“You just left the dance without a damn word. I didn’t know where you were or if something had happened.”
“Maybe I was just giving you a taste of your own medicine. Now if you don’t mind, I have a lot of stuff to do now that I’m back.”
“You’re upset,” he said, not asked, because he thought he knew me so well.
“I’m not, actually. There is no reason for me to be upset, Walker.” The only person I was upset with was my own silly heart for holding on to hope for so damn long.
“I know you heard what I said to Will at the dance.”
I shrugged, knowing it was possible someone had seen me leaving. “Nothing you said came as a surprise to me. I know just how unsuitable you think I am.” Not just me, but how I dress and even my career. “I’m not mad Walker, I just don’t get what you’re doing here.”
He sucked in a breath, seemingly hurt by the inquiry. “We’re friends, Audrey-,”
“No,” I told him with an adamant shake of my head. “We’re not. You and Will are friends and we, briefly, were lovers. Now we are neighbors. A sort of family.” More than he knew.
“Dammit, Audrey, I’m trying to-,”
“Don’t you curse at me Walker Reid! This is how you wanted it and now that you have it, suddenly it’s not good enough? Well too damn bad because you don’t get to call all the shots.” Not anymore.
“I never wanted it.” His words came out on a startled whisper.
“Bullshit. Don’t become a liar now, Walker.” Who knew why anyone did the things they did? I stopped trying to figure people out a long time ago. Except Walker, it had taken me far too long to give up on that particular desire but I was on my way.
He raked a hand through his hair and began to pace behind my striped sofa. “I didn’t know what to say to Will when he asked what was going on, so I said the first thing that came to mind.”
“You said it because you believe it, Walker.” He opened his mouth to deny, I just knew he would, so I spoke first. “It’s fine, I agree with you.”
He stopped pacing and looked at me, hurt and confusion swimming in those beautiful espresso eyes. “You do?”
I nodded and sucked in a deep breath, ignoring the butterflies taking flight in my stomach just long enough to say what had to be said. “I do.”
His blond brows dipped into a serious vee that was sexier than it should have been given the topic of our conversation. “But I didn’t mean it. I mean, I did at the time, but I was wrong,” he said, his words frantic and sharp.
I paused for a second, wondering if he’d somehow learned about the baby because it was the only explanation for his sudden change. But he didn’t know, if he did he’d be even more relentless. So I had to cut him off. Cruelly and efficiently. “You weren’t wrong. You were absolutely right, Walker. We’re all wrong for each other. Completely and totally wrong.”
“No, we’re not.”
“You said it yourself, I’m not sophisticated or beautiful and my job is nothing more than a childish hobby. And my wardrobe too.” He paled at my words but I had no desire to hurt him, not anymore. “You need something that I will never be and I understand that now.”
“Audrey, that’s not what I-,”
“Stop, Walker. I get it. You want someone who’s like you and that will never be me. That’s why I’m giving you this out.”
“What?” He frowned and took a step forward but I held up a hand to stop him. “I don’t want an out.”
“I’m pregnant, Walker. The baby is yours and I’m keeping it.” His skin went from golden brown to ghostly white and I powered through his reaction. “I’m not asking or demanding anything of you, not money or time. I know you have political aspirations so if you choose to be involved when the baby arrives, we can work something out. Discreetly.”
“Pregnant.” The words sounded as foreign on his lips as they did to my ears. It was a harsh, shocked whisper. His legs gave out and the sofa provided a safe place for him to fall. “Pregnant.”
Walker kept repeating the word over and over and I escaped to the kitchen, giving him some time alone to process the life altering news while I busied myself making a cup of tea. There was nothing I could say, no words of comfort that would make it better for him.
I still struggled with the words that would make it better for me. “Are you sure?” His deep voice scared me out of my thoughts and I spun around, heart racing as my eyes collided with his angry glare.
“That I’m pregnant or that its yours?” When he didn’t response, I ignored the slicing in my chest and shrugged. “I’m sure.”
“Were you planning to tell me?”
“No,” I told him easily. “Why would I set myself up for that kind of rejection again?”
He muttered a curse and turned his gaze to skyward. “So this is payback?”
“No, it’s about me protecting myself and my baby.” That much was true. Hurting Walker was never on my agenda, probably wasn’t even possible considering how long my heart had belonged to him.
“From me?”
“From hurt. That’s my job, to protect this baby with everything I can.” From any and all dangers. Even his or her father.
“Right.” Walker stared at me for a long time, his expression unreadable but I knew he was hurt and angry. Probably a lot more than angry, given the way his chest rose and fell so pronounced. “So that’s how you feel?”
I shrugged. “It’s how it has to be, Walker. You were never gonna be mine, I was just the only one who didn’t know it.”
He turned on his heels and left, punctuating the end of our conversation, the official end of us, with a soft click of the door behind him.
I waited a full five minutes before I gave in to the tears, the heartache and the desperation.
##
“You’re pregnant.” The words came from my brother and they pulled me from my latest work binge. Closing my laptop, I looked over my shoulder at his smiling face as he climbed the back porch steps.
“News travels fast,” I said in lieu of an answer.
