Angry People in Local Newspapers

by Alistair Coleman

  ‘I was gutted – more for my partner than for me. She had told everyone and she was really upset. She was distraught and we didn’t know what to do.’

  “I was gutted”

  Hapless Richella booked the trip through lastminute.com as a thirtieth birthday surprise for Ben.

  She kept it secret for more than a year before finally revealing the present at a bash in front of all their family and friends.

  They flew off to Amsterdam instead after lastminute.com said no refund was available.

  Ben said: ‘It’s a common mistake apparently – but if that’s the case the company’s website should make it more clear.

  “the company’s website should make it more clear”

  ‘It’s embarrassing because everyone was really happy for us. We are just going to have to start saving from scratch again.’

  Lastminute.com said the drop down menu on its website made a clear distinction between the two airports.

  A spokeswoman said: ‘While not an error on our behalf, we do feel very sorry that Richella and Ben only realised this choice of departure was incorrect once at the airport.

  ‘This is when they contacted our customer service team, who did their best to assist on the day of travel.

  ‘However there were no other flights available which could have been booked as an alternative.

  ‘We take customer satisfaction very seriously and are committed to always finding the best possible solution.

  ‘We have since contacted the airline and the hotel to ask whether any refund would be available.

  ‘Unfortunately, as per the terms and conditions of the booking, this is not something that can be provided.

  ‘Such cases are extremely rare. However we would like to take this opportunity to advise that customers check all details when making a booking, in particular departure and arrival airports (including airport codes) along with dates and times of travel.’

  It’s not the first time the two Birminghams have caused confusion.

  In 2008, Birmingham City Council admitted sending out thousands of leaflets bearing the US city’s skyline. Around 720,000 pamphlets praising residents for their recycling were sent out at a cost of £15,000.

  And in 2014 the authority plugged a bridal fair in Birmingham, Alabama, on the events section of its website.

  Mr Linge’s grandson was driving into Warminster when he hit a traffic island last October, causing nearly £300 worth of damage to his car.

  The bollard on the island had been removed which, Mr Linge claims, made the island very difficult to see as his grandson, and five other people, approached it.

  Mr Linge said: ‘Wiltshire Council confirmed that the traffic island damaged six cars in the space of forty minutes that evening but said they wouldn’t pay for any repairs to be made.

  ‘The island was very difficult to see as leaves were covering it and the bollard wasn’t there to warn people.

  They have been negligent

  ‘I asked the council if they had swept that bit of road and they said it hadn’t been done in three months. They have been negligent and have failed in their duty under the Environmental Protection Act to keep the highway free of detritus.

  ‘Not only that, but they also made it very difficult for me to make a complaint. It wasn’t until one month after calling the council that they sent me the documents I needed to make an official complaint and then they took even longer to acknowledge that my complaint had been registered.

  ‘I think the council hopes people will give up with their complaints, but I’m willing to take it further.’

  Mr Linge says that, as Warminster FC were playing at home, Weymouth Street had parked cars on both sides of the road, so people had no choice but to drive in the centre of the road.

  they also made it very difficult for me to make a complaint

  A spokesman for Wiltshire Council said: ‘We regularly inspect our highways, however we welcome the support of members of the public in reporting issues we may not be aware of.

  CRIME

  * * *

  A very long time ago, a pal of mine had a few drinks and wrote some lyrics to the theme tune of the American cop drama Hawaii Five-O.

  Like the works of Morrissey, McCartney and that bloke out of Take That, they hit the subject matter right on the nose, and tell us everything we need to know about criminality and those who put their lives on the line to fight this blight on society.

  And I quote:

  In Hawaii, there is lots of crime

  And Steve McGarrett solves it every time

  Steve, Jim, Danno and the boys in the lab

  [Deep breath here]

  Make sure anyone who does crime in Hawaii gets nabbed

  In Hawaii

  Hawaii Five-O.

  Yeah, that’s right. Do a crime, and the feds are out there waiting to push you down the stairs, slap you up with the yellow pages and put an end to your criming ways.

  Of course, if you’ve read this far already, you will know by now that ringing the Old Bill after some dirt bag has paid your garden a visit in the dead of night to take your priceless collection of gnomes posing in various filthy sexual positions to sell at a local car boot sale is a complete waste of time.

  The only way that this sort of major theft will ever come to justice is through the editorial pages of the Bugle, under the headline BRING BACK MY RUTTING GNOMES, pointing at a bare patch next to an ornamental well where there are no rutting gnomes at all.

  Statistics show that large numbers of petty offences go unsolved, so the only thing left for the victims is to go to the papers and tell them exactly what they think of the low lives who have done them wrong.

  There is, however, a limit to what you can get printed in the papers.

  While it is perfectly reasonable to hope that those behind the theft of fruit and vegetables from a garden or allotment ‘choke on them’, you may find that your expletive-ridden outburst that the criminal masterminds who stole your sexy gnomes ‘Get one of the ****ers stuck right up their ****ing ****, blunt end first’ may not make it past the sub’s desk.

