by Nick James
No Neck stepped closer to me. I think he loves me. ‘I’ll be back, Thompson.’
‘Yeah, all right, Arnie, you know where I am,’ I spat.
‘We’ll be talking to your partner in crime as well…’ Ballcock said and started to look at his notes again. Clearly, he couldn’t remember his own name without his pad. ‘…DC Dawson.’
‘Well, say hi from me.’ I smiled and watched them walk off. Unfortunately for them they didn’t know that my mobile phone was on and relaying the conversation to Three Chins. I put it to my ear and heard a laugh. ‘Got all that, mate?’
‘Cheers, buddy. This’ll be fun. See ya at the pub,’ he said, and then there were footsteps. ‘Sorry, we don’t register sex offenders here,’ I heard him say. Then I heard No Neck swearing. Today was a good day, apart from my arse killing me.
Chapter 24
Sam Blades
Ever since Bunny’s admission about what was going on at her firm, I couldn’t help but think of her as a sexy Oriental Bond girl, to the point where I bought her a £500 red dress with matching heels, plus a night out on the town until the early hours, on the proviso that she had to call me Mr Bond before defiling her. What did worry me was the thigh dagger I found as my hand drifted towards the promised land. She hasn’t stopped laughing yet.
Tonight, we were going out for a meal and drinks with Bethany and Sharon. The latter promised me that she would leave the stun gun at home. But could I truly trust a copper whose lookalike killed men with an ice pick?
As we walked down the street, I found myself next to Bethany. I had to grimace when I saw Pam Pam the bag lady, with surprising speed and agility for her age, rugby-tackling a Great Dane for some reason. Hopefully Pam wouldn’t eat it, but she was giggling and the dog seemed happy about it, too. Then again, what do I know about dogs; all I have is a judgemental fish.
Sharon and Bunny were talking about their work, whereas Beth and I were just talking shit. I was waved at by a bloke, Adam, who I hadn’t seen in years, and he looked like shit. I didn’t even know he was in the city. I went to call him over, but he jumped a fence and did a runner as soon as he clocked who my companions were.
‘Well, I guess he doesn’t like you, Beth.’ I chuckled and received a punch of justice in my well-bruised kidney. Why are all the women in my life violent? I thought as we followed the pair in front.
Beth linked arms with me. ‘You cause it, Sam, with your train wreck of a personality,’ she said with a chuckle. ‘Did you know that bloke?’
I nodded as I dragged up the memories from that time. Most were shit apart from the playground fumble with No Teeth Tina (she lost them fighting the caretaker after he splashed her white socks while mopping, shudder). She liked to fight anyone and anything, but she had the biggest pair of chest cannons in the school. So what was a boy to do, apart from getting beaten up for adding sound effects when I groped those beautiful globes – honk honk. Totally worth a broken nose.
‘Yeah, from school,’ I mused, as my mind brought back seeing Tina on a trampoline. I shook my head to clear it. ‘He was a bit quiet like me…’ Beth started to laugh, so I waited. ‘But then I saw him again out Bristol way, but that was a while ago… Why?’
‘Hmmm… We call him Knife Block,’ Bethany said with a slight chuckle when she saw the confused look on my face. ‘He’s been stabbed so many times, he could be used as a knife block.’
Now, that did make me laugh. ‘Why, he wasn’t into drugs or any trouble when I knew him?’ I asked, concerned for my old friend.
‘Well, he has a habit of walking into or hanging around women’s toilets. He seems to think it’s a good place to meet women, so that doesn’t make him popular around here,’ she said, making me laugh.
Sharon turned around. ‘Are you talking about Knife Block?’
‘Yep, Sammy boy knows him from school,’ the other copper shouted back.
Stoney rolled her eyes. ‘He would,’ she said, making Bunny laugh.
I saw Bunny’s eyes flick towards our linked arms; the air in my lungs stilled for a second.
‘Beth, you break him, you buy him.’ Bunny joking allowed me to breathe again.
‘Got change for fifty pence?’ asked Bethany.
All the girls laughed at my expense as I retreated back to my trampoline memory. How that bikini top never broke was beyond me. Didn’t matter how much I prayed, those blouse bunnies stayed in place. Damn you.
