The Lost Souls

by K. D. Worth

  “Um,” Tristen began, glancing back at Heather, as if getting an okay from her. She nodded, and then he faced me again, twiddling his folder. “We’ve seen shades here and there, Max. What should we do about that?”

  I had seen a few too, but like the time Kody was in purgatory with Slade, they lingered in the distance, waiting. None of them had approached me. “If you run into a shade, just tell them that help is on its way and continue delivering your charges.”

  It was the best plan I could come up with, because Kody would come back.

  He had to, right?

  “You actually want us to tell the shades help is on its way?” Heather said, twirling her blonde hair around one finger, looking sad but determined. I knew what she planned to say before the words left her mouth. “It’s been a month since we’ve seen Kody or Slade.”

  “I don’t care if it’s been ten months,” I snapped.

  Please, God, don’t let it be that long!

  “Max,” Heather began again.

  I shook my head, tired of this conversation. “No. His ring is warm.” I didn’t know why I had to keep repeating myself. Why couldn’t they just believe me that Kody would come back? “He wouldn’t leave us like this. He’s the Healer.”

  “But….”

  “No!” I gave a sweeping gesture of finality. I did not have the strength to face the constant barrage of doubts, not with my own faith wavering. Each day that passed, it became harder and harder to remain positive that I would see the other half of my soul again.

  My friends were all staring at me, squirming and uncomfortable.

  I sighed and steeled up my convictions, needing to remind myself of what had to be true. “Don’t tell me someone wrote a prophecy hundreds of years ago about a kid helping forty-three random people and a couple dozen shades and wraiths. All this was just about that day at Union? No.” I refused to believe that. “I’m his protector, and I am protecting him. And your job is reaping, so go out and reap people and take them to heaven. Business as usual until Slade gets back and tells us otherwise.” I gestured to the desk elaborately. “Obviously he’s telling us business as usual, because our assignments are still arriving.”

  “Okay,” Tristen said, his condescending tone making me want to cry.

  I balled my fists in frustration, wanting to hit something. Why couldn’t they just believe me?

  Kody, where are you? I prayed. Why aren’t you coming back to me? I’m trying to be strong, but it’s not easy! I need you back here. These people—this world needs you. We all need hope and you’re it.

  I had a moment of déjà vu when everybody took the assignments I handed them. The awkwardness in their demeanor was just like it had been the first time Kody left me, when he’d been in purgatory with Slade.

  Of course none of them knew what had happened back then, only Meegan, and she was gone too. They just assumed “Silly Max” had saved the first boy he kissed instead of reaping him, and Slade took him to heaven anyways. And now “Silly Max” didn’t want to admit the obvious.

  That Kody was gone like Meegan.

  But dammit, Kody’s ring was warm, whereas Meegan’s had gone cold. And I could still feel him inside me. All of that meant something. I couldn’t give their awkwardness any steam. I had to stay strong and do what Slade told me.

  I had to show faith.

  I hadn’t shed a tear since Kody had gone, and though the familiar stinging sensation threatened me now, I fought it down. The magical well of light was still inside me, his ring was warm.

  He was not gone.

  It might not be a lot to go on, but it was more than a mustard seed. The Bible said all a man needed was faith the size of a mustard seed and he could move mountains.

  I didn’t want to change geography. I just wanted my boyfriend back.

  Brushing at my face, and forcing composure, I faced Dan, the last reaper in line. “I don’t have a folder for you,” I told him.

  “Why not?

  “I want you to come do something with me. Though I’m not sure it’ll even work.”

  “Okay.” Dan nodded, not questioning me like I would’ve if the tables had been turned. He was far more patient than I’d ever been.

  It was strange how Dan had become my confidante, but I imagined Meegan was up there, smiling that secretive, impish smile of hers, patting herself on the back for bringing the two of us together as friends.

  “So what are we doing?” Dan asked after everyone teleported out of the office.

  “Going to the human realm.”

  He eyed me dubiously. “Without orders?”

