Dungeons & Gangsters

by Marco Frazetta

  “I don’t know where they are, boss,” he replied. I was quickly losing what sweet little remnants of patience I had left.

  “Well, they’re either on that table over there or in that desk over that way, so would ya be a pal and go fuckin’ look!” He nodded and scrambled off to the desk, pulled open the drawer and brought out a handful of menus. He walked over to me and passed ‘em to me.

  I took ‘em in hand, lit up a joint I had tucked in my vest, then asked the girls, “What do ya want? We got pizza, Chinese, Thai.” I thumbed through the menus. “Got a sandwich joint, an orc barbecue spot—”

  “I could go for a rack of elk.” The elf girl spoke without looking me in the eye. “Or perhaps sushi, if it’s quality.”

  I looked at her incredulously for a moment, took a hit on the joint. “Much as I enjoy quality sushi myself, I doubt we’re gonna get quality delivery of any of that right now. It definitely ain’t on any of these menus.”

  “Oh… but couldn’t you try?”

  I was ready to lose my shit, she was pretty but fuck this, I’m riskin’ my neck for this bougie bitch? I tried to keep calm, looked at her, moving my face slightly closer to hers. “Baby, I don’t know where you think you are—”

  “My name’s not baby, it’s...it’s…. Alelicia.” It was almost like she couldn’t even quickly recall her own name. “And I’m not your baby. Never call me that again.”

  “Whatever. The thanks I get.” I shook my head. But I did feel a little complimented, honored even, that she finally told me her name.

  The orc girl sighed and groaned. “Let’s just order some pizzas. Pepperoni and cheese on one, broccoli on the other for her ladyship.” She nodded to the elf girl, rolling her eyes.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Alelicia shot back at the orc girl.

  “Pizza it is.” I went over to the phone and put in the order. While we waited I offered the joint I was tokin’ on to the girls, but they politely refused. Must think I’m tryin’ to dope ‘em, I thought bitterly, trying to picture what they could have been through these last few days, not liking what ugly images floated to the surface. And the two I had taken them from were fine with putting them through it all. Not only that, but one was a billionaire tycoon with the resources and willingness to kill, the other was the crime boss of the second largest city in the country. Maglubiyet, what had I gotten myself into?

  Chapter 14

  Skreech looked at the poor delivery kid like he was gonna bite his fuckin’ hand off.

  We were all ravenous, and we clobbered the pizzas nearly as soon as they arrived.

  I was watchin’ the girls as we ate, studying them. For some reason I liked to watch them eat; I enjoyed seein’ the pizza grease drip from their dainty fingers, the way they greedily munched down the salty cheese that they’d both pluck pieces of from their slices. I couldn’t remember the last time I took such a simple pleasure out of somethin’ that didn’t even directly affect me.

  “So,” I began, finishing off my last slice of pepperoni pizza, wiping away any grease or pizza sauce that might have dropped onto my red chin, looking at the hybrid orc girl, “your friend at least remembers her own name—”

  “We’re not friends,” the elf girl said quickly.

  “Okay.” I nodded towards Alelicia, then turned back to the orc girl. “How ‘bout you? Where are you from?” Then, the memory of thwarted loot and rewards agitated my brain. “Why the fuck were there no goods in there?”

  “How the hell should I know why there weren't ‘goods’ in there?

  “You're right. Well, do you at least have a name?”

  The orc girl looked at me, startled, then, composing herself some, “my name,” she paused, looking at me blankly for a second, slight surprise and confusion flashing across her eyes. “My name is… My name is Tyzee.” She seemed to have some trouble with her memory like the other hybrid girl. What the fuck did those bastards do to these girls that they can barely even remember their own damn names? I hadn’t pressed the girls on their identities since they had seemed so out of it, just stuttered and near passed out whenever I tried talking with them during the ride from the train. And truth be told, I was half thinking that if things got real bad—they freaked out on me or some shit like that—I’d just roll off into the night, leaving them wherever, so the less they knew about me the better. But now...well, once you eat pizza with someone, you have a real soul connection. What can i say? I’m sentimental like that.