We popped into a Spanish restaurant for some tapas and beer. Stoney brought up that Kettering was making himself known around the police station to see what Bunny’s personal details were.
‘I’ll have a word with my boss in the morning. Bold prick,’ I spat.
Bunny reached across and held my hand. ‘No, you’ll get into trouble. He’s just trying to rile us up,’ she said lovingly, which brought smirks from the coppers. ‘You’re finally getting somewhere there, don’t let that man’s insanity ruin your future. If he pushes it some more, I’ll get our lawyers involved.’ The thought of the lawyers made us both happy.
‘Okay, hon. That bloke is in the shit because some of our files are still finding their way onto the Net, and he’s in charge to stop external hacks,’ I explained.
Bethany giggled. ‘Yeah, I saw some of them. Who would do such a thing to Elton John. He doesn’t even look good as a zebra.’ She giggled some more.
‘Wish it was funny; that was a file of mine,’ I said, gritting my teeth. ‘And I checked, it was a legit copy on the Net. It must have been downloaded directly off the man’s phone ’cause my hard drive was untouched. I’ve got a meeting with Dr Hooper and McAllister tomorrow.’
Stoney frowned. ‘Dr Hooper?’
I gave her my Oscar-winning smile and was just about to go into a long and amazing story, telling her about my first day and how I fell into the home of movie star names, when I felt Bunny’s dainty yet forceful fingers close over my mouth.
‘He’s being a dick. His boss is called Dreyfuss, so he calls him “Hooper” off Jaws,’ Bunny said, swatting my story out of the evening sky like an annoying bug.
Bethany chuckled, as she was my number one fan, while Stoney just tutted and rolled her eyes. But that’s what you get from film stars, even imaginary ones. Bitches, I thought, and then flinched after getting a flashback from her many attempted taser attacks on me. The girl has some serious anger issues.
The next morning it was Bunny’s turn to watch me dress, but if I’m honest some of her comments hurt, especially when I bounced around on one leg trying to put on my trousers.
‘Hmmm… Not bad, Sam, but I still think I look better,’ she said with a wink, allowing the duvet to wrap around her body like a second skin.
We shared a look, then with a grin I advanced like the predator I am. ‘I could always be a bit late,’ I growled, trying to disarm her with my loving tones.
She raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow, which was a bad sign. ‘You can’t be late. You have your meeting, my love.’ This beat my sensual tones hands down. Cow. ‘Plus, touch me and I’ll rip your balls off like a cinema ticket.’
I blew her a kiss and, after a little adjustment (damn you, libido), carried on getting ready before hitting the way too early city streets.
At that time it was fairly light, there were just food industry workers and baristas, aka unemployed actors and actresses, on their way to their jobs. I did wonder if any of these people came to Mark and Kate’s fight – party, I mean. But then again, the plus point of going in early was the lack of certain instrument-carrying people at the tube station. Also, the statues of soulless marble that work calls receptionists would still be devouring puppies in their lair of choice.
As I headed towards the allotted meeting room, I noticed that I hadn’t listened to any of my tunes this morning. I wondered why I felt out of sorts. Through the glass wall I saw that my bosses were already there, all smiling and happy.
‘Morning, Mike, Richard,’ I said brightly, trying to hide my annoyance at the lack
of tunes and sleep in my day so far.
‘Morning, Sam. Coffee?’ asked Mike, who seemed on top form this morning, so no drinks or chemicals last night. Good man. One day at a time, buddy, baby steps.
‘Yes, please, Mike. Black, one sugar.’ I knew my five sugars would be frowned upon.
Richard barked out a laugh. ‘Sweet enough, are you, Sam?’ He chuckled at his own wit.
I winked at him. ‘You know it, baby,’ and then puckered my lips together. They both gave me very strange looks. ‘Whoops, sorry. Brain is still at home,’ I added, laughing with a disarming smile spread across my face. I then silently prayed to my god of fuck-ups to be forgiven on this day.
Mike started to laugh. ‘You a rare one, Sam, but aren’t we all at times.’ He handed me the disgustingly unsweetened coffee.
