Mr Justice

by Piper Sullivan

  I searched her face for some sign of jealousy but only curiosity beamed back at me. “I’m not even sure I want kids. And if I do, the woman will have to be perfect.”

  “No woman is perfect, Walker. The same way you’re not perfect.” There was a bite to her words that I didn’t recognize or understand.

  “Fine, perfect for me, then.” Why the hell was she fighting me on such a minor little detail?

  “Perfect how? Oh, I know, successful in her career, sophisticated in both her style and personality. Beautiful, of course.” She rolled her eyes and continued repeating my list back to me. “Adventurous in bed with the ability to be obedient. Outgoing. And she must have her own money. Perfect.”

  When it was listed out like that, the list sounded cold and mercenary. But it wasn’t. “What’s wrong with that?”

  “Nothing other than the fact it’s just a list of things. Those aren’t attributes or characteristics that help determine relationship compatibility! But …” She spoke softer this time, calm replacing whatever had caused that outburst, “It’s your list and I wish you luck.”

  The doorbell sounded and I shot off the sofa, eager for a reprieve from the suddenly tense environment in the living room. I paid the delivery kid and took the food to the kitchen, taking a break from the tension.

  There was nothing wrong with my list. A woman who possessed those qualities, and that was what they were, no matter what Audrey thought, would make a good wife for me. “What makes you such a big damn authority on relationship compatibility? How long was your longest relationship?”

  “I never said I was an expert, but you’re right, what the hell do I know? I slept with you even after you ghosted me.”

  I watched her shut her laptop and walk up the stairs slowly without another word and I was getting damn tired of her leaving me like this.

  I ate my half of the pizza and all of the spicy chili poppers because Audrey went upstairs and she didn’t get to choose. What the hell was she so pissed about anyway? She was the one who walked away from me. The one who hadn’t called or texted in days. Possibly weeks.

  Yeah it was a dick move to ghost her like I did, but like I told her, that night had required a lot of processing. By the time I figured out what to say, she’d already left town. Again. Would she ever forgive me for that one moment of insanity?

  There was only one way to be sure. I put a few slices on a plate and found a tray on top of the fridge, adding the ranch chicken strips and a can of soda before I knocked on her door. “Dinner is served.” There was no point waiting around when I knew we’d do nothing but argue tonight, so I cleaned up and left, locking the doors behind me and headed home.

  I spent the rest of the night trying to figure out how in the hell my best friend’s kid sister, who met almost none of my relationship requirements, who I argued with me constantly, and who could light me on fire faster than anyone else, had become the woman I couldn’t stop thinking about.

  The woman I had to have.

  Audrey

  “See you soon!” The perky receptionist waved farewell as she handed me the appointment card, her wide smile and cheery demeanor making me feel even more angry and frustrated and unsure.

  “Right,” I confirmed noncommittally and held the card up as evidence of…something. “See ya.” I walked right down the center of the waiting room, filled with women in various stages of pregnancy, some with kids and some wearing that hopeful expression of the expectant parent. A few, like me, sat in stunned silence staring into the nothingness at finding themselves alone. Alone and pregnant.

  Pregnant and alone.

  Just like me. Eight weeks pregnant by a man I shouldn’t have been sleeping with in the first place. Not a year ago and certainly not two months ago. Or any time after that either. The walk to my car seemed to take forever, my legs moved of their own accord as my mind wandered to the future. Next week, six months from now…three years from now.

  It was all laid out so clear it was sickening. Despite all the hard work and effort put in by social workers, teachers and my mom, my life was nothing more than a statistic. Turns out it wasn’t nurture at all. It was nature plain and simple. My path was parallel to that of my biological mother, pregnant by the wrong man with no good way out.

  I let out a long sigh and finally dropped down behind the steering wheel, feeling more overwhelmed than anything else as I sat there, waiting for my life to make sense. For all the chaos to settle so that my path would become clear. Did I keep this baby and follow in Mom’s footsteps or did I keep it and hand it off like my bio mom had done…eventually?

