Christmas in Kentbury

by Burgoa, Claudia

  “The roads are terrible,” he says, taking me into his arms and giving me a hug. “You should’ve called me to come out and get you.”

  “I can drive on icy roads.”

  “It’s not about you, but the other cars driving around you.” He takes the shopping bag from me. “You went to the creamery to stock up for the winter?”

  “Nah, I just bought a few flavors that might not be there tomorrow.” I sigh and unzip my jacket. “Why are you here?” I ask, which is better than don’t you understand that I can’t hang out with you anymore?

  “You’ve been dodging my calls and messages all day long. I thought it’d be best to check on what’s going on with you. Since it was too cold to wait outside, I let myself in. I hope that’s not a problem.”

  “It’s not. That’s why you have a key.”

  I shed my coat, take off my snow boots and stare at the dining room table. “I have pizza.”

  “You only bought a personal-sized pizza,” he says.

  “How do you know?”

  “It’s Kentbury. We have a pretty good communication system in place—it’s better than Twitter.” He winks. “Almost as effective as Instagram or text messages. Mrs. Bowman called to alert me that you were driving back home. She chided me for letting you drive on the ice.”

  I sneer. “I. Can. Drive.”

  “That’s not the point. She told me that you had gone to buy pizza right after—but a small one.”

  “Is that why you brought dinner?”

  “No, I already had it—and she knew that too.” He chuckles. “She thinks I’m a pretty thoughtful guy.”

  “How does she know that you had dinner?” I groan. This wouldn’t be happening in New York.

  “It’s Kentbury,” he repeats, which must be the reason why everyone in town knows that there’s a big dinner on my table—for the two of us.

  “Let’s sit down, the food is getting cold.”

  “I canceled,” I mumble staring at my table.

  “Lee, what did I do?” he asks, frustration dripping from every word.

  “Nothing,” I say dryly, keeping myself strong because my heart is melting at the sight of the fancy dinner that he brought.

  Everything that I love from André’s cuisine is here. Smoked salmon, potato cakes with herbed crème fraîche, shrimp pasta, and cucumber farro salad. There’s a bottle of wine and glasses, and he set up the table. With a couple of candles, this would be considered a romantic dinner. This is the part of the night when my heart beats fast with hope.

  In a couple of hours, when Heath reminds me that I’m just one of the guys, it’ll be teary, broken, and hurt. Like me, my heart just doesn’t get it. This is precisely why I’m in a rut. Heath does something sweet, I fall in love a little more, and then he stomps on all of my dreams.

  “I pissed you off. Just tell me what I did so I can fix it.”

  “Why would you assume that?”

  “I know you,” he says quietly.

  “You do?” I ask skeptically, laughing on the inside.

  Buddy, you don’t know shit.

  “What’s with you, Harrises? Of course, I do. I’ve known you guys since we were kids.”

  I guess there’s that. He knows me as well as he does my brothers. I’m just one of the guys. A part of the bunch. His bud.

  “Let me put this in the freezer and wash my hands,” he says. “Where’s Byron?”

  “At Dad’s, Cassie convinced Dad to take him with them. She needs a pet,” I say casually, hopefully, he’ll get her a dog this Christmas.

  She’s been begging for one since she was six. I’d buy her one, but Heath insists that they’re not ready for a dog. He should start by buying a house and moving out of the apartment above his garage.

  “You bought a lot of ice cream. I hope you’re going to share some of the peppermint ice cream with me.”

  “It’s yours, she just assumed.” I shrug and stop myself from saying that the entire town assumes we’re together and maybe he should do something to clarify our situation. Because even I believe it sometimes.

  “By the way, she didn’t charge me.” I bring up the free ice cream before he thanks me for buying it. “She mentioned something about her oil change.”

  “Sometimes I take care of her car or the appliances around the creamery,” he says casually as if it’s not a big deal.

  “You’re a good guy.”

  He shrugs. “I just help out my neighbors.”

