by Syndi Powell
“Lieutenant—”
“I’ll keep the dog and train with her, but these weekly sessions are done.”
“I wouldn’t give up on our time here.”
“Why not? You don’t make me feel better. Nothing we’ve done in these visits has helped me.”
“So what does?”
CHAPTER TEN
ANDIE RESTED HER cast on the edge of the worktable in Russ’s basement. She wouldn’t be any use cutting glass, but she could sort through the new glass and figure out which pieces could go where in the window. And if she was being honest with herself, she wanted to check in with Beckett, see how he was doing. Knowing he would show up to work on the window, she hadn’t hesitated in coming despite her limitations.
Russ walked down the stairs and joined her at the table. “I just got off the phone with Beckett. He’s not coming.”
His words left her feeling deflated. She’d been so hopeful after work. Had gone home and changed into an outfit that looked casual, but also made her sparkle, she knew. She sighed and rose to her feet. “Well, I’m not of much use tonight. Guess I’ll go home.”
“Take a seat, Andie.”
She lifted her cast for him to see. “Russ, I can’t use my hand to cut glass. And my sorting is almost done. There’s no purpose for me to stay.”
The older man gave her a look and pointed at the stool she’d just vacated. “Sit.” She obeyed his command, and he took the stool next to hers. “What are your objectives when it comes to Beckett?”
She frowned at his question. “Excuse me?”
“I have eyes. I see how you look at each other. So, what are your intentions?”
She felt the blush start to burn in her cheeks, and she dropped her gaze to her hands that rested in her lap. “I don’t see how that is any of your concern.” She looked up at him. “No offense.”
“None taken.” He stood and took a picture off the wall before returning to his seat. “You know my history as a Vietnam vet.”
She took the picture from him and nodded. “You’ve shared some stories with me about your time there.”
“I never told you what it was like to come home, did I?”
“You and Mrs. Thorpe started your family, and you opened the glass store.”
Russ pointed at the picture. “Does anything about me in that picture remind you of someone?”
Andie looked down at the picture. Russ stood next to a younger version of Mrs. Thorpe, who held a baby in her arms. While she beamed in the photograph, there was a different look in Russ’s eyes. She’d seen that same vacant expression on Beckett’s face more than once. And while Russ stood near his wife, there seemed to be a distance between them. They didn’t touch. “You don’t look very happy.”
“I wasn’t. Not for a long time.” He took the picture back and returned it to its place on the wall. “I didn’t want to be a husband or a father then. I wanted to forget. To disappear.”
“And you’re saying Beckett feels the same way?”
“Beckett canceled tonight because he knew you would be here.”
The words hit like arrows striking her chest. She closed her eyes to keep the hot tears from falling. Beckett not only didn’t want a relationship, but he didn’t want to see her at all? What had she done that had been so horrible? “I don’t understand what I’m doing that is so wrong.”
“When I came home from the war, just being in the same room with Pattie made me feel itchy. Like I needed to escape. Because being around her made me feel things. And that’s the absolutely last thing I wanted.”
“And that’s how I affect Beckett? I make him feel things he wants to forget?”
Russ gave a shrug. “I’m no doctor, but what I do know is that Beckett is struggling with some things.”
“And so I should stay away from him.”
Russ took a seat next to her and leaned closer. “No, you shouldn’t. You’re good for him whether he realizes it or not.”
Andie cocked her head to the side, confused about this conversation. She thought Russ had been warning her away from Beckett. “So you think I should pursue him even though he doesn’t want a relationship with me?”
Russ scooted forward on his stool and took Andie’s good hand in one of his. “You’re probably better off talking to my lovely wife on that count. She can tell you what she went through to bring me back. But what I can say is that if you have the feelings for him that I believe you do, then don’t you give up on him.” He gave her a hard look. “But you better make sure you know what your feelings are before you approach him.”
That was the big question. She knew she was attracted to the man, but did her feelings go deeper? Could they deepen into a lasting relationship? And how would she know if Beckett showed no signs of wanting a relationship with her? Maybe Cassie was right. She did have a tendency to fall for the unavailable man.
When it worked out though, it made the victory even sweeter.
Unfortunately, the victories were rare.
* * *
BECKETT DREW THE glass cutter straight toward him, pressing it firmly in place. Once he had reached the edge, he dropped the cutter beside him on the worktable and tapped the glass. It broke off with a clean line. He looked up at Russ and smiled. “It worked.”
“Of course, it worked. I’m not teaching you techniques that fail.” He nudged the practice piece of glass closer to Beckett. “Do two more straight edges, then I’ll show you how to make curves.”
Beckett nodded and concentrated on cutting along the marked line on the glass. A noise above them broke his concentration, and his line slanted off the mark. He muffled a curse and placed the cutter on the table. “I messed that one up.”
“You need to focus on the cutter and the glass. Nothing else matters.”
He glanced up at the ceiling. “You don’t think it’s Andie, do you?”
“It’s probably a friend of Pattie’s or a neighbor stopping by. Now concentrate.” He tapped the table.