  Since no answer was forthcoming, I turned over the engine and reversed out of the parking spot, heading towards the one person I knew would offer comfort. Question free—mostly—comfort.

  “Audrey! This is a nice surprise.” Mom’s smile beamed wide and she stepped back, wiping flour covered hands down generous hips and motioning for me to come inside. “Is everything all right?”

  No and it wouldn’t be ever again. “Yep. Can’t a girl come hang out with her mom for no reason other than she missed her?” Okay, maybe that was taking it a bit too far. Mom gave me that look that used to be able to pull the truth from me in under a minute and shook her head.

  “She can but it happens so rarely that it’s always a shock.”

  “Smartass,” I mumbled and closed the door behind me before following her into the kitchen. “What are you making today?” Mom was always cooking or baking for someone, usually Will.

  “I just put the last batch of chocolate caramel cookies for your brother into the oven. He loves my cookies,” she bragged with a beaming smile.

  “Everyone loves your cookies,” I told her honestly. Even I occasionally indulged in her famous sweet treats, at least as much as my ass and belly would allow.

  “No one as much as your brother.”

  Was this my future? A life lived solely for the benefit of my child? No dating or relationships, just baking and cooking and becoming the worlds greatest single purpose organism. I shuddered at the thought even as a wave of gratitude washed over me at just how much Mom had given up to raise me and Will, not to mention all the other kids who’d gone through this house over the years. “How come you never dated, Mom?” It wasn’t like I hadn’t noticed the distinct lack of adult men in our home, but I didn’t know enough to comment on it.

  “I did date, Audrey.” At my surprised look, she grinned. “I’m not a nun, you know. I dated plenty but I didn’t expose you kids to any of the men because I was never sure enough about any of’em.”

  That was another thing to consider. Did I live a celibate life, focused on nothing but the baby and my career or try to navigate the choppy waters of dating as a single parent? It was too confusing. “How can you be sure?” The few relationships I’d been in had produced absolutely no certainty about them, how they felt about me or even how I felt about them. Even now, I wasn’t sure how I felt about Walker or this baby. What the hell did I know about raising a baby, anyway?

  Mom sighed as the timer beeped and pulled the cookies from the oven. “There is no way to be sure sure, but the best any of us could hope for is to find someone who makes us want to take the leap even knowing all the risks of pain and heartache. That’s how you know, honey.”

  That made sense but it was a scary thought, leaping and risking that kind of pain. Again. How did people do that, get hurt and risk their heart again and again? I wasn’t strong enough for that. Maybe it was just in my DNA. “Have you ever been in love, Mom?”

  A wistful smile crossed her face, making her look about a decade younger than her sixty plus years. “Wylie Jameson. He was the handsomest man I’d ever seen with a shock of red hair on top of his head and a thick lumberjack beard, which was odd enough in cowboy country, but he wore it like he was born to.” She moved the cookies to the cooling rack and took a seat at the table. “I loved him with my whole heart and we’d planned to be together forever.”

  I’d nev
er met or heard of the man so I assumed he hadn’t kept his promise of forever. “What happened?”

  Mom sighed and the pain she still felt was written all over her face. “He left for the Army and I never heard from him again. It hurt too much to ask his parents so I just tried to forget about him.”

  “Did it work?” Was there hope that one day Walker would be nothing more than a memory? An inexpensive sperm donor and permanent reminder of the most foolish few months of my life? I didn’t know, but if Mom’s pain was any indication it was a lifelong affliction.

  “Mostly. Some days I only think of him once or twice, wondering if he has a big loving family and a beautiful wife. Other days I wonder if he even made it back from the Army alive. Mostly I just try not to think about him. A lot.” She gave me a curious look that made me squirm. “Why so curious?”

  The truth was too complicated so I settled on a half-truth. “Just wondering what you gave up to take care of us and wondering if moving back here was the right choice.”

  “You’re not happy being back in Tulip.” It wasn’t a question and my heart clenched at the look of worry in her eyes. “You’re leaving again.”

