Pretty, Hip, & Hoodwinked

by Madison Johns

  “Thank you, ladies. I’ll take the case from here. It’s obvious that the withdrawal slips signed in the past by Kimberly didn’t match the one signed when my mother’s money was taken out of the bank.”

  “I knew it,” Agnes said. “Are you sure you won’t need any more of our help? We’d be happy to break down Missy for a confession.”

  “Don’t listen to them, sheriff,” Eddie said. “They have this all wrong.”

  “We’ll see what your girlfriend Missy has to say about it.”

  “They usually are the ones who sing first,” Deputy Danworth added. “It looks like you made a good move, Kimberly, with having Agnes and Eleanor clear your name.”

  As they walked back to the Cadillac, Annie raced over. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes,” Agnes said, as she opened the car door. “Thank you for calling the sheriff.”

  “I saw the three you going into Eddie’s garage, and when I peeked through the windows I saw that Eddie was holding that wrench of his. Well, I knew I had better call the sheriff and quick.”

  “Thanks, Annie,” Kimberly said. “But the sheriff told us we needed to clear out.”

  “Of course,” Annie said, crossing back over to her house.

  Agnes, Eleanor, and Kimberly left and arrived at Kimberly’s house where Andrew and Jeremy were waiting for them.

  “So, you’re finally home,” Jeremy said to Kimberly, handing Abigail to her.

  “Where are the bird sisters?”

  “They left five minutes ago.”

  “It looks like I won’t have to worry about being arrested for stealing Mrs. Barry’s money now. Rosemary’s boyfriend Eddie and the woman he was stepping out with, Missy Todds, are responsible for murdering Rosemary. Eddie is under arrest.”

  “Really?” Jeremy asked. “That’s great news.”

  “And you weren’t nearly killed,” Andrew said. “That’s a first.”

  “Well, there were a few tense minutes when Eddie held a wrench on us, but Eddie’s neighbor across the street called in the sheriff before we were whacked with it,” Eleanor explained.

  Andrew rubbed his brow. “That’s good to know.”

  Chapter 18

  Kimberly knocked on Mrs. Barry’s door and Jenny answered it with a smile. “It’s good to see you.”

  She walked inside where Mrs. Barry was standing with only a cane. “Hello, Mrs. Barry,” Kimberly greeted her.

  “I’m glad you accepted my invitation. I thought we could have a little chat. Please take a seat.”

  Kimberly sat across from the chair Mrs. Barry lowered herself into. “It’s good to see you only having to use a cane to get around.”

  “It was more work that I thought it would be, but fortunately I feel much better now,” Mrs. Barry admitted.

  “I’m so sorry for the ordeal you went through.”

  “Thank you. My son told me about the signatures not matching at the bank. I wonder who would go to such lengths to look like you to take my money like that.”

  Kimberly was confused. “I thought it was Missy Todds?”

  “No, my son said she was out of town at the time of Rosemary’s death.”

  “What about Eddie?”

  “He’s being held for twenty-four hours, but my son isn’t certain he was involved in Rosemary’s murder, either.”

  “I can’t believe it. We were so sure.”

  “My son will figure it out.”

  “I know, but I worked hard with Agnes and Eleanor to solve this case.”

  Mrs. Barry frowned. “I suppose that means you’ll be running off now.”

  Kimberly stood. “I wish I didn’t have to, but I have to find out who did this so you get your money back.”

  She rushed out the door and Mrs. Barry called after her, “Be careful, Kimberly.”

  Kimberly called Agnes’s number, but she didn’t answer. So she pulled into Jeremy’s office, hurrying past Gladys. When she burst into his office, Agnes waved a finger at her. “Whatever is the hurry?” Agnes said.

  “We have it all wrong, the sheriff doesn’t believe Eddie and Missy are responsible for Rosemary’s death.”

  “What?” Eleanor asked. “Who told you that?”

  “Mrs. Barry. We have to find out who did this.”

  “But you’re still off the hook, right?” Jeremy asked.

  “Yes, but this case still isn’t solved. We never found out who really stole that money.”

  “What if Rosemary was really behind the scam?” Jeremy pointed out.

