Climbing Fear (CoalCliff Stud, #1)

by Leisl Leighton

  ‘I don’t have any shoes.’

  ‘You can borrow my thongs. They’re a bit big, but they’ll do for the walk to your cottage.’

  Holding hands, they went out the door and wandered down the path. She breathed in deeply. ‘So beautiful.’

  ‘Yes.’ He wasn’t looking at the scenery. She glanced up at him, blushed and looked away.

  ‘I called up to the main house before coming downstairs to check on Tilly. She’s had a great night with the kids who arrived yesterday and was showing no signs of missing me at all. Barb said she’d told Tilly I was busy with work but was also staying away so she wasn’t embarrassed by having her mum around when meeting her new friends.’

  Reid snorted. ‘That sounds like Barb.’

  Nat nodded fondly. ‘Thank god for her though, because apparently Tilly swallowed it hook line and sinker.’

  ‘Barb knows what she’s doing.’

  ‘Yes, she does.’

  Nat’s footsteps slowed. ‘Reid?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘You know I’m here for you? That you can talk to me about anything. Including your business worries.’

  She knew. Of course she knew. She’d known of his troubles with school back then and she was so smart, she would have easily put two and two together. But he still didn’t want to talk about it, so he simply nodded.

  ‘I want to help like you helped me last night.’

  ‘I didn’t do anything.’

  ‘You did. You listened and you held me and it helped.’

  ‘You still had a nightmare.’

  ‘Not after you came to bed and held me. I didn’t have any nightmares then.’

  ‘Neither did I.’

  ‘See? It helped both of us.’

  ‘Did it?’

  She reached up, touched his face. ‘There are no nightmares in your eyes this morning.’

  ‘No. I only see you. Only you.’

  His lips were on hers again, or had hers met his, but this time, rather than raw passion, the kiss was gentle, a sip rather than the gulp of before.

  ‘Do we really have to go to the hospital? There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with me.’ She gasped as he kissed down her throat.

  ‘No, there doesn’t. But safe side,’ he muttered against her collar bone, her neck, before making his slow way back up to her mouth, taking another long, luscious, pulling kiss, filling himself with the flavour of her, the scent of her, before he reluctantly pulled away. ‘Go in. Shower and change. I’ll wait here.’

  ‘You’re not coming inside?’

  He shifted uncomfortably in his jeans. ‘Best not if we want to get you to the hospital on time.’

  ‘If you’re sure.’

  Shit, why did she have to look so disappointed? He almost gave in but reminded himself in time to be good. He might not think he was worthy of her, but she didn’t seem to think the same. Although, she could still be in shock. ‘We have time,’ he said.

  A frown flickered on her face before her smile took over again. ‘Okay.’ And then she was gone, the door clicking closed behind her and he turned to look out at the day, the sun seeming to shine brighter than before over the valley, the grass greener, the air clearer. Today was going to be a good day.

  Chapter 16

  The drive to the hospital was filled with a tension neither of them was willing to break, the kiss a question between them that as yet had no answer. She was all too aware Reid had avoided her questions this morning, her suggestions, letting the kiss distract them both from him opening up further to her. She should be annoyed about that, but all she wanted to do was lose herself in his kiss again.

  Ah god, his kiss. It had made everything else go away and right now, she wanted more of the drugging necessity of it.

  By the time they arrived at the hospital forty minutes later, she felt like screaming, like tearing at her heated skin, wanting to scratch at the need crawling through her, but unable to do anything about it in the crowded waiting room.

  She filled out the paperwork and then went to sit next to Reid who was thumbing through an old magazine. She couldn’t concentrate on anything, so sat there and stared at the Christmas decorations hanging around the horrible prints, slung around the nurses’ station, the tinsel Christmas tree doing a leaning tower of Pisa impression in the corner. It made her smile, lessening the tension inside her to just bearable as she lost herself in imagining having a proper Christmas again, of putting up some decorations in her cottage, enjoying the colour and tizz of it all.

  ‘Reid, I want a Christmas tree.’