Happy now, Bunny? I thought after the many conversations about my sugar intake. I asked you what’s wrong with sugar sandwiches, though they were nothing compared to the mint sauce ones I make secretly. Mmmm…
Finally, we all settled down. ‘Right, as you know, we have had some dream content appear on the Web, and not just your cases, Sam, it’s throughout the company,’ Michael said, looking worried because some of them came from people under his control. ‘We checked the codes imprinted on pixels on the video files which are created on their mobile devices – they are originals, not copies as we hoped.’
‘Could they have been downloaded at the source, do you think?’ I asked, high-fiving myself for the knowledge, plus knowing our customers are told not to copy and sell their dreams – but people being people, they still do.
That’s when Hooper piped up. ‘No, as soon as the dream is finished it’s uploaded onto our servers and then coded. They hold a mirror copy on their devices without a code for twenty-four hours, then it deletes itself,’ Richard, aka Stephen bloody Hawking, explained. ‘After that they have to download it from our cloud service.’
I was stunned. I always pegged him as a ‘scratch himself and sniff it’ kind of man. How wrong can you be sometimes?
‘Indeed, Richard, so somehow it’s coming from in-house. The bosses are concerned,’ McAllister added.
This concerned me. ‘How can I help, sir? I know I had a couple of files stolen, but I had nothing to do with it,’ I begged, like a little schoolgirl – boy, I mean. I was stressed, so piss off.
Michael smiled and slid a pair of USB thumb drives towards us. ‘We know that, Sam. Most of the material seems to be from the younger age brackets, so we want you and Richard to check the content on these flash drives and see whereabouts in the company they’ve come from – see if there are any links between either customers or our security agent,’ he explained.
All my sphincters seemed to relax at once – apart from the major one, thankfully.
Richard took his drive and handed the other to me. ‘Do we report to Mr Jones (internal security) or yourself, Mike?’ Mr Switched On asked while I sipped my pointless beverage.
‘To me, and I’ll collate all your findings and throw it up the chain,’ Mike clarified.
I put down my cup of mud. ‘I’m guessing someone will be doing the same on us, Mike?’ I asked, doing my Sherlock Holmes bit.
‘Yes, some of the external boys will be doing sweeps,’ said Mike, before smirking. ‘Try not to kill any of them, Sam.’ The room went silent.
‘Ha! Good one! In my defence it was Bunny who killed him – teach the bugger to turn up without a gift,’ I said, making the room relax.
We walked back down to our prison/office. ‘Rich, I’m not a fan of those boys of Kettering’s; they’re still pissed off about Goddard,’ I said grumpily.
Richard stopped and looked directly at me. ‘I know, mate, but we’ve got your back, including Mike. He may seem a bit on the edge, but he’s cool.’
Cool? All right, Grandad, I thought. ‘Cheers, it’s good to know that.’ I’m so boned!
Chapter 25
Albert Kettering
For the first time in a long time I was happy: the CEO had finally okayed it for me to take over the search internally. Quite ironic really, as I would be leading the search for myself. But it would make my year if he could get something on Blades, and it might cheer up my Dawny.
As I stared at London’s cityscape, I wondered just how shit my luck was. How did a night out in London end up with me being blackmailed by the bloody Chinese? And now, ever since they phoned my wife and I told them to piss off, they keep sending her images of me with this supposed schoolgirl. You can’t even see the sodding face.
I shook my head as I read that Dawn had booked me a hotel room again. ‘With my luck, if I fell into a bath full of tits I’d come up sucking my thumb,’ I muttered and started to scroll through my emails. More from the CEO: Blah, blah, blah. Do this, do that. Find out why a video of a Member of Parliament riding an Irish wolfhound was on the Web. The question I would ask is why was he dreaming the sodding thing?
Just then, my burner phone went off. ‘What?’
‘Mr Kettering, you are late on your quota,’ said the voice in its normal Oriental lilt.
I closed my eyes as I tried to rein in my anger. ‘I told you I was done. It doesn’t matter how much you harass me or my wife, she knows the truth now,’ I said coldly down the phone.
It went silent, and then I heard pages turn. ‘Is that why you are staying at a hotel, Mr Kettering,’ he retorted. ‘Not very forgiving, is she? Not like in Spain.’
