A Rebel at Pennington’s

by Rachel Brimble

  ‘I’m not asking that you—’

  ‘You, too, are a chameleon of sorts, so how can you judge me?’

  ‘A chame—’

  ‘Yes, Lawrence. A chameleon. Didn’t you admit you want me, Rose and Nathanial to know the real you? Then, have you not been hiding who you are from me since the day we met?’ She pulled back her shoulders. ‘And with that thought, I bid you goodnight.’

  She strode past him and down the stairs to the front door. Without looking back, she pulled it open and hurried along the short pathway onto the street. Tears pricked her eyes and her lips trembled, but she refused to cry. Right now, she was little more than a cheap harlot. A woman so desperate for love and affection, she’d let Lawrence touch and satisfy her.

  Did he know her to be a virgin? Most likely, he thought her shamefully experienced. The truth was, she was a woman who dreamed of lovemaking, who knew herself capable of enjoying the bedroom. Never before had it embarrassed her that she explored and knew her body.

  Until now.

  Her actions and words had turned Lawrence away from her, the same as they had her father. Once again, she’d purposefully defied compromise and now stood alone.

  And that was the way it would always be if protecting her heart remained her staunch priority. Her self-worth came from her work, not the advent of a lover. Her recognition came from her input to the Cause, acting as an advocate of women and their future.

  She inhaled a strengthening breath and stepped up her pace, determination raging through her and diluting the infernal sadness that swirled painfully around her heart. It had been a mistake to think Lawrence had her interests in his thoughts. It seemed he only considered the victory of making her weak so that he might mould her in the same way her father had hoped he could.

  Well, she would be nobody’s puppet. At least now, Lawrence knew who she really was. Whereas, she had no idea who Lawrence Culford might, or might not, be at all.

  Twenty-Two

  Lawrence stared ahead as Rose and Nathanial hopped and jumped along Victoria Park’s cobbled walkway, his mind on his troubled feelings despite the brightness of a beautiful Sunday afternoon. Helen strolled beside him. Her quiet demeanour should have added to the peacefulness of the day, yet his mind and emotions were in turmoil, the full trees and the flowering beds mocking his inner feelings of withering and wilting.

  He hadn’t felt such a failure since Abigail had lain dying and he’d been unable to do anything to save her. Since his departing altercation with Esther over a week before, an unease had gripped him that he could not shake off, no matter how much he turned to work, the fundraiser or his children.

  For years, work, Rose and Nathanial had been his saviours. His parents’ treatment of him should have destroyed any hope of him learning to love and trust, but how was he to convince Esther he wanted her in every way? That he would never come between her and her work?

  Self-disgust twisted inside him.

  No matter how much he told himself the scars of his father’s belt, the confining of Lawrence in a darkened cupboard for hours, sometimes an entire night, until he agreed to whatever demand his father wanted, had been buried and forgotten, Esther had clearly heard every ounce of his weakness in his words.

  Why on earth would a woman so strong and determined want a man like him? She deserved a lover who stood tall and proud beside her. Not one who continued to linger on his harsh childhood.

  ‘Mr Culford? Is something the matter, sir?’

  Helen’s voice broke his thoughts and Lawrence turned, his smile appearing as easily as it always did. ‘Not at all. Why do you ask?’

  ‘I asked if you have plans this evening, but you were miles away.’

  ‘A night’s reading is as far as my plans are likely to stretch tonight.’ He turned to the pond glistening and sparkling beneath the warm sunshine. ‘I’ve worked hard this week and it seems a similar week lies ahead of me, so a quiet night will be welcomed.’

  ‘I see.’

  Lawrence glanced at her. Her tone indicated Helen was far from satisfied with his reply. He frowned. ‘Is that not what you expected me to say?’

  Her cheeks flushed and she grimaced. ‘Forgive me if I am speaking out of turn, sir, but you’ve not been yourself since your dinner with Miss Stanbury. I’m a little worried about you. As is Charles.’