  He jerked upright and stared at her. ‘Right now?’

  She smiled. ‘No. After the camp has finished. I want to get a fresh one, let Tilly pick it, but I’ll need your help to load and unload it from the ute, if that’s okay.’

  ‘That’s more than okay. It’s been years since I went Christmas tree shopping.’

  ‘Me too. I want to get decorations too. With Tilly.’

  ‘I know a place we can go. It opens up every year to sell decorations and has some amazing stuff reasonably priced. It’s where Barb gets hers from.’

  ‘Sounds amazing.’

  They shared a grin, but it changed too soon, the grin fading away as they stared at each other, unable to look away. Her breath came, hot and shallow, in faster pants in her chest. The smile faded. She licked her lips. His gaze darted down to them. She leaned in.

  ‘Natalia Robinson?’

  She snapped upright and turned to see a nurse wearing a Santa hat on her head, clipboard in front of her, standing at the door to the scanning area. ‘That’s me.’

  ‘Please come with me.’

  She left Reid, aware of his hot gaze following her as she left the room, the tingles of it chasing up and down her spine.

  The scan didn’t take long, and she was back out in the waiting room with Reid, sitting beside him to wait to see the doctor, far too aware of him, his arm brushing against hers as he flipped through a Time magazine. She tried to read the magazine she’d picked up, but when she realised it was a gossip one, put it down. Gossip mags left a bad taste in her mouth, their version of ‘reality’ nothing close to the truth more often than not. She shifted her chair a little so Reid’s arm wasn’t brushing hers anymore. Even so, the prickling on her arm as she became aware of the heat coming off Reid, increased as each minute ticked by.

  ‘Ms Robinson?’ She jumped as the doctor called her name and went scurrying off after him. A few minutes later, after having been shown her scan and given the all clear—as she knew she would—she was told to go home and to see her local GP for a check-up in the next week and advised to take it easy. She agreed and then walked with Reid out to the car for the drive back to CoalCliff.

  Silence lay between them, thick and heavy and vibrating as they drove towards the nearby hills where CoalCliff nestled. Hell, how was she going to function when she got back with this awareness of him so all-encompassing? The hungry animal need inside her growling incessantly, scratching away at her resistance until she was hanging on by the thin strands of fear-driven determination.

  For Christ’s sake, her hands were shaking with her need. It frightened her. Nothing good ever came of losing control like this. She shoved them under her legs and pushed her feet into the mat of the car, trying desperately to ground herself, to find reason once again. But how could she when all she could feel was Reid’s warmth, his presence, the memory of his lips on hers, his hands pushing through her hair then roaming hungrily over her body. Oh shit. Did she just whimper?

  He shot her a look, the hungriness in her mirrored in his eyes. He seemed to be breathing hard.

  ‘Please, Reid. Say something.’

  ‘I want you.’

  She moaned. ‘Not that.’

  ‘I could pull over.’

  She shook her head. ‘You know we have to get back.’

  His jaw squared and he nodded, looking back at the road. ‘You’re right.’ He shifted, as if uncomfortable, and swa
llowed hard. ‘Okay, so let’s talk.’

  ‘What about?’

  ‘Not this, obviously.’

  She let out a little huff of laughter. ‘Obviously.’

  ‘But we have to talk about something.’

  ‘Yes, something.’

  Silence again.

  He broke it this time. ‘You started to tell me a bit about what happened with Andrew, what brought you here.’

  ‘Yes.’ That was good. Talking about that time was surely bound to dampen the flames burning her alive. ‘Okay. Andrew.’ She swallowed hard, trying to think about where to start. ‘What do you want to know?’

  ‘Did he hit you?’

  She shook her head. ‘People would say he did, but I’m not an abuse victim in the normal sense. He was confused so much of the time, the medication they put him on making him dazed and unable to concentrate for long and then he would feel like he’d started to get better and he’d go off the medication. He’d never listen when I begged him to take it. He’d say he didn’t need it. And then the confusion would come, followed by the nightmares and the rages. Some nights, he’d think I was the enemy and he’d come after me and I’d have to run away from him and lock the door until it passed. It was only when I tried to help, or didn’t move fast enough, that I got hurt. But he wasn’t trying to hurt me. Not really. It was his sickness. He didn’t even know I was there and he was so sorry later and would always start taking his medication again. Always. But he still would never talk to me about any part of it.’

