Soldier of Her Heart

by Syndi Powell

  “Think it’s time to move on?”

  He barked out a harsh laugh. “Move on to what?”

  “Happiness.”

  Derrick didn’t hide his annoyance. “Happiness is overrated.”

  “Says the guy who won’t give any nice woman he dates a chance.”

  Okay, that was true. He’d been accused of being a serial dater albeit it wasn’t the case. He purposely let his brothers believe he was out enjoying the wild, single life when he was still hung up on Hannah. It was better for them to think he couldn’t commit, instead of witnessing their pity if they knew otherwise.

  “I don’t need your opinion on how to live my life.”

  Dylan raised a dark eyebrow. “Aren’t you the first one to stick your nose in our business? You made sure to give me unsolicited advice when Kady and I started dating. And if I remember correctly, you managed to butt into Deke’s and Dante’s love lives, as well.”

  “I’m the oldest brother. It’s my job to put in my two cents.”

  “Even when it’s unsolicited?”

  Derrick lifted a shoulder. “Blame it on the cop in me.”

  “More like you want to be in control.”

  “Can’t help myself. I’ve got Mom’s genes.”

  Dylan snorted. “On that we can agree.”

  Derrick dug the toes of his boots into the sifting sand. Said in a quiet voice, “I was the first one to fall in love. The first one to talk about getting married. Now look at me. I work too much, don’t ever commit, as you endlessly remind me, and have to put a smile on my face to make our mother happy.”

  “Don’t beat yourself up. You tried to find her.”

  “A lot of good that did.”

  “You can’t blame yourself.”

  Derrick shot him a sharp look. “Really? Who else?”

  Dylan wisely kept his mouth shut.

  “She’s out there, Dyl. Somewhere, she’s out there.”

  Hannah Rawlings had been his first love. His only love. The one who got away.

  He glanced at his brother. “I was sure I had a good lead two years ago.”

  Dylan sighed. “You’ve searched for years. Never made any headway. Let her go. Give yourself a chance to grieve and then start embracing life. Get serious with a woman.”

  It wasn’t like the idea had never occurred to Derrick. There had been a woman once, but in the end, the memory of Hannah had overshadowed the budding relationship. Still, he’d ignored the idea of moving on. Until now.

  Recently he’d been rethinking his goals. Wondered what they’d look like without Hannah at the forefront. There was more to life and he was missing out by searching for a woman who didn’t want to be found.

  “For once I’m inclined to go along with that.”

  Astonishment flashed across Dylan’s face but was quickly gone. “Wise choice.”

  Was it? He closed his eyes. Shouts of laughter and conversation surrounded him. He’d come to Cypress Pointe this weekend at Jasmine’s summons—yes, he still jumped when his mother called—as did all his siblings. But this time was different. His mother was about to announce her engagement to a man he and his brothers had suspected of harboring a secret past. Turned out they’d been right, he had a shady history, mistakes he’d made after losing his wife and his way, errors he was currently atoning for by paying back the families he’d swindled more than a decade ago. Nevertheless, there could be more to him than they’d uncovered and even though Dylan still talked about investigating, Derrick had convinced him to drop it. The kicker? Derrick kinda liked James Stanhope. He too was intimately acquainted with regrets of the past. Sometimes it was okay to let it go.

  Could he do that with Hannah?

  A woman’s bubbly laughter floated his way and memories bombarded him.

  Bicycling to the beach under a blazing summer sun. Hannah’s riotous auburn curls shining, her hazel eyes filled with teasing merriment. They’d exchanged class rings junior year and she’d been excited to wear the necklace that held his ring around her neck. Every year they’d celebrated their birthdays on the same day. He’d always said she was the best birthday present he’d ever received.

  They’d started hanging out when they were eight or nine, became an item at thirteen and planned to run off and get married the day after their eighteenth birthdays. Except when he showed up that special morning to whisk her away, she was gone. Her entire family vanishing into thin air.

  If Hannah could, or wanted to, wouldn’t she have contacted him by now?

  That was the part that tripped Derrick up, because bottom line, the real reason he’d never found her might be because she didn’t want to be found by him.

  “What’s changed?” Dylan asked, drawing Derrick back to the conversation.

  “I guess seeing my brothers have fulfilling lives. Even Mom. After years of being a widow, she found love again.” He turned to his brother. “I want that.”

  “Then go for it.”

  Easier said than done. He’d only ever loved one woman in his thirty-five years on earth. Didn’t know if he had it in him to try with another.

  As if given a silent cue, the crowd started moving toward the gingerbread-decorated gazebo outlined in twinkling lights located just off the beach. Derrick and Dylan got up and followed the others. His mother and James stood in the center of the structure, his arm around her waist, his mother smiling into James’s eyes. Yep. Didn’t have to be a crack FBI special agent to realize it was time for the big announcement.

  Rather than hang around his brothers and their girlfriends, he lingered in the back of the crowd, staying in the shadows. The wind whipped through again. It was a cold January evening, even for Florida standards. They’d gotten together to usher in the new year, but when their mother asked them to stay a few extra days, they knew Jasmine Matthews was up to something.