  Lawrence inhaled a long breath as they strolled further along the path, people passing by arm in arm and children skipping and running. ‘Miss Stanbury is an acquaintance. There’s no need for your or Charles’ concern. I’m quite all right.’

  ‘So, you’ll be seeing Miss Stanbury again? She seemed awfully taken with Rose and Nathanial. Plus, when you returned with Rose after the book signing at Pennington’s, she couldn’t stop telling me how nice she found Miss Stanbury. Do you know she told me she wanted to work in Pennington’s, too, when she was old enough?’

  Amusement and warmth spread through him as Lawrence looked at Rose as she hopped ahead of them, hand in hand with her brother. ‘She said that?’

  Helen nodded and smiled. ‘She said Miss Stanbury and Miss Pennington were happy, and she wants to be happy, too.’

  Lawrence studied his daughter and guilt pressed down on him, his smile dissolving. Whenever her little brother looked at her, Rose smiled and then it slowly evaporated whenever Nathanial looked away. Was Rose wearing the same self-serving mask as her father?

  He swallowed the lump that lodged painfully in his throat. ‘She surmised Pennington’s is where people find happiness?’

  ‘It’s not a naïve assumption.’ Helen laughed. ‘I know I’m happy whenever I’m there.’

  He faced her. ‘Do you go to Pennington’s often? Had you seen Miss Stanbury before she came to the house?’

  ‘I don’t think so.’ Helen frowned. ‘But both myself and Charles like her very much, sir. Mrs Jackson, too. It seems a shame that you won’t step out together again.’

  ‘We haven’t stepped out at all,’ Lawrence said quickly, not wanting Helen or anyone else at the house contemplating a future that was non-existent. The children stopped beside the duck pond, Nathanial giggling as he flapped his arms to his side and waddled up and down. ‘I’m organising a fundraiser at the hotel for Miss Stanbury’s suffragist group. So, although I’m likely to see her again, it will be business only.’

  Regret whispered inside him.

  He’d lectured and challenged Esther on her choice to live a life alone, yet he was living the same lonely way. All the money and success in the world would not take the look of subdued longing from Rose’s face, only love, laughter and care could do that. He’d once felt he and his staff provided all the care and stability Rose and Nathanial needed, but the older his children became, the more guidance they needed. How could he show them the meaning of true happiness when he had no idea of it himself?

  He faced Helen. ‘I know your questions are born out of concern, but, truly, Miss Stanbury is unlikely to become a feature in my life. Maybe that will remain something I regret, but that’s the way it seems things will be.’

  She nodded, her eyes soft with a sympathy he neither wanted nor deserved. Glancing towards the children, she sighed. ‘I only worry for you, sir. I hate the thought that you might never find a sweetheart. Someone to love Rose and Nathanial. They deserve that.’ She turned. ‘As do you.’

  He forced a smile. ‘And so do you. I like to imagine you falling in love one day. Having a family of your own.’

  Helen’s pretty blue eyes twinkled with mischief. ‘I already have a special someone.’

  Surprised that Helen had never mentioned a man in her life before, Lawrence raised his eyebrows. ‘You do?’

  She blushed. ‘There are some things a girl likes to keep to herself, sir.’

  ‘Of course. Well, I am very pleased. I hope he treats you in the manner you deserve.’ He feigned a glare. ‘If he doesn’t, he’ll have me to answer to.’

  She laughed. ‘He treats me very well.’

 
‘Good. And on another note, I’ll be increasing your, Charles’ and Mrs Jackson’s wages with immediate effect.’

  ‘But, sir, you’re already very generous—’

  ‘Helen, I would have been lost without all three of you for many years. You have all gone above and beyond what is expected of you without protest, argument or question. Your service is vital to me and I want to pay you accordingly.’

  She dipped her head as she smiled. ‘Well, thank you, sir. I’m sure Charles and Mrs Jackson will be as delighted as I am.’

  The children moved on from the pond and Lawrence and Helen fell into step behind them. As they walked, he scanned the park and the women walking back and forth: nannies with prams and young women in groups. Now he’d met Esther, every other woman faded into insignificance. He neither acknowledged their beauty, nor their possible suitability.

