An Orphan's Dream

by Cathy Sharp

  ‘That will make it easier for me when Peter gets out of hospital,’ Rose explained. ‘Beattie doesn’t mind looking after him during the day while I’m at work, but I can’t ask her to get up at night.’

  ‘Of course, I don’t mind being on nights,’ Lily had told her easily. ‘It’s better for me at the moment.’

  She slept for a while in the mornings, then got up and cleaned house or shopped but didn’t bother with going anywhere much unless Jenny plagued her to go out with her. A good book was all the company she needed in her spare time and she chatted to their neighbours over the fence when she did a little tidying up in the garden. They had someone do the heavy digging once a year and then kept it tidy between them, though next door’s teenage boy sometimes came over and did a bit of weeding for them. Lily had tried to pay him but he shook his head.

  ‘You looked after me dad when he was in the infirmary,’ he’d told her with a cheeky grin. ‘He says yer a smasher and I should ’elp yer if I can.’

  ‘Your dad is very kind,’ Lily had told him and smiled. It was good to have nice neighbours and when their tomato plants bore fruit, she took some of the surplus to his mother, who said she would bottle them.

  ‘I make a lot of tomato chutney,’ she’d said. ‘I give it to the older ones.’

  ‘Do a kindness and pass it on …’ Lily said smiling.

  It was still really warm even though the end of August could sometimes be chilly. The wireless was droning on in the background about the cricket scores and what Len Hutton had scored for England. About to switch it off and seek the garden, Lily heard the voice of the newscaster cut in:

  ‘Sir Neville Henderson has been recalled from Berlin for consultations on the growing Sudetenland crisis,’ his voice said gravely. ‘The German threat to Czechoslovakia is now increasingly grave. The Government cannot guarantee that they would be able to go to the help of the people if they were attacked as it is likely that such action would lead eventually to war …’

  Lily snapped the wireless off. She could do without dire news like that on her day off. The sunshine was calling to her and she wanted to make the most of it because any day now it could start to get chillier – and then the dark nights would gradually start to close in …

  Shivering, Lily went outside into the warmth of the late August sun. She didn’t want to think about what might happen if there was a war with Germany. Would Chris come home then – or would he be trapped for its duration? Rumours of war had persisted all summer long but the papers had seemed to say it wouldn’t happen. The Prime Minister was set on keeping peace between the two nations, telling the people that he was sure Germany did not truly wish for war.

  Dismissing the broadcast from her mind, Lily took her trug and cut a lettuce and pulled some fresh radishes for her tea. She had tomatoes in the house and some cheese and fresh bread. She would also pick some flowers to take in to brighten the critical ward. Few of the patients in the ward got many visitors and even fewer brought gifts, because they simply couldn’t afford it, so Lily took in flowers from her garden when she could. She also took in a cake from Lavender and Lace once a week because the shop sold delicious cakes and was only just around the corner from Button Street. Those patients well enough to eat a slice were so appreciative of her efforts and she had little else to spend her money on other than her sister and herself.

  Perhaps one day she would have a husband and even a child to spoil. Lily could only pray that Chris would turn up one day and say his secret work was finished and then they could live a normal life together.

  Jenny saw that Michael’s car was waiting at the end of Button Street when she left the infirmary that evening. She smiled, because his attentions were becoming more particular and she really liked it. At first, Jenny had just thought he was nice-looking and could afford to take her out and she’d been bored after Peter Clark had dropped her – poor Peter!

  Jenny felt sorry for him and for Sister Rose. It was hard luck when they’d just got together, too. She didn’t think she could have done what Sister Rose was doing – but then, she hadn’t been in love with him.

  ‘Want a lift home?’ Michael asked as she reached his car and leaned over to open the door for her.

  ‘Yes, please,’ Jenny said and slid onto the front seat beside him. It smelled of leather and lavender polish and made her feel special. Even Chris hadn’t had a car like this one. ‘You spoil me, Michael.’

  ‘You’re worth spoiling,’ he said and turned his head to smile at her. ‘Would you like to go dancing again this Saturday?’