  “No,” I admitted with a certainty I hadn’t felt until that moment. “I’m not happy but I’m not leaving. I was just wondering if staying here prevented you from having the life you wanted. That’s all.”

  “Oh I had the life I wanted almost completely. It would’ve been perfect if Wylie had been here by my side, but he wasn’t. That doesn’t change the joy you and Will have brought to my life.”

  I believed her but not fully. Helen was such a beautiful woman, lively and colorful, she was too damn great to spend her life alone pining after some asshole who wasn’t brave enough to face her. Hello, irony.

  I was about to tell Mom as much when the front door smacked open and then slammed shut, the sound of Will’s boots on the hard floor stopped me from saying anything. “Hey Ma. Aud. What’s up?”

  “Nothing, we’re about to get started on dinner. Cooking together like old times. Are you staying?”

  “Nah.” Will flashed the same charming smile that had been getting him out of trouble since he was a little boy and pulled Mom in for a hug. “I came to give my best girl these.” He held up a bouquet of wildflowers and handed them to her with a kiss. “And to tell you that I won’t be by for dinner. I’m trying to convince Walker to go out tonight.”

  I froze at the mention of my brother’s best friend, particularly at the idea of him going out with my hound dog brother to find some other girl to bed. Would he? If he did, why should it matter to me? He could go out and sleep with another girl, maybe ghost on her too. Hell, maybe he’d knock her up too and we could start a support group. Or a club. “Leave Walker alone,” Mom insisted. “Just because you’re happy to sleep through the entire single female population of this great state, doesn’t me he is too.”

  “Doesn’t mean he isn’t either, Ma. Besides he’s my best friend which means he has to be my wingman.”

  I snorted out a laugh. “If you still need a wingman at this stage, you’re doing it wrong.”

  Will tugged the ends of my hair. “You wanna hear about just how right I do it, baby sis?”

  “Ew,” I shuddered. “No thanks. I’ve been traumatized enough just thinking about it.”

  Will and Mom laughed. “Thank the Lord above that some things just don’t change.” She squeezed Will around the shoulders and shoved a cookie into his mouth. “Now stop all that filthy talk and go have some fun. Audrey and I are having some girl time.”

  At her words, my brother’s gaze studied me too carefully. “What’s wrong?”

  “Jeez Will, nothing is wrong. Go get drunk and screw a random chick with your buddy, and stop worrying about me.”

  “I can’t stop worrying,” he said simply.

  “Well worry about avoiding diseases and babies while you’re hunting tonight. Have fun.”

  “Audrey,” he groaned and mussed my hair before grabbing a few more cookies and leaving the kitchen, and then the house.

  Mom laughed. “That was uncalled for but perfectly understandable.” Her eyes were filled with sympathy and I looked away because it felt like pity for the poor stupid girl who thought she had a chance with her childhood crush.

  “My duty as his kid sister, right?”

  Mom’s smile faded a little and her sympathy was dialed up to ten. “There’s no harm in admitting you’re hurt, honey.”

  “There’s no reason for me to be hurt.” Walker had never pretended to be interested in me and he never promised me a thing. It was my own stupid imagination, my own hopeful heart that had done this to me. And my slutty libido.

  “Your heart don’t give a damn about reason, honey.”

  Which was why the heart couldn’t be trusted, not with something this important. This was a job for the brain, who would never lead me astray. “Luckily for me, my heart doesn’t get a say in the matter.” I ignored her look of concern and went to the fridge, pulling out ingredients for dinner instead of talking about my screwed up life.

  Walker

  “Buy me a drink?” The woman who approached our table was pretty enough with long blond hair, dyed and highlighted professionally, big blue eyes, high cheekbones and pouty lips that would have been more at home on a porn star’s mouth. The red dress she wore hugged her figure beautifully and showed off a trim waist, a nice rack and just enough hips for a man to grab onto tight. But she was too obvious. Too boring. Too much not the right woman.

  I held up my own beer with a disinterested smile. “Just got one.”