“He’s my best friend, did you think he wouldn’t tell me?” Will could be an imposing figure to some, his jet black hair that he usually kept cropped closely and those eerily beautiful silver eyes combined with his six-foot-six frame, he could be intimidating. To me, he was just my brother. My protector.
“Actually, that’s exactly what I thought.” He’d gone out of his way to make sure Will didn’t know about us on and off for the past year, why should a baby change that?
“Then you haven’t been paying attention, sis.” He took the wooden seat on the other side of the small table that held crackers, an untouched sandwich and a mug of now cold tea, crossed his legs and looked across my yard. “He told me everything.”
“Yeah? He told you how we slept together in New York and how he promptly forgot I existed?” I should have felt smug at the surprise in his eyes but I didn’t. “I didn’t think so. Don’t get in the middle of this Will. It’s not your business and I have no desire to break up your friendship with Walker.”
“You still love him?”
That was the most loaded of loaded questions. “I do and I probably always will to some extent, but I’ve wised up big brother. I’m no longer holding out hope for anything where Walker Reid is concerned.” Hope had done nothing but make me act a fool too many times to count. Hope steered me towards letting Walker take what he wanted without asking for what I wanted.
“So why are you having his baby?”
“My baby,” I corrected him. “I’ve always wanted a family and since I made the huge mistake of moving back to the smallest town in all of Texas, this felt like fate was giving me a hand.”
“What about a man to love? A husband and father for that baby?”
I shrugged. “Mom did it without either of those things and we turned out just fine.”
“But, Audrey-,”
“Will, please. I’ve made up my mind and nothing you say will change that. I
’m sorry if this makes things difficult between you two for a while, but I’ve already told Walker he was off the hook.”
“Off the hook? Please tell me you didn’t use those words, Audrey.”
“The sentiment was the same.”
Will scrubbed a hand over his face and shook his head. “Why the hell did you say that?”
“Because Walker doesn’t want me and the last thing he needs is the wrong woman carrying his baby when he’s trying to launch a political career.”
“Wrong woman, are you out of your goddamn mind?” He shook his head again and stood. “He’s in love with you, dummy.”
One tear slipped out at his words. “No, he doesn’t Will. I wanted to believe it for so long that I ignored all the signs to the contrary, so I need you to accept it too. Please.”
“No, I can’t. I won’t.” He shook his head, eyes angry and conflicted and I hated myself for putting him in the middle of this.
“Then maybe you and I need a little break too.”
He froze and glared at me once again. “Family doesn’t take breaks, Audrey.”
“This family does. I’m single and pregnant in a small southern town, Will. I have to focus on working and staying healthy for my kid and that’s it. No more false hopes about Walker. None. Not from you or Mom.” Or me.
“That’s bullshit Audrey and you know it.” Those gray eyes stared at me like they hated me and I swallowed back the apology that rose up instantly. I didn’t owe him one. Not for this. Will shook his head and jogged down the steps, grumbling under his breath the whole time. “Mom expects you at Sunday dinner this week. If you can manage to find your way there.”
He was gone before I could tell him where to shove his unwanted opinion.
Walker
Standing on the doorstep of the house that had been more like my home than the three story brick structure I’d actually grown up in, felt surreal today. I hadn’t seen Audrey since I walked out on her a few days ago but today I would. Or I hoped I would, but Will didn’t have any hope that she would show up though it seemed like they had their own issues to work through separate from us.
The door swung open and Helen’s smiling face appeared. “You gonna stand out here and warm up the welcome mat or you gonna come in and help?” She showed no signs of anger so I pulled her into a hug and stepped inside.
“Thought the mat looked a little cold and I wanted to be helpful.”
Helen’s gaze met mine, barely able to contain her amusement. “Then you can help me in the kitchen. These fries won’t cut themselves and since my other children haven’t arrived yet, it falls to you.” She turned and walked the path back to the kitchen, while I followed at a slower pace.
“Happy to help. I even brought you a kitchen aid.” When she turned and I held up the bottle of Jameson, Helen’s smile nearly bowled me over.
“Then let’s get a little assistance while the oil heats up.”
“Oil?” My ears perked up. “Does that mean we’re having a famous fish fry today?”
“Damn straight. Now stop beating around the bush and tell me your plan.”
My plan?
Helen tossed her head back and laughed. “I know you better than you think, Walker. I know you’ve got something planned the same way I know Will didn’t ask me to make everyone show up today for no good reason.”
“It depends on if she shows or not.”
“She’ll be here,” Helen insisted. “My girl loves a good fish fry and thanks to morning sickness she’ll be powerless to stay away.”
“Morning sickness? Is she all right?” I hadn’t thought about any of that, so busy wallowing in my own misery.
Helen waved a dismissive hand. “No worse than any other woman carrying around a living, breathing thing. Get to chopping.” She pointed at the pile of rinsed potatoes and I finished my drink and got to work.
She was right, I did have plan, several actually if Audrey decided to show up. Hearing she’d been sick had me worried and wondering if I should have swallowed my pride and gone to see her.
Sometime later the door opened and Will appeared. I tried to hide my disappointment but his look said I failed. “It’s a good thing my ego is in tact or I might develop a complex, man.”