  “Pleasure to meet ya, Tyzee.” I wiped the grease from my fingers and gave her a handshake. She had quite a grip, even after days of who knows what. Then nodding to the elf girl briefly, I shook her hand as well, and the way she held it out to me she might as well have been the queen of England. “Alelicia, the name’s Teek.”

  “Teek?” Alelicia asked, then, sounding aloof said, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard such a name before.”

  “Yea, well, it’s the only one I got.” I turned back to the orc girl, Tyzee. “So where ya from?”

  She looked puzzled as she tried to answer, I could tell she was struggling. After another few moments, she stammered out, “I...I’m not sure...It was hot, lots of bugs...The ocean was there, the beach...The palm trees! I love the palm trees…” I shared a disturbed look with Skreech briefly.

  “You don’t know where you’re from?” I asked again, probing.

  Tyzee shook her head, her long pretty black and purple hair moving from side to side with her head. “I just remember… random things. Like I remembered that movie, The Good, the Bad… I remember liking it. I remember I like animals. Dolphins. Stingrays, that sort of thing.”

  “Family? Parents? …” I glanced down at her fingers and didn't see any rings. “Husband?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “How is that even possible…?” I asked. “That you don’t remember family, where you’re from, just random things?”

  “I...I just can’t remember right now, I can’t remember anything. Everytime I try to think of something, to remember something, it’s almost like I can just make out the memory, the image, but then it gets swirled away and all I can see in my mind is grey smoke.” She looked scared as she admitted this.

  “Grey smoke? Hmm. What about you, Alelicia? Can you remember where you’re from?”

  She looked at me, also in confusion, then after a moment shaking her head, spoke, “No...it’s the same with me. It’s like I can almost grasp a memory but then it’s gone… All I can remember is emptiness, like I didn’t even have a life before...I can see bits and pieces...the apple trees in the orchard...a little valley and river...a bridge...I don’t know what to make of it.”

  “I don’t know what to fuckin’ make of it either,” I muttered.

  “What?” Alelicia asked.

  “Nothin’,” I said quickly. “So neither of you knows where the fuck you’re even from. That’s just great.” I paused, noticing the girls look at each other, sharing a confused glance. “Okay, so now that we’ve become acquainted, you can tell me where the fuck is the gold, the dope, whatever the fuck was in that container with you. You must have seen something, those few days, clues, something someone said?” The naked greed in me was starting to show, and I could tell I was starting to scare them.

  The girls shared another troubled glance, then, Tyzee said wearily, “there wasn’t anything like that in the container with us! You saw it. It was just us in there.”

  “It’s the truth,” Alelicia added. “There weren't any goods, any merchandise in there with us. Just us.”

  I rubbed my chin, considering this. “I guess that means you were the merchandise.” Skreech cocked an eyebrow up at me.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Tyzee asked.

  “It means exactly what you think it means,” I replied grimly, then noticed “BREAKING NEWS” splash across the television screen, interrupting the movie. “Skreech, turn that up.” The little goblin walked over to the television and twisted the vol
ume knob, causing the news anchor’s voice to fill the motel room.

  “Breaking news here south of Las Vegas tonight,” the news anchor began excitedly, a blonde woman with that piercing, trailing voice that every blonde news anchor has, “a daring and brazen train robbery turned deadly tonight at approximately 11p.m. There have been multiple fatalities, including a Las Vegas Metro Police detective, who authorities are saying was part of an undercover sting operation—”

  “Oh, fuck,” I whispered.

  “—To apprehend a gang of heistmen that allegedly operate across state borders, having committed armed robberies from Las Vegas to Los Angeles.” The news anchor paused, pressing her finger against her ear. “New information is trickling into us here at the studio. The update to this story—”

  “This can’t be good.” I rubbed my pointy ear.

  “—is that what was thought of as a robbery gone bad, with the perpetrators learning that the Las Vegas detective was undercover and then killing him in cold blood, is not the case. Police have reason to believe that another party murdered the gang of orcs and the Las Vegas detective, looted the train, and is now on the loose.” The news anchor paused again, pressing her finger to the receiver in her ear. “Police believe that the alleged assailants were a pair of goblins. One short in stature, the other taller…”

  “Shit!” I yelled at the television.