  ‘Yes, please,’ Jenny said, ‘but you must let me give something back – will you come to ours for tea on Sunday?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said without hesitation. ‘I like your Lily – she’s all right. Reminds me of my sister Dot. She’s married to a businessman and got a house in the suburbs and a little car of her own, has Dot. We’ve done all right for ourselves, me and her. My dad was a dock worker all his life but Ma had some money left her by an aunt and she used it to set me up with my taxi and sent Dot to train as a secretary. She married her boss,’ Michael said and grinned, ‘and I bought this car which is a little goldmine because of him. I do private work with it that Dot’s husband gets me a lot of the time and I’ve got me eye on a little house of me own.’

  ‘You are doing well,’ Jenny said and laughed. ‘Are you trying to impress me, Michael?’

  A laugh escaped him. ‘Yeah – is it working?’

  ‘A bit,’ Jenny admitted and looked at him. ‘I really like you – and I like being taken home in your car. I enjoy all the dancing and the treats …’ She hesitated, then said honestly, ‘I might more than like you but I’m not sure yet … do you mind?’

  ‘A pretty girl like you is entitled to look around before she makes up her mind,’ he said and grinned in a confident way she enjoyed. There was something cocky about him that appealed to her, made her feel he wasn’t a pushover like so many other men who had asked her out. ‘I enjoy taking you out and treating you, Jenny, and when I want more, I’ll let you know.’

  ‘Oh, will you?’ She turned her head to one side. ‘What makes you think I’ll want to know then?’

  ‘You’ll want to know,’ he said and grinned but didn’t look at her as he turned into a busy road with traffic coming both ways.

  Jenny couldn’t help smiling. Michael didn’t beg for favours. He said what he wanted and, so far, she’d been sufficiently intrigued to go along with him. She wasn’t sure if she was in love – as yet she wasn’t aware of feeling the way Lily did for Chris or Sister Rose for Peter Clark but she was enjoying the little game they played and for the moment it was enough.

  CHAPTER 39

  ‘Shall we have a day out at Southend this Sunday?’ Bert asked his mother-in-law that evening after they’d had supper and the two women had washed up, refusing his offer of help. ‘It may be the last good weather we get – someone on the wireless was saying it may break next week.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t think I want to go there again,’ Kathy’s mother replied but smiled at him. ‘You two should go – I’ll just stay quietly at home.’

  ‘Are you sure, Mum?’ Kathy asked, looking at her in surprise. ‘You really enjoyed it last time we went.’

  ‘Yes, I did but it was tiring,’ her mother said and sighed. ‘I’m not as young as I used to be, Kathy. I’ll sit quietly at home and read, perhaps potter in the garden for a while. You can bring me back a nice box of fudge.’

  ‘Yes, of course, we will,’ Kathy assured her and then went to kiss her cheek. For all her annoying ways, she loved her mother and for the first time she noticed that she did look a little tired. ‘Don’t work, just sit.’

  ‘Don’t fuss, Kathy!’ The sharp note told Kathy she’d gone too far so she shut up and left it to Bert to say their goodbyes. He was better received, and when he told his mother-in-law to leave the work for a day, she smiled and said she would.

  Kathy looked at her husband as they caught the bus to
the train station. ‘Do you think she’s ill?’

  ‘I think she’s tired,’ Bert said frowning slightly. ‘Your mother hasn’t had the easiest life, Kathy love. I know she’s sharp with you and I wish she wouldn’t be because underneath I know she loves you. It’s just the way she is and she can’t help it.’

  ‘I know,’ Kathy sighed. ‘I do love her, Bert, even though she doesn’t make it easy.’

  ‘I’ll try to get her to the doctor next week,’ Bert said thoughtfully, ‘so don’t worry about her today, Kathy, just relax and have a good day out, love. You deserve it – we both do.’

  ‘Yes, we do.’ She smiled at him and reached for his arm but it wasn’t until they were sitting on the train that she told him her news. ‘I’ve been waiting for the right moment to tell you that Mum isn’t the only one who will visit the doctor next week, Bert …’

  ‘What do you mean? You’re not ill, are you?’

