by R. G. Angel
I'd rather die. I reached in my pocket and got her engagement ring out. “No, I want you to do what you want to do. Not what you are expected to do or what you think you should do. There doesn’t need to be a wedding next week. We can cancel saying that we’re in mourning or we can go ahead with it, saying it would honor my father's memory." I shrugged. “We can- You can do literally whatever you want.” I jerked my head toward the door. “Ben is waiting to see you. I’ll let him in and you guys talk. Whatever you decide to do is fair, Esmeralda. You never committed to these choices, not really.” I stood up.
“Caleb, no wait. Let's talk some more,” she begged and I stopped by the door, considering it before shaking my head.
“See you in a bit,” I said, stepping into the corridor and closing the door behind me.
“How is she?” Deluca asked from his chair outside the room, a half-drunk cup of coffee and some sports magazine at his side.
“She’s good. We got lucky.” I gestured to the door. “She’s ready to see you.”
He stood up and gave me a nod. “You’re not too bad, all things considered.”
“For a sociopath?” I joked.
He gave me a half-grin. “Yeah, and for a rich asshole.”
I took his seat and bowed my head. “Thank you for watching out for her.”
“Always,” he replied, walking into her room.
I settled a bit more in the chair. Grabbing the magazine he'd left behind, I did my best to concentrate on something, anything, other than what was happening on the other side of the wall.
I rolled my eyes. Who even cared about fantasy league? I threw the magazine onto the seat beside me. I looked at my watch. Maybe a coffee would help.
I was about to go down to the hot drinks machine when Archibald stormed up the corridor, half-dressed, his hair in complete disarray.
“Sorry!” He was breathless. “I was sleeping and not sure why I didn't hear your messages.”
“You were exhausted, Archibald; no surprise there. But I told you in the text that she was fine.”
He frowned. “Why are you out here? Did she kick you out already?”
I chuckled, but it lacked humor. “No. Ben Deluca is in there, possibly declaring his flame to her.”
“And you are letting him live?”
“I let her go,” I admitted. “I told her to choose whatever she wants, that I’ll be fine.” I sat back in my seat.
“But I thought you loved her?” he asked with confusion.
“More than anything.”
“Then why?” He shook his head.
I sighed, resting my forearms on my thighs, looking down at the overused linoleum of the corridor. “Love takes so many forms, so many. Did you know the Greeks have four primary words for love?” I nodded as if I was having an actual conversation. “Philia, Storge, Eros and Agape. Agape is the strongest of all. It's showed by actions and Esme did that when she risked her life to save me. And I’ve just done that when I let her go, pretending I'd be okay.” I looked at the door, the pain I was feeling almost visceral. “I used to think she weakened me, but she doesn't. She makes me invincible. I will never be the same without her. She changed me in ways I could never express.” I tapped the center of my chest. “I can’t do it without her.”
Archibald rested his hand on my shoulder. A very small gesture of comfort, but it meant so much for both of us. Could we ever fix what we’d broken?
“Then why say otherwise? Why let her go?”
I turned to look at him, uncaring that he could see the beginning of tears in my eyes. “Because she is the love of my life and I can't settle for less than the same, not with her. It would kill me.”
Deluca exited the room. “I’ll see you soon, man.”
“What did you think he meant?” Archibald asked as we watched him walk down the corridor to the elevator.
“I’m not sure,” I replied. My heart hammering so hard in my chest I felt grateful to be in a hospital because I was sure it would give out.
“I need breakfast,” Archie said. “Go in and speak with her. I’ve got time.” He slapped me on my back.
I realized I must look like shit if he was ready to do that for me, knowing how much he wanted to see his sister.
“Thank you.”
He nodded. “I’ll bring you a coffee.”
“Yeah and some cyanide – it all depends how this conversation goes.”
“Cyanide. Got it.”
I knocked softly and took a deep breath, trying to place my cool mask into position as I walked into the room.
She was looking down at the engagement ring, toying with it.
When I approached her bed, she extended it to me. “I can’t marry you this week,” she said gently.
I extended my hand and she dropped the ring in my palm.
My stomach squeezed at my need to heave. I was losing her, I was really losing her. Once again, I was not the first choice.
“Caleb?”
I looked up from the ring, feeling numb. “What?”
“Did you hear me?”
I nodded. She was making me say it – she was being cruel. “You don’t want to marry me,” I repeated, and I couldn't believe my voice sounded so calm, so dispassionate when I was in fact dying.
“No.”” She shook her head. “I said I can't, not that I wouldn't.”
I sat down heavily on the chair beside her bed. “So, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I'm not the same girl that came to Stonewood last year, I grew, I learned, and I felt. No matter what you say Caleb, I know you love me deeply, probably just as much as I love you.” She extended her hand toward me; I knew I was supposed to take it, but I was just so overwhelmed by everything she was saying I couldn’t move.
“How could you even think I would consider another man? I would have literally died for you, Caleb, but I don’t want that ugly ring I picked out of spite, or that fancy wedding that neither of us really wanted.”
“So, you want to be with me?” I hate how insecure I sounded.