  “Thank you for coming tonight, all our family and friends.” Jasmine’s eyes glowed with a barely contained joy. As Derrick glanced at the couples around him, he noticed a similar theme.

  The envy kicked up again.

  “As you know, James and I were lucky to find each other. And we’ve been even more fortunate to have your support.”

  A snort escaped Derrick.

  When he and his brothers had confronted James last autumn, they’d gotten two big surprises. One, James admitted his past as a con artist but confessed he’d been on the straight and narrow for a very long time. His mother ordered Derrick and his brothers to back off and they had. He kept waiting for one of his brothers to come up with a plan to break up the couple, but so far nothing had come to pass. At least nothing they were telling him since he’d landed on Team James.

  And second, they were going to gain a sister. James’ daughter Serena had become good friends with his mother. Which was a plus because that helped keep Jasmine from worrying about his private life. So if Mom and James got married, there would be one more sibling in the family. And even Serena had found her great love with Logan Masterson, the PI hired to dig up information on Stanhope.

  It was like the universe was conspiring against him.

  Weird, the thought of having a sister after a lifetime of brothers. But again, his mother was ecstatic and Serena was pretty okay, so he’d show up at his mother’s wedding and smile, even though he and his brothers would never shake their suspicions of the man she intended to marry.

  “I’m sure it won’t come as a news flash that we’re getting hitched,” she told the crowd.

  Cheers and claps echoed in the night.

  “So, mark your calendars for the second weekend in February.” She grinned. “The sooner the better.”

  Voices rose in celebration. His mother’s gaze caught his and with a small lift of her chin, she motioned him over. He skirted the outer rim of the crowd to find his brothers already behind the gazebo with their mother.<
br />
  “I have a request,” she said as the four circled her. Derrick could have sworn he heard Dante groan.

  She looked each of the grown men in the eyes. “I love you boys too much to decide who will give me away at my wedding. So I’ll leave the decision up to you.”

  “Are you sure?” Derrick asked.

  She cupped his cheek with her warm hand. “I’m sure.”

  After winking at him, she strolled away.

  Reaching into the front pocket of his jeans, Derrick withdrew a worn coin. He ran his thumb over the warm metal, the raised edges smooth after years of being handled.

  “Okay, guys. What do you say we decide who gives Mom away in the Matthews’ family tradition?”

  Dante rolled his eyes. “I hate this tradition.”

  “Poor loser?” Derrick asked.

  “No, so far I’ve been fortunate, but the anticipation is agony.”

  Dylan slapped Derrick on the back. “What do you say we let those two go first.”

  “Works for me.”

  “Heads,” Dante called.

  Deke shrugged.

  With a flip of his thumb, the coin sailed into the air then landed in Derrick’s palm. He looked at it for a long time, stretching out the suspense, a grin curving his lips.

  “Oh, for the love of...” Dante griped.

  “No worries, little bro. Heads.”

  Dante blew out a breath and turned on his heel.

  “Escaping so soon?” Deke called after him.

  “I’m going back to Eloise where it’s safe.”

  Deke turned back to the bearer of the coin. “Heads.”

  “You sure?” Derrick asked.

  “Let’s keep the good luck rolling.”

  Once again, Derrick made a show of letting the coin twist in the air. The wind picked it up, but after it came down, he winked at his brother. “Safe.”

  “Good,” Deke replied, then narrowed his eyes. “By the way, I’m onto you.”

  Derrick’s hand flew to his chest, and he projected an air of innocence. “Me?”

  Shaking his head, Deke walked away but not before Derrick glimpsed a small smile.

  “That just leaves us,” Derrick said to Dylan.

  “Why bother? The coin is double-sided.”

  “How do you know? You’ve never seen it.”

  Dylan sent him a really? glance. “My point, exactly. You wield that coin to do your bidding.”

  “Harsh.”

  “The truth.”

  “Then let me buck the system and call tails,” Derrick said.

  “Magnanimous of you.”

  With a chuckle, Derrick sent the coin into the air. It hovered. Dropped. Derrick eyed the metal and said, “Guess I had to lose some time.”

  “Let me see,” Dylan said, reaching for the coin. Derrick snatched his hand away.

  “Nope. Doesn’t work that way.”

  “So you really lost?”

  “You doubt me?”

  “You’ve been known to cheat.”

  Once again, Derrick went for hurt. “I’m wounded.”

  Dylan crossed his arms over his chest. “Yet you haven’t confessed.”

  Derrick shrugged.

  “Fine. You win.” Dylan took a few steps back, then turned to leave. A couple of minutes later Jasmine reappeared.

  “How did it turn out?”

  “We decided I’d have the honor of walking you down the aisle.” He puffed out his chest. “I am the oldest, after all.”

  “And this decision didn’t have anything to do with you manipulating the coin toss?”

  His eyes went wide. “How...”

  “You boys think you’re a step ahead of me.” She rolled her eyes. “That will be the day.”

  Barking out a laugh, Derrick hugged the woman who had loved him since birth, the woman he’d be pleased to give away in marriage.

  She pulled back, her eyes bright as she searched his face. “You’re okay with this?”

  “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” he said.

