by Emily Rose
“Do you honestly think I could even touch you again without picturing Jax inside you? He fucked you. He made you moan. He touched you and kissed you. He made you his, even though you were mine,” Miles said.
I let out a silent cry as I felt the pain behind his words. Tears streamed down my face and I knew I would never be able to fix this.
“I had a feeling you did it, but it wasn’t until I fucked you myself that I realized how true it was. All I could feel was the bullshit lie you were giving me,” he said.
“Ok, Miles…I get it. I hurt you. I fucked up. I will never be able to fix it, but none of that means I ever stopped loving you,” I said weakly and almost angrily.
“I think we should get off the phone now,” he said.
I was on a roll though, so I ignored him. “I was lonely. You were gone and Jax was the one there. He helped me through a lot of shit, and I might care about him, but it was never anything like I have felt for you. We both know that what we did was a mistake,” I said.
“Well, congratulations on figuring that out, but it doesn’t change anything. I tried to call you and fix things, but you wouldn’t let me. You ignored me and found your release in him. No one told you to do that and to think, I told him to watch out for you while I was gone. I didn’t tell him to fuck you, but he did. He fucked me over just as much as you did. If you had just let me explain everything, then maybe you wouldn’t be pregnant and preparing for a fucking divorce right now,” he said.
As the tears fell, so did my heart. “It’s a boy,” I blurted.
He went completely silent then.
“I’m having a boy,” I repeated as I tried to control the emotions I was feeling right now.
Miles still didn’t say anything, so I kept talking just to fill the silence.
“He’s growing perfectly, his heart rate is strong, and the doctor thinks he will be tall,” I said.
Still, there was only silence from Miles. I wasn’t sure what to say at this point, so I waited for him to say something. When he didn’t, I took a deep breath to stop my heart from racing and spoke as evenly as I could through all the pain I was feeling.
“Miles?”
I heard something like movement on the line and then a voice came on the line, but it didn’t belong to Miles. Nope, this was a female’s voice and I knew exactly who it belonged to.
“Ray, this is Mia. I think it’s best if you just hang up now,” she said.
My heart suddenly kicked into high gear as rage rushed through me, “Excuse me?”
“You heard me bitch. You’ve done enough damage. Don’t throw shit out there about the baby when you don’t even know who the fucking father is,” she said.
I was speechless as I sat there debating on what to say next, but before I could figure it out, Mia spoke again.
“If Miles is the father, great. He’ll help you, but until you find out for sure, don’t play games with him,” she said.
“I wasn’t playing games with him,” I said angrily.
“Right, well, whatever. This conversation is over,” she said and then the line went dead.
I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Anger burned through me as I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared off into space. I had the urge to call Mia back, but I knew that wouldn’t help anything, so I gathered my thoughts and did the only thing I could do at that point. I shifted into gear and pulled out of the parking lot. I wasn’t sure where I was headed, but I couldn’t think about that right now. I just drove and where I ended up would be all left up to fate.
If there was even such a thing.
*
I don’t know how long I drove around before I found myself parked in front of the last place I should be right now. My car engine was off, and that made the silence echo in my ears as I stared at Jaxson’s house. He was home, because his car was in the driveway, but I wasn’t sure I could walk up to his door. Then again, there was no way I could go back to my hotel right now either. I didn’t want to be alone and his house was the only place I felt like I was still welcomed at.
The longer I sat there and thought about everything, the more I hated the thought of being alone. I felt like I should be crying, but my tears were dried up. Like I didn’t have any left to cry. The weight of guilt and sadness I felt on my shoulders made it hard to breathe. I wanted it to end.
I wanted everything to just end.
And that was what scared me the most.
My phone chimed, sounding ten times louder in the silence. I jumped, startled by the sudden noise and looked down at where it sat in the center console. I saw a text message, but before I could read it, the screen went black again. Grabbing the phone, I pressed the button on the side to light up the screen again and saw a text message from Jax.
Jax-Are you just going to sit out there all night?
I looked up at the house and that was when I saw him. He stood in the doorway and stared at me with his phone in his hand. From here, I could tell that he only wore sweatpants. No shirt or shoes. My face suddenly felt hot and I looked away from him to stare down at my phone instead. I debated on getting out, but I couldn’t just drive away now that he had seen me. So, after taking a deep breath and gathering my feelings together, I pulled my keys out of the ignition and got out of the car to walk up to his door.
Jax didn’t move from where he stood as I neared him. I tried to not give away the fact that I was avoiding his shirtless torso, but it was hard to do since I was forced to look up to his gaze when I reached him.
“Why are you just sitting outside my house?” he asked.
I bit my lip, crossed my arms, and then released my lip as I stared into his golden eyes. “I just didn’t feel like being alone in my hotel room right now,” I said.
He blinked slowly, “And my house was the first place you thought to come?”
“I guess. I mean I can leave. It’s probably not a good idea for me to be here anyway,” I said truthfully and then turned around to start back toward my car.