  “Slade’s not here to say no.” And I thought he might approve of my plan anyway.

  “Meegan was right that I would need to keep an eye on you,” he said with a sniff of laughter.

  My head cocked to the side. “What do you mean?”

  Dan squirmed guilty. “Um, well, Meegan asked me to keep an eye out for you a little longer.”

  “What? Meegan told you she was crossing over?” I could hardly hear myself think as a million questions and emotions warred within me… anger, jealousy, and most of all, hurt.

  Dan raised his hands defensively, eyes wide. “It’s not like that, at all. Meegan wanted to leave for a long time.”

  Slowly my pulse calmed and I nodded. “Yeah, Slade said something like that.”

  “No, I don’t think you understand,” Dan said sincerely. “She wanted to leave long before you arrived.”

  “What?”

  Dan’s face softened, and he let out a sigh. “Meegan was the only person from my era when I arrived. Everybody was way older than us and ready to move on. Don and Shirley from the ’30s left together. And Mike and Joey were a couple too. They were ’50s hot-rodders who died in a car accident together, became reapers together, and then moved on together.”

  Though I was incredibly excited to hear about another pair of gay guys who worked for Slade and went to heaven together, we’d circle back to that later.

  I was more interested in Meegan.

  “Meegan and I had been together for a while, but—”

  “How long is a while?” I asked. Meegan had only told me the day she left that she and Dan were even an item.

  “Ten years.”

  “What?”

  “It wasn’t like we were, like, a regular thing. I guess people your age call it a booty call.”

  “Kind of like you have with Jake?”

  “No,” Dan said contemplatively. “That’s different. Meegan and I, well? We weren’t really friends. A few years before you came, we got an entire new team. All the old-timers left, Tristen and Sarah came, then Kelli. And boom, boom, Jake and Heather arrived right after Mike and Joey left. I guess with everyone leaving, Meegan was thinking she wanted to go too. Did you know she had a little brother?”

  Everything coming out of my mouth was on a loop. “What?”

  “She never knew him, not really. He was a SIDS baby who died when she was only two. But she used to tell me how she missed out on having a little brother and wanted to finally meet him. And when she told me she was going to cross over… I kinda lost my shit,” Dan admitted with a wince. “I didn’t want to be stuck with all these people I didn’t know, with no real friends and the only person from my generation gone. I convinced myself I was in love with her but ended up just pushing her away. I was so paranoid she would leave. And then you came. You were the little brother she’d always wanted. And if I can be honest, I was horribly jealous of your friendship.”

  Not wanting to burst out what again, I simply stayed quiet and listened.

  “She stayed as long as she did because she loved you. I understand how much you miss her. Believe me, I really do. But she got to help her little brother here, and now she finally got to meet her other one.”

  I wiped my face with the back of my hands, not surprised, but definitely irritated, to find moisture there. Meegan was my best friend, but she had never told me any of this. Yet it all made so much s
ense. I was the little brother she’d always wanted. She must’ve felt a kinship to Britany and cashed in whatever second-chance reaper miracle she had under her sleeve. Maybe she didn’t want Britany’s parents to lose both of their children like hers had. I’d always thought Meegan was an only child. But everything was so clear, now that Dan had given me the rest of the story.

  “Thanks for telling me,” I said.

  “You’re welcome.” Dan offered me a smile. “So what are we doing in the human realm without permission?”

  Grateful for the subject change, I was eager to enact my plan.

  “I’ll tell you when we get there. C’mon, let’s go.” I touched his arm and teleported us to a human street. As Dan looked around, I studied him. “Do you think you’ll miss this job? You know, when you leave?”

  “Yeah, I’ll miss a lot of things. But I’ll keep my promise to Meegan to help you guys. And well? I don’t think I’m ready yet. When Meegan left, I thought I was, but… I don’t know now.”

  “Yes, I suppose we all know when it’s the right time.”

  “And Jake needs me,” Dan added. Then he shrugged. “Maybe the whole team does. I mean, none of you could figure out that Herman wasn’t a real cat. I mean, duh. It’s so obvious.”

