by Syndi Powell
The woman glanced at Beckett and narrowed her eyes. “You’re the one who beat our Cassie in that contest.” She glanced at Andie. “Consorting with the enemy?”
“He’s a good man who beat Cassie fair and square.”
The woman gave a harrumph of disbelief, then looked him up and down. “Are you hungry?”
He gave a nod as Andie answered for them, “We’re famished, Lucille.”
The woman smiled widely at her and waved her hand at a few empty chairs. “Go ahead and take a seat. I’ll make you our best for your dinner.”
Beckett eyed Andie as she took a seat in one of the chairs. “We’re not ordering dinner for ourselves?”
“Lucille will make us an unbelievable feast. You won’t know how good until we take it home.” She rested her hand on his as he claimed the seat next to hers. “Trust me. My family has known Lucille and Sal since I was a baby.”
He liked the feeling of her hand on his, and when she started to remove it, he grasped her fingers in his. “The crazy thing is that I do trust you.”
Andie smiled back at him, seemingly pleased with his words. “Lucille has been known to hold on to a grudge, so don’t take her reaction to you too seriously. She’s very loyal to Cassie.”
“I could tell.”
Andie appeared to be studying him and considering her words. “There’s something I’ve been wondering. Why did you enter that contest? You don’t like attention, and yet you risked winning and gaining national recognition. Was it the money?”
“Part of it. After I split the winnings with the decorator, I used my share to hire a buddy of mine who needed a job, then expand my business.”
“And the other part?”
“That’s harder to explain.”
Andie glanced around the restaurant. “We’ve got time before our dinner is ready.”
He stayed silent, watching her. If he could trust her with the smaller things, he could trust her with this too. Finally, he sighed and gave a shrug. “A good friend of mine died, and I thought the contest would help me work through my grief.”
“And did it?”
He shook his head. “I missed Ruggirello all the more because he wasn’t there to see it.”
Andie put her hand in his. “I’m sorry.”
He reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. “It’s not your fault.”
“Still, I’m sorry that you lost your friend.”
As if sensing his discomfort, she changed the topic and they talked about the window. He shared how he’d learned to make straight cuts, but not the curved ones. Andie gave his hand a quick squeeze. “My guess is that Russ will have us practice the easier pieces first before tackling the harder curved sections. But if you can make those straight cuts, the curved ones will come after a while.”
“How much longer do we have for me to be practicing when we should be finishing this window?”
Andie smirked at this. “Are we on a deadline now?”
“Pattie told me that she’s almost convinced Russ to go on that cruise. I’d like to finish the window before they go.”
“That could be months.”
“Or a few weeks.” From the sound of things, Russ was ready to go along with his wife’s plans.
They sat for a moment as tantalizing aromas drifted out to them from the kitchen. Her belly grumbled, and she winced, putting a hand on her stomach. “Sorry about that.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I’m hungry too.” He stared at her. “I feel like I’m the one who needs to apologize.”
She sighed and put her wrist with the cast in her lap. “I told you. It was my own fault for breaking my wrist. If I had waited—”
“I meant about my first impression of you. I assumed that you couldn’t help me with the window, and I treated you rather harshly.” He winced at the memory. “I’m sorry for being such a jerk to you.”
“You weren’t.” He raised one eyebrow at this until she blushed and gave a short nod. “Okay, so maybe you were. But you’ve been nothing but a gentleman since.”
“I’m not good with people.”
“You’re better than you think. In fact, you see yourself much more flawed than you really are.”
“You sound like my therapist.”
“Is that such a bad thing? You’re so hard on yourself, but let me tell you what I see when I look at you.” She reached over and placed a hand on his cheek. “I see a man who has lived a hard life, but still strives to find beauty. You are a hero with scars, sure, but still a man who is noble and—”
“Andie, stop. Please.” He backed away, and she dropped her hand to her lap.
“I was only trying to tell you—”
“I know what you were trying, but believe me when I say those kinds of words don’t make me feel better.”
She brought her gaze up to meet his. “I don’t understand. Why not?”
“Because they’re not true.”
“But those words are how I feel about you.”
He backed up his chair, the screech of the wooden legs on the tile floor echoing through the restaurant. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”
“Beckett, don’t leave. You were doing fine.”
He looked over at her and then reached down to pat Phoebe, who had started to rub her snout on his leg. “It’s okay. I’m good. But can we change the subject?”
Andie nodded, but didn’t say another word until Lucille brought out their dinners packed in cardboard boxes and waved off Beckett’s money. “You treat our Andromeda well. That is payment enough.”
* * *
BACK AT ANDIE’S APARTMENT, she set the table with plates and silverware she pulled out of cupboards as he unpacked the food. In one of the bags, he discovered an antipasto salad with small plastic tubs of homemade Italian dressing. He opened the large box, and the smell of garlic and cheese made his nose twitch appreciatively and his stomach growl in anticipation. The pizza was followed by a container of spaghetti and meatballs topped with melted parmesan cheese and another of breadsticks stuffed with melted mozzarella. Beckett took one and bit into it. He almost moaned in delight.