  He pulls out the chair for me. Once I take a seat, he sets a napkin on top of my lap.

  “Next time I promise to cook.”

  “Cassie’s with my dad, you could go to the resort and find yourself a hot date,” I suggest as he pours the wine.

  “I prefer to be here, with you.” His low voice resonates inside my chest, and my heart flutters.

  Oh, how I wish that were true, and he wanted to be with me. Not with his friend Lee.

  “Are you going to tell me what happened?” he asks.

  He’s seriously not letting it go, is he?

  “It’s been a busy day. Bishop, Kingston, and I were discussing the business.”

  “Is everything okay?” He narrows his gaze. “Is he planning on selling any acres or a part of the farm?”

  “No.” I choke on the wine. “He wouldn’t dare. Do you know he’s toying with the possibility of buying the vineyard next door?”

  “That’d be an interesting acquisition.” He nods a couple of times. “Holden would entertain the idea.”

  Heath’s lost in thought while we eat. After a couple of minutes, he shakes his head and says, “Sorry, I shouldn’t be thinking about the vineyard. I’ll worry about it some other day.”

  “That sounds so unlike you, anything you’d like to share?”

  “Not really,” he says brushing away the conversation. “Why don’t you tell me what happened today? I saw a large group at the B&B when I went by.”

  We talk about my day and the guests who I spent most of the day with. I tell him all about Gloria, how laid back she is, unlike her mother and future mother-in-law. They came with her, along with her sisters and the bridesmaids. The groom’s awesome. He participated, and yet, he stayed out of the way. When the mothers became overwhelming, he stopped them politely. I liked the couple. I’m sure they’ll make it in the long run.

  “It’s going to be a great wedding,” I continue, excited by the prospect.

  “They signed the contract and gave us the initial deposit,” I explain him how Bethany’s going to set the venue and how the B&B is going to play into the equation.

  We have the B&B booked, and they reserved twenty rooms at the resort. They might block out more rooms as the RSVPs start arriving next July.

  “Bethany’s a great asset,” he agrees with me. “We just need to keep her away from Kingston.”

  “Oh, I don’t think King would make a move on her,” I assure him.

  “He wouldn’t, but he likes to micromanage everyone,” he explains. “Bethany hates it.”

  I lean forward and look around before I whisper, “I think Bethany and André are an item.”

  He smiles and rolls his eyes.

  “What?”

  “Leave them alone, okay?”

  “You knew! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” I say, glaring at him.

  “What have I told you about gossiping?”

  “It’s not gossiping. It’s keeping each other informed about the ongoing events in our precious town.”

  He rolls his eyes.

  “I caught them a couple of weeks ago,” he confesses. “Why do you think André didn’t protest about this dinner? He wasn’t happy about the combination of dishes. He said they clashed and I’m pretty sure he said fuck you a few times in French. Still, I’ll use this information to make sure you get your favorites.”

  He winks at me, and I can’t help but sigh.

  Then, when he thinks I’m relaxed enough, he throws the question, “Are you going to tell me
what’s going on?”

  His concerned voice and those light blue eyes filled with fear convince me to say at least something to him.

  “My brothers persuaded me to go to New York City.”

  “Are you taking a vacation during the busiest season?”

  His gaze focuses on me, holding it. Then, his eyes widen as he realizes what’s in New York City.

  “You said you weren’t interested in that job.” He doesn’t even let me answer his question and continues talking with an aggravated voice. “Why would you move? The B&B is here. It’s yours. You love working there. This town is your life, you love it.”

  It is mine. A year ago, Dad signed over the deed to me. The profits remain in the family, just like everything we own. However, the Victorian house is mine.

  “There’s nothing wrong with trying new things,” I explain to him at least part of why I’m considering leaving.

  Bishop would tell me this is the right time to start the conversation. Confess my feelings, so Heath can let me down gently and I can move on.

  I’m not ready to do something like that. Most likely our exchange would look like this:

  “Heath, I’m in love with you.”