  Kathy laughed as she saw the sudden start of anxiety in his eyes. ‘No, Bert, I’m not ill. And I can’t be absolutely sure until I’ve talked to the doctor, but I think I’m having our baby!’

  ‘Oh, Kathy, love, that’s wonderful!’ Bert’s face lit up.

  Kathy laughed and squeezed his hand. ‘Are you pleased I might be pregnant?’

  ‘I’ll be delighted if you are,’ he told her and lifted her hand to kiss it. The elderly couple sitting opposite were earwigging and smiled indulgently. ‘What makes you think it, love?’

  Suddenly conscious the couple opposite were listening, Kathy blushed. ‘You know …’ she said. ‘A couple of things – I’ll tell you later …’

  ‘Oh, don’t you mind us,’ the woman opposite smiled at her. ‘When I had my first, I wasn’t sure but I missed my monthlies and then things that seemed a little odd started happening. I wasn’t sure until I asked my doctor, though.’

  ‘Jane,’ her husband said and nudged her. ‘Forgive us, but our children are grown up and they work abroad now. We haven’t seen them or our grandchildren for two years so Jane likes to hear about other people, especially when it’s good news like yours.’

  Kathy laughed, because she was too happy to resent sharing her news with the friendly couple. ‘Do your children send you photographs?’

  ‘Yes, when they can,’ Jane said and beamed at her. She delved into her bag and brought out some pictures which Kathy and Bert looked at and admired before handing them back. ‘I should say you are definitely expecting – you have that look in your face,’ Jane whispered to Kathy. ‘Good luck, my dear. You and your husband look so happy.’

  Kathy thanked her and then the train attendant came in and told them the restaurant car was open and the elderly couple got up and went off to have something to eat. Kathy looked at her husband and then burst into laughter.

  ‘It just shows you’re never alone,’ Bert said and grinned. ‘Nice couple, though, Kathy love. It must be hard for them with their children at the other side of the world.’

  ‘Yes, I’m sure it is – at least Mum will have hers here where she can see him or her.’

  Bert nodded. He couldn’t stop grinning and she realised just how much having a child of his own meant to him. Her own doubt fled in the face of his pleasure and she hoped that the news from the doctor would be in the affirmative.

  The day out in Southend was perfect. They walked along the front, went on the pier and then had fish and chips in a restaurant overlooking the beach. It was deliciously fresh and tasted completely different to the same meal in London. Followed by a pot of tea and an ice cream, it made a satisfying meal that sustained them throughout the afternoon and the journey back.

  They had shopped after lunch, buying fudge for Kathy’s mother, some sweets for Kathy to take in for the nurses and children at the infirmary, and Bert had bought her a pretty pair of earrings in the shape of roses. They were nine-carat gold and expensive and she scolded him for being extravagant, but he told her it wasn’t every day he got told he was going to be a father and he wanted to spoil her to make it special.

  Kathy thanked him with a kiss. It had been a lovely day and she bought a bag of buns to eat on the train going home. This time they had the carriage to themselves most of the way and so sat and munched in harmony.

  Leaving the station, they were lucky enough to get a bus home almost immediately and were very soon standing outside the house. The street lights had started to come on but Kathy noticed at once that the house was in darkness.

  ‘Mum?’ She opened the back door and went in, snapping on the electric light. There was no sign of her mother but she could see signs that lunch had been half eaten and then left. A little spurt of panic went through her as she went into the hall. ‘Mum?’

  She looked in the sitting room. It was empty and her heart started to thump wildly.

  ‘I’ll go upstairs and look,’ Bert said, holding her arm as she started forward. ‘Put the kettle on, love. I shan’t be long.’

  Kathy filled the kettle and put it on the gas ring to boil. She was setting the tea tray when Bert came back down. Now he looked anxious.

  ‘She isn’t there, Kathy,’ he said. He went to the kitchen dresser and took out his torch. ‘I’m going to look in the garden.’