‘Piss off! You’ve had the last files from me. And don’t you worry, I’m going after your other plant here. You can kiss Blades goodbye, prick.’ I quickly switched off the phone and ripped out the battery and sim card. But I was concerned: how did they know about Spain?
I leaned back in my chair and continued sorting through my emails as I one-handedly took out a hip flask from my desk drawer for a livener. I just hoped this day would get better, but somehow I doubted it. Yet more demands on my time, and then the final email was a pay dirt from my friend in Hong Kong.
To: Albert Kettering
Subject: Li’s parental details.
Hey Bert
You owe me a pint for all the shit I’ve had to go through to get this. I still don’t know who the woman’s parents worked for here, but they’re well thought of and protected through the arse.
I’ve been visited several times by the police to ask me why I’m asking around about the Li family.
Anyway, found the birth certificate for one Bunny Li. Strange name, but not the strangest one around here. Parents’ names are Mr Yang Li and his wife is called Ying.
So, I don’t blame them for hiding it. You don’t want people going around calling them Ping Pong.
Anyway buddy, you owe me one.
Andre
It was a rarity for this to happen, but I had a smile on my face. Take that, Blades and his bitch. I couldn’t wait to let slip this information to him. Finally, today was a good day.
Chapter 26
Mai Lee
It took a couple of weeks, but the call had come in and I found myself striding towards the Limping Dragon. Strangely, I wasn’t allowed back in the hotel after the staff found the mass of human waste in the lift who had hit on me. Some people just don’t understand no means no.
Ming-Hua Chow, leader of the Chinese mafia in the UK, had called me for this meeting. All I could imagine was that the hit was on, but which one? From the letters I was receiving via Suzie Q, Chow was really pissed off at an asset of ours from inside Dream’s headquarters.
I knew it wasn’t my Mikey. He had kept up with his quota of files; plus, while giving him twenty minutes on the rack of pain and pleasure last night, he said or screamed that he and his patsy were now checking for the mole. I knew Mikey forgetting to pick up milk would pay off. I smiled to myself at the memory. He loved every minute of it, and so did Suzie who came to watch while on a break. Should really get a rack for home, I thought as the little perverted woman took my coat.
‘Mr Chow is upstairs,’
Suzie Q said happily.
I saw bruises on her wrist, they must have been playing cops and robbers again – at least she let Tiger be the cop for once. It made me chuckle about the secret lives we all live while I headed up the stairs and knocked on the door.
‘Come in, Miss Lee,’ came the old voice from the apartment where Mikey and I first played. Happy days.
I walked in and bowed in front of Ming-Hua Chow. ‘Good to see you again, sir.’ I was directed to a seat opposite.
‘You, too. Shame you’re banned from the hotel, but it’s good to keep our moves erratic,’ the old man explained. He was right. No one would look in a shithole like this. ‘I have checked with my opposite number back in our mother country and they have agreed the hit – and we want it public.’
Shitttttttttttt, I thought. That never ends well. ‘That does add certain problems, sir,’ I explained to the man who already knew the problems.
He pushed a file towards me so I could flick through it. The information was good, it was the target itinerary for the next few weeks.
‘After checking the angles, the best is to hit him as he exits the lift. I will be in a modified van opposite.’ But the old man waved it all off; details didn’t concern him.
‘We may need you to visit another asset of ours, he is being difficult,’ Chow said and pushed over a file on a man that Michael called Baldilocks. ‘I am hoping the hit on Mr Sanderson will shake him enough that he goes back to work for us.’
I nodded and continued to look through the file. He went everywhere with two bodyguards, so maybe hit one to get a shot on the main target. Inside the file was a name and address of the gun dealer, who had a rifle ready to the specifications I desired. ‘What’s the timeline, sir?’
The old man closed his eyes. At one point I thought the old bugger had passed away. ‘In the next few days. I understand that Mr Sanderson will be going away on business for a month after this weekend, so please don’t miss this window,’ he said, his eyes still closed like some mystic monk. ‘Although it could be carried out abroad, we prefer it to be here.’ He went silent again, which was my cue to leave.