His Unexpected Twins

by Carrie Nichols

  “Mmm.” He nibbled on her earlobe. “Should we get some of these clothes off?”

  “Sounds like a plan,” she said and pulled her sweatshirt over her head.

  His gaze went to the small swell of her stomach. His babies were in there. Without conscious thought, he dropped to his knees and pressed his cheek against the taut skin.

  Her hands were in his hair, her nails grazing his scalp as he put his arms around her. The moment might have started as sexy teasing but this was suddenly something more. He searched for words, but the tangle of emotions inside him prevented them from forming.

  Her fingers tightened in his hair. “Liam?”

  He might not have the words but he could show her what she meant to him.

  Rising, he took her hand and led her to the bed, where he quickly disposed of the rest of her clothing.

  He caressed her breasts and the areas around her nipples. “Have these gotten darker?”

  “Yeah, it’s increased pigmentation from...” She swallowed audibly. “Sorry, TMI?”

  “You know I’m a sucker for nurse speak.” He grinned, then sobered. “You’re beautiful, Ellie.”

  She looked up at him. “And you have too many clothes on.”

  He reached around her and pulled the covers back. “Get in and I’ll take care of that.”

  He left his clothes in a pile and slipped into bed, taking her into his arms.

  Unlike the first time, when they’d both been so eager, he took this slow to demonstrate how much she meant to him. Even if he hadn’t said the words.

  Afterward, Liam settled her against him and rested his cheek against her silky hair. They worked as a couple and he dared to think about their future. Together.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ellie stepped out of the shower the next morning still glowing from the previous night’s lovemaking. Dared she hope they had a future together? She smiled to herself as she grabbed a towel from the rack. He might not have come out with the words she longed to hear, but then neither had she.

  Liam was taking her to Aunt Polly’s, a local restaurant known for its pancakes. Maybe after that she’d—

  All thoughts scattered as she felt a slight swelling under her left arm. She shook her head and swallowed back nausea. A swelling where the axillary lymph node was located wasn’t good.

  Of course there could be any number of non-lethal explanations but her mind insisted on taunting her with cancer. Fighting the urge to curl up in the fetal position on the floor, she wrapped herself in her ER nurse persona and called to Liam.

  He popped his head in the doorway and his eyes widened and a grin spread across his face. His smile was her undoing and she choked back a sob.

  “Ellie, my God, what is it? What’s wrong?” He stepped inside her small bathroom.

  “It’s here.” She lifted her left arm.

  “What? What’s there?” He stood in front of her.

  “A lump...the axillary lymph node is enlarged,” she whispered.

  His gaze met hers. “Are you sure?”

  “Of course I’m sure,” she snapped.

  He pulled her into his arms. “I only meant that we shouldn’t panic. Maybe you bumped yourself.”

  “Don’t you think I’ve been through all those excuses already? I think I would have remembered bumping myself under my arm. It’s not sore or black and blue like a bruise.” She buried her head in his chest while he rubbed her back.

  They stood locked in the embrace, the only sound was that of a sports show coming from the television in the other room.

  Sighing, she pulled away. “I’ll need to get a biopsy.”

  Liam sucked in his breath. “Okay. Where and when do we get one?”

  If only it was that easy... Well, it was, but those were the mechanics. The emotions that went along with it weren’t. Especially now with her pregnancy. And Liam. Whatever they had was just beginning. She shook her head. Maybe her parents were right not to want—No! She refused to give in to defeatism. “You make it sound like ordering something off the internet.”

  His fingers were shaking when he reached out. Using his thumbs, he wiped the moisture from her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I only meant—”

  “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t take my anger out on you.” She sighed. “Let me get dressed and I’ll make some calls.”

  Sometimes being an ER nurse, not to mention a resident of a small town like Loon Lake, paid off. Ellie was able to get a biopsy scheduled for that afternoon with her oncologist.

  Liam insisted on taking her to breakfast as planned, telling her sitting around and brooding wasn’t doing either one of them any good. She appreciated his attempts at proceeding as normal. At the same time they annoyed her. But she had to eat for the sake of the babies so she agreed.

  After the restaurant, Liam drove them to the doctor’s office. He was by her side and yet...

  She clung to his hand in the waiting room, but thoughts of her parents clamored in her mind. Was this how it started for them?

  The oncologist, a kindly man in his fifties, carefully examined a cut on her forearm. “This could be our culprit.”

  “But it doesn’t appear to be infected,” Ellie told him.

  “And maybe your immune system is doing its job and fighting it off.” The doctor pushed his glasses on top of his head as he looked at her. “We’ll do some tests just to be certain, but I don’t want you to worry. We’ll have the official results early next week.”

  * * *

  Back at home, Ellie tried to take the doctor’s advice and remain optimistic. She pretended to read her textbook while Liam fixed her toilet that kept running. She’d told him she’d put in a work order with the management company but he’d insisted. Not that she could blame him. Doing busywork was probably his coping strategy.

  She heard him on his phone and soon he came out of the bedroom with his duffel bag: the one he used when going back and forth to Boston.