  He’ll choke on his own saliva and spit a couple of words like, “Excuse me?”

  He’s going to look like a blindsided deer and would either run away or he’d feign ignorance. I’d clarify, “I have feelings for you.”

  With all the patience in the world and the sweetest voice he’d say, “Lee, I care about you too. You’re like a sister, well, more like a bro.”

  “But I love you,” I’d insist.

  “That’s cute, thank you,” he’d finish and just go away.

  Either that or he might just tell me, “Are you serious, Lee? I mean, look at you. We’re just friends, there’s no way I can take you seriously.”

  Whichever way, his words will shred my heart into pieces which he’ll toss into a bonfire. I’ll just watch as they become ashes that the wind will blow away. I’ll never find them, and of course, I’ll never be able to put myself back together.

  My way is so much easier, moving on, swallowing my feelings and learning to live without him.

  “This is your home,” he insists. I glare at him, hurt. “Sorry, I just don’t get it.” He runs a hand through his hair and starts picking up the dirty dishes.

  “Every time you do something, I’m there to support you. I’d expect the same coming from you,” I say bitterly.

  “Are you saying that I don’t support you?” He’s not raising his voice, but he sounds disappointed.

  “Usually, I don’t give a fuck about what people say or don’t. I couldn’t care less about what they think of me, but you.” He huffs. “You, I care about. I give a shit about what you think or how you perceive me. I can’t believe you doubt me.”

  “Hey, I’m not doubting you. But right now, I would love for you to say something like, Lee, go get the job. You’ll kick ass in New York.”

  Heath presses his lips together. His gaze focuses on the empty bottle of wine. “I thought this town was enough for you. I guess you want more out of life. If that’s what you want, then I’ll support you.”

  “Please, don’t smother me with excitement.”

  “What do you want from me, Lee?” His eyes find mine. “It’s like there’s something you’re upset about, but you won’t tell me. I did something to you that has upset you to the core. You can barely look at me. I can’t fix anything if you won’t tell me what’s bothering you.”

  “There are things that you can’t put back together or solve.”

  “I can always try,” he insists.

  “Kentbury doesn’t have everything that I need. Look at me. I’m thirty-two, single, and alone.”

  He grunts. “You’re not alone. You have your dad, your brothers, Cassie, and me.”

  “Yeah, but it’d be nice to have a boyfriend, a partner. Maybe even a husband. When I was giving a tour earlier today, I was thinking to myself, I want that.”

  “A wedding?”

  “A man who sees me like there’s no one else in the world but me. He knew what she needed even before she spoke. It’s about the stolen caresses, the conversations they had without words. She was telling him that in a couple of years, they’d bring their kids to see where they got married.”

  “You want children.”

  “My time is running out. I run a successful business, but success isn’t everything.” I tap my wrist. “I want kids, a husband, and my own family. I love Dad and my brothers; Kentbury and my B&B. But I want to love someone.” I pause and look at him briefly because I do love someone it’s just unrequited love. “A man, who loves me back.”

  “We love you, Lee.”

  I sigh. “Dad might be single, but he has us. You have Cassie. If you look closely, I don’t have anyone. New York might open up the possibilities.”

  He looks at me for a long time and nods. “I get it. There’s nothing here for you.”

  “I know.” I swallow the tears and go to the sink to wash the dishes.

  He couldn’t have said it better: I’m not interested in being a part of your happiness.

  “The interview is Tuesday,” I say as I set the silverware in the dishwasher. “My brothers said that they have everything covered.”

  “Have you bought a plane ticket?”

  “No, I’m driving.”

  “You can’t drive while there’s a storm hitting the East Coast,” he warns me.

  “Are you going to complain about my driving skills? I think I’m a good driver, Heath,” I say biting the words, fuck you, I drove during a blizzard to take your child to the hospital when she had a high fever and you were stranded in Burlington.

  I don’t say a word.

