I’d gone back and forth with myself since hanging up with Jackson a week ago. My desire for self-preservation begging me to stay home. To protect my heart. But my heart didn’t want to listen to my head. My heart didn’t want him to suffer anymore. At least not on the one day he’d feared for the last year.
I glanced at myself in the review mirror, hoping the makeup I’d put on beneath my eyes did enough to cover the dark circles there. The last few weeks I’d pushed myself more at work than ever before. Keeping myself busy kept my calendar full and my mind off Aiden.
Not that he gave me grief about it. He did the exact opposite. Another sign he couldn’t see past our friendship. Whatever it took to be successful. I can’t imagine he’d let me push myself to the extreme otherwise. Because of that, exhaustion had become my constant companion. After the party I promised myself I’d go home and get some much needed sleep.
There were two cars already parked along the street. Perfect. I’d left my house a little late, hoping I wouldn’t be the first one there. The distraction of other people would help me focus on the reason for the day.
I shoved my door open and climbed out of the car. With Chloe’s gift in one hand, I walked up to the front door. Mrs. Cormack’s voice drifted through as I reached for the handle. I pushed it open and saw her race across the living room and into the kitchen.
“Hi,” I called out, not sure where anyone else was in the house.
“Thank God you’re here.” I glanced up at the stairs and my heart slammed against my chest.
Even in the warm California weather, he wore a pair of jeans. But that wasn’t what caught my attention. He hadn’t bothered with a shirt, leaving his well-defined abs and V exposed for my inspection. Rings hung from each nipple, drawing my attention to his chest and the tattoos that ran across it. Ones I’d seen peek out beneath his collar, but never ones I’d seen up close.
He sauntered down the stairs, the sunlight shining through the window reflecting off the barbell in his brow, completely oblivious to the amount of sex appeal he contained.
He made it down the stairs, standing directly in front of me. “My mom has lost her damn mind.” He gestured to himself. “This is as far as I got in getting dressed because she keeps calling me downstairs for something else. Can you help her for a few minutes while I grab a shirt and shoes?”
And like always when it came to Aiden, I couldn’t say no.
“Sure.” I moved out of the room like my ass was on fire. Mrs. Cormack had trays of food all over the counter. Chloe sat in the high chair with a bunch of blocks, stacking them. “Hi, Mrs. Cormack. Aiden told me you needed help.”
She whirled around with a gasp, her hand flying to her chest. “Oh my, you scared me. I thought Aiden was still upstairs.”
“Le,” Chloe screeched, clapping her hands.
I shrugged. “He is. He asked me to see what you needed while he finished getting dressed.”
“Hey, princess. Happy Birthday.” I pressed a kiss to her cheek, making her clap harder. And I tried not to think about not seeing her happy face much after today. I turned my attention back to the task at hand, swallowing against the lump in my throat.
She gestured around the kitchen. “I’d love two more hands.”
“Just tell me where you need them.” Anything to focus on besides the thoughts running through my head.
She picked up a cover tray. “All the food needs to be put on the table outside. I have little cards where everything goes.”
I took the tray from her hands. “Got it. I’ll start with this one and come back for more.”
The backyard had been transformed into a princess’s palace. A large cardboard castle sat at one end of the yard with pink gossamer hung decoratively across the top of the entire fence. There were tents covering the food table, where tables and chairs were set up all around it.
In the middle of all the tables sat Chloe’s extra chair with a large princess crown waiting for her. The chair had pink and purple gossamer running down the sides. My chest ached. It was beautiful.
I found the place for the tray in my hands and went back inside to grab another. Mrs. Cormack had begun filling coolers with ice and drinks. By the time I brought out the fourth tray, she’d joined me outside with Chloe, who begged for the crown the moment she saw it.
With the tray finally in its place, I counted at least five more to grab and had to wonder how many people they invited to need this much food. I turned to go back into the house when I saw Aiden coming toward me. He had two trays in his hands. When he reached me, I took one from him.
“Thanks. Any idea where these go?” He bent down to whisper conspiratorially in my ear. “Don’t want to mess up mom’s arrangement.”
I giggled. Even when my heart wanted to pound out of my chest as the scent of his cologne surrounded me, taking over my senses, I couldn’t keep the wall up I told myself to build. “I do. Follow me.”
We found the right spots and started back toward the house to make one last trip.
“How are you guys making out?” Mrs. Cormack asked from a table near the house where she set up small tubs of ice with drinks in them and the coolers beneath.
“Great. Not sure what I’d do without her.”
Aiden slung his arm around my shoulders and I felt the heat rise to my face and my pulse begin to race before I could do anything to stop it. Her eyes darted back and forth between us, which Aiden seemed completely oblivious to. He only hugged me tighter to his side.
While I loved being in his arms, a part of me, the part of me trying to protect my heart, wanted to push out of his arms and scream. Ask him why he couldn’t love me. Instead, I bit the inside of my cheek, keeping my mouth firmly closed. Making a scene wouldn’t get me anywhere. And right now, I only had to survive the day. Tomorrow I could figure out a way to move on.
