Shopaholic and Sister

by Sophie Kinsella

  “I don’t know.” I give a dispirited shrug. “Maybe we can. I mean, we’ve gone twenty-seven years without knowing each other… ”

  “And you want to make it another twenty-seven?” Jim looks at me, suddenly stern. “Here’s the two of you. Neither of you has a sister. You could be good friends to one another.”

  “It’s not my fault… ” I begin defensively, then tail off as I remember my little speech last night. “Well, it’s not all my fault… ”

  “Didn’t say it was,” says Jim. He serves another two customers, then turns to me. “I’ve an idea. I know what Jess is doing tonight. In fact, I’ll be there too.”

  “Really?”

  “Aye. Local environmental protest meeting. Everyone’ll be there.” His eyes twinkle. “Why not come along?”

  FAX MESSAGE

  TO: LUKE BRANDON

  APHRODITE TEMPLE HOTEL

  CYPRUS

  FROM: SUSAN CLEATH — STUART

  6 JUNE 2003

  URGENT — EMERGENCY

  Luke

  Becky isn’t at the flat. No one has seen her anywhere. I still can’t get through on her phone.

  I’m really getting worried.

  Suze

  Nineteen

  OK. THIS IS my chance to impress Jess. This is my chance to show her I’m not shallow and spoiled. I must not fuck this one up.

  The first crucial thing is my outfit. With a frown I survey all my clothes, which I’ve strewn over the bed in the B&B room. What is the perfect environmental protest group meeting outfit? Not the leather trousers… not the glittery top… My eyes suddenly alight on a pair of combat trousers, and I pluck them from the pile.

  Excellent. They’re pink, but I can’t help that. And… yes. I’ll team them with a T-shirt with a slogan. Genius!

  I haul out a T-shirt that has the word HOT on it and goes really well with the combats. It’s not very protest-y, though, is it? I think for a minute, then get a red pen out of my bag and carefully add the word BAN. BAN HOT doesn’t exactly make sense… but it’s the thought that counts, surely. Plus I won’t wear any makeup, except a bit of eyeliner and some mascara and a translucent lip gloss.

  I put it all on, and tie my hair into plaits, then admire myself in the mirror. I actually look pretty militant! I raise my hand experimentally in a power salute, and shake my fist at the mirror.

  “Up with the workers,” I say in a deep voice. “Brothers unite.”

  God, yes. I think I could be really good at this!

  The protest meeting is being held in the village hall, and as I arrive I see people milling about, and posters up everywhere, with slogans like DON’T SPOIL OUR COUNTRYSIDE. I head to a table with cups of coffee and biscuits on it.

  “Cup of coffee, love?” says an elderly man in a waxed jacket.

  “Thanks,” I say. “Er, I mean… thanks, brother. Right on.” I give him the power salute. “Up the strike!”

  The man looks a bit confused, and I suddenly remember they’re not striking. I keep getting this mixed up with Billy Elliot. But it’s the same thing, isn’t it? Solidarity and fighting together for a good cause. I wander into the center of the hall, holding my cup, and catch the eye of a youngish guy with spiky red hair and a denim jacket covered in badges.

  “Welcome!” he says, breaking away from the group he’s in and extending his hand. “I’m Robin. I haven’t seen you at the group before.”

  “I’m Becky. Actually, I’m just a visitor. But Jim said it would be OK to come… ”

  “Of course!” says Robin, shaking my hand with enthusiasm. “Everyone’s welcome. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a resident or a visitor… the issues are the same. Awareness is as important as anything else.”

  “Absolutely!” I take a sip of coffee and notice the bundle of leaflets he’s holding. “I could take some of those back to London with me and give them out, if you like. Spread the word.”

  “That would be great!” Robin’s face creases into a smile. “That’s the kind of proactive attitude we need more of! What kind of environmental issues are you into particularly?”

  Think. Environmental issues. “Um…” I take a sip of coffee. “All sorts, really! Trees… and er… hedgehogs…”

  “Hedgehogs?” Robin looks puzzled.

  Damn. That only came out because I was thinking that his hair looks just like a hedgehog’s.