“Probably not, but I’m not going to tell you to leave,” he said.
I stopped and slowly spun around to face him again. “Why not?”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just that fucked up.”
For whatever reason, this made me laugh. I looked away from him as I tried to contain it, but he was quick and noticed it right away.
“What’s so funny?”
I shrugged and then met his gaze again, “Everything’s fucked up. Not just you.”
He nodded, “That’s no shit.”
I smirked and then crossed my arms as silence fell over us. I wasn’t sure what Jaxson and I were, but it felt like maybe we were something.
As I thought about this, my gaze dropped to the grass and I started kicking at the loose rocks there.
“Do you want to come inside?”
When I looked up to meet his gaze, there was a strange look in them. Like he wasn’t sure if he should have asked that question or not. I wasn’t sure either.
“Yeah,” I said anyway.
As I started walking back toward him, Jax never took his eyes off me, even as he stepped aside to let me walk inside. I kept my back to him and realized that it was dark inside the house. The only light gleamed from the bedroom at the end of the hall. When I heard the door close behind me, I didn’t turn around, but I didn’t have to either. I knew where he stood.
I could feel the heat off his body as he stayed behind me. A shiver ran over my skin and I turned my head slightly to the right.
“I shouldn’t be here,” I whispered.
He stood behind me, breathing steady. “No, you shouldn’t be.”
“But I am.”
“I know,” his voice dropped to a low murmur and then he walked around me.
I watched as he headed back to the bedroom where he disappeared through the door for a moment before he came out with a pillow and blanket in his arms. I stood silently as he walked over to the couch and threw
all the throw pillows onto the chair. He sat the blanket down and then put the pillow in his hand on one end of the couch.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
He paused and looked up to meet my gaze. “I’m giving you my bed. It’s late and I’m sure you’re tired.”
I blinked. “I’m not taking your bed. I can sleep on the couch.”
Jax laughed once and then stretched out on the couch, using his arm to prop his head up, so he could see me. “I’m not letting you sleep on the couch. You’re pregnant.”
I went to argue, but then stopped. I knew better. There was no talking Jax out of this. Once he made his mind up about something, he rarely changed it and I had figured that out early into our friendship, if that was even what I could call it right now.
“Fine, whatever,” I said.
He grinned and then rolled onto his side, facing away from me. “Get some sleep, Ray.”
I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth and stood there a moment before I realized how right he was. I was beyond exhausted. Sighing, I made my way toward his bedroom. It didn’t take me long to find one of his shirts to change into. Once I was comfy, I shut the lamp off next to his bed and crawled under the covers. In the pitch darkness, my thoughts raced, but then they begun to fade into peacefulness. My eyes grew heavy and I couldn’t have stopped the darkness that invaded my mind even if I tried.
It won and I fell easily into oblivion.
Chapter Forty-Six
Danny
My heart thumped steadily inside my chest as I eased my car down the dirt road that would take me to the creek’s edge. Miles had told me he would explain everything and once everyone had gone back to their houses after leaving the bar, he had texted to tell me to meet him here. It was late and I hadn’t told Rachel where I was going, but I couldn’t afford risking the questions she would ask. At least, not until I knew exactly what was going on and what had happened that night.
When I got to the creek, I spotted Miles’ Camaro parked there. I pulled in beside it and parked. It was dark, but the moon cast enough light that I could see him and the area around us. He laid across the hood and seemed to be staring up at the sky above us. I sighed and then got out of the car. That was when I heard music playing from inside his car. “Masks” by Fight the Fade boomed from the speakers. Not loud enough to block out the rest of the night sounds, but just enough to hear it.
I walked around the front of my car and toward him. Miles didn’t sit up or look in my direction when I reached his car. He simply laid there as if he were lost in his own nightmarish thoughts. I crossed my arms and waited for him to speak, but when he didn’t, I decided to break the silence.
“Hey,” I said.
To my surprise, he responded.
“Hey.”
“Mind if I join you?” I asked.
He shrugged, but he didn’t move from his relaxed position. I took a deep breath and braced my hand on the hood of his car as I sat down. Putting my feet on the bumper, I kept a good few inches between us and looked out at the creek water as it traveled slowly toward the river. Neither one of us said anything and I wasn’t even sure where to begin. I had so many questions, but I didn’t know if he was willing to answer all of them yet.
After several moments of just listening to the music and the night sounds, I felt him move and looked over to see him sit up. He braced one boot on the bumper of his car and the other on the ground before he met my gaze.
“I guess it’s time,” he said.
I blinked and tried to stay calm, but my heart did a flip anyway. “I guess.”
Miles took a deep breath and then looked out toward the creek. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“The beginning would be nice,” I said.
He nodded and then went silent like he was gathering his thoughts before he started. I could feel my heart throbbing harder the longer I waited and then he spoke.
“Ray is having a boy,” he said.
That was so not what I was expecting him to say, but that news dropped on me like a ton of bricks. “Did she get the DNA test already?” I asked.