  He had to rid himself of his scars. Had to stop his duplicity of not being entirely himself. He didn’t like the idea of his staff worrying about him, or from what, or where, his moroseness originated.

  How would he ever be happy unless he shed his humiliation and began to believe his shame didn’t show in the cracks of his carefully maintained façade? So, he hadn’t turned out to be the robust, strict, iron-handed heir his parents felt was needed to maintain his father’s fortune and estate. They tried their best to beat those virtues into him in an effort to secure a hardened, immovable Culford line and they’d failed.

  He couldn’t give a damn.

  ‘It’s nearing teatime, sir. Shall we head home?’

  He blinked and turned to Helen. ‘Absolutely.’

  She called the children and Rose and Nathanial came running into their nanny’s open arms. When Helen had spoken of her beau, her eyes had shone with love and excitement. There was every possibility the children could soon lose the only woman they had who truly cared for them. He had to move on for their sakes’, if not for his own.

  It was time to face his past and bury it once and for all.

  Twenty-Three

  Esther sat in front of Elizabeth’s desk on the fifth floor of Pennington’s, the early-June sunshine streaming through the windows, bathing the feminine, but businesslike office in bright warmth.

  Esther sighed as she looked towards the window. ‘It’s such a beautiful day. Summer will soon be upon us.’

  Elizabeth smiled and smoothed the collar of her navy silk blouse, her pale coral-painted nails glinting in the sunlight. ‘As will the Coronation, which is less than two weeks away.’

  ‘And the excitement is palpable on the streets. The city is looking more and more cheerful as banners and flags are erected outside shops, stores and on the trams. I know Bath’s procession will not be anything like the real thing in London, but it’s going to be so lovely to see clowns and acrobats, the brass band and other wonderful sights go by the store. Do you know the exact route?’

  Elizabeth shook her head. ‘Only that the procession will definitely be coming along Milsom Street as it’s one of the busiest shopping streets in the city. The only thing I am quite sure of is the organisers would not have thought it suitable to take the procession anywhere near the river and the poor people living there.’ She sighed. ‘It saddens me to think of the small children who are unable to come further into the city missing out on such a parade.’

  Esther sighed as regret wound tight inside her. ‘There’s only so much any of us can do for the poor and needy.’

  Silence lingered for a moment before Elizabeth spoke again. ‘So, we are nearly ready to start on the window?’

  Concerned about the air of sadness surrounding her friend, Esther longed to ask her again about Joseph, but the timing wasn’t right when they were at work. She leaned forward in her seat. ‘We are more than ready.’

  ‘Judging by your sketches and plans, the window will be a triumph. If you begin work next week, will that give you enough time to be ready to reveal the display on the morning of the Coronation? I’d like to get ahead with our promotion efforts. We need to ensure we have appropriate merchandise displayed inside the store but leave the grand reveal of the main window to the actual Coronation day.’

  ‘Agreed. I think we should pay special attention to jewellery and accessories. The more sparkle and shine people see around the Coronation, the more they’ll want to buy.’ Lifting her notebook from her lap, Esther scanned her notes. ‘I also thought it would be good to push homewares that include the new dinner sets and glassware we’ve recently acquired. They have a wonderful regal style to them. What do you think?’

  ‘I agree.’ Elizabeth smiled. ‘I’m so pleased you’re focused on your work again. I was genuinely concerned you might be losing interest in Pennington’s and contemplating moving on.’

  ‘From Pennington’s?’ Esther’s heart gave a little blip. ‘Never. I love it here.’

  ‘I’m relieved to hear it, but you have been so uncharacteristically distracted these past few weeks. Is everything all right at home? The last thing I want is to pry, but I hope you know I’ll help if I can.’

  Esther swallowed. She’d barely stopped thinking about Lawrence and their growing intimacy… and now, their separation. Had her sorrow been etched on her face for everyone to see? She lifted her shoulders. ‘Everything is absolutely fine.’