She chuckled, extending her hand again and this time I grabbed it like it was a lifeline. “More than anything. You’re it for me, Caleb, and I want a ring and a wedding but not now. Let me go to university with you, let's move in together, build a life and then get married.”
“Oh, thank fuck!” I stood up and peppered her face with dozens of kisses. “Yes, a million times yes! Let's be engaged forever if that’s what you want. I called you a pawn once, but Esmeralda, you’re not a pawn. You’ve never been a pawn.” I kissed her and sat beside her on the bed. “You are the queen of the chessboard of my life, Esmeralda Forbes. You have all the power because you own your king. You are protecting me and without my queen I’d lose the game. I’d be checkmated because there would be no reason for me to keep on trying, not without you.”
“And yet you were ready to let me go?” she asked, her gray eyes shining with tears.
“I love you enough to do that. Love is selfless, right? Or at least it’s supposed to be?”
She looked down at her ring finger. “Do you think you could get it back? The angel-wing ring?”
I smiled. “Are you sure it’s the one you want? We can go get another one, start fresh.”
“Sure.”” She rubbed her ring finger. “I just loved how I felt then with you. It was such a perfect ring.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I can’t get it back because I never gave it away to start with.”
She looked up at me with incredulity. “You didn’t?”
I shook my head, reaching into my jacket and pulling out the ring box.
“You had it on you?” she asked with incredulity.
I shrugged. “I was planning to have this discussion after the party. I always wanted our relationship to become this.”
She looked down at the ring as I took it out and slid it onto her finger. “My fiancée.” I loved saying that now that it was true. “Are you sure you want to commit to me?”
&n
bsp; “I could ask you the same,” she replied. “You’re a smoking-hot millionaire about to go to university. Are you sure you want to be tied down with poor old me?”
I laughed at that, just thinking about any other woman is ludicrous. “100%, you're it for me. You're tattooed on me, both figuratively and literally.”
“The tattoo?” she asked with incredulity, sliding her hand in my shirt to rub it softly, making me shiver. “You got it for me?”
I smiled. “Yes, the tattoo was for you. It was always for you. You rule my heart and my forever, Esmeralda. You are not just part of my life; you are my life.”
“I love you Caleb, so much.”
I kissed her. “Say it again.”
She cupped my cheek. “I love you.”
I rested my forehead against hers. “I love you too.” I sighed, finally feeling at peace. No matter what I would face, the challenge of taking over my father's empire at eighteen years of age – everything. I could face everything with that woman by my side.
Chapter 22 - Esme
Caleb laid beside me, his head on top of mine, my hand in his. He had me wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and I loved it.
I sighed, looking at my ring again.
“Are you happy?” he asked, taking my hand and running his thumb over the ring.
“That you’re here with me, that we’re engaged and in love? Yes of course.”
“But?”
I sighed. “Things are a mess.”
He nodded. “I know.” He pulled me closer to him. “But when you’re in my arms I don't seem to care.”
Who would have thought that my man could be so romantic?
I cursed inwardly when somebody knocked. Archie’s head appeared.
“Seriously? I’m outside waiting to see you and you’re cuddling?” he asked, but his voice lacked heat.
Caleb just looked his way before settling back on the bed.
I raised my left hand and showed it to Archie. “We’re engaged!”
“Congratulations! I don't think Caleb could ever do better and if you’re ready to settle...” He shrugged.
Caleb snorted and flipped him off.
I was glad Archie didn’t point out that we’d been engaged before because this was different. This was real and wanted and born from love not hate.
“I brought you your coffee, Astor, but I think it’s time for you to go home and shower. You’re really making the hobo chic your look, man, but two days without a shower should be your limit.”
“You want me to give you some alone time?”
Archie smiled. “And some people say you’re stupid.”
Caleb sighed, clearly reluctant to let go of his spot beside me. “I’m not the one they called Shaggy.”
“I–” Archie’s nostrils flared in anger. “No, I won’t take the bait. Just take your coffee and go. We need some sibling time.”
Caleb smiled yet again and I loved it. I wanted to keep all of his smiles and would make it my life’s mission to make him smile as much as I could.
He bent down and gave me a soft kiss. “I’ll be back later. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Archie gagged as Caleb shook his head and exited the room.
I looked at my brother, my eyes narrowing. “I swear if you make a gagging sound one more time, I will gut you.”
Archie raised an eyebrow. “Fuck, don’t be so defensive. I’m glad you worked it out. You’re good for him and he adores you.”
“We’re not getting married next week though.”
“No?”
I shook my head. “I’m not ready for this. We need to get to know each other more. Be ourselves.”
Archie nodded. “So, you’re not coming with me to Brown anymore, are you?”
I felt guilty, but at the same time I didn't. He was my brother and I loved him, but I had a life to build.
I shook my head. “No, I’ll be going to Cornell with Caleb. I'm sorry, Archie.”
“Don’t be sorry. I understand. He’s your future. Well...if he can still go there.”
“What do you mean?