Andie smiled. “I told you it would be good.”
Dinner held a calm atmosphere as they filled their plates, and conversation turned to the food and the work on the window that still waited for them. The knot in Beckett’s belly loosened, and he realized that his life could be more like this if he would stop pushing good things away. He could let go of the tension that seemed to surround him. This wasn’t Iraq where danger could come from any direction.
“Cassie’s wedding is next Saturday.”
Beckett brought his gaze up to Andie’s who looked at him with expectation. He grabbed his glass of water and took several gulps before he gave her a nod. “Yes, it is.”
She seemed to be waiting for him to say something. He glanced away for a moment, trying to buy some time to figure out what to tell her. When he brought his focus back to Andie, her eyes appeared a little sad. “You’re not going, are you?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Cassie would want you to be there.”
“Actually, she told me not to come if it would hurt you. That it would be better if I stayed away.”
He hadn’t meant to tell her that, but it was out there now. Andie twisted her napkin in her hands. “She doesn’t get to decide that for you.”
He glanced over her shoulder at the flowers he’d given her earlier. She’d arranged the blooms in a vase. He had wanted to see her, to apologize for how she had gotten hurt. Staying away from her seemed to hurt her even more though, than being near her. And yet, sitting here eating dinner with her, he mentally counted down the minutes until he could leave.
He placed his napkin beside his plate. “We should get ready to go soon to work on the window. I’ll help you clean up.”
He got to his feet.
She rose out of her chair. “Wait. There’s ice cream in the freezer for dessert.”
He raised an eyebrow at this. “You think I’m here just for food?”
“Why are you here?”
She watched him so closely, and he felt like fidgeting under her gaze. “I wanted to apologize.”
“You said that earlier.”
This woman wasn’t going to make it easy on him, was she? “I like being around you, but I’m afraid that I’m leading you on.”
“Where are you leading me?”
“I can only give you friendship.”
Andie bit her lip, her eyebrows furrowed into a frown. “Friendship.”
“But you want more than that.” He stated it as truth since he could see in her eyes that the idea of friendship wasn’t enough for her.
“You don’t know what I want.”
“A woman like you always wants more.”
Andie straightened at his words. “A woman like me?”
“You told me earlier what kind of man I was, so let me tell you what I see when I look at you.” He walked around the table and put a hand on her cheek. “I see a woman who is beautiful. Smart and talented. Kind. Compassionate. A woman who deserves to be loved completely by a man.” He dropped his hand. “But I’m not that man.”
Andie’s lips trembled, but her eyes stayed dry. “Maybe not today, but one day soon?”
The last word came out as a question, one that he couldn’t answer at that moment. “I don’t know if I can ever be.”
She took a deep breath as she massaged her forehead with one hand. “I don’t think I should go tonight to help with the window. I’ve developed a headache.”
“Andie—”
She looked up at him. “I wouldn’t be of any assistance. And I need to ruminate on what you’ve said.”
* * *
AFTER SEVERAL ATTEMPTS to make curved cuts into the glass, Beckett tossed the cutter on the counter. “I can’t do this.”
Russ propped his glasses on his forehead and stared at him hard. “You’re giving up way too quickly, son.”
“I keep trying to do what you said, but I’m messing it all up.” He hit his elbow against the table. “I should just quit.”
Beckett stood and stalked across the basement floor to the foot of the stairs. Phoebe joined him there, but he didn’t ascend. Couldn’t. Because deep down he knew this wasn’t about cutting the glass. He turned to face Russ. “I apologize. I’m in a mood.”
“I noticed.”
Russ rose and approached him, but Beckett took a few steps back. “Maybe I should take the dog for a walk and clear my head.”
“You’ll still be thinking about her.”
Beckett looked at the dog. “Phoebe?”
Russ cocked his head to the side. “Is that who you’ve been obsessing about since you got here this evening? And don’t tell me you’re not because I notice that she didn’t come with you.”
“I’m not obsessing.”
Russ gave a shrug. “Fine. Enjoy your walk. But if you don’t come back with a clear head, then our lesson is over tonight.”
“Fine.” Beckett plodded up the stairs with Phoebe leading the way. He fixed her leash to the collar and grabbed his coat. When he zipped it up, he noticed that Pattie sat on the couch in the living room with a ball of yarn, making what looked like the start of a blanket. He gave her a nod. “I’m taking Phoebe for a walk, but I’ll be right back.”
The dog gave a sharp bark to indicate her agreement with his plans. Pattie gave him a wave. “I’ll make some hot chocolate for when you return.”
He thanked her and headed out into the cold air. He pulled the collar of his coat higher to block the frigid wind. Maybe he should have brought his hat but he hadn’t expected to be taking the dog for a walk while at Russ’s house. And why was he? The dog seemed interested in sniffing snowbanks and ice patches, but little else.
He was here because he’d hoped to make amends with Andie, but had made an even bigger mess. He should have just kept his mouth shut. Kept his reservations and fears to himself. If he had, she’d be with him now. She’d probably cling to his arm as they walked, making jokes about how cold it was. And he’d feel a lot warmer than he did walking alone.
