by R. G. Angel
This was a fear I couldn't afford, not in the world we lived in and not in a world where I knew she’d never fully be mine. Not when she was longing for another life I was not, and never could be, a part of. She was a liability I’d thought I was strong enough to avoid.
Dr. Willis wasn’t sure how long she was going to sleep. He’d just said her body needed to heal, but I almost wanted to wake her up to check she was still the same infuriating, bullheaded girl she had been before all of this. I growled, running my hand over my face. I didn’t realize how I just needed her to be her until today.
I shook my head as a soft knock brought me out of my dark thoughts. Benjamin opened the door just a little, throwing a concerned look toward the bed.
The cool, phlegmatic Benjamin was showing feelings for a tiny girl? He was clearly smitten with her. How could he not be though?
She was just Esmeralda, impossible not to like.
“What is it?” I asked when he remained silent.
“Mister Archibald Forbes is here.”
I gritted my teeth, pursing my lips in frustration. I could only deal with one problem at a time. I’d already received an email from my father saying that he had heard from Dr. Willis about the unfortunate incident and would, therefore, be coming home earlier to help me care for Esmeralda. What a joke that all was. I was sure the man just wanted to enjoy the misery that my life was becoming. Or maybe, even worse, he just expected her to be weak enough to take what I knew he contemplated in the dark corner of his sick mind.
“I said no visitors, Benjamin,” I snapped a bit louder than I’d intended.
“I know, sir, but he heard about Miss Esmeralda's accident and is refusing to leave without either seeing her or speaking to you.”
Accident. I sighed, “Now is really not a good time.”
“I know sir, but–”
I raised my hand, stopping him in his tracks. I was a second away from losing my shit and breaking anything in view, the poor old majordomo included. “I don't care what you do with him. Just tell him to wait.”
Benjamin opened his mouth, but the look I gave him was enough to stop him. “Very well, sir. I will have him wait for you in the small library.”
I waved my hand dismissively; he could set him up on the roof for all I cared as long as it was not in this room.
As soon as he closed the door behind him, I locked it. I wouldn’t put it past Forbes to force his way in.
As if on cue, my phone vibrated with an email from Dr. Willis. Finally, the results were in.
I opened the email. Despite having expected it, seeing the results still affected me. I read the email again and again, tightening my hand so firmly around the phone that I couldn’t believe it was not crumpling in my hand.
As if on cue, Esmeralda stirred and hissed, probably pulling on her IV.
I stood up and turned on the lamp on her desk.
She blinked, looking at me silently as if she was confused.
Again, I didn't want to acknowledge how seeing her grey eyes made me feel. I prayed to God she remembered who I was. I needed her to be okay so that I could kill her with my bare hands for the test results in that email.
“Caleb?” she asked as I reached for the IV machine and turned it off.
I couldn't help the sigh of relief; at least she remembered me.
“What are you doing here?” She looked at the IV in her arm and winced. “What happened?”
“You tell me,” I replied, my voice sharper than I’d intended. Now was not the time to settle the accounts.
She shook her head, wincing again. “I don't remember. We fought and then…” She shook her head again.
I raised an eyebrow, taking a step back. Did she try to kill herself because I was going to see Aleks?
“Is that why you tried to kill yourself?”
She jerked on her pillow. “What? I’m no… I didn’t.”
“I thought you didn’t remember what happened?” I asked, not able to contain the edge in my voice.
“It doesn't matter if I remember or not, I would never. No.”
Despite the evidence in my hand, I wanted to believe her. I wanted her words to be true. It was hard to accept that someone, anyone, especially someone I once thought cared, would rather end her life than contemplate her life with me.
“How did you get access to my mother’s meds cabinet?”
“I didn’t.”
I sighed; I was too tired to play games. “Stop it, Esmeralda. Let go of the fake person you’re pretending to be.” I extended my phone to her, showing her the tox-screen result. “You had Haldol and Klonopin in your blood. Now I repeat, how did you get access to my mother’s medicine cabinet?”