  “When they get squashed by cars,” I improvise. “It’s a real danger in today’s society.”

  “I’m sure you’re right.” Robin frowns thoughtfully. “So, are you in an action group specifically looking at the plight of hedgehogs?”

  Right. Change the subject, Becky.

  “Yes,” I hear myself saying. “I am. It’s called… Prickle.”

  “Prickle!” He smiles. “Great name!”

  “Yes,” I say confidently. “It stands for Protect… Really… Innocent… er…”

  OK. Maybe I should have chosen a word with an H in it.

  “Creatures…” I’m floundering. “… of all Kinds… including hedgehogs…”

  I break off in relief as I see Jim approaching, together with a thin, wiry woman dressed in jeans and a plaid shirt. This must be Jim’s wife!

  “Greetings, Jim,” says Robin with a friendly smile. “Glad you could make it.”

  “Hi, Jim!” I say, and turn to the woman with him. “You must be Elizabeth.”

  “And you must be the famous Becky!” She clasps my hand. “Our Kelly can’t talk about anything but you.”

  “Kelly’s really sweet! We had such fun today doing makeovers…” I suddenly catch Jim’s frown. “And… er… revisions for her exams,” I hastily add. “Lots of algebra and French vocab.”

  “Is Jess here?” Jim asks, looking around the room.

  “I don’t know,” I say, feeling the usual apprehension at the mention of her name. “I haven’t spotted her yet.”

  “It’s a shame.” Elizabeth clicks her tongue. “Jim’s told me all about it. Two sisters, not speaking to each other. And you’re so young! You’ve got your whole lives ahead to be friends, you know. A sister is a blessing!”

  “They’ll make up,” Jim says easily. “Ah. Here she is!”

  I swivel round and sure enough, there’s Jess, striding toward us, looking totally gobsmacked to see me.

  “What’s she doing here?” she says to Jim.

  “This is a new member of our group, Jess,” says Robin, coming forward with a smile. “Meet Becky.”

  “Hi, Jess!” I say with a nervous smile. “I thought I’d get into the environment!”

  “Becky’s special interest is hedgehogs,” adds Robin.

  “What?” Jess takes a few seconds to absorb this news, then starts to shake her head. “No. No. She’s not a member of the group. And she’s not coming to the meeting. She has to go. Now!”

  “Do you two know each other?” asks Robin, trying to put all this together. Jess looks away.

  “We’re sisters,” I explain.

  “They don’t get on,” says Jim, in a stage whisper.

  “Now, Jess,” says Robin earnestly. “You know our group ethos. We put our personal differences aside at the door. Everyone’s welcome. Everyone’s a friend!” He smiles at me. “Becky’s already volunteered for some outreach work!”

  “No!” Jess clasps her head. “You don’t understand what she’s like—”

  “Come on, Becky,” says Robin, ignoring Jess. “I’ll find you a chair.”

  Gradually the chatter abates and everyone sits down on chairs arranged in the shape of a horseshoe. As I look around the row of faces I spot Edie and Lorna, and several more people I recognize as customers from Jim’s shop.

  “Welcome, everyone,” says Robin, taking up a position in the center of the horseshoe. “Before we start, I have a few announcements. Tomorrow, as you know, is the sponsored endurance hike up Scully Pike. Can we have numbers, please?”

  About half the people there put up their hands, including J
ess. I’m half tempted to put mine up too, only there’s something about the word endurance that puts me off, not to mention hike.

  “Great!” Robin looks around, pleased. “Those of you attempting it, please remember all your gear. I’m afraid the weather forecast is not good. Mist, and possibly rain.”

  There’s a unified rueful groan, mixed with laughs.

  “But be assured, a welcoming party will be waiting at the end with hot drinks,” he adds. “And good luck to all participants. Now.” He smiles around the room. “I’d like to introduce a new member to the group. Becky comes to us with a specialist knowledge of hedgehogs and…” He looks over at me. “Is it other small endangered creatures, or just hedgehogs?”

  “Er…” I clear my throat, aware of Jess’s eyes on me like daggers. “Er… mainly just the hedgehogs.”