  Chapter 15

  “Come on, let’s go,” I said frantically, grabbin’ my gun off the nightstand. “We gotta get the fuck outta here. We gotta get far away from Vegas, pronto.”

  Skreech looked up at me nervously. “What are we gonna do, boss? Where we gonna go?”

  “France, Mars,” I blurted absurdly. “I don’t fuckin’ know, just move your asses! Get in the car!”

  “What are we gonna do?” Skreech asked, falling into a kind of shock.

  “Just get in the car! Now!”

  Skreech and the girls headed towards the door. I was behind them, lookin’ around the room real quick, makin’ sure there was nothin’ laying around to identify us in anyway. We got in the car, I turned it on and kept the lights off again, then, looking around the parking lot to make sure there wasn’t any fuckin’ cops layin’ in wait already, I pulled around to the front of the motel. I was about to hit the freeway and start fuckin’ flyin’, but then I looked over and saw the light still on in the window of the motel’s office. “Fuck,” I muttered to myself.

  I threw the gear into park. “Hold on, I’ll be right back.”

  “What?” Tyzee asked nervously. “No, you can’t leave us.”

  “Teek, you said yourself we have to get out of here,” Alelicia said.

  “Boss,” Skreech began.

  “I said I’ll be right back,” I spat, not feelin’ like arguing it out, popping open the car door. I jumped out, shut the door and headed over to the door of the motel office. I walked through the door to that familiar tinkling, and strode over to the old man, who was once again deep in his reading. As I walked closer to him I smelled a familiar and very pleasing odor.

  “Hey, old timer,” I blurted, “Here you go.” I tossed some bills on the counter. “Turns out I gotta run, a lot faster than I thought.”

  “Yes my young friend, I know, I know.” He turned around, facing me, a large pipe dangling from his mouth. “It’s for the best that you’re on your way. I heard the news over my little radio here.” He tapped an ancient black radio. “While I’m sure you had your reasons for...whatever happened...I think it would only be a matter of time before they found you, were you to stay here.” He went to turn around again, then paused, looked back up at me, and somewhat disappointed, said, “It’s a shame we won’t get to have our chat. I was looking forward to it!”

  “Me too,” I replied honestly. There was somethin’ about the old guy, a certain charm. I turned to leave.

  “Wait,” he said, then looked up at me and brought out a hefty zip-loc bag stuffed with nice big buds, really top notch, practically the colas judging from the size of ‘em, and plopped it on the guest log book in front of me. He was smokin’ tree! That’s what I smelled! “Nearly a half pound there, that should keep you going for now.” The old guy smiled at me, a twinkle in his eye.

  “I can’t take this. I need to hold onto my cash.”

  “Consider it on the house, a gift from a friend,” old Greybeard said casually.

  “What? No, you can’t just give it to me.”

  “What’s life if you can’t give a traveler some decent hospitality?”

  I nodded and quickly put the bag under my shirt, tucking it slightly into the waistline of my pants. I sure ain’t one to turn down a free gift. “If I ever get the chance, I’m going to repay the kindness.”

  I hurried to the door, stopping one last time to glance at the man and the strange encounter. The old guy waved at me, one of those grandpa smiles, then turned back to his books. I walked out the door into the cold desert night, hearing the tinkle of the doorbell one last time. I gotta keep it movin’, I thought, I gotta keep these girls safe. I gotta figure somethin’ the fuck out, and fast...I thought I’d have a little more fuckin’ time than this, before the fuckin’ fuzz was already on my tail! What the fuck am I gonna do?

  I jumped back in the car, tossed the bag of tree to Skreech. “Here, make yourself useful, twist me up some joints, man.” Skreech looked at the big ass bag of dope with eyes bulging.

  “Damn, boss, alright,” the little goblin squealed, delighted that I had procured a stash of some good weed.

  “Sure you got enough there?” Tyzee snorted sarcastically in the back seat, nodding her head towards the front of the car.

  “I don’t know how you can light that stuff on fire and inhale it,” Alelicia said. “Doesn’t it burn your throat?”

  I looked back in the rearview mirror at Alelicia. “It’s sensational.” I grabbed one of the last joints out of my stash in the center console, lit it up, breathed it in deep, then french inhaled, lettin’ the thick smoke swirl between my mouth and nostrils before blowin’ a thick plume out of the window. “You wanna give it a try?”

