by Whitley Cox
Fuck. His head dropped and he stared at the floor. He’d been dreading this conversation, dreading the moment he told her he couldn’t be the man she wanted him to be. Couldn’t give her the future she wanted. The future she deserved.
Because she did deserve more.
She deserved an education, a career, a commitment, marriage and children. She deserved it all.
But he couldn’t give her more.
He couldn’t give it all to her.
At least not yet.
Maybe not ever.
They wanted different things.
Was this the end?
“Tori … ” He reached for her again. “Why do we have to change what we have? It’s been working so well for weeks.”
“Because normal relationships progress. And I want a normal relationship with you. I want us to go out on dates, to the movies and dinner. I want Gabe to know that I’m not just his therapist, that something special has grown between his father and I.”
She made it sound so simple.
Life wasn’t that simple. Was it?
Mark couldn’t remember a time when his life had been simple.
College. Med school. Residency. Fellowship. Marriage. Gabe. Divorce. None of that had been simple. None of that had been easy. He went through every day fighting against the current, just trying to keep his head above the water long enough for his head to hit the pillow at night and for sleep to finally come. Only to wake up and fight the current again.
“I’m going to order an Uber and go home,” she said, heading toward the front door. “I think me coming back with you tonight was a mistake. We both have a lot of thinking to do, and I need to do that on my own.”
He followed her to the foyer and watched her put her coat on. He wanted to make her stay. Plaster her body up against the wall and never take his lips off hers, make her forget all about the idea of babies, marriage and her own bed. But he couldn’t. He knew she was right. They both had a lot of thinking to do.
She pulled out her phone to order the Uber. “It’ll be here in three minutes. I’m going to go wait outside.”
“It’s cold outside.”
She pulled her gloves on and brought her hood over her head. “I’ll be okay.” Then she opened the door and stepped outside, leaving him standing there on the threshold watching her disappear into the night. And possibly out of his life for good.
13
Monday morning, Tori arrived at work on time as usual. Only the moment she opened the door, she knew something was off. There was no music playing in the kitchen, no sound of eggs frying in the pan or Gabe humming as he quietly drew at the table. The house seemed colder, too, and the incredible smell of Mark’s body wash, fresh from his morning shower, didn’t hit her the way it always did.
Carefully, slowly, quietly, she rounded the corner into the kitchen, only to find a woman sitting at the table with Gabe. She was probably in her mid-fifties with short curly brown hair and kind brown eyes. A steaming cup of coffee sat cradled between both hands as she softly asked Gabe questions while he ate his breakfast.
“H-hello.” Tori stopped at the end of the table, her hands falling to the back of the chair where Mark normally sat.
The woman’s head lifted, and her smile widened. “You must be Tori. I’m Karen, Gabe’s respite worker. Mark had an early meeting this morning, so he asked me to come by until you got here.” She stood up, took a sip of her coffee and then wandered over to the sink to dump the rest. “Gabe’s just finishing up his breakfast. His lunch is packed, and his bag is sitting on the bench over there.”
Did he really have a meeting or was he avoiding her? Was this how it was going to go from now on? She would see Karen before and after school instead of Mark. Was that the end of them?
Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, and her throat ached with the struggle to keep her emotions in check.
“Everything all right, dear?” Karen asked, coming up and putting a hand on Tori’s shoulder.
She swallowed and nodded, her eyes falling to Gabe. “Has he brushed his teeth?”
Karen removed her hand. “Oh, no, not yet. Come on, buddy. Let’s go brush your teeth, and then you and Tori can head to school.” She made the sign for brush teeth, and Gabe quietly put his fork down and stood up, his eyes flicking up to Tori briefly before he took Karen’s hand and let her lead him away.
Tori went about tidying up Gabe’s dishes, all the while scanning the kitchen, the desk, the table and any other flat surface for a note from Mark. Surely, he must have left her something, because he certainly didn’t text or call her to let him know he had a meeting this morning and wasn’t in fact just avoiding her.
Nope. No note.
Nada.
Zip.
Zilch.
Not even “Let’s talk tonight” scrawled on the back of a receipt in his illegible doctor chicken-scratch. Nothing.
She picked up Gabe’s backpack from the stairs and headed to the foyer just as Gabe came bounding down the hall, his shoes slapping loudly on the tile floor. Karen was right behind him.
“All right. Teeth are brushed. Face is washed. Hair is combed. We are ready for school.”
Tori plastered a fake smile on her face and affectionately ran her hand over the back of Gabe’s head. “Sounds good. Ready to go, buddy?”
Gabe sat down on the chair by the door and slipped into his Velcro shoes. Before Tori, he hadn’t even been able to do that. He always required help. Now he could do it all by himself. He could also put his coat on alone.
Once bundled, they walked out with Karen. Tori locked up as Karen headed to her car, chatting away to Gabe, who was capable of opening up Tori’s car door and climbing into his car seat on his own.
It felt weird leaving the house having not seen Mark that morning. Normally, when Gabe wasn’t looking, they snuck in a goodbye kiss. It’d become as intrinsic as her morning Earl Grey, and not seeing Mark or kissing him goodbye hurt her heart in more ways than she could ever imagine.