  “What’s going on?”

  He looked up from his phone, a flush rising in his face. “I was asked to take an extra shift.”

  She’d heard him on the phone, though she hadn’t heard it ring. Had he called looking for an excuse to escape? She immediately felt guilty for even thinking he’d do something like that.

  He ran his hand through his hair, a muscle ticking in his cheek. “It’s my job. Something I will need to support these babies.”

  “Are you sure you’re not taking it to escape?” She hadn’t meant to challenge him like that, but it hurt that he’d chosen work over her.

  “Escape?” He scowled at her. “What the heck does that mean?”

  She scuffed the toe of her sneaker on the rug. “Maybe it means that going to work is preferable to being trapped here with Cancer Girl?”

  “Why would you even say something like that?”

  “You see how my parents are. My dad used work to escape and look what it did to them.”

  “We’re not your parents.”

  No, her parents were in a committed relationship.

  When she didn’t respond, he made an impatient motion with his hand. “The doctor said you won’t have test results for three days at least. I’ll be back once the shift is done. You make it sound like I’m deserting you.”

  You are! She swallowed and tried to remain calm but it was getting harder. Was this how her mom felt when her dad buried himself in work? Like he deserted her when she needed him? She resisted the urge to act childish by stamping her feet or using emotional blackmail by crying and carrying on. “You’re absolutely right, Liam, but I also can’t help feeling abandoned. I’m sorry and it might not be fair, but that’s how I’m feeling right now. You didn’t even consult me.”

  “I didn’t realize I had to.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m going to work, not out partying, for crying out loud.�
��

  “I know it’s irrational but feelings just are...they don’t always subscribe to what’s rational.” It hurt to have him point out that they didn’t even have enough of a relationship that he would consult her.

  He heaved a deep sigh. “We’re in this together.”

  She glanced at his duffel sitting by the door. “If you say so.”

  His gaze followed hers and he frowned.

  “Could you have refused?”

  “It’s my job.” He shook his head, his face a blank mask.

  “My father had a job, too. I saw what my cancer did to my parents, to their relationship. For a while I blamed myself. I was convinced it was all my fault but now I know better. Cancer happened to me. I’m not my disease. And I’m sorry if you can’t handle it, but that’s not my fault.”

  “I’m not deserting you, Ellie,” he said, and shook his head. “I need a little time and space to process all this.”

  “And that’s fine. I understand that.” She stuck out her chin. “I can give you time and space, but I refuse to be in a relationship with a ghost.”

  * * *

  Three hours later, Liam walked into the station with Ellie’s words echoing in his head. Leaving Ellie alone while she waited for the biopsy results was a cowardly move. But the emotions he’d been trying to deny had threatened to overcome him, so he’d run. He wouldn’t blame Ellie if she hated him. He hated himself. By rules, the department couldn’t force him to come back early but he hadn’t said no. He hadn’t said no because he’d panicked. From the moment he’d walked in on Ellie in the bathroom, he’d been unable to take a deep breath. His insides were a tangled black mass threatening to choke him. It was his ma, and to a lesser degree his friend and mentor Sean, all over again. He was going to lose Ellie and it was going to hurt more than the other two combined.

  He went about his duties at the house by rote, his mind refusing to be calmed by the familiar routines.

  Had he honestly believed being away from Ellie would make his black mass of emotions hurt less, make the panic disappear? Instead, being away increased the pain a thousand times over. He called to check in and they engaged in what could only be described as a stilted conversation.

  Had he made the biggest mistake of his life by leaving?

  He shook his head and threw the chamois cloth over his shoulder and stood back to check the shine on the engine he’d been polishing instead of watching a movie with the other guys.

  “Chief wants to see you, McBride.”

  Liam nodded and tossed the chamois to the probie. “Have at it, Gilman.”

  What could the chief want? He hovered in the doorway to the office. “You wanted to see me?”

  Al Harris stood up and held out his hand across the desk. “Let me be the first to congratulate you, Captain McBride.”

  It took a minute for the words to penetrate. Captain? Him? He’d done it. He made captain at a younger age than his dad.

  He shook Chief Harris’s hand and tried to feel something other than numb.

  “You don’t look like someone who has just accomplished a lifelong goal.”

  Yeah, why didn’t he feel more? Sure, he was proud, but even that was fleeting.

  “Okay, now, sit your ass down, McBride, and tell me what the hell is wrong.”

  * * *

  The next morning, after his shift, Liam went straight to the white, Cape Cod–style home where he’d grown up and his dad still lived with Doris. He always had mixed feelings returning here. In the beginning, it was comforting because he felt his ma’s presence. But that had faded and this was now as much Doris’s home as it had been Bridget McBride’s.

  He rang the bell and waited. The rhododendrons his ma had loved so much needed trimming, but it was too late in the season to do it now. She had taught him they needed pruning immediately after they finished blossoming or you’d be cutting off next year’s flower buds. Helping her trim them one day had actually been punishment for a transgression he no longer remembered. He rubbed his chest, recalling how, that same day, she’d bought him a treat from the ice-cream truck and let him eat it before supper. She’d winked and laughed as they sat on the front steps eating their ice cream.