We finished putting out all the food in time for people to start arriving. Aiden had gone to get Chloe changed so they could greet the guests. Unbeknownst to me, Aiden had invited my parents. After setting her gift with the rest and stopping to say ‘happy birthday’ to Chloe, Mom made her way over, not bothering to hide the determination I saw all over her face.
“Hey, Mom.”
She wrapped me up in a hug, taking some of the weight off me as she said only loud enough for me to hear, “Wasn’t sure if I’d see you here.”
“I had to.”
She stepped back and placed her hand on my cheek. “No, you didn’t, but that’s what makes you an amazing woman. Just promise something?”
“What’s that?”
“After today, you’ll start doing things for you.”
I nodded. “I already made that promise to myself.”
Mom took my hand and squeezed it. “Good girl.”
As she walked away I got caught in Aiden’s gaze from across the yard. Another guest was fawning over Chloe. Aiden’s brow rose in silent question. Everything okay?
He always knew. So, I forced a smile. One I had a feeling he’d see right through. While he was trapped and before he could excuse himself to come see what was wrong, I turned away and mingled through the guests arriving.
I checked on the food and drinks, letting Aiden and his family enjoy the party without worry. Family. The word sent a sharp pain through my chest. I reminded myself that tomorrow would be all about me. Just get through the day. That’s what I was there to do. Get Aiden through the day.
Right now, surrounded by his family and friends, he seemed to be on steady footing, but I planned on keeping an eye on him. I’d keep my distance to protect myself, but I could swoop in at any minute if he needed me.
“I take it you haven’t talked to him.”
I startled at Jackson’s voice and turned to face him. He stood directly behind me with Megan’s hand in his.
“Nice to see you too, Jackson.”
He let go of Megan’s hand and gave me a hug. “You know you’re one of my favorite people to see.”
“Sure I am.�
� I stepped back and turned my attention to Megan. “It’s nice to see you again. How are you feeling?” I could hear the overly polite note to my voice and couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. I also hadn’t seen her since the accident.
“Back to a hundred percent. The doctor gave me the all clear months ago.”
“I’m so happy to hear that. I was really worried when my mom told me what happened.”
Megan smiled. “Thank you. It was a long road to get back on my feet.” She took Jackson’s hand in hers. “I’m just so glad to be able to be here with him.”
Jackson gazed at his wife with shining eyes. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
They shared a moment before Jackson turned his attention back to me. “Now, let’s go back to the original issue.”
“What’s that? How you managed to come here without a million cameras following you everywhere you go?”
Jackson arched a brow. “I have my ways to avoid the paparazzi. Nice try on the subject change, but it’s not going to work. Now, have you talked to him?”
My gaze dropped. “No.”
“Lex…” I looked up at him and he shook his head. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”
“I know and I won’t. Today’s just not the day.”
Megan wrapped her free hand around Jackson’s bicep. “She’s right.”
An exasperated groan left his lips. “I know it’s not. Which is why I was hoping she’d talk to him before now.”
I blew out a breath. “It’s not that simple.”
“Lex…”
I held his gaze, hoping he’d see the pleading in my eyes. This was not something I could talk about if he expected me to make it through the rest of the day. “Please, let it drop.”
I saw Megan’s hand tightened on his arm. He sighed. “Fine. I’ll let it go, for now.”
For now was enough for me.
“Thank you.” I squared my shoulders. “Have you gotten a chance to see Aiden and Chloe?”
“Not yet.”
I pointed at the other side of the yard. “Last time I saw them, they were both over there.”
Jackson titled his head in that direction. “We’re going to go say hi, but we’ll talk more later.”
Not if I could help it. “Okay.”
When they walked away, I went back to refilling the tubs. People mingled, eating and drinking, genuinely enjoying the party. Running into Christine’s parents had been a little awkward at first, but she made it clear she was happy I’d been able to help Aiden. She had hated seeing him throwing his life away by avoiding everything and everyone.
When the time for the cake had come, Aiden asked me to light it and bring it out to the table while he got Chloe in her chair. The metallic princess balloon floated in the wind when I stepped out of the house. It was weird to have everyone’s eyes on me as I carried the cake forward. My gaze darted around, trying to look away from everyone else, when my eyes connected with Aiden’s.
No matter how hard I tried or how many times I told myself, I couldn’t look away. Step by step, my feet moved of their own volition, heading straight for him.
The cheering and shouts as I set the cake down snapped me out of the connection. Aiden’s brow lifted, but I shook my head. A rousing rendition of Happy Birthday filled the air as I melted into the crowd.
I spent the rest of the party avoiding Aiden, Jackson, Mrs. Cormack, and my own mother. Really anyone who figured out my feelings for him. As the guests started to trickle out, I did my best to collect the food and get it wrapped up in the fridge.
Everyone had gone and Aiden had taken Chloe upstairs to get cleaned up and in bed, while I finished cleaning up the last bit of the mess in the kitchen. I knew I could have bolted while he was upstairs, but that would be the coward’s way out. I knew I needed to say goodbye first. It was a goodbye that held so much more meaning than I’ll see you tomorrow.