  His jaw twitched. ‘Where was Tilly in all this?’

  ‘At the other end of the house locked in her bedroom or with the next-door neighbour if he was really bad. Andrew wanted her closer to us, but that was the one thing I put my foot down about. His rages were always at night—the attack he’d been injured in happened at night. I found out that much from one of his friends. So, it was easy at first to make sure she didn’t see any of it, to be caught up in that. He was so good with her during the day. Until … until …’

  ‘He wasn’t.’

  She sucked in a breath. ‘Yes.’ She clenched and unclenched her hands in her lap. ‘I know what you think. It’s what I’ve told myself over and over. I should have gone that first time. I should have got her out of there and not stayed with a man who could have killed us. But at the time, it felt like I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t discard him the same way his parents had, the way the army had, just because things were getting harder. I thought, if he got help, if he stayed on his medication, things would get better.’

  ‘Why didn’t they?’

  She looked at him. ‘You’re not going to like this part.’

  He met her gaze briefly before looking back at the road. ‘He took drugs, didn’t he?’

  ‘Yes.’

  He shook his head. ‘They screw people up so bad. Good people.’

  ‘Yes. Although, I didn’t know until the day he was supposed to be watching Tilly in the pool. She slipped and hurt herself and could have drowned if I hadn’t walked in right then because he was passed out in the lounger.’ She shuddered.

  ‘Fuck. What did you do?’

  ‘I thought about getting a divorce, but he promised me he would stop and it seemed for a little while, he did. But then, one day, he lost it in front of her. That’s when I decided to get a divorce. He’d scared her so badly. I knew I couldn’t shield her from it anymore and it wasn’t good for any of us. Andrew needed help and so did I and we weren’t going to get it doing what we were doing. So, I took Tilly to stay with a friend and went to meet with a divorce lawyer.’

  ‘And then he shot you?’

  ‘Not straight away, but yes. And the nightmare just went on and on and on because the press got wind of it and Andrew’s parents were such shits and I tried to deal with it all, tried to keep Tilly where she was to give her some stability in amongst all the crap that was going on, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. So, when Barb said she had a job here for me that would be perfect, I just grabbed the opportunity and ran.’

  He turned his head to look at her, but she couldn’t look back, worried about what she might see in his eyes. He reached across and took her hand, holding it on his lap. ‘You didn’t run, Nat. You survived.’

  Her gaze flicked to his and she took in a deep breath. ‘Yes. I survived.’ He held her hand, even when he turned back to the road, and it was comfort and warmth and certainty and for the first time, she realised what an idiot she’d been not to see him for who he was, who he had always been.

  Yes, he was wild and had the soul of an explorer, a discoverer, but he was also kind and good and full of empathy. And he knew how to commit. And despite the fact his life had turned to shit and he could no longer do what he’d always loved doing, he hadn’t just lounged around being all ‘woe is me, look how hard my life is’, he’d come home and dug in and helped out and did everything he could to make things easier for those he loved. And he wasn’t afraid to show that love either. He was remarkable. He might not realise it, but he was and it was time she stopped running from him, time to stop being afraid of him, of how she felt, of just being a survivor in her life, but actually live it.

  The excitement of the realisation rose up, threatening to spill out of her, but she held it back. They had to get back to CoalCliff, to Tilly and to help Barb and the others deal with all the kids arriving for the camp. There would be time enough for her and Reid to explore this thing between them tonight. Tonight, she wouldn’t hold back. Tonight, she would share her revelation with him and encourage him to share with her and everything would flow from there.

  ‘You’re smiling, Nat.’

  She sighed, a warm glow filling her. ‘Yes. That surprises you?’

  ‘After what you just told me, yes, it does.’