  I chuckled at that. “We do need you. You were kinda badass with the crossbow, you know?”

  “Thanks. So?” Dan dragged out the word as we headed down the street. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, then shot me a quick glance before he asked, “How is it that you’re so sure Kody’s coming back?”

  I’d hoped Dan would not ask me that question, because I could not explain it in mortal or reaper means. I slowed to a stop and turned to look up at the older boy. “I just know.” I patted my heart and Kody’s opal ring glinted in the sunlight. “In here.”

  I had taken to wearing Kody’s ring on my left third finger, like a wedding band. If anyone noticed I was sporting three rings, they didn’t say anything. And I didn’t point out that the metal of Kody’s ring had shrunk to fit my hand perfectly either. It was there, waiting for him to come back, just like the heat and warmth inside me waited to reconnect. My body was warm to the touch too, as if we were lying together naked, intertwined in each other’s arms.

  Dan studied me for a moment, then silently nodded. “Fair enough.”

  “Dan?” I held up my hand. “Touch my skin.”

  Brows furrowed curiously, Dan did as I asked. The second he touched the back of my hand, he recoiled as if burned. “Your skin is hot. How is that possible?”

  “Because Kody’s not gone.”

  Dan made a contemplative face and said nothing.

  I led us down the sidewalk to a tattoo parlor on the corner.

  “Are you getting a tattoo?” Dan asked incredulously.

  “Well, I’m hoping to. I’m warm, so I shouldn’t freak the person out. And even if I do, some of these tattoo people are into the weird, so they might not mind being freaked out.”

  “But when you change back into our natural form, will it go away? And frankly couldn’t you just conjure one on yourself anyways?”

  I shook my head. “It wouldn’t be the same.” I don’t know why I believed that so strongly, but I did.

  “What are you going to get? Kody’s name?”

  “You’ll see.”

  MAX—Chapter 20

  FORTY DAYS had passed since the events at Union College.

  Forty long days and forty even longer nights.

  I still felt Kody’s warmth inside me, but it was getting harder and harder to keep the faith I would see him again in this realm. As the days dragged on, when I went on assignment, I almost never encountered a shade or wraith. A sad truth that led me to believe Kody was not in purgatory or even connected to our realm any longer.

  Were shades not looking for Kody because they knew he was in heaven?

  Hell, I wish I knew.

  As every day passed without a sign, more questions plagued me.

  Have faith, Slade had said.

  I’m trying.

  Lying in our bed—it was impossible to think of it any other way—I stared up at a cobweb in the corner of the ceiling. Sarah had said Slade created these little details in our home to remind us all how fleeting things could be. I glanced down at my tattoo, healed and perfect. Contrary to Dan’s theory, the ink did not fade as I switched forms.

  Like Kody’s mark on my heart, the ink remained. A permanent part of me now. And as long as my consciousness existed, it would be connected to Kody… wherever he was.

  Kody had pinky promised he would return. Though our own personal vow, how could something so childish have any power with celestial forces in play? Was our time together fleeting? I felt the light power inside me, and the heat of his opal ring, but what did it all mean?

  Maybe my friends were right. Maybe Kody had moved on to the next world, like Meegan had.

  If that was the case, shouldn’t I go too?

  Dan told me each of us knew when it was time to go, and as much as I wanted to see Kody, I couldn’t be sure if it was my time.

  What if I moved on and he came back?

  And was I even ready to leave this world? Meegan had finished everything she needed to. In me, she got to have the little brother she’d never had. She made sure Kody and I had our magical honeymoon. She made sure Dan was here to take care of us, because maybe they both knew he wasn’t ready to leave either. She even helped Britany. There had been no unfinished business for her when she passed on.

  Old people always talked about having a bucket list, but I’d never really thought about mine. I enjoyed being a reaper, but without Kody, it wasn’t the same. I didn’t sleep anymore either, and I couldn’t recall the last time I’d bothered to eat.

  Was all that a sign I was ready to move on?