  Alelicia wrinkled up her little elf nose, her face twisting in disgust. “No, thanks.”

  “You don’t know what you’re missing.” I looked back at Tyzee, who was sitting next to Alelicia and looking out the window again. “How ‘bout you, Miss?”

  “Miss? Miss what?” she asked me in surprise, then, seeing the proffered joint, with its bright cherry and lazy wisp of smoke. “No, I don’t think so.”

  “Well won’t this be a blast, then?” I hit the joint again and pulled onto the freeway, heading east on the 15.

  Alelicia’s golden hair tossed as she leaned forward. “Should you really be smoking marijuana when the police are looking for you?”

  “First off,” I said, letting out a plume of smoke, “if the cops pull us over, it’s over. Doesn’t matter if I’m smoking or not. Second, I’ll be more of a dextrous driver, if I’m relaxed.” I noticed myself purposely trying to use fancy words to impress this classy blonde elf girl and inwardly winced at being such a bitch. What the hell was this? High school? “And third, what the fuck’s the point of being an outlaw if you’re too scared to light up in your own car?”

  The irony wasn’t lost on me when I decided to keep my lights off until we crossed into a new state, so when we briefly passed through the northern corner of Arizona, I flipped my headlights on. The fuzz must have all concentrated around the area of the train heist, because we didn’t see one fuckin’ cop pass us by as we crossed over from Nevada.

  Things had gotten quiet as we drove along, passin’ from Arizona to Utah. I had Skreech break out the old map book I kept in the glove box, and I had my eyes glued to it for awhile until I figured out the route I needed to take to get to the east coast. While we cruised up the 15 through Utah, I dragged my finger along the page of the map book open on my lap, thinking, I’ll follow the 15 up ‘til I can catch the 70, we’ll pass through Colorado. I looke
d up, saw a giant eighteen-wheeler truck pass me, flyin’ by me on the left, then we’ll hit Kansas. I looked in the rearview real quick, checking on the girls. They were both lookin’ out the window on their respective side. These fuckin’ broads are gonna be the death of me… Alright, we’ll hit Kansas, then stay on the 70 ‘til Pennsylvania… then what? I looked up in the rearview again, seeing the girls and looking behind them, seeing a police car without it’s lights on cruising behind me.

  “Oh, fuck!” I hissed.

  Skreech looked over at me, ears pointing in alarm. “What is it, boss?”

  “Look behind us,” I muttered, keepin’ my eyes on the road, easing off the gas ever-so-slightly, hoping I was going along somewhere near the speed limit. “Slowly.” There was a cop tailing me, and I had to make a choice.

  Chapter 16

  Fuck, I had really been speedin’ and not even checkin’ out who the fuck might be followin’ me… I thought. I look back in the rearview, see the hybrid girls and I suddenly can’t think of much else. What’s up with that? I had to get my head out of my ass. I felt for my piece, there in the door storage compartment. I’d already killed one cop in the last day, what was one more? A hell of a lot more, I knew, but I had to tell myself something to get ready to pull a trigger. I swallowed hard, sweating blood practically, my eyes twitching back to the rearview mirror to keep an eye on the bastard.

  The cop tailed me for a good five miles while I went on driving like a grandma, but suddenly, there they were, the damn cop lights flashing their red and blue. “Fuck!”

  I was just about to slam the gas when I saw his car wheel around, do a full U-turn. It shot down the freeway like a coyote after a rabbit. My lungs ached—apparently I’d been holding my breath or something. Damn cop must’ve gotten a call about something, for all I knew it was about a poor schmuck who was being beaten and handcuffed for a train heist he didn’t commit, for all I knew. Fuckin’ jerk, I thought bitterly, I nearly thought the game was up...Fuck...If he woulda pulled me over, I’m not sure how we woulda got outta that. I kept to the speed limit for awhile after that, not wantin’ to draw anymore unwanted attention, and I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss the turn off for the connection to the 70 freeway. I checked the digital clock on the dashboard. It read ‘7:08 A.M.’ I rubbed my tired eyes. We were gonna have to drive all fuckin’ day if we were gonna make it to Kansas by night time, where I figured we could have a rest.