Beckett nodded and looked at the mark, oiled the edge of the cutter and placed it against the glass. Scored it perfectly along the line. Russ patted him on the back. “Good.”
Footsteps above drew Beckett’s attention back to the ceiling. “You asked her not to come, right?”
“With her cast, she wouldn’t be much help.”
Beckett gave him a look that he hoped proved how serious he was. “You didn’t answer my question.”
Russ stared at him for a long moment. “You ever try telling a woman what to do? Doesn’t work too well, in my experience.”
“I can’t concentrate if I think Andie’s going to show up at any moment.”
“And why is that?”
Beckett scowled and stared at the mark on the glass. Oiled the cutter. Pressed it firmly on the glass and scored a straight line. He had to prove that he could put Andie out of his mind.
And yet, she had never left it. Not since last weekend’s road trip. In fact, she’d invaded his thoughts to the point where she had started showing up in his nightmares too. Now it wasn’t just Ruggirello he had to save, but her too. And those nightmares scared him the most.
He left the cutter on the worktable and took a step away. Walked to the washtub by the washing machine and turned the water on. He cupped the cool water into his hands and splashed his face with it. When had it gotten so hot down here? He turned to find Russ handing him a towel. He nodded in thanks and took it, patting his face with the soft cotton.
“You okay, son?”
“I just got too warm.”
Russ considered him for a second, then walked back to the worktable. Beckett joined him there. “Show me how to do curves.”
The older man shook his head. “You’re not ready.”
Beckett pointed at the cuts he’d already made. “I’ve done straight edges, now show me the curv
es.”
“For that, your head needs to be clear and focused on the task at hand.”
“It is.” He threw the towel over one shoulder. “Russ, I can concentrate. Please.”
Russ took a seat on a stool and crossed his arms over his chest. “Why don’t we talk first? Maybe get Andie out of your head for a moment.”
“Talking won’t get her out.”
“So you admit she is on your mind.”
Caught, Beckett could only give a short nod. “More than before. So how do I get her out?”
Russ laughed at the idea, shaking his head at the idea’s seeming absurdity. “You tell me how to get a woman off your mind, and we can make a mint teaching others.”
“You’ve had this problem?”
“And still suffer from it.” Russ patted him on the shoulders. “The day I don’t think about Pattie is the day you bury me.”
For some reason, that didn’t reassure Beckett. “But I don’t want to think about her. Nothing good can come from it.”
“You sure about that?”
Beckett ran a hand through his short hair rather than pulling it out like he’d first thought to do. “Yes. I can’t love her.”
“Whoa. You brought out the word love awfully quick.”
Had he? He wasn’t sure about anything anymore. “You know how it is. What can I bring to a relationship if I’m broken?”
“You’re not broken, son. At least not beyond repair.”
“You don’t know that.”
Russ raised an eyebrow. But Beckett knew what he knew. Nothing he tried would make himself whole again. Pieces of him had shattered and would never be fixed. Beckett tried to explain again. “You returned from war a changed man, so you understand what I’m talking about.”
“And yet Pattie and I are still married.”
“Happily?”
“Now, yes. But it took a while for us to get to this point.”
“So you know what I’m saying.” He snapped his fingers at Phoebe who approached him, and he took the leash in his hands.
Russ stood and pointed at the stool beside him. “Sit.”
Phoebe rested on her backside, but Beckett remained standing. “If you’re not going to teach me curved lines tonight, I think we should end it here. I’ll be back in a few days.”
“I said ‘sit.’ We’re not done yet tonight.”
Phoebe leaned into his leg, and Beckett thought about walking out despite the order, but finally took a seat on the stool. He looked at Russ who took a deep breath before starting his story. “When I got back from Nam, I thought everything would be okay. I was free. I was home. And Pattie was happy.”
“But you weren’t?”
“Who is telling this story?”
Beckett closed his mouth and waited for the older man to continue. “Pattie was happy and soon she was pregnant. I figured that a baby would solve what I was feeling. That I could forget everything that had happened and move forward.
“But when my son was born, the nightmares got worse. I started drinking more than I should. Pattie would cry and beg me to stop, but I couldn’t. Nothing mattered to me but drinking to forget. Not Pattie. Not my son.” Russ paused and rubbed his upper lip with one finger. “She threatened to leave me if I didn’t get some help. But I knew better than she did. There was no help.”
Beckett nodded at that. Nothing had helped his nightmares. Phoebe had helped wake him up during the worst of them, but they hadn’t stopped. “What happened next?”
“Pattie took the baby and left. She filed for divorce, and I didn’t do a thing to stop her. I just let my family slip out of my fingers, because I knew that they were better off without me.”
Wait. Beckett looked toward the ceiling and shook his head. “I don’t understand. You said that you and Pattie were still married.”
“We are.”
“She came back?”