  Kathy went to the back door with him and watched as he moved down the garden path, shining his torch over the darkness of the garden. Suddenly he moved forward quickly and then dropped to one knee.

  ‘Have you found her?’ Kathy called from the kitchen doorway.

  ‘Yes. She’s unconscious, but she is breathing. I’ll bring her in and then go for the doctor.’

  Bert carried his precious burden inside and took her straight upstairs. Kathy went quickly after him and pulled back the sheets. Bert laid the unconscious woman down and Kathy looked at her mother. She was so pale! She blinked hard as the tears threatened.

  ‘Cover her and I’ll fetch the doctor, Kathy,’ Bert said. ‘I think she may have had a stroke …’

  Kathy nodded, holding back her tears. Crying wouldn’t help her mother now. Realising she could smell something unpleasant she lifted her mother’s dress, then removed her knickers and wiped her mother’s bottom before taking them into the bathroom and fetching a flannel and towel. When her mother was dry and clean, she pulled the covers over her. Mum would have hated the doctor to know she’d messed herself and it so obviously wasn’t her fault.

  Kathy took her mother’s knickers and stockings down to the scullery where she put them in water and soda crystals to soak. She would add them to the wash once they were rinsed and free of the mess.

  Frowning, she washed her hands and went back to the kitchen to wait for Bert. The doctor wouldn’t be best pleased about coming out on a Sunday night, but Bert would persuade him; he was very good at doing things like that and Kathy was glad he was her husband. Her life might not be the most exciting in the world, but Bert would stand by her and she knew that things might be difficult for a while now …

  ‘How do you feel about nursing your mother at home after she has a couple of weeks or so in the infirmary?’ Bert asked after the doctor had been, confirmed that Mrs Saunders had indeed had a stroke and arranged for an ambulance, and they were alone. ‘He said the nurse would come in twice a day to help wash and medicate her – but it means a lot of work for you, Kathy.’

  ‘If we don’t have her back he said she could go to an old people’s place – and I couldn’t do that to her,’ Kathy said firmly. ‘No, I’ll look after her with the nurse’s help, Bert. We’ll miss my wage coming in but we shall have to manage.’

  ‘When your mum asked us to live with her, I let my cottage out to tenants as you know,’ Bert said, looking thoughtful. ‘I haven’t touched that rent money and I’ll give it to you for the baby’s things, love, so you won’t need to worry about money. And I’ll help with the lifting, because you won’t be able to once the baby starts to make itself known.’

  Kathy nodded and looked at him sadly. ‘Is it my fault for not realising before that she was
ill, Bert? I was always used to her being there, able to cope with everything, and she didn’t seem different.’

  ‘She never mentioned it until I asked her to come to Southend with us,’ Bert said. ‘You couldn’t have known, Kathy love – and she should have told us if she was ill, but perhaps she didn’t realise either.’

  Kathy wiped a tear away from her cheek. ‘Crying won’t help her or me, but I feel awful. I just wish I’d done more to help her.’

  ‘She wouldn’t let you,’ Bert said and Kathy knew he was speaking the truth. Her mother had insisted that they went out to work and she ran the house and did the cooking. Bert had been allowed to do the garden, but Kathy was allowed only menial tasks like washing-up and putting out the washing on the line. Even the ironing was considered too complicated for her to get it the way her mother liked it. ‘Stop blaming yourself, love. It doesn’t help anything. Your mum was a proud lady.’

  ‘She still is,’ Kathy said lifting her head. ‘She’s not dead yet, Bert – and the doctor says that with good nursing she might get better.’

  ‘You’ll do your best, love, and no one could do more,’ Bert said and kissed her. ‘Now, when she does come back to us, don’t try lifting her alone, remember the baby. Mabel Griffiths next door says she’ll help if you let her know – and so did Mrs Hodder, three doors down …’

  Neighbours had come round, seeing the ambulance, to find out what was going on and to offer help.

  ‘People are kind, but you know my mum.’ Kathy smiled through her tears. Mrs Saunders would not be the easiest of patients to care for …