t sure who he was angrier at though. Jared or himself. “You’re right. I won’t let anything happen to her,” he said evenly.
I bit my lip as silence fell over the room once more. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do here. I felt so helpless. I wanted to fix things, but I had no idea how. So, I stayed silent as the news of everything settled over me and fear crept its way into every part of my being.
My life could end at any moment and the longer this thought held power over me, the more I wanted to let the truth of what happened between me and Jaxson free. I couldn’t die knowing I never told Miles or Danny the truth.
They all deserved more.
More than me.
I released my lip to speak, but Miles cut me off.
“Ray, can you step out for a second?” he asked.
I looked between them, but they were watching each other intently. A thought that had nothing to do with Jared or my life seemed to pass between them, and I wanted to comment on it.
“But…” I began but Jaxson cut me off this time.
“Ray….” he said with a tone that held a warning, “Just give us a minute.”
I met his gaze and saw the seriousness in it. I knew better than to push my luck, so unwillingly, I turned my back on them and walked out of the room.
The moment the door closed behind me, a sudden darkness clouded my mind and I knew that everything this group has been through since the night I walked into Twisted was a joke compared to this.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Ray
To say the silence between Rachel, Kevin, Danny, and I was awkward as I sat in a chair in the waiting room was an understatement. I wasn’t sure if any of us had registered what just happened. It was like we were all in some sort of daze.