  Doris answered the door, surprise and pleasure evident in her expression. “Liam, it’s good to see you. C’mon in.”

  “Hi, Doris, is my dad here?” He gave Doris a quick hug and she kissed his cheek.

  “Yeah, he’s out back if you want to go on through the house.” She stepped aside. “Can I get you anything? We’ve already had breakfast but I can get you coffee or a muffin.”

  “I’m good. Thanks. I can’t stay long.”

  “How’s Ellie doing?” Doris asked as they went through the kitchen to the back deck.

  “She’s doing good.” Other than a cancer scare and being left to face it alone, but he wasn’t about to get into all that right now. “She’s looking forward to the second trimester which is supposedly much easier.”

  “Normally, yes, it is but I’ve never been pregnant with twins.”

  “That makes two of us.”

  She laughed and opened the door. “Tim? Liam’s here to see you.”

  His dad paused in the middle of raking leaves and waved. Liam went across the deck and down the steps.

  “So glad you’re here. I wanted to congratulate you myself, Captain.” His dad stuck out his hand and pulled him in for an awkward shoulder hug.

  “You knew?” Liam asked when they pulled apart.

  “I may have heard something.” Mac said and grinned. “I haven’t been gone from the department for that long. I still know a few people.”

  “Thanks.” Liam cleared his throat.

  Mac frowned. “What’s wrong? You don’t look like a man who has just gotten what he’s been working toward for years.”

  Liam swallowed. How was he supposed to explain how hollow he felt? Sure, he was proud of making captain but after running out on Ellie the way he had, all he could think about was how much he’d hurt her. Selfish much, McBride? Why was he thinking about his own pain? He should be there comforting Ellie, helping her deal with her pain. Had he thought that, if he wasn’t there, he’d be able to better handle the fear?

  “What’s on your mind, son?” His dad leaned against the rake.

  Liam explained what had happened. He hated admitting his cowardice but he couldn’t hide from it any longer. “Ellie found a lump and I shut down. I’m not sure I have the kind of courage you had to open myself again to love someone I might lose.”

  “It’s not courage.” Mac shook his head.

  “Then what is it?”

  “It’s finding something that’s more important to you than your fear.” Mac met Liam’s gaze. “Is Ellie that important thing for you, son?”

  * * *

  Ellie retrieved her jacket and closed her locker with a sigh. Liam had barely been gone twenty-four hours and the pain of missing him still throbbed, an ache that wouldn’t go away. He’d texted earlier in the day but had been vague when she’d asked if he was coming back today, saying he would try but had some business to take care of first.

  Had she pushed him too hard? Demanded too much? She pulled the jacket on and grabbed her purse. Maybe she wanted more than Liam could give. That wasn’t his fault, nor was it hers. It was just...sad.

  She stretched her neck, trying to muster up some energy as she dug around in her purse for her keys. Trudging out to her car, she glanced up and stopped in her tracks. Liam was leaning against her car, arms crossed, head bowed.

  “Liam?” She continued walking toward him.

  His head snapped up and he blinked, searching her face. “Hey.”

  She stopped when she was right in front of him. “Is everything okay?”

  He reached out and rested his hands on her shoulders, gently massaging them. “It is now. Have
you had any news yet?”

  She shook her head, not trusting her voice. The look shining in his eyes was making something inside her spring to life, something that resembled hope. Hope was dangerous. Hope made you do things, say things. Hope could be devastating, even if you were careful.

  He squeezed her shoulders. “We need to talk.”

  Talk. Yeah, they needed to talk, but for the moment she was relieved to see him. She did her best to tamp down the hope clamoring for freedom. He might want to talk about logistics or shared custody once the babies were born.

  He was peering at her expectantly. Right. She hadn’t answered him. “Okay. Come back to my place?”

  “I have something I want to show you first, if that’s okay.”

  She nodded, still trying to figure out his mood.

  He took her hand in his. “Let’s take my truck. We can come back for your car.”

  “W-what did you want to show me?”

  “Our future,” he said as he opened the passenger door.

  Her mouth dropped open and she stared at him. He put his thumb under her chin and closed her mouth before giving her a chaste kiss.

  “Liam, what in the world is this all about?” She still couldn’t figure out his mood. He seemed a combination of excited and apprehensive. Or maybe she was crazy. Pregnancy hormones—times two!—were making her giddy.

  “I need your opinion on something.” He slipped behind the wheel but turned toward her instead of starting the engine. “I need to apologize for taking off on you. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “And I shouldn’t have accused you of abandoning me.” She sucked in a breath. “I may have overreacted.”

  He took her hand and brought it to his lips. “I should have explained myself better. I regret how I handled things with my mom, and yet I was doing the same thing with you.”

  “I know of a good support group for grieving families, if you’re interested.” She squeezed his hand. “Maybe we could both benefit from it, but first, I have to see what you want to show me.”