“No, she needs samples from me, and I guess Jax before she can do it,” he said.
“Is that something you want to do?”
Miles met my gaze and the emotions that burned behind his eyes hit me to the core. “I just want this to be over. That’s all I want,” he answered.
I nodded in understanding. Anyone would want the same thing, so I didn’t blame him one bit, but I also wondered if he had even prepared himself for what the results might say. I wanted to ask him, but at the same time, I didn’t want to.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he said after a moment of silence.
I looked down at the ground below us. “What do you mean?”
“Danny, you can’t hide things very well. You’re wondering if I’ve thought about the results, right?” he asked as if he had read my thoughts.
I nodded without looking at him.
“I have. It’s been on my mind since I found out she was pregnant amongst everything else,” he said.
“When did you find that out exactly? I didn’t know she was. I just knew she had messed with Jax,” I said, honestly wondering how long he had known before I found out.
“You don’t want to know.”
My gaze met his then and I made sure he could see everything I felt at that moment. “Yes, I do.”
Miles watched me in thought and then he responded, “That night she got sick. I assumed she was pregnant then. I already knew there was something going on between her and Jax, but I hadn’t confirmed anything yet. I just had a feeling.”
“So, you were with her too then?” I asked and then thought about that question. It felt weird to ask my ex-best friend’s soon to be ex-husband if he had sex with her, but there was no taking it back now.
He laughed once, but I didn’t hear any humor in his tone. “Yeah, which is why there’s a chance that baby is mine.”
I nodded and looked away from him, so that he didn’t see the fire red that had taken over my cheeks at this point. “I assumed. I just wasn’t sure.”
“It’s fine.”
“Miles, what is your plan if it is yours?” I asked.
At first, he didn’t answer. Like he had to think about it. Not that I blamed him. Who wouldn’t have to think about that question? I knew what it felt like too. I had been in Ray’s situation. I hadn’t done what she had to get there, but I had been pregnant before. As I thought about my past, the moment I had told Jaxson the truth about my daughter and Brody flashed through my mind clear as day. We had been in his old house and he had showed me the note on the wall. I hadn’t been able to take it anymore and I broke, spilling everything at his feet and my own without a second thought. He didn’t run away though. No. He held me, he was my strength during that time, he was the reason I learned to love again. And this thought combined with the current situation made my heart hurt so much. It was like the wound that had cut through my chest when I found out my daughter didn’t make it out alive was reopened after it had healed.
It was ironic really. Jaxson was the one who healed me, but he was also the one who cut me. I had caused the break-up, but he had messed around with my best friend. I knew we were both guilty for our own mistakes, but I wasn’t sure which mistake was worse. His or mine.
“Danny….”
I blinked and looked over my shoulder to see Miles watching me. “Huh?”
He gave me a strange look. “Are you okay?”
I shrugged, “I’m not sure any of us will ever be okay.”
Miles didn’t say anything, because he knew I was right. There was no such thing as “okay” for our group anymore. There was simply “move on” without people.
And that was just the way our story had to end.
“I don’t know what my plan is honestly. I guess just try to be there and teach him how to be a better man than me,” Miles said, finally answering my previous question.<
br />
“That’s all you can do,” I answered truthfully.
He nodded.
The silence took over as we sat there, and I tried to not think about everything. Instead, I listened to the sounds of the night and the music that played. My eyes closed of their own accord and I took in a deep breath, letting my mind clear itself for the first time in a while.
“Jared didn’t kill Kevin,” Miles said in a pained voice.
I blinked my eyes open and snapped my gaze to him as his confession rocked my mind. “What?”
He stared into my eyes and I could see he was serious.
“I don’t understand,” I said as my nerves fired up again and my heart stared racing.
Miles slid off the car and took a few steps forward. I watched him in utter shock as he put his hands on the back of his head and stared off toward the creek. “We told the cops and everyone that Jared was the one who shot Kevin, but that’s not true,” he said.
My blood pumped madly throughout my body as I waited for him to explain. After several moments, Miles dropped his hands back to his sides and turned around to face me. My breath caught in my throat at the look I saw.
Anger blazed in his eyes, making them look even brighter than normal. His hands clenched into fists at his sides as he stared back at me.
“Your brother did. He pulled the trigger. Me and Jax saw everything. Everything happened so quick and there was nothing we could do,” Miles took a deep breath as if the memories of that night weighed heavily on his chest and his body trembled with anger.
I was speechless. My heart was beating way too fast and dizziness washed over me as I stared at him. I had no idea what to say. I knew my brother was dangerous, but this had all been a game to him. Kevin’s death had been a way to get back at Miles for Ray.
It all went back to Ray and the moment we had walked into Twisted.
“Oh my god….” I said as my hand slowly covered my mouth in utter disbelief. I felt sick. Like I could just fall over at that very moment. The blood of Kevin’s killer coursed through my veins and I would never be able to change that.