Pretty, Hip, & Hoodwinked

by Madison Johns

  “It’s not like that, Eddie, but I’d be a liar if I told you we weren’t looking at you.”

  “This seems a little coincidental to me. Not quite an hour ago a couple of investigators were here asking questions about Rosemary. It seems they thought she had something to do with missing money at the bank.”

  “What investigators?”

  “I forgot their names, a couple of old ladies and a pretty blonde.”

  Barry rocked back on his heels. “I see. Do you plan on giving me your alibi for late yesterday afternoon?”

  “Like I told those investigators a while ago, I’m not telling anyone anything.”

  “Not even if Rosemary was murdered?”

  Eddie shook his head. “I’m calling my uncle, he’s a lawyer.”

  “So let me get this right, you’re pulling the lawyer card when you haven’t even been hauled in for questioning yet?”

  “That’s the word, yet. Good evening, sheriff. I’ll have my uncle come down to speak with you when he arrives tomorrow.”

  Sheriff Barry walked back to his car. “We might as well head back to the sheriff’s department,” he said. “Eddie here is consulting with his uncle-slash-lawyer before he answers any of our questions.”

  The sheriff and deputies skidded off down the street and now they had something to go on and a way to force Eddie to talk to them.

  Agnes and Eleanor came back inside and announced, “That’s about it for the night. We overheard the sheriff speaking to Eddie.” She then told them about the exchange.

  “Calling for a lawyer already?” Annie scoffed. “I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled over there, but what are you planning to do now?”

  “We’ll go back and question Eddie in the morning when we’re sure he’ll be sober.”

  Chapter 11

  Kimberly drove to the local bakery in the morning and Agnes and Eleanor picked out doughnuts. “I wonder what kind of doughnuts a man would like?”

  “Chocolate covered,” Kimberly said. “Jeremy likes that kind.”

  Agnes felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise and she looked over at two women who were staring at them. “What’s their problem?” Eleanor asked.

  “It’s probably me,” Kimberly whispered.

  “Don’t pay them any mind, dear,” said the lady behind the counter. “Truth be known, none of the people I know believe that crap in the paper.”

  “Thanks. I just hope it can all be sorted out soon. I’m no thief.”

  “I know that.”

  Agnes handed a twenty to the lady, but she shook her head. “On the house. Take care of Kimberly, now.”

  “Not to worry, we plan to.”

  They left and Kimberly fidgeted as she drove. “I swear I’m not going anywhere in town until I’m cleared.”

  “You can’t allow people to bother you like that. We have more important things to worry about, like questioning Eddie again,” Eleanor said.

  “Or trying to,” Agnes added.

  Eleanor breathed in deeply. “I just love the smell of doughnuts.”

  “Me, too,” Kimberly said. “We should have one before we get there. There’s no sense in wasting all that sweet goodness on Eddie.”

  Eleanor handed out the doughnuts and Kimberly coasted up Maple Drive.

  “We should have bought a milk,” Eleanor remarked.

  “I agree,” Kimberly said. “Milk and doughnuts go together like chicken and rice.”

  “But better,” Eleanor added.

  “Park on the side of the road,” Agnes suggested. “Just in case we get boxed in.”

  “Why would we be?”

  “You never know when dealing with a killer.”

  “What makes you think Eddie killed Rosemary?” Kimberly asked.

  “It’s a hunch. Follow my lead when we get there.”

  “I’ll park over at Annie’s house and play lookout,” Kimberly announced. “If you think Eddie is a murderer, someone will need to call the cops if things get out of hand.”

  “Good idea, Kimberly. It will make me feel better knowing that you’re safe, too. I’d hate to tell Jeremy how we allowed you to put yourself and that baby in harm’s way.”

  Kimberly pulled into Annie’s driveway and Eleanor and Agnes crossed the street, carrying the box of doughnuts. Eddie was tinkering in his garage as they approached. He spotted them and walked toward them with a large wrench in his hand.

  “I thought I told you two to get lost last night.”

  “Come on, we come in peace,” Agnes said.

  “Yup, we even brought you doughnuts,” Eleanor added with a grin.

