by G. , Whitney
Smiling, I nodded and he placed it onto my finger—kissing my lips as everyone around the table clapped. Minus Josh and Carter.
Josh was shaking his head, murmuring. “This is exactly why I need weed. Even my blood pressure is going up.” He stood up from the table and forced a smile. “Congratulations, I’ll be right back. I need to get something out of my car.”
Sean kissed me again and sat down next to me. “I’m glad you accepted.”
“I’m glad I did, too.” I smiled back and took his plate. “I’m going to get more dessert from inside. You want anything?”
“Another mini-waffle.”
“So, you’re a fan of breakfast food now?”
“Only because you made it,” he said, still smiling.
I got up and stepped into the house, looking at the ring. It was beautiful, and I immediately knew that between him and Carter, Sean was the safer choice; he wouldn’t hurt me.
As I was tossing a paper plate into the trash, I felt familiar hands gripping my waist and spinning me around. Carter.
“Yes?” I asked. “Are you done sulking now? Done growling at me and Sean?”
“I love you.” He held me still and looked directly into my eyes. “I fucking love you, Arizona, and I always have.”
My heart immediately raced, but I ignored it. “It’s a little too late for that now, isn’t it? My boyfriend just made a speech.”
“So? You don’t love him.” He held me tighter. “You just think you like him because he lines up with a few things on your ridiculous spreadsheet.”
“Then why did I just accept his promise ring?”
“Because I didn’t jump up and stop you.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “And you know it.”
“You can say whatever you have to say right now. As soon as you let me go, I’m going back to him. A man who actually feels something when we’re together—a man who’ll actually feel something when we have sex—”
“If you ever have sex.” He cut me off.
“Did you really just say that?”
“I did and I meant it.”
“Let me go. Now.”
“No.” He bit my bottom lip, preventing me from finishing my sentence. “I’ve loved you since fourth grade. Since fourth fucking grade.”
“Glad you finally have the timeline right.”
“Stop it, Ari …” He kissed me. “I just didn’t know it. You’ve been there for every moment of my life and I’ve been there for yours, too. I do love you, I am in love with you, and I also know you better than you know yourself.”
“No, you just think you do.”
He ignored my rebuttal. “If I’d told you that I loved you at that airport, you wouldn’t have gone to France. You would’ve stayed here, and I didn’t want that for you.”
What? My heart stopped, and I hesitated. “What about telling me after takeoff? You still could’ve told me the truth.”
“You had a layover in Los Angeles. You would’ve come right back.”
“No, I wouldn’t have.”
“Yes. You fucking would have, Ari.”
“Then what about—”
“The first week you were gone?” He shook his head. “When you were as miserable in the program as you first were? You would’ve come home for any reason—especially with me telling you that I loved you. You wouldn’t have tried to stay and do your best. You wouldn’t have pursued your dream at the best place possible, and you would’ve settled, possibly regretting it in the long run.”
I didn’t say anything.
“I regret not telling you sooner, but I sent you letters to try and get this across. Since you were ignoring me, I tried to—”
“Please leave.” I felt tears falling.
“Ari, please let me finish. There’s more I need to say to you.”
“No. I’ve heard enough, and I’m honored you put me before yourself, but … If you really love and respect me, you’ll leave. Right now.”
He looked as if someone had just sucked the life out of him. But he didn’t move.
So, I did.
Track 32. You Belong with Me (3:37)
Arizona
I shut myself in my room and grabbed a pillow off my bed—holding it against my face and screaming into it as loudly as I could.
I did it one more time for good measure, not bothering to wipe away tears. I couldn’t believe Carter’s reasoning for not saying ‘I love you back’. That didn’t make any sense. I mean, of course, I wanted him to tell me that he loved me back, but for him to assume that I would stay here and cling to him instead of pursuing my own dreams? To make it seem like I was that love-struck?
No, I would’ve left regardless of what he said. I would’ve—
I suddenly stopped the denial, as old memories began to play in front of me, one of the last serious relationships I’d had before Carter and Sean …
His name was Liam and he was supposed to be my soulmate. We were high school sweethearts and we were so cute together, that it made Carter sick. Literally. (He got a migraine after being our third wheel at the annual fair, after we kept calling each other “sweetie” and talking about our future together.) Anyway, I’d always believed in planning ahead, and although I wasn’t totally convinced, I decided to attend the University of Pittsburgh with him, instead of staying closer to home.
Three weeks later, I found out he’d been cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend and I became stuck with a college I never wanted, and a heartache that took over two years to heal.
Still in shock, I grabbed my laptop bag and pulled out the letters he’d sent. (I was originally planning to give them all back to him unopened on the last day of my trip.) I thumbed through them all and picked the most recent one, running my fingers along the phrase he’d written on the flap: “URGENT: Please read this, Ari.”