“Not for a while.” Russ let out a long breath. “Without Pattie, my drinking got even worse. I didn’t think that was possible. I had just started the glass business, but there were days I didn’t go in to work. I was losing money hand over fist, but I didn’t care. If I stayed drunk, I couldn’t think or feel. And that was more important.
“I lost the business. Lost the house. I lived in my car until it got impounded, and I didn’t have the money to get it out. So I lived on the streets, but I didn’t care.”
Russ started to get choked up, and he paused his story to wipe his eyes. “And then a buddy who had served in Nam with me showed up one day. He’d heard from Pattie about how far I’d sunk and found me sleeping on a park bench. And he told me what I’m about to tell you.” Russ stood and poked Beckett in the chest. “A soldier never forgets what happened. But if you let it stop you from living the life you deserve, then the enemy has beaten you.”
The older man took another deep breath. “After what they did to me in that POW camp, I was never going to let those sons of a gun win. So I got clean. I got sober. And then I worked on winning back Pattie’s love. Because she was the best thing in my life.”
Beckett cleared his throat, moved by the story. “How long did it take to win her back?”
“Son, I still work every day to deserve her love.” Russ put a hand on Beckett’s shoulder.
“What does your story have to do with Andie?”
“Because you’re letting the enemy keep you from something you deserve. Do you really want them to have that power?”
No, he didn’t. They had already taken too much from him. Fellow soldiers. Ruggirello. Sleep. They didn’t deserve to win anything else from him.
“So what are you going to do about Andie now?”
* * *
ANDIE MOVED BETWEEN the tables as her young art students bent their heads over their drawings. With Valentine’s Day approaching in the next couple of weeks, she had given them an assignment to draw what they loved the most. Some drew pictures of family. Others of a pet. One boy furiously colored his drawing of a large plate of tacos. She patted him on his shoulder before moving to the next student.
“Miss Lowman?” Nellie in the back of the room raised her hand. “If we finish early, can we draw a second picture?”
Andie smiled and nodded, knowing that her favorite artist would not only finish her current picture but start a second and third for later. She had a feeling that art helped the shy young girl build up her confidence. “I have extra paper just in case.”
A knock on the door brought her attention from the class to the arrival of a visitor. The sight of Beckett filling the doorway brought her up short. Her heart thumped so loudly, she was sure the kids could hear it. She turned back to the class. “Everyone keep working on your drawing, and I’ll be right back.”
She walked out to the hallway where Beckett stood with Phoebe at his side, but kept the door open just in case her class needed her. “Beckett, I wasn’t expecting you.”
He brought out a large bouquet of white, red and dark purple peonies from behind his back. She accepted it and pressed her nose into the fragrant blossoms. “Thank you. They’re beautiful.”
“Their beauty pales compared to yours.”
She brought her eyes up to meet his. “Why are you here?”
He stayed silent and for a moment she tried to come up with the reasons why. Had he changed his mind about her? He glanced at the cast on her wrist. “I came to apologize.”
“For what?” For her injury? It hadn’t been his fault. Or for pushing her away? When he didn’t expand on it, she figured the flowers were a guilt offering. She gave a short nod. “I need to get back to my class.”
She started to walk inside when he called her name. She turned, and he reached for her free hand. “I’m not good with words like you are.”
“What do you want, Beckett?”
“I want you to come back a
nd work on the window with me.”
His words did nothing to ease the ache in her chest. She held up her arm with the cast. “I can’t exactly help with anything right now.”
“I know, but just having you there makes a difference.” He stared at his feet, and when he spoke it came out in a whisper. “I’ve missed you.”
This soft-spoken admission warmed her heart. “I’ve missed you too.”
A commotion from the class captured the attention of them both. She pointed toward the room. “I need to get in there before they stage a coup.”
“Could I see you later?”
He could see her every day if he wanted. She offered a small grin. “I’m teaching until three today.”
He glanced at his watch. “How about grabbing some dinner before we go work on the window? I could pick you up at your apartment about five.”
It almost sounded like a date. “Five o’clock.” She waved and watched him turn and leave.
When she returned to the classroom, she was met by whistles and cheers. A boy near the back raised his hand. “Are you going to draw your boyfriend?”
* * *
BECKETT HADN’T PLANNED on waiting for a table, and being in a public place where so much could go wrong made him antsy. Itchy. Russ had nailed it when he’d used that word to describe the feeling that he couldn’t set aside. Ants seemed to be walking up and down his spine, arms and legs. Phoebe walked beside him, turning when he did. Andie placed a hand on his arm. “It’s okay. We can go eat somewhere else.”
He glanced at her. This wasn’t how he’d intended for the evening to go. He had figured they’d have a nice dinner with a place that had tablecloths, then go work on the window. He gave a nod, conceding that waiting wasn’t going to help calm down his emotions.
They ended up at a small Italian pizzeria. When Andie walked through the door, the woman behind the counter exclaimed something in Italian and came around to kiss her on both cheeks. “Bella cara, how is your mother?”
“She’s doing as well as can be expected. Cassie’s wedding is coming up, so she’s been more high-strung than usual.”