  This no-vengeance rule may be suspended if the crime is against a nursery or primary school, where local hoodlums have turned over the children’s play equipment and made off with something dear to the collective hearts of the pupils.

  Then the teachers, and possibly a couple of the harder kiddies, may eff and blind to their hearts’ content, happy in the knowledge that Caleb (aged five) wants the perpetrators to be found in a gutter, turned inside out by forces beyond human ken, a dog eating their intestines.

  Caleb (aged five) has a fine imagination, which should be encouraged in order to keep him away from a life of crime.

  Angry kiddiewink crime victims also come with the possibility of what is known in the local newspaper trade as ‘kind-hearted readers’.

  It is always kind-hearted readers who come up with replacement goods for those stolen from the kiddiewinks, their heart-strings tugged hard enough to make them dip into their own pockets to make the younglings smile again.

  Often the kind-hearted reader happens to run a local business, and their motivation is in no way a cynical attempt at cheap advertising, and it would always be churlish to argue that this is the case.

  The kind-hearted reader sequel means the local paper gets to run the whole story again, only with a photo of happy kiddiewinks celebrating their good fortune. The particularly skilled local newspaper photographer will take these photos at the same time as the original sad-face pictures, to save them a return journey.

  And it’s the photographers who are the real heroes of local crime stories. They’re the ones who have to think on their feet and find a way of photographing something that has already been stolen.

  Of course, the easiest solution is to picture the victim (and if one is available – a police officer) pointing to the space where there are no bicycles, gates, cars or bloody gnomes.

  However, an elegant solution is to
hope that the victim has a photograph of the cherished object to hand, so that they may be photographed holding a photograph of the item, the absence of which is making them sad and/or furious.

  This is why you should always photograph your property. You never know when you’ll need a picture to go with your sad face.

  As Nick Ross always used to say at the end of Crimewatch, crime is much less common than you think.

  But should it happen to you, and cold-hearted crims make off with your sexy garden gnomes, save the Old Bill the bother and dial your local newsroom. They’ll get to the bottom of things double sharpish, and you’ll get a nice photograph of yourself to show the grandkids.

  Everybody’s a winner.

  Satan is behind efforts to scrap Sunday trading laws, a Guernsey minister has claimed.

  Mr Chapman, from La Villiaze Evangelical Church, has written to all deputies objecting to Deputy Mike Hadley’s requête seeking the postponement of Sunday trading laws for a twelve-month trial.

  The minister, who did not wish to give his first name, said one day of rest was required ‘under the authority of God’ and that ignoring this would lead to ‘an increase in the island’s problems and most surely incur God’s further wrath and condemnation’.

  ‘For these basic reasons we believe that the present situation on the island is already in contravention of the work of God and that any further erosion of godly laws will only increase the wrath of God against us,’ the letter said.

  ‘Satan is without a doubt behind these efforts to further do away with any semblance of Christian righteousness and we must stand and oppose it.’

  Deputy Hadley yesterday denied that he was a servant of Satan.

  “Deputy Hadley yesterday denied that he was a servant of Satan”

  Now a beloved TEDDY in honour of Jeremy Corbyn has been nicked – with the hunt on for the cheeky culprit.

  In recent months this cute little bear has sat on Labour’s front bench at Worcestershire County Council, bringing an element of comedy to the often frank political exchanges.

  But the stitched-together cuddly, belonging to Councillor Udall, disappeared last week during a lunch interval halfway through a full council meeting and still hasn’t been found.

  Unlike the Ed Miliband cut-out farce, which led to parts of the building being searched and threats to call the cops, this latest vanishing act won’t be leading to anyone getting hot under the collar.

  But Councillor Udall wants the teddy bear back, saying it was ‘loved’ by many Labour politicians left dumbstruck by its disappearance.

  many Labour politicians left dumbstruck

  He also says ‘an active search’ is ongoing to try and locate Jeremy, with the suspicion that he may well be lurking behind someone’s desk.

  He even said he is now prepared to donate the weird-looking cuddly to the Worcestershire Mums Network – the campaign group which led the long campaign over children’s centre cuts – as a Christmas present for a youngster in the event of its safe return.

  ‘Jeremy was a bit of fun, we don’t take this incident seriously and we really do have much more important things to worry about,’ he said.

  ‘However, we would like him back – I urge whoever has Jeremy to find a way to return him.

  I urge whoever has Jeremy to find a way to return him

  ‘We don’t need to know who the culprit is, we would just be happy to see Jeremy again.’

  Worcester News:

  The bear features a plain white t-shirt with the Labour leader’s face plastered on it, a white ribbon signalling support for the anti-domestic violence campaign, and a red badge.

  Councillor Udall added: ‘It’s time somebody who could really enjoy the bear had him, a family in need this Christmas.