  “So you’re trying to butter me up, is that it?”

  “Not exactly,” Agnes said. “All we wanted to know was if you knew anything about that missing money at the bank?”

  “I’m not telling you anything. My uncle is a lawyer and he’s coming here to represent me. So buzz off.”

  “You didn’t tell us anything about your uncle until right now,” Agnes insisted.

  “No, you said that to the sh—” Eleanor covered her mouth with her hands. “Oops.”

  “I’m not an idiot. I saw you two huddling by the side of that house over there last night.”

  “That’s right,” Agnes acknowledged. “Look, we’re here to help, is all.”

  “Yes, whoever you’re working for, you mean.”

  “That blonde that was with us yesterday, actually. She’s pregnant.”

  “I could care less. I have my own problems.”

  “I know, but Kimberly stands accused of stealing money from the sheriff’s mother.”

  Eddie laughed. “Now that’s just brilliant.”

  “She’s innocent, of course. Rosemary was the teller when Mrs. Barry’s money was withdrawn that day. We had hoped to question her about who took that money out.”

  “But apparently someone beat us to it, except that Rosemary was murdered for her involvement.”

  “What involvement? Rosemary isn’t a thief.”

  “I never said she was, quite the opposite. Do you know of anyone who would want to hurt Rosemary?”

  “No, she was a great girl.”

  “How about you?”

  Eleanor’s eyes widened as Eddie approached them, swinging his wrench. “Are you crazy? Why would I kill my girl?”

  “Somehow you set up the withdrawal of the money by a pretty blonde who looked like Kimberly. But you were greedy and decided to off Rosemary to shut her up.”

  “The only person I want to shut up is the both of you.”

  “Why you blaming me? I didn’t say anything,” Eleanor said.

  “I’ll give you one minute to get off my property before I put good use to this wrench.”

  Agnes backed up. “I saw all the money scattered on your table inside before you slammed the door on my face.”

  Eddie’s eyes widened, but he didn’t have the chance to do anything with that wrench of his since the sheriff’s car pulled in with the flashers on. The sheriff jumped out and pulled out his handgun and pointed it at Eddie. “Put that wrench down, now, Eddie.”

  Eddie tossed it aside and the sheriff put away his gun. “It’s about time you got here. These crazy old bags have me pinned for Rosemary’s murder,” Eddie explained.

  “Who said she was murdered?” Barry asked.

  “She did,” Eddie said pointing at Agnes.

  “I figured out this whole case. Eddie and Rosemary planned the entire thing. They had the help from a mystery blonde who happens to look like Kimberly. Eddie murdered Rosemary to shut her up so he could take up with this blonde, unless she’s dead now, too.”

  “That’s fifty shades of crazy,” Eddie said. “I don’t know anyone who looks like Kimberly, nor would I set up anything like this.”

  “But I saw all that money on his table inside, sheriff.”

  “Did you go inside?”

  “No, I saw it from the door.”

  “Is this true, Eddie?”

  “So it’s a
crime to have money in Redwater, now?”

  “No, but did you have anything to do with that missing money at the bank?”

  “No way am I going to fess up to something I didn’t do, or something Rosemary didn’t do. I’d know if she had any money. She barely could pay her rent.”

  “Which is a good motive to steal money from the bank,” Agnes said.

  “I won’t believe it. I’ve been clean since I’ve been out of prison and you should know that, sheriff.”

  “Still, you did rob a bank before,” Barry countered.

  “Yes, but I’m not like that anymore. Those ten years gave me plenty of time to change.”

  “So what about the money in your house?”

  “I work on and sell cars. I sold a few yesterday and I was counting out the money to split with my friends for helping me.”

  “Would you mind if I took a look inside your house?” Sheriff Barry asked.

  “Knock yourself out, but they’re not going in there.”

  Agnes and Eleanor watched from afar as the sheriff and Eddie walked inside. “I so wish I could be a fly on the wall,” Agnes said.

  “Why? It appears you made a mistake. Why didn’t you tell me about that money you saw yesterday?”

  “I wanted to use it as my secret weapon to rattle Eddie enough to confess.”