  She turned in her seat so her whole body faced him, shifting her grip so she was holding his hand in hers now. ‘What you said, about me being a survivor, just made me realise something.’

  ‘Oh?’ He glanced at her. ‘You going to share what that was?’

  ‘I’ll tell you tonight. At my place. After the kids have all gone to bed.’

  His hand twitched in hers. ‘It’s a date.’ His smile was catching and she couldn’t help but smile too.

  The smile disappeared as they pulled up and saw Barb running towards them. ‘Oh, good, you’re back. All the kids are here and it’s full steam ahead and we need all hands on deck.’

  ‘Where’s Tilly?’ Nat asked, closing the car door and trying not to look over at Reid and give everything away.

  Barb smiled. ‘She’s helping Lisa in the cafe, getting ready to feed the hungry hoards. Andrea Jones is with them helping too.’

  ‘Oh, oh, good.’ She frowned. ‘Who is Andrea Jones?’

  ‘She’s one of the girls who arrived last night—she’s a local girl who goes to the Rawson Primary School where Tilly will be going next year. She always comes on the camps so her parents can work—and she and Tilly have become as thick as thieves. I think they’re going to be as much trouble as you and Luke were, Reid, god help us all.’

  ‘Luke and I were fine.’

  ‘I’ve got this wrinkle here because of all the fine you and Luke got up to,’ she said, pointing at the furrow on her brow, making both Reid and Nat laugh.

  ‘If you’re so busy, then what are you doing down here talking to us?’ Reid said as he joined them.

  ‘I wanted to make sure I reached you before you headed off to help with the horses to tell you Steve Maren has arrived. You didn’t tell me he was coming.’

  ‘I didn’t know.’ Reid’s face split into a grin. ‘Where is he?’

  ‘I put him to work setting out morning tea with Tilly and Lisa.’

  Reid laughed. ‘He’d love that!’ He slung his arm around Barb’s shoulders and kissed her forehead. ‘You’re a bloody slave driver, Gran.’

  She poked him in the side. ‘How many times must I tell you that it’s Barb to you when around others. I go to the troub
le of dying my hair so people don’t know how old I am. I don’t need you “granning” me all over the place ruining my subterfuge.’

  Reid rubbed his side and then kissed her again. ‘I don’t know why you worry. You’re the youngest looking gran I’ve ever seen. I’d be playing that up for all it’s worth if I were you. People would be even more impressed.’

  ‘You snake charmer, you.’ Barb patted his cheek. ‘Go rescue your friend. The last I saw him he had jam all over his fingers and a smudge of cream on his face.’

  Reid looked at Nat, a question in his eyes, but she shook her head and smiled. She was okay. Everything was okay. He didn’t need to worry about her anymore. The question didn’t really leave his eyes as he turned to Barb. ‘She’s supposed to take it easy.’

  ‘I’ll make sure of it.’

  He nodded, then leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the lips. ‘We’ll talk later.’

  She was too stunned to say anything before he ran off.

  ‘Well, well, what was all that about?’

  ‘Nothing.’ She began to walk towards the cafe.

  ‘I love your nothing. It’s always so full of something.’ Nat shot a sideways look of warning at Barb who raised her hands. ‘I get it. I’ll leave it be for now. Although if you two keep sidling around each other and not do anything about it, I might just have to step in. You’re going to set the stallions off with all that sexual tension in the air.’

  Nat burst out laughing. ‘You’re ridiculous.’

  Barb laughed and slung her arm around Nat’s shoulders, pulling her close as they walked. ‘That’s right. I’m a ridiculous old woman who wants the best for those I love and happy to be so.’

  Nat kissed her cheek. ‘I love you, Barb. I’m not sure I’ve told you that enough.’

  ‘There is never enough of hearing those lovely words, beautiful girl. Never enough.’ She pushed hair back from Nat’s face with work-roughened fingers that were full of a gentle, unending kindness and love and always had been. ‘I love you too. Always know that.’

  ‘I do.’ Nat blinked rapidly. God, she’d become a regular watering pot since coming here.