My nerves were absolutely shot. Aiden needed me today, but that didn’t make it any easier. Standing around knowing the same thing I knew when we were kids—Aiden and I would only ever be friends. Even if Jackson was right, he might never be ready to get past the loss of Christine to let himself love someone like that again.
I’d done what I needed to do as his friend, get him through this day with little to no scars. Now I had to focus on what I needed, which was getting home and finding a way to accept the friendship we had and move on to find someone who would and could love me.
I picked up my bag and was digging through to find my keys when Aiden came down the stairs after putting Chloe to bed.
He stopped suddenly, his eyes widening. “Are you leaving?”
My fingers wrapped around the keyring and I pulled it from my purse. “Yeah, I’m going to head home.”
“But it’s still early. We could watch a movie or finish watching that series you like on Netflix.”
“Stranger Things?” I had no idea why I bothered with the name of the show. Probably to give myself another moment before reality struck us both.
He continued down the stairs. “Yeah, that one. I’ll grab us some snacks and put it on.”
I shook my head, taking a step back toward the door. “I can’t. Not tonight.” As I turned and put my hand on the handle, I heard footsteps thundering behind me.
“Please. I need you tonight.” His voice was raw, emotion bleeding into his tone.
I kept my back to him as my eyes filled with tears. My goal wasn’t to hurt him, but I couldn’t hurt myself either. I’d done all I could today. I had nothing left in me. No walls. No protection.
“I can’t.” My voice barely above a whisper.
Aiden wrapped his hand around my arm and turned me to face him, not that I put up much of a fight. The fight had drained from me the moment I heard the anguish in his voice.
“Lex?”
The tears slid down my cheeks before I could stop them. Aiden’s blurry form moved forward, crushing me in his embrace. “Please, Lexi, talk to me. What’s wrong? I’ve noticed for weeks that something wasn’t right.” His own voice was thick with the emotions he tried to hold back.
My whole body stiffened. I wanted his comfort so badly, but I knew how much it would cost me in the end when I walked out that door. Before I could be the friend he truly needed, I had to get a grip on myself and standing there in his embrace was not the way to do it.
I sucked in a shuttering breath and tried to rein in my emotions. When I felt like I had control again, I stepped back out of his embrace.
Of all the words flowing through my mind “I gotta go” was what slipped past my lips. It was eloquent or poignant or fit the feelings I was doing my best to get under control, but they were all I could get out.
“I need you.”
I reached out to take his hand, but then let it fall to the side. “I know you do, but this time I need to do what’s best for me and it’s not staying here right now. Not if I’m going to keep my heart intact.”
Aiden stood frozen, staring at me. When minutes passed and he said nothing, I knew the time to leave had come. I took a few steps back, then turned to leave this house forever.
24
Aiden
She turned away and started to walk toward the door. If I didn’t stop her I had a feeling that would be the last time I’d see Lexi as any more that Zeus’s veterinarian.
Time to make a decision.
I could either let fear rule my life or I could grab onto my second chance and hold onto it with both hands.
Over the last few months, she slowly showed me how to live again. How to find happiness in my day to day. I couldn’t let her go.
I raced forward and wrapped my fingers around hers, pulling her back around and into my arms. Before she could protest or break out of my hold, I pressed my lips to hers.
She froze for a second. Her whole body going rigid. I pulled back, thinking I made a mistake. That somehow I got the entire conversation wrong.
I was about to a
pologize when she reached up and sank her hands into my hair, bringing my face down to hers again.
“I don’t want you to regret this.” Her lashes sparkled with the moisture still attached to them.
“I won’t.”
I captured her lips with mine, savoring the taste of a woman I’d known my whole life. A woman I’d loved in one capacity or another since I was a kid.
Her lips were soft and warm, everything I’d dreamed of lately. The ones that had me waking up with a smile on my face. I placed my hand on her back, holding her tighter to me. I slid my tongue across the crease of her lips and slipped it inside when they parted.
Tingles ran through my body from a simple kiss. An experience I never thought I’d have again. Lexi pulled back slowly, breaking the connection of our lips.
She lifted a shaking hand to touch her mouth. “Why?” she whispered, her voice raspy.
Why?
I didn’t know that I had the words to express how much she truly meant to me. How I never would have survived without her. I reached for her hands, taking them tight, rubbing my thumbs across the top of hers.
“Because you’re my life.”
The words were simple and didn’t seem to convey everything I wanted to say, but I didn’t know how to put it any other way. She was my life, always had been and always would be.
She shook her head and took a step back. “What does that even mean?”
I’d never been good with words unless they were song lyrics. I glanced at the guitar Lexi and Jackson had convinced me to keep. Somehow she thought seeing it every day would make me want to pick it up and play again.
She was wrong. It wasn’t seeing it that made me want to play again. It was her and her alone. The only way I could get out the words I needed would be to sing them to her.
I took another step back from her and turned to lay the case down from where it leaned against the wall, and flipped open the latches keeping it closed.
“Aiden?” She came a bit closer, her eyes trained on me and the case. “What are you doing?”
I wrapped my fingers around the neck of the guitar and lifted it from its fabric bed. “What I should’ve done a long time ago.”
Last and Forever Page 16