  Elizabeth studied her before propping her elbows on top of her desk. ‘Good, because you’re an important part of Pennington’s continuing success. Not to mention the person I rely on to make decisions as far as branding and promotion is concerned. But we spend time together away from here, too. Socially. I’d like to think you’d talk to me, if you needed to.’

  Although heartened by her friend’s warmth and support, Esther was still reluctant to share her worries with Elizabeth when she clearly had enough concerns of her own. ‘I will, if and when I need to. I promise.’

  ‘Good. Then why don’t we arrange a night out together after the Coronation? We could both do with a treat considering all our hard work.’

  Esther smiled. ‘That’s a fabulous idea. And there’s no need for you to be worried about me. I’m fine. Honestly.’ Esther held her friend’s gaze, praying her eyes did not reflect the sadness she’d been fighting since walking away from Lawrence. ‘The distractions I had are settled now. There’s absolutely nothing for you to be worried about.’

  Nonetheless, concern shadowed Elizabeth’s gaze. ‘And the distractions had nothing to do with the recent visit from your stepmother?’

  Heat leapt into Esther’s cheeks, fuelled more by anger at Viola than embarrassment. ‘She and I have never seen eye to eye. I have no idea why she came to Grace Hadley’s talk. My stepmother is hardly an advocate for women’s progression. She comes into Bath to visit her sister and has taken to striking up a friendship with my aunt. A friendship in which she can drill Aunt Mary to find out what I’m up to.’

  ‘I see. Then it is as I thought.’

  ‘What is?’

  ‘That your distraction must be caused by the very charming, very attractive, Mr Culford.’ Elizabeth grinned, her green gaze alight with teasing. ‘Am I right?’

  Esther closed her eyes. Lying to Elizabeth was futile.

  She opened her eyes and sighed. ‘Mr Culford was a momentary disruption, nothing more. We’ve gone our separate ways as far as anything personal is concerned.’

  ‘Is that what you want?’

  Esther hesitated, the ache in her chest deepening. ‘That’s neither here nor there.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because…’ Esther inhaled a shaky breath. ‘He would only come to be wrong for me.’

  ‘Why? He seemed courteous and attentive and his daughter clearly adores him.’

  Esther slumped her shoulders. ‘And I could, too. That’s the problem. I just can’t go down that path, Elizabeth. I won’t.’

  ‘Esther…’ Elizabeth stood and walked around the desk. She sat in the chair beside Esther and took her hand. ‘What is so bad that you can’t spend some time with this man
? Has he upset you?’

  ‘No. It’s me.’

  Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. ‘You’ve upset him?’

  ‘Undoubtedly.’ Esther slowly drew her hand from Elizabeth’s. ‘But the problem remains with me. It has nothing to do with Lawrence. Or any man who might want to get close to me. Distance is something I purposely impose. I have to if I am to remain stalwart in my work for the Cause. I’ve already lost all contact with my father over my passions. Why risk loving and losing someone else?’

  ‘Esther, you can’t live that way. Your work is as important to you as it was your mother, but she would not want you to forsake the chance of love for the vote or anything else. You’re kind, hard-working and extraordinarily talented.’ Elizabeth’s gaze softened. ‘Anyone would love to be a part of your life.’

  Esther shook her head, sadness bearing down on her. ‘Maybe for a while, but not forever.’

  ‘You’re as deserving as anyone else of finding someone who—’

  ‘I won’t be happy until I’ve made the life I want.’ Fervour for the Cause and the dream she shared with her mother rose hot and urgent. ‘I can’t imagine any man wanting to love a woman who is—’

  ‘Passionate? Believes in women’s rights and progression? Who wants to make positive changes in this world?’ Elizabeth’s cheeks darkened and she abruptly stood. She stalked behind her desk and sat, her green eyes blazing with determination. ‘Your father is no different than mine. You know the difficulties I faced with him last year and look at me now. I’m married to the man I love and we’re running Pennington’s together. If I’d bowed down to my father and adhered to his every word, do you think either of those things would’ve happened? You must fight the negativity and doubt your father has put inside of you, Esther. You have to.’