  “If she was, she’d have to have an accomplice who dressed up to look like me.”

  “She’s right,” Agnes said. “Eleanor and I will come with you.”

  Agnes took the driver’s seat of Kimberly’s SUV. “Where to now?”

  “The bank? I can’t think of anywhere else we could go.”

  They arrived at the bank and caught Miss Jackson leaving for lunch. Agnes and Kimberly scrambled from the SUV and approached her.

  “Excuse me, Miss Jackson,” Agnes said.

  Miss Jackson glanced up with a frown. “What now?”

  “I was wondering if we could take another look at the image captured on the camera.”

  Miss Jackson opened her door. “The sheriff has them now.”

  “Why are you in such a rush?” Kimberly asked suspiciously.

  “I had a teller quit and I can’t hire another one right now, not since Lala quit, too. I’m not sure what you told her, but she was upset enough to leave town.”

  “Leave town? What about her boutique?”

  “It’s closed. There was a sign on the door this morning saying as much,” Miss Jackson informed them. “I’m actually happy about Lala quitting so I don’t have to explain why she hired a felon like Rosemary.”

  “I see, thanks,” Kimberly said.

  Kimberly was the first person back in the SUV and climbed behind the steering wheel while Agnes barely made it inside before Kimberly cranked the wheel, careening onto the main road.

  Agnes struggled to put on her seatbelt as the ding reminded them that someone wasn’t belted in. “Where are we going?” Eleanor asked from the backseat. “What did Miss Jackson tell you?”

  “Only that the teller Jill quit and so did Lala.”

  Eleanor’s lips formed a big O. “So you think Jill and Lala were responsible for the stolen money?”

  “Yes,” Agnes began. “Remember Jill is blonde, too. I bet with sunglasses and heels on, she could double for Kimberly.”

  “I can’t believe we missed that,” Kimberly said. “I hope we can catch Lala before she moves on. I believe Jill and Lala will be together.”

  “Why didn’t they leave before?” Eleanor asked.

  “They were buying their time. If they left too soon, they’d be suspected of the theft,” Agnes pointed out.

  “I suppose, but what if we can’t find them?”

  “Don’t say that,” Kimberly said. “If we can’t find them, Mrs. Barry will never get her money back.”

  They coasted past the location of Lala’s boutique and a red convertible whipped out. “There they are,” Agnes pointed out.

  Sure enough, Lala was in the driver’s seat with Jill, her blonde hair whipping in the wind.

  “Hurry up,” Eleanor said. “You’re losing them, Kimberly.”

  Kimberly stomped on the gas pedal and they shot off, nearing the bumper of the convertible. “Should we call the sheriff?”

  “Not yet,” Agnes said. “Let’s see if we can get them to stop. Blow the horn.”

  Kimberly blew the horn, swerving after Lala, but not only did Lala not stop her car, she sped up, leaving more distance between their vehicles.

  “What good that did,” Eleanor said. “We might as well call the sheriff.”

  “I got this,” Kimberly announced.

  Kimberly floored it and tapped the back of the convertible, but Lala swerved only slightly. Lala raised her middle finger and Kimberly hunkered down and nudged the convertible in t
he back corner panel and Lala’s car went into a spin ... Kimberly narrowly missing her as she braked hard. The OnStar came on and a female voice asked, “You’ve had a collision. Do you need help?”

  “Yes, please!” Agnes shrieked.

  They left the SUV and raced over to Lala’s car, where Jill was attempting to remove a large bag from the trunk while Lala was slumped over in the vehicle. “You might as well stop, Jill,” Agnes said. “We’re on to you.”

  “What a dirty trick,” Kimberly began. “You dressed up like me to withdraw that money you stole from Mrs. Barry.”

  “No, that was you!” Jill insisted.

  “The sheriff knows the signature didn’t match previous withdrawal slips I signed.”

  Lala sat up and stumbled out of the car, a handgun in her hands. “Get back,” she yelled.

  “What are you going to do, kill us, too?” Agnes asked. “I imagine you’ll botch it like you did with poor Rosemary’s death. It was apparent that she was forced to swallow those pills to overdose. That way you figured you’d be in the clear.”