Dear Arizona,
I'm not going to bother with “pleasantries” or waste time telling you about what's going on at home with me because it doesn't matter. Not without you being here anyway.
So, I'll keep this short and to the point.
I didn’t mean one fucking word of what I said to you at the airport.
I do love you. I love you ‘in that way’ and it was much more than sex between us. I only wanted to make sure you left and pursued your dreams instead of staying back for me because I’ll always be here for you.
Always.
If I knew that what I said would make you give me the cold shoulder or stop talking to me, I can promise you that I never would’ve done it and I would take it back in a heartbeat.
Not talking to you for a few days was different.
Not talking to you for a few weeks was torture.
Not talking to you for MONTHS was (and still is) unbearable.
You’ve always meant the world to me, but it didn’t hit me just how much more you meant, until you were gone …
I go to sleep, reaching for you—wanting to hear your voice before I shut my eyes. I wake up hoping to have you in my arms, and there are only so many days that I’m going to be able to stay sane without you …
For years we’ve joked about why I can’t last with anyone else for more than six months, and the answer has been right in front of my face all this time: You.
I’m pretty sure it’s been you since fourth grade, because now, more than ever, I know that I’m supposed to be with you, and you’re supposed to be with me.
You belong to me, Ari, and you always will …
You’re more than ‘just’ my best friend, and I never want to be ‘just friends’ again.
Sincerely (in love with you),
Carter
I cried.
I re-read it a few more times, my heart racing with every word.
I re-folded it and stood up, heading back downstairs to the party. I needed to talk to Sean alone and get the hell away from all my friends and family, so I could re-read the letter again before deciding what to do.
Sean’s eyes met mine as soon as my feet hit
the grass, and he rushed over. “Whoa,” he said. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you crying? Do we need to go?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “Please …”
“Okay.” He wiped my tears away, waiting for me to stop. Then he forced a smile and put his arm around my waist.
Out the corner of my eyes, I saw Josh shaking his head at me, saw him seething at me, like he was Carter.
I ignored him and gave my mom a hug in the kitchen—avoiding her “What’s wrong with you?” expression.
Sean grabbed my bag and we walked into the living room where a few of my other friends were.
“Leaving already, Ari?” Nicole asked.
“Yeah … I’ll be sure to hit you up tomorrow, though.” I walked over and gave her a hug. “Thank you, everyone, for coming. It was good seeing you again.”
I gave everyone else hugs, noting that Carter was thankfully long gone.
I got into the rental car with Sean and turned my head toward the window—not saying anything.
“Um …” Sean sounded confused. “Where exactly are we going? All of our stuff is inside …”
“Just drive …”
“Okay …” He placed his hand on my knee and squeezed it, making me feel anything but aroused. I felt guilty and wrong.
He drove around mindlessly for nearly an hour—repeating some of the same streets over and over, and when I was finally able to think straight, I turned to face him.
“Can we stop there?” I pointed at Gayle’s.
“Are you hungry?”
“No, I um …” I paused. “I need to talk to you.”
“Is it about us?”
“Something like that …” I took a deep breath as he pulled into the parking lot.
He held the door open for me and we walked inside together.
I started to walk toward a booth in the back, but I spotted Carter, Josh, Nicole, and a few other people sitting across the room.
Of course, they would think to come here afterwards, too….
I shot them all a short wave, and Carter’s deep blue eyes met mine.
Sean pressed his hand against the small of my back and led me over to a table, but I couldn’t stop looking at Carter.
“Ari?” Sean asked. “Why does it look like you’re going to cry?” He pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to me.
“I’m okay …” I realized Carter wasn’t taking his eyes off me, either.
“What do we need to talk about, Ari?” Sean asked.
“Us …” I answered him without looking at his face. “I don’t think—”
“You don’t think what?”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to keep that promise I made at the party.”
“Which part? Why aren’t you looking at me?”
“The whole thing, and I’m very sorry …” I noticed Carter standing up and walking over to us. “You’re a great guy, and I think you’ll make someone very happy one day, but—”
“I’m going to try this one more fucking time.” Carter stepped in front of our table, cutting me off. “Arizona Turner, I love you, I am in love with you, and I don’t give a fuck if you’re wearing some other man’s promise ring because what you have with him, doesn’t have shit on what you have with me.”
“Excuse me?” Sean looked at Carter, livid. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Can you not see she’s here with me?”
“Not for much longer.” Carter kept his eyes on mine. “I sent you a letter every week telling you how I felt, telling you I didn’t mean any of what I said at the airport … I’ve already spent over six months without seeing you, without touching you, and I’m not letting you go back to France without at least talking to you—without telling you everything that I have to say.”
“Is this shit really happening?” Sean stood up, clenching his fists. “Do you not see me standing here? You think you can just talk to my girlfriend without my permission?”
Everyone in the diner was now silent and staring at the three of us.
