Soldier of Her Heart

by Syndi Powell

  “Has your friend woken up?”

  Beckett shook his head. “Not yet, but the nurses say it should be soon. They think he’s going to recover.”

  Simon patted his back. “That’s good news, bro.”

  They talked a little more until a nurse entered the room and headed for Beckett. “He’s waking up, sir. You might want to go back to his room.”

  Beckett stood. He wouldn’t have minded taking his brother with him to see Lewis, but he had to do this on his own. “If you don’t mind hanging out here for a bit, I have a friend, Andie, who’s also driving down. I need someone to be here when she arrives.”

  “A girlfriend?”

  Andie couldn’t be described that way, but their complicated history would take too long to explain. “Be nice to her. And don’t stare. She’s quite the beauty.”

  When Beckett entered the hospital room, he found Lewis sitting up in the bed. The young man turned to look at him, blinking. “Lieutenant?”

  Beckett walked over and stood next to the bed, a hand on the rail. “Private Lewis.”

  Lewis clawed at the tube stuck in his nose, but Beckett stopped him. “Don’t do that. It’s helping you get your oxygen level back up.”

  Lewis dropped his hands onto the bed. “Why are you here?”

  “Because when one of my soldiers is in trouble, I want to be there.”

  Lewis’s gaze landed on the blanket covering him. “Am I in trouble?”

  Beckett looked steadily at the young man. “You tell me.”

  Lewis’s eyes filled with tears, and he fumbled with the edge of the blanket. He took a deep breath. “It was just one thing after another, you know? I lost my leg, and the doctors put me on these painkillers which helped for a little while. But then they didn’t. And I found if I chased them with a drink, it made me feel a whole lot better.”

  “Better?”

  Lewis looked up at him. “Calmer. But then that meant I was showing up at work drunk, and you can guess how well that went over. They fired me before I could get things under control.”

  Beckett knew all about trying to control what was happening. He sat in the chair. “What about your family? I thought at least one of your siblings would be here by your side.”

  “We’re not talking right now.” Beckett listened as Lewis described how he’d rejected his family’s many offers of help. “I couldn’t let them see how much of a mess I was. They kept saying how I was a hero, but I didn’t feel anything close to that. And then Jenny said she didn’t want to go out anymore. That I had changed, and she didn’t like the new me.”

  This kid’s story could have been his own if he had given up on himself. If he’d rejected the people around him. But Beckett hoped that he was now getting a second chance. The same as Lewis.

  “Losing my girlfriend was the last straw, you know? Felt like I couldn’t do anything right, so I thought why not just stop doing everything. Stop the nightmares. Stop the anxiety attacks. Stop all of it. I heard about how Spatz, Miller and Ruggirello died. Three good guys, and they’re gone. And I thought I’d just be one more.”

  Lewis kept his eyes down, as if afraid to see how Beckett would react. But he couldn’t judge the young man for grappling with the same thoughts he’d had. Beckett scooted to the edge of the chair. “And what do you think now?”

  “I don’t want to die.”

  The words came out softly, but they were said. Beckett believed him. He gave a short nod. “Good. I don’t feel like going to any more of my friends’ funerals.”

  Lewis looked up at him, tears tracking down the kid’s cheeks. “But I don’t know where to go from here. What am I going to do?”

  “How about you take it one day at a time for now?” Beckett reached over and put his hand on the young man’s. “And what if you think about coming to work for me in Michigan?”

  The young man had a ghost of a smile. “And take orders from you again?”

  “You have better plans?”

  Lewis met his gaze and shook his head. “No, sir.”

  * * *

  THE WAITING ROOM at the hospital had several groups of people congregating. Andie scanned the faces until she found a younger version of Beckett reading a magazine, Phoebe at his feet. She approached the dog and crouched down to put her hand in the thick fur. “Hey, girl. Where’s your owner?”

  “You must be Andie.”

  She looked up at the speaker. “And you must be Beckett’s brother. You have the same eyes.”

  He thrust his hand toward her. “Simon.”

  “Where is he?” She glanced around the room once more, but knew that he wasn’t there.

  “Visiting with his friend.”

  Andie took a seat next to Beckett’s brother. “I was shocked to get his call.”

  “No more than I was. I haven’t heard from him in six years, then out of the blue, I get a phone call from him?” Simon gave a low whistle. “I knew he must be in trouble if he was calling me.”

  “Is he in trouble?”

  Simon turned to look at her. “I think we’re both here to help him stay out of it.” He smiled so much like Beckett it made Andie’s heart long for him. “You know, he told me you were beautiful, but like usual he didn’t do you justice.”

  “Are you hitting on my girl?” Beckett stood a few feet from them.

  Simon held his hands up. “Just repeating what you told me.”

  Andie peered at Beckett. He looked different. Less burdened, in a sense. A weight taken off him. She stayed sitting, waiting to see if he would come to her. After all, he’d said he needed her. And she’d driven two hours to be here. He had to take these last few steps. Had to come to her first before she would let him back in.

  He gazed back at her. “Andie.”