“I didn’t, Caleb.” She tried to pull on her IV, but I reached for her hand, stopping her. “I have too much to do.”
I frowned. “What do you have to do?”
“I…” She stopped, trying to pull herself up on the bed.
Now that she was awake and apparently okay, my frustration at her actions was back in full force. But even I wouldn’t unleash my anger on a bedridden woman.
I threw my hands up in exasperation. “I’ll call the doctor. When you’re ready to finally tell the truth, we’ll talk.”
“Caleb, please,” she begged. Her voice was still so thin and uncertain. It was too fresh a reminder for when she’d begged me not to go last night. This brought on a wave of new feelings I'd never experienced befo - guilt.
I shook my head, exiting the room and already calling Dr. Willis. I then decided to go confront Archibald. Maybe he could shed some light on what she’d done last night, and perhaps I could pass him some of the unwelcome guilt I was feeling.
I found him walking back and forth in the small library, his back straight, his hands tightened into fists behind his back. Archibald and I were very similar, which had helped our thin truce to sprout. We were cool, never letting anything get the better of us. But right now, he looked at me like he could murder me. It was clear to see that Esmeralda had gone through all his walls and pretenses, as she had with me. How ironic.
“How dare you keep me away from my sister, Astor?” he roared, charging toward me.
I tried to keep my cool, resting in front of the door. I knew he would hit me if he wanted to, but he also knew I fought dirty and wouldn’t mind crossing lines he wouldn't get within ten feet of.
“Let me see her,” he hissed through clenched teeth, standing almost chest to chest with me.
I shook my head. “No. She is resting. The doctor is on his way.”
He raised an eyebrow as if he couldn't understand me. Well, that made two of us. “No, she needs me. I need to make sure she is safe.”
Ah, I saw it now. He believed I’d hurt her. My mouth morphed into a humorless rictus. I wanted to shut him up more than keep the secret of what had happened to her. “Oh, you are an expert on your sister? Could you please tell me then why she tried to kill herself?”
Archibald took a step back, allowing me to slip past him and walk into the library. “What did you say?”
“Your sister, the girl you know so well, she tried to end her life.”
Archibald scoffed, shaking his head. “This is ludicrous. Esmeralda would never do that.”
He was so confident in his words, as if he’d known her his whole life, and that small and aggravating part of me hung on to this belief harder than it should have.
I threw him my phone. “Then explain this.”
He looked up after a minute and threw it back at me. “I’m not sure how to explain that, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that my sister would never do that.”
“Oh yeah?” I crossed my arms on my chest, looking at him mockingly. Did Esmeralda fool him as she’d fooled me? “What makes you so sure?”
“Because she is my sister and because I know her.”
It was my turn to snort. “Oh, do you now? What makes you an expert in Esmeralda? The few months she shared your roof? When you plotte
d together to make us believe you were enemies? Sorry to break it to you, Forbes, but it takes more to know a person.”
Archibald rolled his eyes. “Are we still on this?” He sighed. “Yes, I helped her escape. Was that what you wanted to hear?”
Was it? I wasn’t sure. “It’s a start.”
“But what you need to know is that we didn’t plan that, I did.”
I raised an eyebrow in disbelief. It’d been clear from the start that Esmeralda's only goal had been to disappear. I’d only started to believe she could change her mind after our day in Port Harbor.
Archibald looked heavenward before glancing at the door almost wistfully. He wanted to go to her, but he knew that I would have security stop him before he ever reached the top floor.
“I know you won’t believe it, but everything that transpired between us in the beginning was the absolute truth. I hated her being here, making me worry and care. I wanted her to hate our lives, but she was always so damned good all the time, so caring.” He growled softly as if the memories caused him pain, and maybe they did. Good! It was the least he deserved for what he’d done to me.
