by R. G. Angel
“They are nervous to have a man so young take over. They shouldn’t be; he is as smart and as cunning as any of them.”
“I’m sorry about your husband,” I said.
“I’m not and neither should you be, dear. That man belonged in a grave or a prison cell. Personally I'm quite fond of the option that was picked.”
“Okay… What can I do for you?”
“May I?” She pointed to the chair by my bed and I blushed at my lack of decorum, as they would say.
“Yes, of course.”
“I came to discuss the subject we'd started the other night.”
“You told me to get out and that it was none of my business.”
She sat partly on the chair, her back straight, legs folded to the side. It was like Princess Kate or something. Would I be expected to do that too after I married Caleb?
“And frankly, it isn’t, but I believe you deserve some explanation. I’ve sprung that upon you by giving you the journal and my note started all of this.” She took a deep breath. “I presume, based on your abrasive comment, that Caleb told you what happened with his back.”
Even under her mask of coolness there was shame there. I saw it. “Yes, he did.”
She nodded. “I was different then and despite what my son seems to think happened that night, what I did... It is one of my life's biggest regrets.”
I remained silent, just looking at the ice queen in front of me. I suspected she was just like her son - feeling everything, only so deep inside that nobody knew.
She took a deep breath. “While I was away in Europe after...the incident…”
Ah, ‘incident’ – so this is what we are calling it.
“…your mother started to write me letters. I never answered and I’m not even sure how she knew where I was. Maybe it was James trying to play the sympathy card to get in her pants or…” She waved her hand. “It doesn’t matter how, but she wrote about life at home and everything and nothing, never once mentioning the incident itself. She talked about Caleb's recovery and how he was often at her house with Archibald. Those two were as thick as thieves for a while.”
“They are getting closer again now,” I told her, one positive from this whole mess.
She nodded. “Yes, because of you. So the more she wrote, the more I saw the woman she really was, not the evil homewrecker I'd taken her for. James was sneaking around a lot and I did not care. If he had sex with other women at least he wasn't touching me.” Her mouth tipped down in disgust. “But he was taking this obsession with your mother to a level that was shaming me. Everything was Victoria. He was sick enough to ask me to dress like her and have my hair done like hers, which I, of course, refused to.”
How sad was it to be disgusted by the touch of your life partner?
“But under the cover of my pills and alcohol, I saw it all. I'm perceptive and I knew your mother had a secret. I just thought for a while it was an indiscretion with my husband.”
“How?”
She chuckled. “Like I knew you were sneaking around that night at the party, dear. I knew you and my boy had something planned the moment you’d stepped into the room.” She rolled her eyes. “And Sophia, Lord was she obvious – slipping away was child’s play.”
“I see,” I said, slightly chastened.
“I never would have expected your mother to hide such a secret. I followed her to an internet cafe in Port Harbor and slid behind her. I saw photos of a little girl and I knew. From the moment I saw the photos I knew.”
I blinked back the tears, imagining the pain my mother had gone through to ensure my freedom.
“She was terrified when she realized I knew her secret, but how could I betray her? I understood her love and her feeling of loss – William had sent Theo to an institution. My son had been taken away from me and it was a loss you never really heal from.”
I wanted to shout at her, tell her she had another son that needed her love, a son who never thought he was good enough because he’d never been able to gain his mother’s love. A son that I loved with everything I was.
“Do not judge me, Esmeralda. I love Caleb even if it is not something either of you believe. But he was strong and becoming what his father wanted him to be. He didn't need me.”
“Yes, he did. He does.”
She looked stricken for a moment, at a loss for words which I expected wasn't a common occurrence.
“I owed your mother for the kindness and solicitude she showed me when all I'd ever shown her was contempt and hate. She told me about what she did with you and I promised to help as much as I could. She feared for herself…” She looked away. “In retrospect I think she feared William would lock her away somewhere. Not that it matters. Your mother told me to keep her journal. It was a letter to you, something she hoped would help you should you be brought back into this life.” She sighed. “Something I knew was inevitable.”
“Why tell me about the murder? How did you even know?”
She folded her hands on her lap. “Because nobody’s ever careful in front of the pill-popping wife. The one too high and too stupid to see, to hear, to understand.”
I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. “You’re not taking those pills are you, not really.”
Her face morphed into a grin as she shook her head. “Not most of them, no. I haven’t for years, but being underestimated, looking weak was my greatest strength. As for telling you. I did that so you would run and never look back. My husband was much too happy to have you in Stonewood. I could see the cogs of his sick mind at work and I knew he was sick enough to want from you what your mother had never given him.”
Bile rose in my throat. James had been a sick man.
“I had the journal delivered by the janitor. The cleaning crew is always invisible everywhere you go. I did that before I'd known my husband would try to marry you into the family. Once Caleb started to show an interest in you, and I saw it at the engagement party during your dance, I knew he would go to the end of the world to bring you back. There was no saving you. It was too late. I never expected you to be reckless enough to try to solve this murder, though.”