  ‘We’ll donate Jeremy to the Worcestershire Mums Network as a gesture of goodwill so he can be put to the use he was really intended for.’

  But if the farcical events of December 2014 are anything to go by, the Labour group could be in for a long wait.

  The Ed Miliband cut-out, bought over the internet for a few quid, has still not turned up.

  The county council says the teddy bear ‘is being treated like any other missing or lost item’.

  The woman says she has had stones, mud and now onions thrown at her home.

  A Devon mum-of-two says she has been forced to install CCTV at her house – because youths keep throwing onions at it.

  The woman, who lives in Plymouth, says the incidents began around Halloween 2017 when youngsters started to throw stones at her home.

  In recent weeks, however, the youth gangs have started to throw mud and onions, and she has had enough.

  She told The Plymouth Herald: ‘It was actually quite scary. There were a few huge bangs at the back of the house, we looked outside and I had mud and stones all over the floor by my back door.

  ‘We called the police as we thought they had damaged our roof,’ she said.

  ‘The second time was just annoying. I could hear them laughing and stones bouncing off my house and shed. I shouted “Oi,” and they ran away.’

  they could poison our dog

  The children were caught, and they have apologised, but the mum was still worried.

  ‘If the onions went in the back garden and we didn’t know, they could poison our dog,’ she said. ‘I know that some car windows have been smashed and a caravan was set on fire last year but I only really find out through the local news Facebook page.’

  The onion incident was the last straw for the family.

  They have already had security lights installed on their house and are now investing in CCTV.

  And the mum says she won’t be the only one in her area.

  ‘There are a few houses in the street which have cameras, so hopefully if anything does ever happen again one of us will capture something,’ she said.

  ‘I recently spoke to my neighbour as she saw the kids running away after the onions had been thrown and she said she had been finding slate stones in her garden but figured it was birds.’

  she saw the kids running away after the onions had been thrown

  The woman said the extra security offered by CCTV will reassure her husband, who is in the Navy and often away on deployment. The couple say they chose to live here because it is close to his work and, despite recent incidents, they aren’t planning to move.

  ‘I love living out here,’ the mum said. ‘We all pull together when needed, as shown during the snow, people asking if anyone needed anything or help getting to places.

  ‘I just think there isn’t enough to occupy the teenagers and that’s probably why they do what they do.’

  A spokesperson for Devon and Cornwall Police said: ‘If you are aware of any incidents, please report it to police.’

  KCOM and BT have said scammers are calling the couple ten times a week.

  An elderly west Hull couple say they want to cut their own landline off as they are being constantly ‘plagued’ by nuisance calls.

  Mr Roberts and his wife receive around ten calls a week from voices purporting to be from KCOM and BT, who then ask them about the strength of their internet connection. On occasion, they have also been asked for bank details.

  The couple have become exasperated by the calls but say they are unable to block them as they are all from withheld numbers.

  KCOM and BT both told the Mail they believe the calls to be scam.

  Mr Roberts, who has lived in Hull for nearly thirty years, said: ‘We’re just very, very tired of it all. We’re at our wits, end on this.

  “We’re at our wits’ end on this”

  ‘This has been going on for between six and nine months, and we get at least two a day. I even bought three phones to put around the house so we could answer it more easily.

  “I even bought three phones to put around the house”

  ‘It really is causing us distress, but the problem is that because it’s an unavailable number you can’t block it.�
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  BT said that by default they do not contact numbers within the HU postcode area and that all calls made by the company are from identifiable numbers which can be rung back.

  Meanwhile, KCOM have repeated their advice for customers to be vigilant. The company said last month that hoax callers pretending to be employees were trying to obtain personal information from customers.

  A KCOM marketing officer said: ‘We have recently seen a spate of scam callers attempting to get local residents to reveal their personal details.

  ‘The best way for people to protect themselves is to treat any requests for personal information with extreme caution. For example, we never ask for customers’ credit or debit card details over the phone and will always transfer customers who wish to make a payment over to our secure, automated payment line.

  ‘If you are ever suspicious about a call, we recommend you hang up immediately.

  ‘Unfortunately, scams of this kind are on the rise. While those customers we’ve spoken to have realised something’s not quite right and ended the call – and have avoided losing money as a result – these callers can be very convincing so we want to warn people to be extra vigilant.

  ‘We have done our best to alert customers about the threat of scam callers in recent weeks on our website, through social media and an article in the Hull Daily Mail.

  ‘Where customers are able to identify the number that scammers are calling from and the time they called at we are able to work with partners to block these distressing calls.’

  The Calcot resident complained to police after she saw her neighbour rubbing his genitals, mowing his lawn and cleaning his windows several times completely naked – apart from a pair of boots.

  Following complaints of similar behaviour in March last year, police installed a CCTV camera at her home, overlooking the neighbour’s back garden, which captured the incident.