“I don't think it has sunk in since he refused to leave your side after what had happened. Your recovery was all he could think of, but with his father gone, he is in charge. He is now the CEO of a portfolio worth billions.”
I shrugged. “It doesn't matter. I’ll go where he will go and if he needs to stay here, I’ll stay here.”
“Okay.”
I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. “Okay? Just…okay?”
“Yes,” he shrugged. “Who am I to stand in the way of love?”
I scoffed. “Now that’s just a bucket full of shit. Spill it, Archie.”
He rolled his eyes. “I’ve got my own plans – with Taylor.” He winked. “Talking about her, you know you don't have to pretend to die on me to have me forgive you. I’m not even that mad about the whole Antoine thing anymore. It is actually a good thing.”
“Is it? You’re finally letting go?” I knew it would be hard for him, but it needed to be done. I was sure that university, the much-needed distance, would help.
“No, I’m going to fight harder.”
I sighed. I would not play dumb again. “Archie, I really think you need to let it go. Have you seen the extent of what she was ready to do to keep you at bay?”
“Yes, but don’t you see? It means there’s still hope. She was so worried about her own feelings for me that she pulled this.”
I grimaced. “I’m not sure you should see it like that.”
He waved his hand to stop me. “I supported your choices even when I disagreed. Can’t you just do the same for me?”
I looked down at my hands in shame. He was right. He’d supported my choices even when he clearly hadn’t approved of my attachment to Caleb. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed and suffer.”
“I don’t think I can suffer any more than I do now.” He gave me a sad smile. “Having her close enough to touch and being denied, it’s like torture.”
“What about father?” I tried a different tactic. “She is not exactly what he would approve of in a match.”
Archie chuckled and shook his head, “Father can go fuck himself. My research at the house turned out to be quite fruitful, you know. Father will never bother us again. Information is power, Esmeralda, and you and I – we have it all.”
I sat up straighter in bed. “What do you have?” I whispered as if we could be heard.
“Father’s business – the non-legal one. Evidence of a collusion, multiple briberies... Everything. If anything went to the FBI, he would spend the next twenty years in a cell.”
“Does he know what you have?”
Archie smiled and nodded once. “He knows what we have. He knows it’s hidden. I’ve got your back.”
“And I have yours.”
He nodded. “I know you do, but no more danger now that we’re done, okay?”
“Scout’s honor!”
He rolled his eyes, leaning back on his chair. “I really thought it was him, you know.”
I didn’t need to ask who he meant; I knew because I thought the same. Our father was narcissistic enough to want to kill anyone who chose ‘wrong’ in his eyes.
“I know. I thought so too.”
He shook his head. “I was dreading finding anything like that because even though I despise the man…” He trailed off, looking away.
“I get it. It would have been a heavy load to carry for you, for us.” I extended my hand to his and he took it tightly. “We’ll be okay now. We’re a family and we can rebuild our life, all of us.” And I would need to help Caleb heal from the added burden, an addition to his father’s sin – the cold planning of my mother’s murder.
“I called Luke. He is on his way to see you.”
“You did?” I was surprised because last time they were together, I couldn’t really say my brother had been a fan.
He nodded. “He is family – our family – and I want to g
et to know him too. He is linked to mom and now that I know she never wanted to leave me behind, I want him in our lives.”
I smiled. Even if the events we had just lived through were horrific, we were all starting to heal. If we could stay united, I knew we could leave the darkness behind – at least most of it.
He rested his head on the bed. “I got so scared. Don’t do that to me again, please. I love you more than I can say.”
“I promise, brother. I’ll be careful from now on.” I patted his head. “I’m here to stay and kick your butt every time you do something stupid.”
“That’s going to be a full-time job,” he jested.
I snorted. “You don’t say.” Life might become calmer from now on, but I knew it would never get boring, not with Archie and Caleb to keep in line.
********************************
The next couple of days dragged despite the visits. Even my father came and stayed for a few minutes. It was obviously only for appearance’s sake and I loved knowing we had power over him.
The only one who didn't come was Taylor. She facetimed me though to apologize, saying she had something she could not miss. She told me she would explain when she was back, but I already suspected she was planning on attending university far away. It was the only way to get away from Archie. I would've done the same if I were her.
Bored, I turned on the news. They were taking about what had happened that night. It was so ridiculously wrong though, I couldn’t help but be frustrated...and a little impressed. Based on the news, Anne White had been an unstable woman obsessed with the rich of this town. She'd had a neurotic breakdown where she'd tried to kill me. In a heroic gesture, my future father-in-law, James Astor, had sacrificed himself to save me.
I snorted. “Loads of shit,” I muttered.
“This is how news works in our world, Esmeralda. Rich demons are too powerful not to die as heroes.”
My head jerked up. Jacklyn was standing by my door in all her glory. She was in a sober black designer dress I assumed she'd worn to the funeral today, and carrying a pair of oversized sunglasses in a gloved hand.
“Caleb is still busy with the board members,” she said as if to justify her presence in my hospital room.
She walked to my bed as I adjusted the covers almost subconsciously. This woman had a way of making me feel inadequate just by looking at me.