It was a cold, rainy Monday, much like the mood inside Tori. Thankfully, Gabe didn’t seem to pick up on her broken heart and had a great day at school. No outbursts, fits or aggression toward other children. Even Mrs. Samuelson commented on how well behaved he was. Maybe Tori was just that good at faking happiness? Nobody seemed to notice her shattered heart or the fact that she was but a shell of her former self. She’d be faking it for a long time coming.
They finished all their programs at home early with plenty of time to spare before Mark got home—unless it was going to be Karen again. Tori didn’t know. She whipped up a quick chicken tortilla soup in the slow cooker and put it on before they headed to the park to go and burn off some steam.
Her toes in her boots ached from the cold, and water dripped off her nose.
A ping from her pocket had her reaching for her phone. A missed call from Ken, along with a voicemail.
Delete.
Delete.
Why couldn’t the guy take a hint? She did not want to talk to him. He’d ended it. He’d kicked her out. She’d simply gone the legal route and filed for separation after he drained their joint account and left her without two nickels to rub together.
Her phone said it was almost five. Darkness was settling in, despite that the days were finally getting longer. It was wet, cold and dreary and the low, dark clouds made nighttime seem imminent. They needed to get home. They’d been at the park for nearly an hour, and she could see from her spot under a small copse of trees that Gabe’s cheeks were a bright, rosy red.
“Okay, buddy, this is your five-minute warning. It’s getting cold and dark, and we want to get home before your dad.” Tori held up her hand to indicate five minutes, making sure she had Gabe’s attention on the swing as he pumped his body to and fro with all his might. “Did you hear me?” She knew he heard her. His smile dipped, and his eyebrow twitched. He’d heard her. He was just pretending not to hear her.
The little dickens.
He
was smart as a whip and knew how to use his diagnosis to his advantage. It was easy to pretend he didn’t understand something or didn’t hear someone. Even though within the first week, Tori had learned most of his tells. She knew when he understood something, when he heard her, when he was being stubborn, when he was being coy. She knew when he was triggered and a fit or tantrum was on the horizon. Mostly she managed to defuse the situation or redirect him, but when he was inconsolable, she quickly removed him from the room, held him in her lap, spoke softly, applied deep pressure in the form of tight hugs, and his outburst would subside.
The world was a tough place, particularly for children on the spectrum. But Gabe was incredible. He amazed her every day with all the things he knew and how quickly he grasped new concepts. She also knew when he genuinely didn’t get it and needed help. Which wasn’t often. Thankfully, he knew how to ask for help, which was what melted her heart the most. He’d cup her cheek with one hand and place his other hand in hers, then he’d bring her over to whatever he needed help with and wait for her to figure out the rest.
Sure, he had his troubles socially, and he was nonverbal. But he understood simple instructions and communicated with the odd sign—when it suited him. He was also wily with those too, using them when he felt like it.
Mrs. Samuelson sometimes found it frustrating that Gabe was so sparse with his use of sign language, and Tori understood why, but to her, Gabe was just an intricate jigsaw puzzle she was enjoying figuring out. And each day he revealed a new piece to her and she had to figure out where it went and how it all fit together. She liked the challenge, and she loved him. As far as jobs went, she’d hit the jackpot.
The park was empty. Which was just how Gabe liked it.
After a long day at school, surrounded by noisy children, structure and limitations, he loved nothing more than walking down the street to the park and doing as he pleased.
And on a rainy day like today, the park was definitely empty. But that didn’t seem to bother Gabe. Tori made sure to bundle him up in layers, complete with rain pants, gumboots, raincoat, scarf, gloves and toque, and the kid was happy as a clam to slide down the slippery wet slide on his butt or swing on the damp swings. He was free from having to share, having to wait his turn and having to temper his impulses. It also tuckered him out for the night, and after dinner he passed out, barely able to make it through his bath.
But tonight was a particularly cold night. The wind had picked up, tossing the icy rain into Tori’s face as she huddled under the trees. She’d collapsed her umbrella when the wind blew it inside out.
“Three minutes!” she called out, knowing that if she didn’t give Gabe a few countdown warnings, he’d lose it, and she’d have to drag him out of the park and down the street kicking and screaming.
She couldn’t hear him over the wind and rain, but she was pretty sure he’d growled at her. She rolled her eyes. The goof. As much as she knew he wasn’t happy to have to leave, he’d do so without fuss, especially with the promise of a hot cocoa when they got home. And somehow, he always managed to negotiate her into an extra mini marshmallow. For a kid who didn’t speak, he was sure convincing.
“What the hell are you doing standing out here in the rain?”
Tori nearly leapt clean out of her skin.
That voice.
A second later he was beside her.
“Ken,” she said stiffly. “What are you doing here? How did you find me at the park?”
His smile was triumphant, as if he’d just cracked the Da Vinci code or something. “I still have you on the friend finder app on my phone. Wasn’t hard. I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for weeks. You haven’t been returning my texts, calls or emails.”