  “Well, that worked like a charm.”

  Kimberly hurried across the road and said, “I called the sheriff when that Eddie looked like he was going to whoop you one with that wrench.”

  “Thanks, but it appears the sheriff wasn’t needed, although he did get himself into the house.” Agnes then filled Kimberly in.

  Agnes paced in front of the house while Eleanor tried to sneak a peek in Eddie’s front window, which she was really too short to do. Sheriff Barry walked onto the porch, staring at Eleanor. “What are you trying to do over there?”

  Eleanor swatted at the window. “Nasty bugs.”

  Barry sighed as he clomped down the stairs. His eyes met Agnes’s and he cleared his throat. “I was thinking about this case and I’d love you to come down to the sheriff’s department where we can speak privately.” He smiled. “Unless you’re too busy?”

  “Never too busy to share information,” Agnes said with a bob of her head.

  They followed the sheriff from a comfortable distance.

  “This is turning out to be a good thing,” Eleanor began. “I mean, the sheriff inviting us to talk at the sheriff’s department.”

  “I suppose. We’ll see how forthcoming he’ll be.”

  “I just hope he doesn’t plan to arrest us,” Kimberly fretted.

  “He wouldn’t do that, would he, Agnes?” Eleanor asked.

  “I wouldn’t be so sure if I were you.”

  Eleanor frowned. “I certainly don’t like the sound of that.”

  “I imagine he’s been wanting to question me himself. And we’ve all been meddling in this case,” Kimberly pointed out.

  “No, we’re trying to clear your name, Kimberly,” Agnes finally said. “There’s no sense in worrying about it now. We’re already here.”

  The sheriff was waiting for them at the top of the steps and he held open the door for them. Agnes smiled as she passed him, waiting inside with Eleanor and Kimberly.

  They were buzzed in by Raine, the young women they had seen here before. Sheriff Barry led them into the back where a female deputy was at the ready.

  Agnes eyes narrowed when Barry told the deputy to pat them down. “Pat us down?” Agnes shrieked.

  “Of course, I can’t put you in the holding cell if that hasn’t been done.”

  “What holding cell?” Eleanor blubbered. “You must mean the one Agnes will be put in, not me or Kimberly, right?”

  Agnes shook her head sadly.

  “I’ve been meaning to question Kimberly,” Barry said.

  “Well, we’re here in town to clear her name. Whatever you say to her, we want to be present.”

  “Too bad it doesn’t work that way, at least not for any of you. Last time I checked, none of you were lawyers.”

  “No, but Kimberly is married to one, or did you forget?”

  They were patted down and Agnes and Eleanor were led toward a sign that read, ‘holding cell’ but Barry was moving Kimberly with him up the same hall, but in the opposite direction.

  “Pull your lawyer card, Kimberly!” Agnes shouted. Sheriff Barry’s frame locked and he stopped proceeding up the hallway.

  “Okay,” Kimberly said.

  “Get moving,” the female deputy nudged Agnes and Eleanor. “She’ll be joining you soon.”

  Agnes grimaced when they were led into the cell and eased down on the hard bench.

  A little old lady glanced over at them. Agnes couldn’t imagine what she’d be in for, so she asked, “What are you in for?”

  Several tough-looking women groaned. “I bet that little old lady ran a stop sign.”

  “Nope,” the old lady said with a snicker. “They keep on trying to guess what I’ve done. It’s your turn now, ladies.”

  Agnes shrugged. “Shoplifting?”

  The woman shook her head.

  Eleanor’s face lit up. “Armed robbery?”

  “Hah,” the brawny woman said. “In Redwater?”

  “You’d be surprised,” Agnes said. “There’ve even been murders in town before.”

  “Not since Sheriff Barry was elected.”

  “I’m not sure that’s totally accurate, but I’m not here to argue with anyone.”

  “Nope, she’s afraid of her own shadow,” Eleanor explained.

  “Then why are you here?”

  “The sheriff asked us to come to speak with him,” Agnes said. “I think we’re just waiting in here because he doesn’t have any empty chairs.”

  “Did you really just come in here willingly like that?”