  “So, a warm welcome to Becky from all of us. OK. The serious business.” He reaches for a leather satchel and pulls out a sheaf of papers. “The proposed Piper’s Hill Shopping Center.”

  He pauses as though for effect, and there are murmurs of hostility around the room.

  “The council is still playing ignorant. However”—he flips through the sheaf with a flourish—“by hook or by crook, I have managed to get hold of a copy of the plans.” Robin hands the papers to a man on the end of the row, who starts passing them along. “Obviously we have a lot of major objections. If you could all study the material for a few minutes…”

  I obediently read the plans along with everyone else, and look at all the drawings. As I glance around, people are shaking their heads in anger and disappointment, which, frankly, doesn’t surprise me.

  “Right.” He looks around and his eyes alight on me. “Becky. Maybe we could hear from you first. As an outsider, what’s your initial reaction?”

  Everyone turns to look at me, and I feel my cheeks grow hot.

  “Er… well, I can see the problems straightaway,” I say tentatively.

  “Exactly,” Robin says with satisfaction. “This proves our point. The problems are obvious at first glance, to someone who doesn’t even know the area. Carry on, Becky.”

  “Well.” I study the plans for a second, then continue. “For a start, the opening hours are quite restricted. I’d have it open till ten every night. I mean, people have to work during the day! They don’t want to have to rush their shopping!”

  As I look around, everyone seems a bit stunned. They probably weren’t expecting me to hit the nail on the head like that. Encouraged, I tap the list of shops. “And these are rubbish shops. You should have Space.NK… Joseph… and definitely an L.K. Bennett!”

  No one has moved a muscle.

  Except Jess, who has buried her head in her hands.

  Robin appears dumbstruck, but makes a valiant attempt to smile.

  “Becky… slight confusion here. We’re not protesting about any of the features of the shopping center. We’re protesting about its very existence.”

  “I’m sorry?” I peer at him, uncomprehending.

  “We don’t want them to build it,” says Jess in extra-slow, sarcastic tones. “They’re planning to ruin an area of natural beauty. That’s what the protest is about.”

  “Oh.” My cheeks flame. “Oh. I see. Absolutely. The natural beauty. I was… actually… er… just about to mention that.” Flustered, I start riffling through the plans again. “It’ll probably be quite a danger to hedgehogs, too,” I say at last. “I’ve noticed several hedgehog hazard points. Or HHPs, as we call them.”

  I can see Jess rolling her eyes. Maybe I’d better stop now.

  “Good point,” says Robin, his smile now a little strained. “So… Becky has shared some valuable hedgehog safety concerns. Any other views?”

  As a white-haired man starts to speak abut the desecration of the countryside, I sink back down into my chair, my heart thumping. I’m kind of glad I didn’t mention my other major concern about the shopping center now. Which was that it isn’t big enough.

  “My worry is the local economy,” a smartly dressed woman is declaiming. “Out-of-town shopping centers ruin rural life. If they build this, it’ll put the village shop out of business.”

  “It’s a crime,” booms Lorna. “Village shops are the hub of the community. They need to be supported.”

  More and more voices are joining in now. I can see all the customers of Jim’s shop nodding at each other.

  “How can Jim compete with the big chains?”

  “We need to keep these small shops alive!”

  “The government’s to blame… ”

  I know I wasn’t going to speak again, but I just can’t keep quiet.

  “Excuse me?” I venture, raising my hand. “If you all want the village shop to stay alive, why don’t you buy bread at full price?”

  I look around the room, to see Jess glaring at me.

  “That is just typical,” she says. “Everything comes down to spending money, doesn’t it?”

  “But it’s a shop!” I say, bewildered. “That’s the whole point! You spend money! If you all spent a bit more money, the shop would start booming!”

  “Not everyone in the world is addicted to shopping, OK, Becky?” snaps Jess.

  “Wish they were,” Jim puts in with a wry smile. “My revenue’s trebled since Becky came to town.”

  Jess stares at him, her mouth tight. Oh God. She looks really pissed off.