“Despite everything she went through, she wasn’t damaged or broken. I hated her for this. When the engagement happened, I realized that I didn’t want her to suffer that badly. I didn’t want her to become the broken doll Sophia is or the shadow of a woman your mother has always been.”
“Is that what you think I will turn her into?” I asked. The question caused my heart to thud just a bit faster in my chest. I dreaded the answer because deep down, I knew what it would be. Whether I wanted to or not, I was going to taint her. If she really had that goodness in her, it would eventually wither and die.
He shrugged. “It didn’t matter either way. I just tried to keep her at bay, but the more she got close to you, the more I was trying to get close to her, to keep her safe, and then I grew attached. And when she decided to stay…” He shook his head. “I loved her too much already to let her suffer along with us.”
“She wanted to stay?” Fuck! I hated how my voice sounded - almost hopeful.
Archibald cocked his head to the side; he’d picked up on that and it made me even angrier at her.
“Yes, she did. And while she affirmed she wanted to stay only for me, I feared that deep down, she had another reason.” He pursed his lips, his eyes hard as he detailed me. And I knew what he was not saying. He had feared she’d stay for me.
How ironic could it be? One man’s fear was another man’s hope.
“I know she asked me to stay out of it, but I’m getting tired of you making her out to be a cold, conniving, calculating bitch without a soul. She is not us, Caleb!”
“Apparently, you’re not very good at listening either, are you?”
We both froze at the strained, velvety voice and turned slowly around. Her voice was deeper than usual, probably due to the water she’d inhaled. She was still so pale and she looked frail in her red dressing gown. She was leaning against the doorframe, clearly to help support herself.
She was furiously stubborn and endearingly strong.
“You should be in bed,” I snapped. Her lack of concern for her own well-being added some more fuel to my anger. “The doctor should be here any minute.”
Archibald turned to her, his face morphing instantly to concern and love. How nice was it to acknowledge how you felt? To not play games… He was admitting his weakness to me, but he couldn't care less… Maybe he’d accepted what I still refused to: that we shared the same weak point.
“You look like shit, sister of mine.” He chuckled, but his voice carried his relief.
She gave him a crooked smile. “Always so kind, brother.” She took a deep breath turning to me, looking at me seriously. “I didn’t try to kill myself, Caleb. You have to believe me.”
“I believe you!” Archibald offered as he moved closer to her, taking her arm.
She leaned on him, making me feel like a sick man for being jealous of the closeness she shared with her own brother.
“Esmeralda,” I sighed. I didn't even feel like fighting her anymore. “Just don’t.”
“No.” She stood straighter with her brother’s help. “I didn’t do that, Caleb. I remember more now and I only had the wine you left me.”
“You left her wine?” Archibald asked, judgment clear in his voice.
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes you did!” She insisted. “You left a bottle of a weird-named white wine. Check in the kitchen.”
“There is no wine in the kitchen, Esmeralda. Just admit the truth now. Blood tests don’t lie.”
“Don’t they?” Archibald asked.
We both knew how easy it was to alter medical records. We’d done it before when the situation had needed it, but Dr. Willis had no reason to lie. He had much more to lose here than to gain. I shook my head. Archibald clearly still believed she was innocent. And I, despite everything, could only think about now was that she’d wanted to stay.
“Esmeralda…” I began, but I was interrupted by Benjamin standing behind Esmeralda.
“Excuse me for interrupting, Sirs, Madam, but Dr. Willis is here,” he announced, bowing his head.
“Send him to Miss Forbes’s room. She will be right up.”
Esmeralda glared at me. I was quite pleased by that. She hadn’t lost her spunk.
I took a step toward her, but she shook her head.
“No.” She raised her hand. “You don’t believe me.” She turned toward Archibald. “Help me, please?”
He wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head. “Always,” he said before giving me a hard look.