  But he stayed standing where he was. Slowly, she stood and that seemed to be all the encouragement he needed. He rushed forward and pulled her into his arms. Pressing kisses into her hair. “Thank you for coming.”

  She took a step back from him, and he dropped his hands, then glanced behind her at his brother. “We’ll be back. Do you want something to drink, Simon?”

  “I’ll take something cold and sweet.”

  Beckett took her hand and they left the waiting room. “Where are we going?” she asked, still unsure if this was the right thing to do.

  “Somewhere with less prying eyes.”

  “Why?”

  He stopped to face her. “So I can kiss you without an audience.”

  She dropped his hand. His expression seemed to be questioning her. “So I’m just supposed to let you back in as if nothing has happened? Forget the tears and heartache? Then what? You change your mind, and I’m alone again.”

  She couldn’t give in so easily. Pattie might have let Russ come back, but Andie wasn’t Pattie. She had her own journey, one she’d hoped would include this man. But hadn’t he made it clear that he couldn’t be with her?

  “I know I’ve hurt you, Andie. I’m sorry.”

  “Those are just words. You’ve said them before.”

  He blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. His gaze was stricken. “What do you want from me?”

  She’d thought of her answer the entire car ride to Ohio. “You. All of you. Even the parts that you’re scared of.”

  He stared at her for a long moment. She had lost him again. She could see the panic fighting with another emotion. Love? She hoped it was, but she didn’t know which would win. And she couldn’t wait around for him to make up his mind. I’m strong. I’m capable. I’m enough.

  She held up a hand. “I’m glad you’re okay, but I don’t think I need to be here after all.”

  Turning on her heel and calling herself all sorts of names for hoping to believe it would be different this time, she started to walk away. But Beckett reached out and grabbed her
hand. She turned to look at it and at him. He caressed her hand with his thumb, the calluses sending shivers up her spine. “You’re wrong. I do need you.”

  “For what?” Again, he didn’t say a word. She reached up and put her left hand on the side of his face. “Tell me or I walk away for good.”

  He glanced around them. Nurses, doctors, patients, families walked alongside them in the hallway though barely looking at them. He turned back to her, taking a step closer. So close that she could feel the heat coming off his body. He peered into her eyes and framed her face with his hands. “I don’t want to be alone.”

  “You could have any woman. Why me?”

  He groaned and tipped his head back, staring at the ceiling. “You know I’m not good with words, Andie.”

  She wasn’t going to give in. He had to say the words. Had to prove that he was in it for the long haul this time. She admired Pattie for her determination and patience, but Andie couldn’t wait years for Beckett to be ready.

  It was now or never.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  LOOKING INTO HER EYES, which shone with wariness, Beckett knew this was going to be his last chance with Andie. He had hurt her before, but he’d realized that he needed her in his life. And not as a friend. He wanted to be her everything. She waited for the words. Deserved them. But he didn’t know how to tell her.

  She put her hand on his, then pulled them away from her. “Tell me, Beckett.”

  As he’d waited for Lewis to wake up, he’d thought about what he would say to Andie. And now that she was here, he couldn’t think of the speech he’d been rehearsing. She deserved to hear what was in his heart, so he took a deep breath. “I know I don’t deserve you. You should have a man who doesn’t come with my baggage. I’m damaged, and I don’t know if I can ever be completely healed. But I’m trying. And I’m all the better for knowing you.”

  He reached out and touched the ends of her hair that lay on her shoulder. “You make the scary parts inside me disappear. It’s like I’m not the man I once was, but someone I want to be. For you, I could almost be that hero you’re always talking about.”

  She smiled the warmest smile he’d ever laid eyes on. “You are my hero. Eventually, you will see the man you are when you look in the mirror. In the meantime, I’ll remind you every day that you are a good and honorable man.”

  He put his arms around her, wanting to crush her to him and never let go. “Don’t give up on me, Andie. I love you, and I don’t think I can let you go again.”

  “Then don’t ever let go. No matter what.”

  She reached up to press her mouth to his. He put his hands on her hips and pulled her closer, wrapping her tighter to him.

  He wasn’t going to let her go. He would hold on to her during the good times but especially the bad. He didn’t want to face a future without her.

  When he released her, he couldn’t stop touching her. He held one of her hands as they found a vending machine down the hall. He retrieved the coins from his jeans pocket one-handed and put them in the machine.

  Returning to the visiting room with the three drinks, they took seats next to his brother, but Beckett put his arm along the back of her chair, his hand buried in her hair. He knew that he didn’t deserve this third chance with her, much like he didn’t deserve the woman herself. He also knew that they had challenges ahead of them, but as long as she was by his side, he could face anything.

  * * *

  LATER THAT EVENING, Simon stretched on one of the beds in the motel room near the hospital. Beckett had hoped to have Andie to himself, but it had been good to spend this time catching up with his brother. Simon planned on returning home the next day, but Beckett knew that it wouldn’t be years before they talked again. He was going to fix this relationship too.

  Beckett turned to Andie and she pointed behind her shoulder. “I’ll just go to my room. It’s late, and I should let you both get some sleep.”