  “With the upcoming weddings and happily-ever-afters, I don’t want you to feel left out.”

  His chest squeezed tight. He knew his mother was referring to Hannah. “I’m okay, Mom.”

  She tilted her head. “Really?”

  “Yes,” he lied.

  While she continued to read him, he led her in the direction of the beach. “Yes, I’ve always been in love with her. And yes, I’ll continue to love her. But by her silence, Hannah’s made it clear she doesn’t feel the same way. I’ve tried to find her. Failed.” He ran a shaky hand over his closely cropped hair. “Maybe Dylan is right. It’s time to move on.”

  A bright sheen brightened his mother’s eyes in the bonfire light. “I know how much this hurts.”

  It did. Every day. But it didn’t change reality.

  He swallowed hard. Forced himself to believe the words he was about to say. “I’m ready. Probably should have been years ago.”

  “You never gave up hope.”

  “Sometimes hope isn’t enough.”

  At those words, his mother tightly hugged him. Then she stepped back and wiped her cheeks. “I’m happy about your decision. And that you’ll be here for the wedding.”

  “I have vacation time coming. And believe it or not, I’m happy you found James.” He lifted his chin in the direction of her fiancé. “Go enjoy your night.”

  “You promise you’ll be okay?”

  “Promise.”

  She frowned. “I worry about you. You talk a good game...”

  “Go.”

  At his directive, she made her way back to James, the smile from earlier returning to her lips.

  He glanced around the crowd, catching glimpses of his brothers and their girlfriends. He was the odd man out here. He’d head back to DC early, get some paperwork done and take off on his unwelcome vacation. It was going to be a long six weeks, but what choice did he have? Sit around his apartment and mope? The idea of a solo trip didn’t appeal, but he realized that maybe he was better off alone in the long run. In life.

  On that sobering thought, Derrick made his way to the water’s edge to escape the pervading good cheer. The surf rolled in at a steady pace as he approached. The scent of burning wood and wet sand should have relaxed him, but as he stared out over the dark horizon, his mind traveled elsewhere.

  Usually he kept himself so busy at work that he didn’t have time to dwell on the past. The pace in DC was hectic, and in his position as a special agent with the Federal Bureau of Investigation, he took every case he could. But coming here to Florida brought back memories he’d tried to block over the years. Even as they faded to black-and-white.

  He and Hannah had come up with the idea to get married while they were at the beach, shortly after high school graduation. Hannah had been talking about college and how she didn’t want them to be separated and before he knew it, they’d hatched a plan. It had been a night much like this, filled with promise and joy, but they’d been alone instead of in a crowd like the folks gathered here to celebrate with his mother. Seemed like it had always been him and Hannah against the world. He’d liked it that way. Didn’t need anyone else and neither did she.

  Excitement had gleamed in her eyes. She’d thrown herself into his arms for a kiss that sealed the deal. Two months until their birthdays and then they’d make things official.

  Until fate decided otherwise.

  He let out a sigh as he heard someone approach. He looked over his shoulder and spotted Dylan walking his way.

  “You going to be able to make it back in time for Mom’s wedding?” his brother asked.

  “Looks like I’ll have to now.”

  “Because you cheated.”

  He canted his head. “Like that’s a s
hocker.”

  Dylan chuckled. “You can get time off?”

  “Turns out I’ve accrued a month and a half worth of vacation time my superior is hounding me to take. He hates paperwork and wants me to lighten his load by going, in his words, anywhere.”

  “Have you made plans?”

  “I was thinking about hitting the road.” Dante had restored and modified a classic ’67 Challenger for Derrick. The same car that was a piece of junk when he’d arrived in Hannah’s driveway the day he’d discovered her gone...

  He’d jumped out of the car. Run up the brick path to the front door and rung the bell. Could barely keep still from the excitement coursing through him. After a few minutes of silence, he’d pressed the button again. And again. He’d moved to the large picture window and cupped his hands around his eyes to peer into the dark recesses of the house before stepping from the porch to walk around the house. No one out back. Stumped, he noticed the next-door neighbor watering her flowers.

  “Hey, Mrs. Gaines. Have you seen Hannah around?”

  The older woman frowned. “Heard noises last night. Couldn’t sleep, so I looked out the window to see who was making the ruckus. The family got in the car and took off.”

  That couldn’t be right. “In the middle of the night?”

  “There were some official-looking men telling them to hurry. Hannah and her mother were crying but they were pushed in the car and left.”

  Gone? Just like that?

  “But...”

  The neighbor shrugged. “Can’t tell you any more than that.”

  Derrick jerked when his brother spoke.

  “I asked where you’re headed.”

  He shook off the memories, including how his actions, and his father’s, in retrospect probably set events in motion. Maybe if it had been a normal breakup—still not a great scenario—he would have had closure. But his nature, to find answers, kept him hooked.

  “No destination in mind. Just get in the car and drive.”

  “Need a wingman? For part of the trip?”

  “Nah. I’m good.” He gazed over the water. “You’re right, Dylan. It’s time to let go. Maybe on this trip I can finally get rid of baggage from the past.”

  Dylan clamped his shoulder. “It’s a good idea.”