I watched them walk away and close the door behind them. I snorted at the irony of the moment and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. I was clearly not wanted nor needed here; I might just have to go to see the only person to whom I ever mattered.
Chapter 9 - Esme
“You know you’ll have to tell me everything right?” Archie whispered as he helped me back into my room on shaky legs. “I know - I know you didn’t try to kill yourself, don’t get me wrong, but…”
I nodded. “I know, but the thing is –” I threw him a sideways glance. He looked down at me, expectantly. “You’re going to get angry with me.”
“I see...” He said with a twitch of his jaw. “Well, let’s see the doctor first and make sure you have no permanent damage before I start shouting at you. You don't mind if I stay, right?”
I could only see concern on his face and there was no way I’d deny him the reassurance that I was okay, especially since I suspected it was my actions which had caused the incident to start with.
The doctor was already waiting for me in the room when we walked in. Archie squeezed my arm before letting me go.
“Good morning, Ms. Forbes. I’m happy to see you up.”
“Thank you, Dr. Willis.”
“Why don’t you come sit here and let me give you a checkup.” He looked up at Archie. “Maybe you could go get her some food? She needs some replenishment.”
Archie crossed his arms on his chest, his face set in the stubborn scowl I’d come to know very well. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll ring for food.”
The doctor turned toward me and I nodded my approval. I didn’t think they could have removed him anyway, even if I’d wanted them to.
“Very well then. Let's begin.” He listened to my heart, checked my stats and reflexes, shone the brightest light possible in my eyes, and asked me a series of random questions ranging from what year it was to the name of my brother, before determining that I had been extremely lucky as I’d suffered no permanent damage from the accident.
“Talking about accidents,” he said, pushing his round glasses up his nose. “I have a duty to determine if you might be a danger to yourself…” He trailed off, looking at my brother’s back as he was setting the platter of food that had just been delivered, onto my vanity.
“I didn’t try to kill myself, Dr. Willis.�
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He sighed. “Miss Forbes, I ran the tests twice and the results are–”
“Correct,” I nodded. I needed to change my strategy with the man. He was obviously as suspicious as Caleb so a lie would be better than the truth here.
“This is what my brother and I were just discussing,” I said. “It makes no sense, but it seems that my future mother-in-law is using decoy pill bottles to hide her medications. I had a bad headache last night and took some of her paracetamol and some of her ibuprofen a little later, but it seems that neither was what I thought it was. We just checked the bottles now.” It was not too much of a stretch. Caleb told me what his mother had in her medicine cabinet and I was sure that their doctor knew she was a pill-popping housewife.
The doctor’s face eased with obvious relief. Was it for my health or the tedious task it would have been to put me on suicide-watch? But whatever the reason, he’d bought it and that was all that mattered.
“Ah,” he nodded. “I understand. Say no more. Just take it easy for the next few days. You might also develop a cough due to the drowning if bacteria develops in your lungs.” He rested a card on my night table. “This is my direct number. Should you feel any discomfort, call me day or night.”
I looked down at the card. Being rich was a perk I still hadn’t gotten used to. I thought back on the times Luke and I had had to wait hours in overcrowded, understaffed free clinics whenever I’d been sick.
“Money really buys it all, doesn't it?” I asked no one in particular, my voice full of weariness.
Dr. Willis’s eyes softened. “You take care.” He patted my arm before nodding toward Archie and exiting the room.
Archie gestured me toward the vanity and the platter filled with cereal, fresh fruits, toast…
“I’m only one person, you know,” I joked, sitting down and reaching for a slice of buttered toast.
“I know. I’ll share.” He gave me a boyish grin that reminded me of Luke and sat on the bed with a piece of toast too. I didn't think he would like to know that there was some Luke in him - or maybe he would. He was the spitting image of our uncle. I’d thought he’d looked a bit like him when we’d first met, but I could see more in him now. Maybe it was because I also knew his soul was not as dark as I had anticipated. Perhaps it was because I loved him.