  “It was just… an idea,” I say quickly. “It doesn’t matter.” I shrink down in my seat again, trying to look unobtrusive.

  The discussion starts up again, but I keep my head down and leaf through the shopping center plans again. And I have to say, I was right in the first place. The shops are rubbish. Not a single good place for handbags… not a single place you can get your nails done… I mean, I can really see their point. What is the point of ruining some lovely field with a crappy shopping center full of shops no one wants to visit?

  “So we on the committee have decided on immediate, preemptive action,” Robin is saying as I raise my head again. “We’re holding a rally, to be held in a week’s time. We need as much support as possible. And obviously as much publicity as possible.”

  “It’s difficult,” says one woman with a sigh. “No one’s interested.”

  “Edgar is writing an article for his parish magazine,” says Robin, consulting a piece of paper. “And I know some of you have already drafted letters to the council…”

  I’m itching to speak.

  I open my mouth, catch Jess’s eyes on me like daggers, and close it again. But — oh God — I can’t keep quiet. I just can’t.

  “We’re producing a very informative leaflet—”

  “You should do something bigger!” My voice cuts across Robin’s, and everyone turns in my direction.

  “Becky, shut up,” Jess says furiously. “We’re trying to discuss this sensibly!”

  “So am I!” I’m hot under all these eyes, but I press on. “I think you should have a huge marketing campaign.”

  “Wouldn’t that be expensive?” says the white-haired man, with a frown.

  “In business, if you want to make money, you have to spend money. And it’s the same here. If you want to have a result, you have to make the investment!”

  “Money again!” exclaims Jess in exasperation. “Spending again! You’re obsessed!”

  “You could get a sponsorship deal!” I retort. “There must be local businesses who don’t want the shopping center either. You should get a local radio station involved… put together a press pack… ”

  “Excuse me, love,” a guy sitting near to Jess interrupts sarcastically. “You’re very good at talking. But what do you actually know about this?”

  “Well, nothing,” I admit. “Except I used to work as a journalist. So I know about press releases and marketing campaigns.” I look around, sensing interest on a few faces. “And for two years I worked at Barneys, the department store in New York. We used to run loads of events, like parties, and spec
ial sale weekends, and promotional evenings… In fact, that’s an idea!” I turn to Jim in sudden inspiration. “If you want to boost the village shop, you should celebrate it! Do something positive! You should have a shopping festival. Or a party! It would be such fun! You could have special offers, and free gifts… tie it in to the protest—”

  “Shut up!” I stop, startled, to see Jess on her feet, white with anger. “Just shut up for once, Becky! Why does everything have to be a party? Why do you have to trivialize everything? Shopkeepers like Jim aren’t interested in parties! They’re interested in solid, well-thought-out action.”

  “I might be interested in a party,” Jim says mildly, but Jess doesn’t seem to hear him.

  “You don’t know anything about the environment! You don’t know about bloody hedgehogs! You’re making it up as you go along! Just butt out and leave us alone.”

  “Now, that’s a little aggressive, Jess,” says Robin. “Becky’s only trying to help.”

  “We don’t need her help!”

  “Jess,” says Jim in soothing tones. “This is your sister. Come on, love. Be a bit more welcoming.”

  “Are these two sisters?” says the white-haired man in surprise. An interested murmuring grows throughout the room.

  “She’s not my sister.” Jess has folded her arms tight. She’s refusing even to look at me, and suddenly I feel a swell of angry hurt.

  “I know you don’t want me to be your sister, Jess,” I say, standing up to face her. “But I am! And there’s nothing you can do about that! We have the same blood! We have the same genes! We have the same—”

  “Yeah, well, I don’t believe we do, OK?” Jess’s voice reverberates in the room.

  “What?” I’m not sure I’ve heard her correctly.

  “I don’t believe we share the same blood,” she says in calmer tones.

  “But… but we know we do!” I say in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

  Jess sighs and rubs her face. When she looks up, there’s only a trace of animosity left.

  “Look at us, Becky,” she says, almost kindly. She gestures to me and then to herself. “We have nothing in common. Not one thing. We can’t be from the same family.”