“Sorry. Nervous.” Will just laughed and kissed his mother before stealing a piece of fish fresh from the oven.
“Back off, boy!” She laughed and gave him another piece. It was the same scene that had played out hundreds of times over the years and I couldn’t help but smile at the familiarity of it all.
All the food was on the stove by the time Audrey walked in, looking gorgeous and exhausted in a long multi-colored dress that was more feminine than anything I’d seen her wear. Other than the Spring Fling dance, which was an outfit I’d never forget. “Hey Mom! Sorry I’m late.”
“Come on in, Audrey. We haven’t sat down to eat yet,” she said with a grin.
“Because we were waiting on you,” Will grumbled under his breath but Audrey chose to ignore it.
“Mm, fish fry. You’re the best, Mom!” She sat down, her gaze didn’t meet anyone’s but Helen’s, and she began to load up her plate. “So good, Mom! I’m starving!” She shoved a piece of fish in her mouth and groaned.
“Your appetite is back?”
She froze at my question but her gaze stayed on her plate. “It comes and goes.”
At least she answered. “Do you need, uh, anything?”
“Nope. I’m fine.”
Helen popped up. “Dammit, I forgot to make the tartar sauce. Will, a little help please?”
“But, Ma-,”
She flashed him her best ‘Mom glare’ and Will stood, following her reluctantly.
“She’s not exactly subtle, is she?”
Audrey’s lips twitched and I took is as a good sign. “It’s not her strong suit, that’s for sure.”
This was it, our time to talk. Uninterrupted. “Audrey, I’m sorry about everything.”
“You don’t need to be sorry, Walker. You never promised me anything.”
But I should have. “Maybe not, but I should have seen what was happening between us sooner and gotten my head out of my ass.” It had taken me a while to realize it, but that’s what had doomed us. “That stupid fucking list.”
She laughed again and waved her hands in apology. “That list probably saved us both a lot of heartache.” Her smile was sad and wistful, like she was also wishing things were different.
“No, that list caused most of it. Well, I caused it by creating that damn list and then using it like it was a master handbook to happy ever after. I was a dumbass, Audrey, because I didn’t see that you are the woman on the list.” She quirked a disbelieving eyebrow and I smiled. “Not fully, but you are the woman that matters. So you’ll never be bubbly and outgoing, I love that you’re kind of a grouch and a bit of a hermit.”
“Hermit? Try self employed, lawyer boy.”
Her instant comeback made me laugh. It gave me hope. “And you’re young, that can’t be changed. But the rest? It’s all you, Audrey. You are beautiful and elegant with your own special brand of grace. You’re creative as hell and you were brave enough to start your own business in this economy. How could I not love that woman?”
“L-L-Love?”
“Oh so you are listening? Good.” I stood and rounded the table, taking the empty chair right beside her and grabbing her hands in mine. “Yes, love. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you Audrey, I’m in love with you.” That’s probably what made me freak out the morning after in New York only I hadn’t realized it at the time.
“You’re only saying that because of the baby,” she insisted.
“I’m not, though I can see why you’d think that. I haven’t done a very good job of showing you just how special you are to me, Audrey. And you are special and precious. A treasure I didn’t even know I needed.”
“Walker,” she whispered, swiping away a few tears that quickly turned into a steady stream d
own her cheeks.
“I mean it, sweetheart. I love everything about you, even your mistaken belief that you can eat anything you want as long as you pair it with a salad.”
“It’s a solid diet plan,” she insisted with a smug grin.
“If you’ll let me, I’ll make you a salad every damn day and we’ll eat it together, along with bacon chili cheese fries.”
“Walker.” She smiled again and the way she said my name, I knew she was listening. Ready to forgive.
Ready but not there…yet.
“Do you think you can forgive me, Audrey? For being an ass and hurting you?”
She shook her head and my heart sank. “I told you before Walker, you don’t owe me an apology. I mean yeah for ghosting on me, but not for the rest of it.” Her hand came up and cupped my face and god help me, I leaned into her because I was powerless to do anything else. Her soft skin was warm against my cool cheek and I groaned. “But if you need to hear it, you are forgiven.”
After hearing those words, I pounced. “I am so in love with you Audrey and I can’t wait to start our life together. To welcome a new life into this world, hopefully a little girl with those beautiful violet eyes.” She swiped away another tear and I held her close. “I want more than anything to make you my wife, but first I need to prove to you that you are more special to me than anything or anyone in this whole damn world.”
“Walker, I don’t need-,” I knew what she was gonna say but I couldn’t let her let me off the hook so easily.
“I know you don’t, but I do. I need to do this so that not one day goes by where you doubt my love or why I’m here with you, Audrey. The baby helps because it means you can’t get rid of me, but I was there on your doorstep that day to tell you this.”
“You were?” the fact that she was still stunned told me I had my work cut out for me.
“I was. And I wanted to give you this.” I could have gotten down on one knee but Audrey wouldn’t have wanted that. Hell, she would have hated it. So I pulled the box from my pocket and flipped it open for her to admire. “I’m asking you now, officially, if you will do me the great honor of becoming my wife and the mother of my children, But-,”
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