“Emails? Texts?” She played dumb. “They’re probably going right into my spam folder. Though they really should just go directly into the trash.”
“What about my calls?”
Again, she played dumb and simply shrugged. “No clue.”
He made some kind of a noise in his throat. “Mature.”
“Perhaps you should take the hint that I’m not interested in talking to you.”
“It’s not always about what you want, Tori.”
It was never about what she wanted. It was always all about Ken.
Growling, she pulled the hood of her jacket tighter around her face to block out the wind and rain. “What do you want?”
“I want to talk.”
“Then do it through lawyers. You made it very clear you were finished with me.”
An unsure look crossed his face. “Do you have a lawyer?”
No. Not yet. She couldn’t afford one. Did Liam do pro bono work? Did he have a friend discount? She’d have to talk to Mark about finding a lawyer.
“Sure do,” she lied. “And he’s good.”
Ken swallowed. “Can we please just talk?”
Glaring at him, she exhaled. “Fine. You have five minutes.”
Gabe’s head swiveled around.
“Yes, Gabe.” She held up five gloved fingers. “You get five extra minutes while I have a chat with Mr. Snider.”
“Dr. Snider,” he corrected.
“Oh for fuck’s sake. Talk, before I change my mind.” She refused to look at him. The man didn’t deserve her eye contact. After what he’d done to her, what he’d put her through, he didn’t deserve a moment of her fucking time.
“I want my engagement ring back.”
Okay, now she had to look at him. Her mouth opened in disgust, rain landing on her tongue and lips.
“And the earrings my mother gave you as a gift last Christmas.”
“Excuse me?”
Was he out of his goddamn mind?
“What?” He had the audacity to appear surprised. Did he honestly think she’d just shrug and hand it all over? She’d been holding on to that ring in case her financial situation grew dire and she needed to make a decision between electricity and food. And the earrings? Those had been a gift from his mother. They had nothing to do with Ken. His mother, one of the kindest women Tori had ever met, had generously given Tori a pair of stunning diamond chandelier earrings last Christmas. They had been hers, a gift from her own late mother, but she didn’t wear extravagant jewelry anymore and Ken’s sister didn’t want them. In MaryAnne’s words, “something so beautiful should be worn by someone just as beautiful.” So she’d given them to Tori. She’d even taken Tori aside and said that these had nothing to do with Ken and there was zero expectation to get them back, no matter the circumstances.
Had MaryAnne known about Ken’s cheating ways already? Was she sending Tori a message?
“Why do you want the earrings?” he asked. “Aren’t they just a reminder of my family? Of me?”
“I love your family. I love your parents, your sister, your brother. And as far as I know, none of them are happy with what you did to me. Every single one of them has reached out and told me how disappointed they are with you and how they still want to be in my life. They all messaged me on my birthday. Your mother even mailed me a card.”
He shifted back and forth on his feet, obviously uncomfortable with the fact that Tori had been in contact with his family. But what he didn’t seem to understand was that up until recently, they had also been her family. She and Ken were married. She was a member of the Snider family. The only thing she hadn’t done was take his name. Not that Jones was a last name that needed to be preserved because it was unique or anything, but she and her sister were the last of their family line. She’d also had a horrible teacher in high school named Mrs. Snider (no relation to Ken’s family), so the thought of becoming Mrs. Snider gave her nightmares.
Ken lifted his chin, raindrops dripping off his longish nose and lashes. His dark brown eyes held zero compassion for her. It was hard to believe this man had once claimed to love, honor and cherish her until death do they part. Now he just looked at her like a wad of gum he couldn’t get off the bottom of his shoe.
“I’m aware of
how my family feels. But I still want the engagement ring back. Wedding ring too.”
“Why?” Was he hard up for cash? He was a dentist, for crying out loud. The man couldn’t be hurting that bad, especially since she’d covered the majority of his schooling, and then he’d drained their savings to pay off his student loans.
Another look of unease crossed his damp and flushed face. “Nicole has very expensive tastes.”
Ah. It was his little hoochie of a mistress.
“And your salary as a dentist can’t keep her in the lace and silk she’s become accustomed to?”
“Those earrings were a family heirloom. It’s not right that you should have them.”
“And the ring? I don’t remember that being an heirloom. Your mother’s ring went to your brother. My ring came from a jewelry store.” She felt a gloved hand slide into hers. Glancing down, she found Gabe looking up at both of them with rosy cheeks and confusion. He blinked his long, damp lashes and tugged at her hand. He was ready to go. “Just a second, buddy. I’m almost done.”
His jaw clenched.
“I know. I’m cold too. How about seven marshmallows instead of five?”
The kid seemed barely placated, but he twisted his lips and glanced out toward the park.
“You can go back and play more if you want.”
He released her hand and returned to the swings, though he didn’t pump with enthusiasm like before. He simply splayed his belly across a swing seat and twisted back and forth, kicking up mud in the puddle below.
“We can do this the easy way, where you just give them to me, or we can do this the hard way, where I come after you with my lawyers,” Ken said, drawing her attention away from Gabe and back to the insufferable man she’d once been head over heels for.
How could she have been so wrong?