“I’m deeply in love with him. I’ll make him happy – as happy as he’ll allow himself to be,” I admitted, running my hand over the engagement ring.
She looked down at the ring and nodded thoughtfully. “You are obviously quite enamored with my son and he is quite passionate about you as well. It gives me hope that you will be his beacon of sanity, his safety net in the world he is about to navigate. He doesn’t yet comprehend the weight of responsibility and obligations thrust upon his shoulders, but he can do it. He is strong enough to do it and with you by his side, maybe he will prevail.” She moved her hand and let it hover over mine, unsure. Or maybe it was simply unfamiliar for her to offer kinship.
She finally decided and rested her hand on mine. “You’re kind. You befriended and cared for Theo. You love my son despite his shortcomings and for that I’ll forever be grateful. This is the last we’ll speak of the past and of my doubts and apprehension for the future ahead. Caleb is strong and overwhelming in so many ways. He will undoubtedly become a force to be reckoned with. He will be what his father never could - all-powerful, but without letting it swallow him in the process.” She squeezed my hand. “I know he would never do it willingly, but this life has a tendency to dim the light in people. Don’t let it happen to you because your love for my son will know some dark days. He will not always be easy to love, but you will shine through.”
I turned my hand to squeeze hers back. “I will. I promise I will. I have enough love and hope in me. I know he loves me. I have no doubt, but thank you for helping me, for telling me the truth about my mother. I’m glad that, despite all of it, she had an ally she could trust.”
As if on cue, Caleb walked in. He still had his dark funeral suit on, but his tie was undone, dangling on the side of his neck.
The beautiful smile that was on his face disappeared the moment he saw his m
other. His eyes narrowed at the sight of our hands clasped together.
“Mother, I thought you would be back at home entertaining our guests during the wake.”
She stood, smoothing her dress and nodded toward me. “Esmeralda, if you’ll excuse me I have the simulacrum of the grieving widow to play. I shall see you very soon.”
“You will. And thank you again for everything.”
“What did she want?” Caleb asked. His voice had a coldness that he had not used with me for a long time.
“Caleb.” I extended my hand toward him. “She is trying. Let her. For me.”
He sighed. “For you.” He kissed me. “I have good news. I met Dr. Willis in the corridor. He is preparing your discharge papers.”
I smiled, so happy to go back home, to my shower, to our bed. “How was your chat with the board?”
He shrugged. “We will know more in a few days. They are giving me a little while to mourn. You know...respect and all.” He snorted. “But I’ll face every challenge.”
“Yes, you will. We will, together, because I’ll be by your side every step of the way.”
“Where you belong,” he added.
“Where I belong.”
Chapter 23 – Caleb
The days following my father’s funeral were anything but fun. They were a succession of classes followed by lengthy board meetings that set up my role and established my legitimacy.
I had to make hard choices to ensure I would not be challenged – not that I could lose the empire my family had built. I could though lose the role of CEO, at least temporarily, and this was not something I could ever allow. Astors had been in control of our conglomerate for over a hundred and seventy years – this was not about to change today.
Some choices had been harder than others, but one thing was certain – coming home to Esmeralda made the weight lighter. But tonight was a bit more difficult because I was about to impose a directive on her. I’d always tried to give her options, but this time choice was not possible. I hoped she would see that.
I walked into my room just in time to see my beautiful fiancée stepping out of the bathroom, fresh out of the shower, a thick towel wrapped around her goddess-like body. I would have never thought I could ever be jealous of an inanimate object and yet here we were.
My hands twitched at the impulse to rip the towel from her body. I wanted to make love to her for the next few hours, worshipping every inch of her skin.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked, her voice a little deeper than usual. She wanted me just as much as I wanted her right now.
“I’m thinking about how much I want to bend you over the bathroom cabinet and show you how much I miss touching you,” I growled. She crossed her legs under due to the heat of my gaze and the dirtiness of my words. She wanted that too.
“Abstinence is getting hard,” she agreed, her gray eyes turning steelier. I recognized that color perfectly. Her eyes always looked like that when she was angry or aroused.
Doctor Willis had discharged her on the condition that she would limit any physical exertion for the next few weeks. Esmeralda had offered to go back to her own bedroom for the time needed. I had scoffed at the sheer stupidity of the proposal – as if I ever wanted her to sleep anywhere other than in my arms. I was never going to let her go.
“We’re not animals,” I'd replied. “We can sleep together without sex. I just want you with me. You keep the nightmares at bay.”
And it had been true. I'd never slept better than with her in my arms.
But it had been difficult, more than we'd thought it would be. So we made sure to always stay clothed whenever we were together just to avoid pushing things too far. There was only so much a man could take.
Seeing her like this – bare feet and bare skin, wet tendrils of hair sticking to her neck, some droplets of water still peppering her shoulders... My body reacted and there was nothing I could do to rein it in, even if I wanted to.
She looked down. Staring shamelessly at my straining pants, she bit her bottom lip. I knew that her thoughts were just as decadent as mine.
“As much as I would love to take care of this problem, we’re late. Your mother has already checked on you twice.”