  “You are, but it’s not safe. Take the train or a plane tomorrow night, I’ll pay for it if you need it.”

  “I can’t leave tomorrow. I’ll leave on Monday and I’ll have plenty of time,” I protest.

  “And you say that Cassie’s stubborn because of me,” he says annoyed. “She got that from you.”

  I turn off the faucet and turn to look at him. “See, there’s another positive thing about me leaving. I won’t be a bad influence on your kid.”

  “She looks up to you, Lee. I don’t want to play the Cassie card, but have you thought what you leaving will do to her?”

  His words punch me in the gut. Have I thought about what this will do to Cassie? Has he ever thought about what Cassie’s done to me? Please, don’t get me wrong, I’ve adored that child since the first time I held her in my arms. But before that, I cried for three straight hours while I bought everything she needed. He had a baby with another woman. I would remain Lee forever. I’m still just fucking Lee.

  “She’ll be fine. I’m just Lee, the family friend. I babysit her when you need me to. My dad will be happy to take on the role.”

  He shakes his head. “You’re more than just Lee to Cassie and me.”

  “What do you want me to do, Heath? Stay because of Cassie. I’ll be fifty, alone, and the only picture with a kid that I’ll have over my fireplace will be the picture of my friend’s kid who sends me a Christmas card if she remembers.”

  It’s a miracle that I’m holding it together. I love that little girl as if she were mine. She’s never going to be more than Cassie. At least she calls my brothers uncles. To her I’m Lee. I’ll never be Mom.

  “I …” He runs a hand through his hair and lets out a breath. “You’re right. Let me know if you need anything while you’re away.”

  “You’re leaving?”

  “It’s getting late and the roads are bad. The tow truck company might get busier than usual. If that’s the case the guys will need me.”

  “Okay.”

  When he gets to the door, he stops and lowers his head. “I wish I could offer you what you need, because I hate losing you.”

  Once he’s gone, the tears begin to fall one after another. My heart is breaki
ng because his words just solidify what I’ve known all along. He’s never going to feel the way I do. For hours I stare at the closed door wishing that he’d have stayed and given me at least a kiss before we said goodbye.

  Seven

  Heath

  While Lee described her future, I felt a familiar jolt of dismay. I’m so used to being told that I’m just a mechanic who can’t offer more to the one child I accidentally had. Not that I considered Cassie an accident. She’s my lucky charm. So far, I’ve done well enough for her, but I couldn’t be everything that Knightly Rose wants.

  A husband who’d cater to everything she needs. Someone who can give her what she deserves. Nothing I do will compare to a college degree and a job at a fancy office in the middle of Manhattan. She dated a guy like that when she was in college. Mark, Zack, or was it, Sam? I can’t remember his name, but she seemed happy with him. They broke up when she decided to move back to Kentbury.

  Once she settles in New York, she’ll find someone like him. Definitely, not me. I wish I had told her how much I need her. That maybe my kid isn’t hers, but Cassie loves her so much—like a mother. I hate to accept that my mother’s right about me. At least I have my Cassie.

  When I get home, I go into the garage. Henry, one of the guys who has worked for us since my uncle owned the place sits by the desk in front of the old switchboard.

  “Why are you here, boss?”

  “In case you guys need me,” I answer as I put on my work clothes.

  I might as well get something done tonight.

  “It’s too cold, shouldn’t you be at home with Lee? You brought her a fancy dinner.” He takes out his phone. “At your age, I’d rather be at my house with my woman.”

  “Go home to your wife, I’ll take care of everything,” I say.

  “You should be at home with Miss Lee. Why bring her a fancy dinner if you’re going to leave early? You kids don’t know how to woo a woman.”

  Henry’s a big help around the garage, but annoying when it comes to my personal life.

  “I don’t understand why you’re not staking your claim. She’s pretty, smart, and sweet. Just like her mama. Everyone was in love with Rosie.” Henry composes himself. “Well, not me. I love my Diane.”