  Her smile faltered but to her credit it didn’t smile. “Then I’d better catch up,” she said and slid right in front of me which blocked my view of the soccer game I’d been half watching. “Don’tcha think?”

  I gave the woman my full attention as Will watched on, a smirk on his face. She was persistent, almost desperate. “No, I don’t.”

  Finally her smile fell and though I felt like a complete asshole, I felt nothing but relief as she stomped off in search of another target. “That was uncalled for.”

  I glared at my friend. “I told you I wasn’t in the mood for this tonight.” But Will had insisted, begged even, for me to come out with him tonight, refusing to believe any single man could be content without a woman in his bed. Especially the wrong woman.

  “Yeah, but I didn’t realize things were this bad. You haven’t shown a flicker of interest in any woman tonight and some were out of your league.” Will took a pull from his beer, gaze never still, always scanning the crowd for something, but what I could never be sure of.

  “They weren’t interesting,” I insisted even though that was only partly true.

  “The blond in the leather skirt?”

  I shrugged. “She was husband hunting.” Dressed to the nines, she’d done her best to look like every man’s fantasy but her eyes were flat. Uninterested.

  “The exotic chick with the blue eyes? She was an accountant.”

  And she’d been sophisticated, beautiful and outgoing. But she wasn’t right. “She didn’t do it for me, that’s all.”

  “Bullshit,” Will countered. “You have a woman. I wasn’t sure until this moment, but now I am. So who is she?”

  Your sister. That answer wouldn’t earned me a black eye, maybe some busted ribs for good measure so I kept it to myself. “Who is who?” Playing dumb was my only choice and I knew my friend well enough to know that soon, he would be too distracted for this conversation.

  “The woman who’s got your balls in her purse. The reason none of these hotties have piqued your interest tonight. Who is she?”

  “There is no woman, Will.” Because the one woman I couldn’t stop thinking about was all wrong for me. She fit almost none of my criteria, not to mention the fact that she was also my best friend’s sister.

  “I don’t believe you.”

  I shrugged and took another pull from my beer as two more women approached the table.
Thought clearly not related, the women were practically twins in tight black dresses that showed off miles of legs, mounds of flesh and traffic stopping curves. “Hey boys.”

  “Ladies,” Will said, offering a tip of his imaginary hat. “You look stunning tonight.”

  They both giggled and cooed, playing with long strands of dyed blond hair. “Thank you,” they said at the same time. “What are you boys drinking?”

  “Beer,” I offered just so that I didn’t seem like a complete jackass.

  “Why don’t you join us,” Will offered and shot me a warning glare that wasn’t hard to decipher. Don’t ruin this. “How about a round of shots?”

  The squealing that erupted had me convinced that neither of the women was for me. The dresses were expensive but not sophisticated, neither were their over the top hair or makeup. “Tequila is my absolute fave!”

  Of course it was. They were nothing but Spring Breakers who’d never grown up. A waitress stopped at our table and Will ordered four shots of tequila to another round of giggles. “So what do you boys do for a living?”

  “I’m a paramedic and Walker here is an attorney.” Two sets of eyes went wide. Gold digger wide as they both swiveled to me, interest burning in their eyes.

  “What do you ladies do?” I was barely able to suppress an eyeroll at the answers. A yoga instructor and a makeup vlogger. “Interesting,” I said and tossed a look over their heads at Will, who wore a sheepish smile.

  A popular song blasted through the speakers and both women shrieked so loud I had to lean away from them as they stood, heads bopping and asses shaking as they headed to the dance floor. Will and I shared a grin. “Guess the song was more interesting than a EMT,” he said with a shrug.

  “You don’t care.”

  “I don’t,” he said easily and took two shots, shaking off the burn as he stood. “Sarah Beth just walked in looking like a million dollars. I’m gonna go say hi.” His gray eyes were shining bright as they took in his on-again off-again lover. Then, his feet were moving, my presence all but forgotten until he was a few feet away. “Go see your woman but remember this, nothing stays secret in Tulip forever.”