“Ari …” Carter stepped even closer to me, reaching down and running his fingers through my hair. “I want you back … I need you back …”
“Let’s go, Ari.” Sean looked at me as he moved around the table. “We need to finish our conversation without this desperate asshole interrupting it.”
I didn’t get up.
“Ari?” He looked shocked. “Ari, are you seriously considering whatever this asshole is talking about? He’s been nothing but rude to you since we got here.”
“I’ve only been rude to you,” Carter countered, eyes still on mine.
“Ari, if you don’t leave with me right now, I’m going straight to the airport and I’m not coming back,” Sean said. “I also won’t be forgetting this shit anytime soon in France when you go back … What’s it going to be?”
I opened my mouth to answer him, but Carter pulled me up and pressed his lips against mine—kissing me as tears fell down my face, as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. At that moment, no one else in the diner existed.
It was just me and Carter.
The guy I was in love with, the guy I’d loved for most of my life.
When we finally broke away, I looked over at Sean—to offer an apology, but he was long gone. The other patrons were looking at us with fascination and I blushed as Carter kissed me again.
“I read your letter …” I said softly. “You were right …”
“I usually am.”
I narrowed my eyes at him and he smiled, whispering against my mouth. “Let’s get out of here …” He pulled me against his side and led me to his car. Taking my hand in his, he looked over at me. “Were you going to go the rest of this trip without saying anything else to me?”
“I was going to come to your house tonight, after I broke up with Sean … You kind of interrupted my break-up speech, though. Pretty sure he’ll be smearing my name around all over campus whenever—”
He cut my sentence off with a kiss. “I know it’s been a while since we’ve been together, Ari, but the rules are still the same. I don’t want to talk about anyone else when I’m with you, and since I only have four days left before you fly back, I damn sure don’t want to waste one second talking about your ex-boyfriend.” He kissed me one last time before speeding off into the night.
We made it to his place in record time, and as soon as we were out of the car, his lips latched onto mine and we stumbled up the driveway and into the house with our lips still attached. Knocking over a lamp and a side table, we made it into his bedroom and he immediately pulled me onto his bed.
He took off his shirt and started to unbutton mine, but I grabbed his hand. “Wait, Carter … Wait …”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing …” I looked into his eyes. “I just … I want to know if …”
“Ask me …” He kissed me, a knowing smile on his lips. “Ask me, Ari ...”
“No … I guess it really doesn’t matter.”
“It does.” He pulled off my skirt. “Ask me if I’ve been with anyone else since you’ve been gone.”
“Have you?” I asked, forcing a weak smile.
“No, Ari …” He gave me a reassuring kiss as he unsnapped the front of my bra. “I haven’t, and I’d like to keep it that way forever …”
“And what happens when I go back to France?”
“You take the spam filter off my goddamn emails and answer me whenever you get a chance.” He unbuckled his pants and let them fall to the floor. “You also invite me up to visit once a month.”
“Can you afford to come that often?”
“I can’t afford not to …” He lay down in the bed and pulled me on top of him. “Are there any other questions?”
“Yes.”
He raised his eyebrow, waiting for me to say it.
“What’s your new tattoo?” I looked at his arm, and he smiled—holding it up for me to see. “You’ve always had that Arizona State tattoo …”
<
br /> “The state, yes…” He pointed to the cursive script underneath it. “Your full name, no …”
I blushed. “I got drunk in France one night when I was crying over you, and I went into a tattoo bar by myself … I must’ve really been talking shit about you, because the technician misinterpreted what I wanted.” I lifted my right arm, showing off the small spot next to my breast where a cursive “Sincerely, Carter” was etched into my skin.
Smiling, Carter traced it with his fingertips. “I love this … Are there any more questions?”
“Yes … I have one more.”
“Okay.” He gripped my hips, and positioned me over his cock. Then he slowly sucked one of my nipples into his mouth. “I’m listening …”
“In your last letter to me, you said you’d loved me since fourth grade … Not fifth grade like you normally try to assert … Do you really think that, timeline-wise, or did you just say that because you knew that would get to me and make me cry?”
“Arizona Turner …” He slowly pulled me down against him—filling me inch by inch, making me moan as he swirled his tongue against my chest. When he was completely inside of me, he held me still and looked into my eyes. “For the record, and the very last time …” He drew my bottom lip into his mouth. “I hated you in fourth grade—absolutely fucking hated you …”
I moaned as he caressed my back with his palms.
“For the first semester anyway …” he whispered. “I did like you a lot more when we became friends. I liked you a lot … But after looking back, yes, I promise that I loved you then …” He slowly let go of my bottom lip. “I love you now.” He kissed my lips until I was utterly breathless. “And I always will …”
—
The End
I’ve placed the extended epilogue to this story— Sincerely, Arizona, at the end of this book with Forget, You, Rachel, which is the extended epilogue to the next book in this collection.