  “I’ll walk you to your door.” Beckett rose.

  She put a hand on his shoulder. “That’s sweet, but you don’t have to. I’m just across the hall.”

  Beckett couldn’t help but grin, after a glance at his brother. “I want to.”

  He told Simon he’d be back in a moment, then walked her across the hall and waited as she unlocked the door to her room. When she started to walk through, he slipped his hand in hers, not wanting to say good-night just yet. She turned to look at him. “What is it?”

  “It’s good to have you here, Andie. After everything that’s happened with us, I’d understand if things had gone differently.” He reached out and tucked a stray curl behind one ear. “There’s so much more I want to say to you.”

  “I’m listening.”

  He took a deep breath. “When I look at Lewis, I see where I might have wound up. What I might have done if I had kept pushing everyone away. Pushing you away.” He touched her cheek. “But I’m done with that. I’ve discovered that I can’t do this alone. And more important, I don’t want to. What I want is a family and friends, and especially, you, Andie. With you, I feel safe.”

  Andie looked at him, a tender expression on her face. “And with you, I feel more alive.”

  He stared into her eyes, hoping he could communicate everything he was feeling. It was a little overwhelming. “I can’t promise that things will always be easy. The anxiety attacks aren’t going to disappear as if by magic. And the dark moods might pop up now and then. But what I can promise is that when I’m afraid, I won’t push you away. I’ll hold out my hand.”

  “And I’ll be there to take it.” She squeezed his hand. “Together, we’ll get through this. No matter what.”

  “No matter what.”

  He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. Their kiss earlier might have been a start, but this one was like finally coming home. No more questions. No more back and forth. No more doubts. Just a man and a woman fitting all their pieces together so that nothing could break them apart again.

  * * *

  ANDIE HANDED HER purse over to the prison guard to be searched before she followed her sister into the waiting room. Usually it was Cassie who suggested that they visit their father, but Andie had been the one to suggest it this time. She needed to see him after everything that had happened between her and Beckett. Because maybe Cassie was right about her issues with their dad.

  Cassie nudged her as they took seats in the metal chairs. “Are you okay? You were pretty quiet on our drive here.”

  How could she describe how much better she felt? Some of it was taking the job at the gallery, but resolving the relationship between her and Beckett had set her emotions soaring. She felt free. Hopeful about an amazing future just waiting for her, but first she had to tie up the past. And that meant being here, talking to her father.

  Not to get his approval on any of the decisions she’d made recently. She’d waited too long already for him to give it to her, and now she understood she no longer needed it. No, this was about her taking back the power he seemed to have over her.

  She glanced at Cassie and nodded. “I’ll be better once this is over.”

  Her sister raised an eyebrow at her words. “What’s going to be over? What are you expecting to happen today?”

  Andie didn’t get to answer since their father entered the room. He looked even more stooped and doughy than he had the previous month. When he took a seat across the table from them, he didn’t say a word or have a glimpse at them. Just kept his head down.

  “Hi, Daddy.” Cassie couldn’t seem to let the silence continue. “You look...” Her voice trailed off. “How are you doing?”

  He shook his head, but kept his gaze on the table. Andie felt a twinge of sympathy. “What’s wrong, Daddy? Why can’t you look at us?”

  He raised his head and glared at Andie. “You shouldn’t have come here.”

  Cassie gasped. “Da
ddy, we wanted to see you.”

  “Why? So you can go home and feel better about your pathetic lives while your father rots in jail?” He lifted his hands and set them on the table.

  “And whose fault is it that you’re here?” Andie sat up straighter in her chair. He was acting like he was the victim here? No, no. Not on her watch. “And we don’t have pathetic lives. Cassie brought pictures from her wedding for you to see. And I just got a good job at a new art gallery.”

  Her father glowered at her. “Goody for you. I’m so glad to hear that you two get to move on.”

  Cassie started to huff, but Andie put her hand on her sister’s as if to protect her from their father’s words. “Yes, we’re moving on, and it’s a good thing too. You might have to stay in prison, but Mother, Cassie and I had to deal with the fallout of your crimes. We’re finally coming out from under the cloud that your conviction created over all of us.”

  “I didn’t—”

  Andie stood and stared down at her father. “I’m not finished talking. I can’t speak for Cassie, but I am done trying to live up to your impossible standards. Standards that even you couldn’t live up to, by the way.” She paused, not wanting to let her father see the tears that threatened. She cleared her throat. “It’s time for me to live my own life pursuing my dreams. I’ve finally found my perfect job and a man who loves me for who I am. And if you can’t be happy for me, then I won’t be coming back.”

  Cassie rose to her feet and clasped her wedding photo album to her chest. “And I won’t visit either.”

  Their father glanced between them. “You want me to cry now? Boo-hoo because you won’t see me? I didn’t want you to come here in the first place.”

  He rose to his feet and walked away from the table. Cassie glanced at Andie as if she were seeing her for the first time. “You were awesome. You didn’t back down or anything.”

  “It didn’t work though, did it? He left us.” She watched as the door closed behind her father and felt the first tear fall from the corner of her eye.