  “Certainly, I haven’t committed any crime.”

  “That makes five of us now,” the woman retorted.

  “I’m not innocent,” the little old lady said. “I hacked up my husband with a cleaver. Oh, yes I did.”

  “Don’t believe her.”

  “Jean Quackinbush, I used to change your diapers so show me some respect.”

  “What’s your name?” Agnes asked the old lady.

  “Lizzie Borden.”

  Jean rolled her eyes. “Don’t ask,” she whispered.

  Lizzie jumped to her feet, slicing her hands in the air. “You had better watch out, Jean. I may be old, but—”

  “Mother, quit trying to scare those ladies,” a woman said as the door was slid open. “You know you’re not supposed to leave the house without telling me where you’re going.”

  “I didn’t want to bother you when you were so busy weeding the garden.”

  Agnes and Eleanor waved as Lizzie left and Kimberly replaced her in the holding cell. “That sheriff takes the lawyer card seriously.”

  “Oh, did he place you under arrest?”

  “No, we should leave now. He told me I was free to leave.”

  “Hello, Kimberly?” Jean greeted her. “I hope you send that husband of yours here. I sure could use a good lawyer.”

  Kimberly bit her finger. “But Jeremy doesn’t handle criminal cases.”

  “That’s not what I heard. I heard that he’s handling a big murder trial in Detroit.”

  “I’ll speak to him, Jean.”

  “Are you three planning to leave or what?” the deputy asked, as she thumbed them out of the cell.

  “Of course. I had no idea why we were put in the holding cell,” Agnes said. “We haven’t committed a crime.”

  “Tell it to the sheriff. He’s waiting in his office for you.”

  They followed the deputy once the cell door closed.

  Agnes was the first to walk into Sheriff Barry’s office. It was huge with a great big window with a view of Lake Huron. “Look, Eleanor, the sheriff has a latte machine. Do you have chai tea?”

  “I do
for people who aren’t pains in the ass.”

  “Sheriff, I’m shocked at your language,” Eleanor chastised him. “What would your mother say?” She then bit down on her lip. “Oops, I didn’t really mean to say that.”

  “Have a seat, ladies.”

  They sat across from the sheriff and he was tapping the paper calendar on his desk with a pencil. “I really wish I didn’t have to haul you in here, but you leave me with little choice in the matter.”

  “What do you mean by that?” Kimberly asked.

  “I’ll get back to you in a minute, Mrs. Preston.” Barry cleared his throat, focusing on Agnes and Eleanor. “I don’t think I need to clarify my position. I’m the sheriff and you’re visitors to the area, and that’s it. You’re not poking around in any case of mine. Unless you plan to enjoy your stay in jail.”

  “So that’s why you put us in that holding cell?” Agnes asked. “To scare us?”

  “Such a waste of time,” Eleanor added. “We’ve been in a jail cell a few times and even strip searched. But it’s never made us change our ways.”

  “Perhaps next time I should have you separated.”

  “Did you have a real reason for calling us down here or what?” Agnes asked.

  When the sheriff didn’t speak, Eleanor said, “He did, but he can’t seem to spit it out.”

  “If you two hadn’t been with Kimberly since yesterday, I’d have thought she was good for the murder.”

  “Oh, so you think Rosemary was murdered?” Agnes asked.

  “I’m waiting for the coroner’s report, but I think the scene speaks for itself.”

  “There was rat poison in the trash and an empty pill bottle,” Eleanor recalled.

  “But with smashed Pop-Tarts,” Agnes added. “Rosemary fought the assailant.”

  “Yes and I have a feeling that it has to do with my mother’s stolen money,” Barry finally acknowledged.

  “Do you plan on checking out Eddie’s alibi?”

  “I’ll be doing that when and if that uncle of his show up in town. So far he hasn’t given me an alibi to speak of. I suggest next time you give me a call before you call the alert. Eddie will be wary now if he had anything to do with Rosemary’s death.”

  “We’ll—”

  “Stay out of it. I hate that my mother is going through this. She was enough of a pain when she came out of the hospital after surgery. But now she’s absolutely insistent that I arrest Kimberly.”