  “Rosemary realized after the money was drawn out that it wasn’t Kimberly at all,” Eleanor said. “She must have confronted you about the money and told you to return it.”

  “Yes and she was fool enough to invite Jill over to talk about it,” Lala said.

  “She didn’t realize until it was too late that you and Jill were in cahoots,” Kimberly said. “You had to get rid of her.”

  “I tried to reason with Rosemary and for a moment, I thought she was actually going to shut up about the theft. After all, I hired her at the bank when she had a record.”

  “But she threatened to go to the sheriff,” Agnes said.

  “Very good,” Lala said, as Jill clapped enthusiastically. “It’s too bad I have to kill the three of you now.”

  “How are we going to do that here?” Jill asked. “How will we be able to explain that?”

  “We won’t be around to explain it. Get the gas can out of the trunk.”

  “Gas can?” Eleanor asked, as she trembled.

  “Get back in your SUV ladies. It’s about to get very hot for all of you.”

  “But you can’t do that, Kimberly is pregnant,” Agnes said.

  “I could care less. Unless you want me to shoot you right now, I’d get back in the SUV.”

  “Why should we?” Eleanor asked. “I bet shooting us would draw too much attention.”

  “So will burning us with a fuel source,” Agnes insisted. “You might as well turn yourselves in, there’s no way you’ll get out of this.”

  Jill splashed gas on Agnes, Eleanor, and Kimberly, who screamed. “Please, don’t do this,” Kimberly shouted.

  “Get them into the SUV, Jill. We can’t have them burning to death out here.”

  Kimberly was pushed to the driver’s seat and Agnes and Eleanor had no other choice than to comply with Lala’s demands. The back doors were opened and covered with gasoline.

  “I-I’m so so-sorry you girls got mixed up in this,” Kimberly said. “It’s not fair that you’ll both die because of me.”

  “It’s not your fault and we’re not going to die.”

  “Unless the cops don’t show up,” Eleanor blubbered, wiping up her tears. “I love you Agnes, but I never imagined that we’d go down together like this. It’s not fair Kimberly is here. She’s young and doesn’t deserve to die.”

  A match was tossed in the back and Lala and Jill stood nearby to assure that the SUV was engulfed in flames before they moved to their vehicle, taking off.

  Lala slammed on her brakes as they were surrounded by cops and taken into custody. The door to the SUV was then opened and a coughing Kimberly was helped out first. Agnes and Eleanor leapt out, tumbling on the grass together as they rolled out of the way of the flames.

  “They threw gasoline on us,” Agnes explained, as she walked away from the SUV with Eleanor clinging to her side, as they headed toward the sheriff.

  “So Lala and Jill are the ones responsible for Rosemary’s death?” Barry asked.

  “Yes, Jill was off that day at the bank and dressed up like Kimberly. Rosemary didn’t realize it wasn’t Kimberly until later.”

  “Lala put Jill up to it,” Eleanor said.

  “And Jill and Lala came over to kill Rosemary,” Agnes added.

  “Exactly,” Kimberly said, from her position on the ground.

  An ambulance skidded to a stop and the emergency workers attended to Kimberly.

  “Lala hired Rosemary even though she was a felon. I think she had planned to use her all along to steal money from the bank,” Agnes said.

  “But when they found out Kimberly was taking care of your mother’s money, sheriff, it was too good to pass up. Jill quit her job at the bank today and Lala closed the door of her boutique.”

  “I’m just glad we made it here before the fire in Kimberly’s SUV was out of control,” Barry said, wiping the grime from his brow.

  “Me too,” Kimberly said from where she was being secured to a gurney.

  Deputy Danworth walked up with a large bag and opened it. “We found this bag full of money in Lala’s car, sheriff. I imagine this is your mother’s money.”

  More ambulances arrived and Agnes and Eleanor were strapped in by the emergency workers. When the doors were slammed closed, they took off, heading to the hospital.

  Epilogue

  “Oh no here she comes,” Birdie proclaimed, as Mrs. Barry walked out on the deck of the chalet.

  Mrs. Barry gave Birdie a dirty look and then laughed. “I’ve missed you, Birdie.”