He kicked at a mound of snow, and Phoebe yelped as pieces of it crossed her path, startling her. “Sorry, girl. But I messed up big-time tonight.”
She glanced back at him, and he waved apologetically. “Maybe I should have taken you with us on the date. Maybe you could have given me a signal when my mouth started getting me into trouble.”
But if he had stayed silent about his doubts and worries, was that fair to Andie? It was like he’d said. She deserved a man who could give her everything, and Beckett wasn’t that man. No, the truth was better.
The truth according to whom though?
He returned to the house, stamping the snow from his boots on the porch before entering the living room. Enticed by the smell of chocolate, he entered the kitchen and found Pattie and Russ talking quietly, but their conversation ended when he got closer. Pattie smiled at him as she handed him a mug full of cocoa. “Why don’t you take a seat, Beckett?”
Receiving his own mug, Russ kissed his wife and headed back to the basement. Beckett watched his retreat and thought of following him. But Pattie insisted he stay.
“Thank you for the hot chocolate, ma’am. It’s pretty cold out there.”
She eyed him for a moment, then leaned against the edge of the kitchen sink. “Why didn’t Andie come tonight?”
“I told you, she had a headache.”
“So you did.”
Pattie continued to watch him, so he took a sip of the cocoa and winced as it burned his tongue. Before the next sip, he blew on it. Anything to stall for time since Mrs. Thorpe seemed to want him to talk. And he didn’t know what to say.
Finally, she took a seat across from him at the table. “She loves you, you know.”
He shook his head. She couldn’t love him, because she didn’t really know the truth about him. And if she did, she wouldn’t have anything to do with him. “She only thinks she does.”
“Russ told me the same thing when he first came back from Vietnam.”
Beckett started to stand. “Mrs. Thorpe, I don’t think—”
“Sit.”
“But I don’t need to hear about how Russ hurt you for years. I know that story.”
She kept her eyes on him, and he slowly slipped back into the chair. Once he was seated and watching her, she smiled at him. “You know Russ’s side of how things happened. And I’m sure that you identified with what he said because the two of you are so much alike. More than you’d care to admit, most likely.”
Beckett played with the handle of the mug, turning it first one way, then the other. “We’ve both been in combat situations, so we can appreciate what it’s like to come home.”
“That’s the thing. I don’t think you’re really home yet.”
The nightmares he had seemed to agree with her. Part of him had stayed in Iraq, and he didn’t know how or even if he could be whole again. “No, ma’am. Which is why Andie deserves better.”
“Yes, she does. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve you.” Pattie put her hands on the tabletop as if trying to appeal to him. “Beckett, the things you saw and what you did overseas is not you.”
“You don’t know what I did.”
“Not specifically, but I do know what was required of Russ to survive. The friends he lost. The men he killed.” She paused. “For years, he called himself a murderer. It’s why he drank.”
Tears sprang to Beckett’s eyes, and he had to glance away. It was as if she could see inside his head. “You don’t—” His voice broke, so he cleared his throat before continuing. “You don’t k
now what it’s like to see the light go dim in the eyes of the one you killed.”
“Did you have a choice?”
There was always a choice, but it had come down to either his life or theirs. And he’d fought to be the victor. “We were taking heavy fire from insurgents on a rooftop. If I didn’t take out the snipers, I’d lose my men, and that was not an option.” He ran a hand through his hair, wanting to forget but knowing he’d see the kid’s face in his dreams later. “The shooter I killed couldn’t have been more than sixteen. His little sister called me a murderer.
“They’re both a part of my nightmares.” His face. Her voice. Beckett closed his eyes and covered them with his hands. “I can’t escape it.”
“You are not a murderer. You are a good man.”
He peeked from between his fingers at Pattie. “But I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. You’ve just forgotten that part of you.” She rose and walked over to stand beside his chair. “Who went above and beyond to win the house renovation contest to provide a home for a deserving family? And then who used the prize money to hire a fellow veteran?”
When he didn’t answer, she continued, “Who cared for Andie when she hurt her wrist, rushing her to the hospital? Who brought me a gift when he barely knew me? And who has brought a purpose and a spark to my Russ as he retires?
“Don’t tell me you’re not a good man.” She placed a hand on his back. “And you deserve the love of a good woman like Andie.”
The tears he kept back started to choke him, and he coughed. Could she be right?
“Don’t let a chance like this pass you by.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ANDIE FUSSED WITH the hem of Cassie’s wedding gown. Never one to play princess or dress up very girly, her sister made a beautiful bride in the floor-length silk shantung mermaid-style dress. It clung to Cassie’s curves until it hit her knees, then flared out to the floor.
Cassie pulled the dress away from one hip. “Ugh, when can I change out of this?”
“Let’s get you married first. Where are your shoes?” Andie glanced around the room and found the empty box where they should have been. Despite Andie’s protests, Cassie had chosen to wear ballet flats instead of the heels that she’d found online. At least that was an upgrade to the tennis shoes her sister had chosen first.