  Maybe if I made a list of all my unfinished business, I could find an answer.

  A sudden surprising urge to visit my parents struck me. While I had understood Kody’s need to do so, I hadn’t felt the desire in a very long time.

  Yes, that seemed like something on a bucket list, saying goodbye to my parents.

  Before I changed my mind, I reached out into the universe for my mother’s presence and teleported myself.

  I reappeared in an unfamiliar living room.

  So Mom didn’t live in the same house anymore.

  Interesting.

  I didn’t sense Dad around, at all.

  That should’ve surprised me, but it didn’t.

  Mom’s condo was pristine, white and tidy. My graduation picture and a few of her favorite pics of me decorated one wall, but it didn’t seem creepy or shrine-like.

  When the refrains of “You’re the One That I Want” reached my ears, a stab of agony and joy ripped through my body.

  I sucked in my breath when Mom rounded the corner, completely unaware her son stood in the middle of the room watching her. She had a headset around her neck with earbuds, listening to music as she carried a load of laundry.

  “You look happy,” I said.

  Once upon a time when I would visit, her happiness hurt me, but I could not help but smile today. She had lost weight, not that she’d ever been big, but she looked strong, like she was working out. And she’d let her hair completely grow gray. I ran through some calculations in my head as to how long I’d been dead and how old she might be today. I hadn’t known how prematurely gray my mom had gone, but I knew back in the day she was always coloring her hair. She looked beautiful with gray hair softly curling around her chin.

  I left almost as immediately as I came. I didn’t want to stay and see any more.

  She was happy.

  Was she truly, deeply happy? How would I ever know? But I wanted to remember her just like that, happy and smiling.

  Humming a song from Meegan’s favorite movie.

  I hesitated only a moment before I reached out for my father’s presence. The connection wasn’t as strong as it was to Mom, and it took me a moment to f
ind him.

  I rematerialized in an outdoor restaurant. The sound of a boat whistle and the crashing of waves had me looking around. The distinct smell of the ocean caught my attention too, salty and muddy with a strange greenness mingled with fish. I was in a restaurant on a marina. Colorful lights hung above the patio, twinkling in the night. The décor was picnic tables and mismatched patio furniture, and a band played in the corner. It was somewhere I could picture Slade hanging out.

  I saw Dad sitting with a woman, younger than Mom… and with much bigger boobs. I forced down a frown, not wanting to judge until I had a better lay of the situation. I moved through the tables, careful to avoid touching anyone lest my cold reaper form disturb them. Something big and sparkly caught my eye.

  A diamond on the woman’s left hand.

  So Dad’s getting remarried… or he already had.

  I hadn’t even paid attention if my parents had divorced, but somehow it seemed right. How could Mom have stayed married to a man who would not have loved me? I felt a surge of pride that Mom had taken my side. That was quickly followed by a twinge of sadness that a side had to be taken in the first place.

  Both of my parents had moved on.

  Maybe it was time I did too.

  Rather than return to the common room, or our lonely bedroom, I teleported myself to a place I had only been once.

  Kody’s earthly grave.

  The night was cold and silent, the moon providing plenty of light for my reaper eyes. The creepiness of being in a cemetery at night did not bother me when I shifted to human form. Frost-covered grass crunched beneath my feet as I approached a grave I had only seen from a distance. There was a headstone now, one with a bronze vase for flowers embedded in the center of the granite. A Christmas wreath lay on the grass, and when I looked around, I saw quite a few. Guess I hadn’t realized it was Christmastime.

  I turned my attention back to Kody’s headstone.

  Kody Ethan Michaels

  Our beloved son and brother.

  John 3:16 was very generically quoted too, along with his birth and death dates, all of it neatly inscribed inside an ivy filigree border.

  The stone represented nothing about the boy Kody had been. It was no different from any of the others littering the cemetery, nothing to distinguish Kody from anyone else. Couldn’t they have carved a deck of cards or a cupcake on it or something? The sterile simplicity of it did not do justice to the complex person I loved.