  Kimberly laughed as she held Abigail, Jeremy lurking close by. “It’s nice to see you walking without the aid of a walker or cane,” Kimberly said.

  “Well, I had to when the bird sisters wouldn’t help me any longer. Jenny has a job and none of the women sent to help me were to my satisfaction.”

  Agnes chuckled. “I can imagine hardly anyone meets your expectations.”

  “Now be fair,” Eleanor said. “I rather like Mrs. Barry just like she is.”

  “I’ve learned a valuable lesson, too,” Mrs. Barry said. “No more having someone else handle my finances.”

  “Well, at least you have your money back, mother,” Sheriff Barry said. “I’d hate for you to move in with me.” His eye danced and it was quite apparent that he was joking.

  “I was kidding about that part. I have money in stocks and bonds I’ll have you know. While I could live just fine without that fifty-thousand, I’m glad I have it back,” Mrs. Barry remarked.

  “So what happens now?” Agnes asked the sheriff.

  “Lala and Jill will be heading to prison for the remainder of their lives with the charges that are leveled on them. Not only did they murder Rosemary, they attempted to kill the three of you.”

  “I’d rather if you don’t remind me of that,” Kimberly said. “I’d hate for Abigail to be motherless at such a young age.”

  “Or any age,” Jeremy added.

  “So how did it go with your case, Jeremy?” Agnes asked.

  “My client took a plea bargain for manslaughter. He didn’t want me to know just how involved he was.”

  “That means no more Detroit for you?”

  “Not unless I have to. I’d rather stay right here in Redwater and look after this wife of mine.”

  “I think you should,” Eleanor remarked. “I’m not certain where she learned to ram another car, but she’s certainly good at it.”

  They laughed and Bethany and Hal shook their heads. Mr. Wilson grinned a toothless grin and Eleanor handed him his teeth from her pocket. Andrew held Agnes close and Weenie pranced into the room, putting his paws on Kimberly’s leg until Jeremy lifted him up where he was able to lick Abigail, who squealed in delight.

  Corrine and Clive arrived and Corrine took the baby from Kimberly. “I’m so sorry we haven’t been around, but we wanted to distance ourselves with the case revolving around you. We knew you’d be cleared and we
can continue to put more ads into motion.”

  “You do know how that sounds, Corrine?” Clive said. “Don’t pay her any attention. I’ve been working on the ad and it will be appearing in Pregnancy and Parent’s magazines.” Clive pulled out a storyboard that showed Kimberly standing in a white shirt and dark pants with a pink cape around her shoulders.

  It read, “Expectant Mothers are mad for Pretty and Pregnant lotion and perfume.”

  “I love it, Clive,” Kimberly said, teary-eyed.

  “I swear I didn’t mean what I said, or how I said it. I just didn’t want to stress you out any more than you were already,” Corrine blubbered.

  Kimberly smiled. “I’m not about to be angry with anyone. Not when I recently could have lost my life at the hands of Jill and Lala.” She turned to look at Agnes and Eleanor. “If it hadn’t been for the two of you, I’d never have beaten the rap.”

  “We make a good team, Kimberly,” Agnes said. “But we could never do it without Eleanor.”

  “I hope you plan to stay longer ladies,” Jeremy said.

  “I wish, but we have to get back to Tawas, but if you ever need help again, Kimberly, we’re only a phone call away.”

  About the Author

  When Madison Johns began writing at the age of forty-four, she never imagined she'd make it onto the USA Today best-selling books list with her first cozy mystery, Armed and Outrageous, as an independent author.

  Although sleep-deprived from working third shift, she knew if she used what she had learned while caring for senior citizens to good use, it would result in something quite unique. The Agnes Barton Senior Sleuths mystery series has forever changed Madison's life, with each of the books making it onto the Amazon bestseller's list for cozy mystery and humor.

  Madison is a member of Sisters In Crime. Madison is now able to do what she loves best and work from home as a full-time writer. She has two children, a black lab, and a hilarious Jackson Chameleon to keep her company while she churns out more Agnes Barton stories, with a few others brewing in the pot.