I rolled my eyes. It had not even been our idea to arrange this little gathering. A sort of ‘In Memoriam’ mixed with a ‘Welcome Home Esme’ as well as a ‘Goodbye Antoine, we hope you enjoy Paris’.
“Can’t your Uncle Luke distract her?” I sighed, undoing my tie and dropping my suit jacket on the chair beside the door.
Luke had been with us for a week now. I was not sure what Archibald had found on his father, but no word of protest had been uttered.
I loved seeing Esmeralda with him. She was so carefree. The smile she had given when I’d offered for him to stay a while had been worth any hassle his presence could have caused. I’d loved it so much that I’d even sat down and listened to the ‘talk’ about respecting Esmeralda and treating her right. The man didn't know I’d rip my own heart out if she asked me.
“I think if those two spend any more time together, it will end up in a murder-suicide.”
I cocked my head to the side pretending to ponder the option. I threw my hands up in surrender. “I just need a quick shower. It’s been a long day.”
She detailed me, her eyes seeing right through me as usual. “Is everything alright? You look tired.”
I grabbed a change of clothes and walked into the bathroom. “The board’s not going easy on me,” I admitted. I could let the walls down when I was in my room. With my Angel, I could share my doubts, my fears, my weaknesses without any fear of being hurt in the process. It was a treasure I thought I would never get.
“Want to talk about it?” she asked as she settled on the vanity we had moved from her room to mine in order to do her makeup.
“It’s more than that. I need to,” I replied, getting into the walk-in shower and watching her do her makeup through the steamed-up glass of the cubicle. It was all so domestic and I loved every second of it.
“We’ve got a problem.” Better rip the Band-Aid off now and see how it goes.
“Okay?” she called back cautiously.
I sighed, resting my forehead against the black tiles of the shower wall. The hot water felt wonderful on my tensed back muscles.
“The board said that if I want to assume the role of CEO, I have to fulfil all the functions, no exception.” I was so angry. I could see my father’s former right-hand man salivating at the idea of having the top job. The more eager he was, the more adamant I was to take it from him.
“What do they mean by that?” dhe asked from the walk-in closet as I stepped out of the shower.
“It means that I’ll need to be in the office at least twice a week and attend the fortnightly early morning calls with London and the monthly very late calls with Shanghai.”
She walked into the bathroom dressed in a simple pair of dark jeans and a red V-neck blouse.
“You look stunning,” I offered, buttoning my shirt.
She rolled her eyes, her high ponytail waving from right to left as she bounced toward me. Standing on her dainty red-painted toes, she gave me a chaste kiss. “You always say that! Even last night when I wore my sushi printed flannel pajamas.”
“And it was true then too. You’re always beautiful.” I lifted her and sat her on the counter beside me before I started to shave.
“I guess we always knew that taking over would be a lot of responsibility, Caleb. It’s alright. There is nothing you can’t do.”
I sighed. “Your faith in me is commendable.” I met her eyes in the mirror. “But it also means we can’t go to Cornell, Angel. It is too far. It’s not practicable.”
She shrugged. “Okay, there are a few colleges around here. It’s not a big deal.”
I stopped shaving and turned toward her. Had my girl lost her mind? “No, I was not thinking of community college, Esmeralda… I was saying we can’t go to Cornell; we nee
d to go to Yale. It’s only an hour away, so it will be easier on me, on us.”
She started to laugh, full belly laughs, tears-in-her-eyes kind of laughs.
“What?” I asked self-consciously.
She kissed the tip of my nose. “Oh, I love you.”
I glared, but my heart was elated - as it was every time she reaffirmed her love for me.
“What?”
“You are acting like it’s an issue – Cornell or Yale or whichever college. I. Don’t. Care. All I want is to be there with you.”
“How did I get so lucky?” I asked as a weight eased in my chest.
She shrugged. “You’re lucky you're hot.”
I finished my shaving under her inquisitive eyes.
“Something else is bothering you,” she stated. Reaching for the face cloth on the counter, she wiped at shaving cream on the side of my jaw.
I grabbed her hand and kissed the underside of her wrist. “How is it you know me so well?”
She smiled. “Because I’m attuned to you, because I care.”
I helped her down from the counter, but kept her in my arms, molding her body to mine.
“It’s going to be hard, going to class and managing everything. They will not cut me any slack. I’ll be so busy, I won’t see you much. I’ll be exhausted all the time.” I rested my forehead against hers. “It’s going to be trying so early in our relationship and I miss you already.”
She rested her hands on my cheeks, keeping my forehead against hers. “We’ll make it. We didn’t have the best start, but we’ve bloomed despite all odds. It might be difficult, but it wouldn’t be us if it was easy. I have no doubt we’ll make it. We can make it work. I can attend your classes if you can’t.”
My woman was so positive. Just a few words and all the weariness and anxiety caused by today's decisions, evaporated until only hope remained.
She let go of my cheeks and took my hand. “Come on, let’s go party.”
I took her hand and let her lead me down the hall like a lovesick puppy. I didn’t even care that anybody could see us.